THE AMERICAN DREAM
“You know that thing… the belief that with a little bit of elbow grease and candoitiveness, any American can succeed and bask in the glory promised by this country’s founding fathers. The idea that a man who looks like Bill Gates can start working out of his parents’ garage and become one of the wealthiest men in the world. Knowing that a man that looks like me can wed and bed a stone-cold knockout like Cookie.
The American Dream is as real as apple pie… which actually sounds pretty good right about now.
The American Dream is real, folks! That’s how a man with limited training and buckets of charisma (das me, btw) can become a TWO TIME Champion of Television, carrying the same belt from one year into the next over two consecutive years. And while we may not be in the position to have a three-peat, what we may see is even bigger than before.
Imagine if you weeeeeeell… Derek Adonis, Man-Mountain and 2020 United States Presidential Candidate… going into 2020 as the SCW Champion of the United States of America!
It is truly The American Dream!”
*=*=*=*=*
“Derek Adonis, President of the United States of America”. It was a sentence that raised more than a few eyebrows. After all, who in America would want to elect someone with no political experience and questionable views to the top office in the land, especially when there are so many better options. But, for people looking at 2020, it seemed that those rules were thrown out the window given the incumbent looks like the bowl of clementine peels sitting immediately to this writer’s right.
Sorry… narrator comment.
But as the lights were shining bright inside the headquarters of the newly-dubbed KABLAMocrat party, plans for a new White House run were slowly coming (KABLAM) together. Derek Adonis sat at the head of the table, not unlike Bill Murray in the hit film Scrooged or Gavin Taylor in the recent pay per view match roleplay by this same writer that also made allusions to that same film…
Last meta-comment, I swear.
Around the table are recently-paroled money launderer Jeff-Rey, Adonis’ wife Cookie Dreams, KNN News Anchor Chesty LaRue, a few other buxom women who’s roles are completely undefined, and Adonis’ growing child, Ulysses Superman, sitting at a high chair completely oblivious to the empire he is set to inherit. Ulysses’ mother is not in attendance. Adonis looks to one of the ladies, apparently a pollster…
Adonis: “What do the latest polling numbers show, Mira?”
The woman, who we can now exclusively identify as Mirabelle Adonis, Derek’s long-lost sister for some reason, reviews her notebook.
Mira: “Well, you’re not in the official polls yet, but we suspect that as soon as you are, numbers will hold steady. You have to be at least as popular as Mitch McConnell at this point.”
Derek slams his fists on the table.
Adonis: “Dammit! It’s those fat cats in Washington… FAT CATS!”
Jeff-Rey: “Derek?”
Adonis: “Yes, Jeff-Rey?”
Jeff-Rey: “Is there a point to recording this? Are we ever going to release this for public viewing? Because that could be very damaging to hear you use the D word like that.”
Adonis: “We’re recording this because… because... “
Derek leans to Cookie, his campaign manager (at least that’s what it says on her “My Name Is” sticker on her cleavage.
Adonis: “Why are we recording this?”
Cookie: “So if anyone says anything damaging…”
She shoots a look over to Mirabelle, clearly not trusting the twenty-plus years younger Adonis sibling.
Cookie: “We have leverage.”
Derek looks out over the crew.
Adonis: “LEVERAGE!”
Jeff-Rey: “O… kay?”
Chesty: “Derek? Can I ask something?”
Derek shoots a cool finger overwards Chesty LaRue.
Chesty: “Have you given any thought as to who you’re going to tap someone for a Vice-Presidential candidate? I mean, we have some very qualified people in this room…”
Adonis: “Oh, I’ve given it thought, but it’s no one in this room.”
Chesty: “But, not Cookie?”
Adonis: “Cookie would be a perfect Vice President, but I think there’s some rules against having a First Lady also be VP.”
Chesty: “Jeff-Rey?”
Adonis: “He’s going to be my Chief of Staff.”
Chesty: “Mirabelle?”
Adonis: “Attorney-General.”
She’s also an Attorney apparently.
Chesty: “Me?”
Adonis: “Communications Director… look, I’ve thought of most of this already.”
Cookie: “Derek, Ulysses can’t be VP… he’s too young.”
Derek pauses. Thinking about what his wife just pointed out to him, he strokes his bulbous chin.
Adonis: “Alright… I’m going to need a plan B then. And I think I have just the idea…”
Derek reaches into the desk, pulling a file from a previously-unseen drawer. Opening it, he smirks, nodding his head.
Adonis: “Plan B, indeed!”
