05-21-2020, 04:47 AM
06-05-2020, 11:59 PM
[align=center]Legends of The Chuke
Volume 4
“Why Is The Lettuce Turning Red, Charles?”
WARNING!!![/center]
The following story you are about to read, although incredibly obnoxious and ridiculous is based upon actual events.The characters in the story though utterly dense are not being harmed by anyone except for The Chuke, but that happens when you go on a three day bender that lasts an entire summer. Fun right? You better believe that it is fun! Anyway, enjoy the show!
In life, there are times when all of need some help from another, and when we come upon those times we hope that we are smart enough to take that help from other people when necessary without doing something incredibly stupid. During the summer of 1997, The Chuke then referred to by his given name at birth of Charles Wilcox, he wasn’t always smart enough to take this assistance from others when needed, and God knows that there were many instances in which he needed it. There were also many instances, too many to count really, where Charles was very, very drunk, which is probably why there are so many times didn’t take assistance from other people, because he was so drunk that it bordered on stupid.
However, this instance which we are discussing today is not one of those times. Because while Charles was oddly very good at his job as manager of Macaroni’s restaurant at Cedar Point despite the fact that he was drunk most of the time, the one thing that you never wanted to have happen if at all possible was Charles using sharp objects. Today, during this volume of Legends of The Chuke, we are about to understand just why Charles never should have been allowed to use sharp objects and what could happen if you decided to do that.
During this particular morning (or it could have been the early afternoon, I really don’t know) Charles was working in the back of Macaroni’s kitchen at the lettuce slicer when who should happen to show up but Charles’s boss Jim. If you have following along with Legends of The Chuke (and if you have ANYTHING else to do you probably have not) you will remember that besides being Charles’s boss, Jim is also a genuine really good friend of Charles who saved his job at several points during this summer, but perhaps no more than he did on this day.
Jim: “Hey Charles. How is everything going right now, and why are you working in the back slicing lettuce?”
Trying to answer Jim but yawning loudly first which was always a sign that Charles had been out drinking until early that morning which made Jim smirk, Charles finally answers.
Charles: “Mike called in and I needed to get lettuce done before we were open for the day.”
Jim just looks at Charles continuing to smirk or at least that is how Charles would imagine Jim looking at him later on because Charles was still drunk so he can’t say for sure, but then Jim said.
Jim: “Somebody was out probably until the early morning hours one more time I take it?”
Charles is still slicing lettuce while talking with Jim.
Charles: “I really can’t say, you would have to ask Mike that. Mike wasn’t out with me last night for once.”
Jim: “I wasn’t talking about Mike Charles, and I think that you know that also. What time did you actually get to bed this morning before work? I know that you had to be here at 9 am this morning and I know you were on time as you always are.”
There is no response at this point as Charles just continues slicing lettuce and Jim just shakes his head.
Jim: “You haven’t been to bed yet from last night have you? Good lord dude, you need to start getting some sleep before work. I am legitimately concerned about your health.”
Charles: “Don’t you worry about me Jim. I will be just fine, and I will make sure that Macaroni’s still makes a ton of money for Cedar Point.
Jim comes up alongside Charles and whispers to him.
Jim: “And I really don’t give two fucks about how much money Macaroni’s makes for Cedar Point. I am concerned about you, my friend, my wife Lori’s friend. I don’t want something bad to happen to you, but I am concerned that we will be going down that road if you are not careful and start taking care of yourself!”
Charles stops slicing lettuce temporarily and turns to look at Jim.
Charles: “I told you Jim, you need to relax. I am going to be perfectly fine, I promise.
Jim: “Fine, whatever, I hope you are right Charles. I need to go. By the way, why is the lettuce turning red, Charles?”
Charles looks down and realizes there might be a problem.
Charles: “Well, apparently it would seem that I have cut myself in the lettuce slicer, and it looks pretty deep actually, the I can’t really feel it to know for sure.”
Jim: “Wait a minute, let me see that…
Charles let’s Jim see his hand and Jim is astonished by what he finds, though how he still manages to whisper in Charles’s ear, albeit loudly.
Jim: “Son of a bitch! How deep is that cut and how drunk do you need to be in order not to be able to feel that?”
Charles starts to shrug his shoulders but Jim shakes his head.
Jim: “There is no time for that, you drunk moron. Get out to my car with it wrapped up now. We are going to need to take you to the hospital immediately.”
Charles: “Why?”
Jim becomes enraged, though he still manages to make certain that nobody other than Charles can hear him, a miracle that we are not sure how he managed to pull off to this day.
Jim: “So you don’t die on me in the kitchen you idiot. Now get out to my car right now or I am going to fire you!”
Charles: “If I live, you are not going to fire me?”
Jim: “I swear to God Charles, don’t test me now. Get out to the damn car.”
Charles complies and gets out to Jim’s car which Jim was only a couple of minutes from joining him. On the way to the hospital, Jim goes over some very important instructions for Charles, instructions that in hindsight, Charles might have done well to pay more attention too.
Jim: “When we get to the hospital just let me do all of the talking. I do not need you to be saying something stupid that is going to end up costing you your job.”
Charles: “So, you are not going to fire me after all then?”
Jim: “I swear, don’t tempt me. In fact, let’s practice right now alright? Do not say a word all the way to the hospital or you're fired.”
Charles didn’t say another word, until they were in the exam room when the nurse said…
Nurse: “Wow that is a really nasty cut sweetie.”
Charles: “Nope, I didn’t feel a thing.”
Nurse: “And you are just saying that to be brave.”
Charles: “No, I really didn’t feel a thing, I am still dr….OUCH!”
