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Discussing events Konrad's had from four years ago to a few months ago. Las Vegas, Nevada. Friday, September 13th. (Off-Camera)
Same as every week on a Friday in the Alliance Mental Health Specialists building, Konrad already handed in his items to the receptionist and gave them his clothes after putting on white overalls. He's currently sitting in the waiting room, waiting to be seen by Doctor Schneider. He knows precisely what Doctor Schneider wanted to talk about, and that makes him shiver, crossing his arms tightly over his chest, clenching the jaw, fidgety hands not settling.
Konrad also sweats everywhere from his forehead, even under his arms as well. Konrad barely blinks his eyes as he looks on the floor, trying to relax. There were a few other people, waiting to see a specialist as the doctor calls a name, but wasn't Konrad's, although she sees how Konrad's reacting as she asks this.
Female doctor: "Are you alright, sir?"
Konrad nods, while his eyes are looking at the floor and she walks away, leaving Konrad to be as he still shivers, being very uncomfortable of being in the room with other people looking at him. Konrad couldn't hide or anything, almost as if he mutters to himself with some tears running down his face.
Konrad Raab: "Please be ready soon."
Five minutes later, the same female doctor that came in earlier called out a name.
Female Doctor: "Mr Konrad Raab."
Konrad Raab: "Finally."
It wasn't a voice the female doctor usually hears with Konrad's voice being very shaky as he takes his time to get up and wipes the tears off from his face. As he gets up, his knees are already feeling stiff, but forces himself to walk, having his head down like he always does and walks straight in the office of Doctor Schneider and takes a seat. Doctor Schneider closes the door and takes a seat as Konrad takes a quick drink and Doctor Schneider speaks.
Doctor Schneider: "You know what we are going to talk about today, don't you?"
Konrad Raab: "Yeah and I don't want to talk about it."
Doctor Schneider: "Remember Konrad, I can't help you improve if you keep shutting your life away. As I said a few sessions ago, hiding your past never helped you overcome your past. Of course, even stuff I found out on what you did four years ago. I must talk about it after talking with Doctor Stevens. He told me things I never expected, like you taking cocaine."
Konrad Raab: "I said I don't want to talk about it, especially taking cocaine."
Konrad lets out a scream, bursting Schneider's ear off as he shakes, showing even more sweat on his overalls, breathing so loud, shaking his fists, tightness in the eyes before tears come down even more. He punches the table so hard that he stops before letting his tears out with a scream. Schneider writes down everything with Konrad's body reactions as if something triggered Konrad as he places his head down on the table.
Doctor Schneider: "Did something terrible happen for you not to want to talk about taking cocaine?"
Konrad nods, all he could do right now as he can't speak, letting every emotion he had with shaking to clinching his teeth, to noisy breathing to tears falling from his eyes to his cheek to the table. At the same time, Schneider wasn't saying any more and nor was Konrad wanting to talk about it. Schneider reminds him of something.
Doctor Schneider: "Remember, nobody apart from me will know what you tell me, you know that right?"
Konrad nodded once again. Being silent wasn't going to get him anywhere as he's forced to talk about something he didn't want to bring up again, especially it's so tragic he had to move on, even part of his dreams was that day. Konrad finally after fifteen minutes of silence speaks.
Konrad Raab: "I had a wrestler called Phantom when I was working in another company back then causing me hell. He done something me and Fizz still have trouble getting over, he killed our unborn child, causing Fizz to miscarry our child. Do you know what that does to a person? It makes them go batshit insane."
Doctor Schneider: "Yes, I know it's difficult for you even to bring it up. I can't imagine how much that devastated you and Fizz. It seemed like you took cocaine because you had problems getting over it and how to cope with it."
Konrad Raab: "I didn't know how to, I blamed myself for what happened because I wasn't at home. If I were at home, this wouldn't have happened. We're still taking it hard to this day, and I have never forgotten it. I didn't talk to Fizz for a few months, not even wanting to be with her because each time we were together, we yelled, shouted and attacked each other. It was so bad that both of us went to rehab to stop cocaine and alcohol addiction."
Schneider nodded, understanding completely, especially how he had no idea how close the relationship ended with Fizz and Konrad himself as Konrad couldn't stop crying, even banging his fists on the table. Schneider tracks everything Konrad does with his body language, even when he held his heart, beating like mental because he then collapses to his knees.
Doctor Schneider: "You alright?"
Konrad puts up his second finger, singling to give him a minute as the pain was struck hard, even holding his heart beating fast. Konrad got up from his knees and sat back down on the chair as he hadn't spoken about it since two thousand and sixteen. It seemed very different from other sessions that it hit him hard to talk about it.
Doctor Schneider: "I'm sorry to hear that. It seemed like it hurt you more than you talking about what your dad did."
Konrad Raab: "I wasn't thinking, doing things I regret doing for the rest of my life with cocaine use to help me get better, and it only made things worse. I will never take it ever again."