*=*=*=*=*
Adonis: “So, as you may have seen, I’m running for President of the United States of America. I need a Vice-Presidential candidate to run with me. I need someone I can trust. I need someone who can capture the hearts and minds of this great nation. I can think of no one else who knows about KABLAM and everything it entails than you. I know we have had our issues in the past, what with the betrayal and battles and everything, but what would you say? Do you want to run for the KABLAMocrats?”
Adonis smiles, holding his hand out for an affirmative handshake. But the person on the other end of Adonis’ hand has other ideas.
Manvel: “Fuck off.”
Manvel exits the scene, leaving Adonis standing alone. After a seemingly-too-long moment holding his hand out for the handshake, Adonis again procures the file from a mysterious location. He opens it and flips through it, coming across a second picture. He smirks, nodding his head.
Adonis: “Plan C, indeed.”
*=*=*=*=*
Adonis: “Okay, I’m not going to lie to you, because I understand that in politics, lying is bad. I mean yeah, it’s probably okay when you get momentum, but for the most part, it’s generally frowned upon. I also know that you and I have had our problems in the past, what with my issues with your Mrs. and your issues with my... “
Adonis clears his throat.
Adonis: “Anyway, you weren’t my actual first choice here for Vice-President, but you weren’t the last… so… yaaaay, that’s cool, right? Anyway, as you may have seen, I’m running for President of the United States of America. I need a Vice-Presidential candidate to run with me. I need someone I can trust. I need someone who can capture the hearts and minds of this great nation. I can think of… well… few others who know about KABLAM and everything it entails than you. I know we have had our issues in the past, what with the battles and everything, but what would you say? Do you want to run for the KABLAMocrats?”
Adonis smiles, holding his hand out for an affirmative handshake, much like the one that failed when he tried to recruit Manvel. On the other side of the hand is someone SCW is familiar with, though hasn’t seen in quite some time - the man known as Beard. Beard looks at Adonis’ hand, pondering.
Beard: “So… I shake your hand, and I could be Vice President.”
Adonis: “A more trustworthy Vice President than the white-haired guy that holds the office now.”.
Beard: “Oh snap bruh! It’s legit! Like too legit and I ain’t gonna quit! I’m all for putting our differences behind us. I’m down with you. What you wear in your gut, I make up in the front, not my butt.”
Adonis nods, a smirk on his face, but the smirk turns confused.
Adonis: “Um…”
Imogen: “It means he’s in. Mongrel.”
Adonis, confusion gone, nods his head. He and Beard shake on their arrangement, and the scene cuts away.
*=*=*=*=*
“Ladies and gentlemen, isn’t this the American Dream? Having a goal and not only attaining it, but surpassing it? I have been surpassing the American Dream all my life. Success? I run a successful Las Vegas Wedding Chapel as just the FIRST part of my KABLAMpire. Wrestling? I’ve been a two-time Champion of Television. Pretty good, huh? Romance? Have you seen my wives? Well, most of them you haven’t, so that’s different. But Cookie?
Right? Riiiiiiight?
I am personally proof that the American Dream is alive and well in America! I am proof that when you have a dream, you can achieve it, because I’ve achieved every dream I’ve ever had. I AM the American Dream! I didn’t get fancy modeling contracts or date movie stars or have the backing of a talent agency that I didn’t create myself. I am a self-made Man-Mountain! KABLAM!
And I have a chance to again promote the American Dream when I challenge to become the Champion of the United States of America… taking the title from Bree Lancaster. Bree doesn’t like me… I did hear what she had to say before defending the Championship against Thomas Valentine and honestly, it kind of hurt. I mean it wasn’t like she was Kandis saying I was rapey, but still. The idea that I could slip? I’ve been doing what I do for some 25 years now… I don’t slip. My methods are iron-clad. Besides, what I do to be successful isn’t any of your business. You don’t see me casting doubt on Chanel for using you. You don’t hear me talking about the disingenuous manner in which you treat the people… MY AMERICAN people! These people are smart enough to know what they like and don’t like. If they boo you, maybe that’s your fault instead of theirs. Just a hunch.
But this is all about the Championship of the United States. The second-richest prize in SCW. And I know that everyone in the company sees me as the underdog. You are the decorated Champion and I’m the joke. But you know what? Stacy Kissinger thought I was a joke and that there was no way I would beat her. And almost two years ago, I broke that cherry (KABLAM!). The idea that Derek Adonis is not a threat is gone. And I promise if you go in with the same mindset, you’ll learn why.
I plan on getting some nice campaign material printed up… just imagine it, Bree. Vote Adonis: Champion of the United States to PRESIDENT! Has a nice ring to it, don’t it?
Oh, and i always found that ginger ale help with symptoms of nausea and vomiting. I know you’ve been feeling sick recently, so don’t say I’ve never done anything for you.
KABLAM!”