The ouch was from Jim whacking him on the back of the head, and thus ends another volume of Legends of The Chuke.
Volume 4
“Why Is The Lettuce Turning Red, Charles?”
WARNING!!![/center]
The following story you are about to read, although incredibly obnoxious and ridiculous is based upon actual events.The characters in the story though utterly dense are not being harmed by anyone except for The Chuke, but that happens when you go on a three day bender that lasts an entire summer. Fun right? You better believe that it is fun! Anyway, enjoy the show!
In life, there are times when all of need some help from another, and when we come upon those times we hope that we are smart enough to take that help from other people when necessary without doing something incredibly stupid. During the summer of 1997, The Chuke then referred to by his given name at birth of Charles Wilcox, he wasn’t always smart enough to take this assistance from others when needed, and God knows that there were many instances in which he needed it. There were also many instances, too many to count really, where Charles was very, very drunk, which is probably why there are so many times didn’t take assistance from other people, because he was so drunk that it bordered on stupid.
However, this instance which we are discussing today is not one of those times. Because while Charles was oddly very good at his job as manager of Macaroni’s restaurant at Cedar Point despite the fact that he was drunk most of the time, the one thing that you never wanted to have happen if at all possible was Charles using sharp objects. Today, during this volume of Legends of The Chuke, we are about to understand just why Charles never should have been allowed to use sharp objects and what could happen if you decided to do that.
During this particular morning (or it could have been the early afternoon, I really don’t know) Charles was working in the back of Macaroni’s kitchen at the lettuce slicer when who should happen to show up but Charles’s boss Jim. If you have following along with Legends of The Chuke (and if you have ANYTHING else to do you probably have not) you will remember that besides being Charles’s boss, Jim is also a genuine really good friend of Charles who saved his job at several points during this summer, but perhaps no more than he did on this day.
Jim: “Hey Charles. How is everything going right now, and why are you working in the back slicing lettuce?”
Trying to answer Jim but yawning loudly first which was always a sign that Charles had been out drinking until early that morning which made Jim smirk, Charles finally answers.
Charles: “Mike called in and I needed to get lettuce done before we were open for the day.”
Jim just looks at Charles continuing to smirk or at least that is how Charles would imagine Jim looking at him later on because Charles was still drunk so he can’t say for sure, but then Jim said.
Jim: “Somebody was out probably until the early morning hours one more time I take it?”
Charles is still slicing lettuce while talking with Jim.
Charles: “I really can’t say, you would have to ask Mike that. Mike wasn’t out with me last night for once.”
Jim: “I wasn’t talking about Mike Charles, and I think that you know that also. What time did you actually get to bed this morning before work? I know that you had to be here at 9 am this morning and I know you were on time as you always are.”
There is no response at this point as Charles just continues slicing lettuce and Jim just shakes his head.
Jim: “You haven’t been to bed yet from last night have you? Good lord dude, you need to start getting some sleep before work. I am legitimately concerned about your health.”
Charles: “Don’t you worry about me Jim. I will be just fine, and I will make sure that Macaroni’s still makes a ton of money for Cedar Point.
Jim comes up alongside Charles and whispers to him.
Jim: “And I really don’t give two fucks about how much money Macaroni’s makes for Cedar Point. I am concerned about you, my friend, my wife Lori’s friend. I don’t want something bad to happen to you, but I am concerned that we will be going down that road if you are not careful and start taking care of yourself!”
Charles stops slicing lettuce temporarily and turns to look at Jim.
Charles: “I told you Jim, you need to relax. I am going to be perfectly fine, I promise.
Jim: “Fine, whatever, I hope you are right Charles. I need to go. By the way, why is the lettuce turning red, Charles?”
Charles looks down and realizes there might be a problem.
Charles: “Well, apparently it would seem that I have cut myself in the lettuce slicer, and it looks pretty deep actually, the I can’t really feel it to know for sure.”
Jim: “Wait a minute, let me see that…
Charles let’s Jim see his hand and Jim is astonished by what he finds, though how he still manages to whisper in Charles’s ear, albeit loudly.
Jim: “Son of a bitch! How deep is that cut and how drunk do you need to be in order not to be able to feel that?”
Charles starts to shrug his shoulders but Jim shakes his head.
Jim: “There is no time for that, you drunk moron. Get out to my car with it wrapped up now. We are going to need to take you to the hospital immediately.”
Charles: “Why?”
Jim becomes enraged, though he still manages to make certain that nobody other than Charles can hear him, a miracle that we are not sure how he managed to pull off to this day.
Jim: “So you don’t die on me in the kitchen you idiot. Now get out to my car right now or I am going to fire you!”
Charles: “If I live, you are not going to fire me?”
Jim: “I swear to God Charles, don’t test me now. Get out to the damn car.”
Charles complies and gets out to Jim’s car which Jim was only a couple of minutes from joining him. On the way to the hospital, Jim goes over some very important instructions for Charles, instructions that in hindsight, Charles might have done well to pay more attention too.
Jim: “When we get to the hospital just let me do all of the talking. I do not need you to be saying something stupid that is going to end up costing you your job.”
Charles: “So, you are not going to fire me after all then?”
Jim: “I swear, don’t tempt me. In fact, let’s practice right now alright? Do not say a word all the way to the hospital or you're fired.”
Charles didn’t say another word, until they were in the exam room when the nurse said…
Nurse: “Wow that is a really nasty cut sweetie.”
Charles: “Nope, I didn’t feel a thing.”
Nurse: “And you are just saying that to be brave.”
Charles: “No, I really didn’t feel a thing, I am still dr….OUCH!”
The ouch was from Jim whacking him on the back of the head, and thus ends another volume of Legends of The Chuke.