Doctor Schneider: "Good because that's not the only thing you've done, you starved yourself to death, didn't you?"
Konrad Raab: "Yeah, I did. When I lost to Vixen Cain, I was still in a terrible place because not only my dad had just died, but I lost the US title match against Vixen. It meant so much to me that I took the loss so hard. I didn't eat for three days and collapsed because of it. I was sent to the hospital, and the doctors said, or at least Fizz said I would've died if I continued not to eat."
There's a lot of things Schneider had in his notes about Konrad's eating habits, especially what he mentioned as Konrad covers his head, hitching breaths, shaking, trembling and shivering, shaking his fist and shaking his head over the whole thing. It's a lot of stuff Schneider didn't have a clue about until the notes are given from his doctor.
Doctor Schneider: "Konrad, you were trying to commit suicide by doing what you did and from the notes here, it says you have an eating disorder, or you did with anoxia because you refused to eat. You've nearly died three times from doing that, and I've not finished talking about suicidal attempts either."
Konrad Raab: "Because I was angry at myself for everything that happened. Two Thousand and Sixteen was the worst year of my life. I even had to cancel fighting Tommy Valentine because of my dad's death and Vixen Cain loss did have a part to play on that too, but mostly my dad died. I mean back then, I didn't know any of what you've told me in the sessions so of course, I broke down."
Doctor Schneider: "Of course, understandably, you'd be upset over a loss of a parent. It seemed like you didn't handle things back then. I also know deep down, you forgot about what he did to you, up until I told you. I can sense you're angry now."
Konrad Raab: "Of course I am because all that crying and missing wrestling events was all for nothing now because of what he's done to me in my life. If Fizz weren't with me the entire time, I wouldn't be sat here now; lets put it that way. I would've been dead months ago. I drank so much alcohol recently because I wasn't able to control myself."
Konrad once again shields his body away from Schneider, although Schneider sees Konrad's bright cheeks burning with fire, crumpling on the chair, wet eyes with tears pouring down from his face. Schneider, when Konrad mentioned about him being an alcoholic recently, was something that was missed from his notes. Before Schneider asks, Konrad speaks more about it as he pulls his body towards Schneider.
Konrad Raab: "I was told to be a horrible human being, and I couldn't make decisions because Damien did. It's also because Luca kept threatening me with letters to kill my wife and myself. I used alcohol to remove the pain I was going through. Each night, I went to a pub and got myself so drunk, so drunk that I urinated in the streets, talking loud how everyone hates me and wants me to die."
Doctor Schneider: "Looks like the past caught up to you. I wish you knew I was in America before you went to the other guy. I would've helped you with all of that. Then again, you didn't know your dad knew Luca and his dad. I think the problem was you let people cloud decisions for you back then and spoke to nobody about it."
Konrad Raab: "I did with Glory Braddock, but I was so out of control that I attacked her, and since then, I'm having trouble talking to anyone about what I went through. I'm concerned if I do, I'll snap at people again and lost their trust in me. I've lost a lot of friends because of my mistakes and people, including Regan Street, lost respect for me. I let her kick my ass because I deserved it. I don't have excuses to make."
Doctor Schneider: "You was your dad Konrad. Your dad used to do everything when you was drunk, except beating Fizz up without the masks. I want you to try and control your feelings in future, although things now have changed and by talking to me, you're feeling a lot better. I wished you knew I was here before everything in your life happened."
Konrad nodded, he couldn't disagree with Schneider as Konrad wished he knew
about him before Schneider got the notes from the other doctor he saw. Schneider especially was the only one who could understand what Konrad was saying, especially being German as well. Konrad wipes tears from his face, smiled on how much better he feels as he does each time the session ends. As Schneider stops writing, he speaks to Konrad.
Doctor Schneider: "If you ever feel you want to commit suicide, you must talk to me about it along with the drink and the coc............"
Konrad Raab: "I'm not taking cocaine ever again. I've told you this in the beginning. I prefer to bury that part of my life for good."
Doctor Schneider: "Calm down, but I was only saying if you feel suicidal or any problems, come to me. I want you to be open to me, and you need to tell people about your issues. I think it's the only way that it will help you with your life. I'm sure other wrestlers have mental problems like you."
Konrad Raab: "I want to talk more about the DID thing next week. I still don't understand it, even with the leaflet you gave me."
Doctor Schneider: "No problem, but since we've run out of time today, I want to get back to discussing your dad and the alcohol problem that could occur once again in the future because you mustn't go back to those patterns and how to control your anger too. I will see you same day next week."
As Schneider says that, Konrad shook his head as he was picking his things up and he says this as he feels down about it, knowing it's essential for these sessions to go ahead.
Konrad Raab: "I can't, I'm swamped next week with four matches along with being a captain of an outlast team and I won't be back in America until October at least. I need the sessions badly, I know, but I'm so busy that I won't be able to come."
Doctor Schneider: "I understand. I want to give you this number because you may want to talk to me if you feel suicidal or want a general chat about things."
Konrad Raab: "Thanks, but I much prefer to have sessions here where I can discuss things without someone overhearing me. I will be back on October 11th for our sessions. See you then."
Doctor Schneider: "I note that down in my diary. Thank you for letting me know. I will see you in October when we'll go over the DID condition and other things with your dad."
Konrad stood up and left the mental health centre straight away as he has a busy week coming up with four matches coming up and that he was seeing his mother and his brother tell them about his dad and what he used to be like. He smiled, feeling better after discussing different things and he gets in the car to head straight back home after another tough day in the mental health sessions he had.
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The Iced Rainbow Konrad Raab side: Advancing to face against Bree for the US title youtube.com shoot. (On-Camera)
"It's great to come in another match not by having a third win streak in a row, but still be apart of the title contenders tournament. It's competition The Iced Rainbow thrives for. I got my hands full, and it's the first time in a while I could see myself being in two matches in one night. Before facing either Datura or Derek is a guy who held the tag titles with Kandis and has defeated me before, the guy known as Tommy Valentine.
Here's where I do give you credit, and I do, despite all the stuff you said about me last time, but of course, I can forget about it since that was The Iceman phase of things. I give you credit on winning your matches, although the only clean win you've had is against Casterillo last week, still won the majority of your matches. I know from being a former tag title champion you are a threat and I'll treat you that way.
While the majority of wrestlers in SCW don't know how to be balanced with their lives with choosing to be either good or evil, you've lost sight of balance. Sure, your aggression to wrestle and passion is still there, I can't deny that, but I see you spend more time getting into Kandis knickers as of late than being a professional wrestler. Most of your wins since Rise To Greatness, except for Casterillo last week, all of them have been via DQ's and count outs. I wonder why you choose to accept those wins instead of wanting to challenge wrestlers outside of Gavin Taylor to get clean wins?
Do I want to face Kelsai once again? Of course, I want a clean win, not accepting a DQ win as I got and I certainly do not wish Gavin Taylor to win the match for me this week either. Also, why did you do nothing to Gavin when you knew he had contents of hot water to throw at Kandis until after it happened? I leave you to answer that one. Quite honestly right now, you're choosing to be an evil guy, instead of having the balance of being a good guy as well, which is what you lost sight of.
I know I can be aggressive and I do want to be aggressive with you because I will do anything to win the match against you and then advancing to face either Datura or Derek in the finales because I can and will defeat you in the ring, Tommy. Bree can speak all she wants, but I'm not addressing her because I'll prove her wrong with my actions in the ring, especially being a balanced guy has gotten me farther than it did by being a pushover good guy and lost his mind, crazy evil guy.
Datura is impressive with how she got under Regan's skin with her tactics as nobody has ever forced Regan to learn about balance as Datura did, but to use her family in the business of wrestling, that's what I don't approve of. I never trash anybody's families that aren't in the company anymore. It was despicable, but you are the most balanced wrestler out of all of us, and I for one can't wait to wrestle you as I do respect your abilities, but the family trashing stuff, I don't approve of whatsoever. Beating Scarlet Grey last week was impressive, but you won't be getting far here, not if Derek is on form and you lose sight of him being a threat.
I've not forgotten about Derek Adonis, especially when we were at each other's best at the time for the TV title. I can't and won't forget you defeated me, and despite Datura and Tommy likely ignoring you as a threat, I can't do that as it's a mistake I'll never do again. Of course, now I've changed. You have as well, and I was glad to see you took the TV title seriously, you surprised me and everyone there, I admit.
But the problem with you is you lack balance. It's good to be the good guy, but you have to be aggressive and show your evil side as well. Good to have all these laughs and banter with the fans, but there are times you lack aggression, I think you need to be the guy who took the TV title seriously again, although defeating Max Kane is a start of that. If you continue being a threat, you will see that you'll be back to the TV title defence guy again and that's what everyone wants to see, gaining your balance again.
All that being said, I will beat Tommy Valentine mainly because not only I'm more skilled than he is, but his problems with Gavin and the need to focus on Kandis could very well cost him the match. Datura could still have issues with Damien Angel, and Derek seems to go back his ways of not wanting to be that TV title defending wrestler he once was.
I've improved out of everyone left in this tournament with the only loss I've had since before Rise To Greatness was against Alistaire for the SCW title. Still, I've won every single match up to this point, and I will go to defeat everyone in this tournament because I believe in myself to do so. I won't give up or lose aggression nature in me to win because I've been nothing, but focused throughout the week to win this tournament.
I face Bree who I've never fought in a solo's contest for the US title as little does she know the amount of improvement I made since I started believing in balance, something she doesn't have for the last few years. I'm coming for you Bree and that US title you hold. Tomorrow night in Vancouver, Canada, all of you three opponents will prepare to be Iceinated by The Iced Rainbow as I will pin each one of you for the three count, being the number one contender for the US title."