10-24-2020, 12:08 AM
10-27-2020, 09:45 AM
*OFF CAMERA*
Lucy Huckabee Sanders briskly walks through the back hallways of the Staples Center in Los Angeles, site of this week’s Breakdown, looking a bit more flustered than usual. She flashes dirty looks at staff members as she quickly makes her way toward one of the dressing rooms. She stops at a door with a red, white, and blue “TSM” sign on it. Lucy pauses, takes a deep breath, and then loudly knocks on the door.
LHS: Ricky! Are you good yet?
Lucy waits for a response, but hears nothing. After a few seconds, she knocks again, even louder than the first time.
LHS: Ric! Come on, let’s go. I gave you like a half hour by now.
Again, Lucy gets no response. Her face turns red as she starts to breathe heavily.
LHS: Ric, I’m giving you one more chance before I come in…
Lucy bangs loudly on the door, still getting no response. She tries to open the door, but it is locked.
LHS: What the hell is going on in there?!
Lucy, extremely frustrated, looks around for some assistance. She makes her way down the hallway and runs into two large security guards. Lucy pokes both men in the chest.
LHS: You and you, I need your help.
The security guards look at each other, then back at Lucy, and scoff simultaneously, which only further infuriates Lucy.
LHS: EXCUSE ME?! Do you two have any idea who I am? Not only am I the Official Press Secretary of SCW, but I…
One of the security guards cuts Lucy off.
Security Guard: We know who you are. EVERYONE knows who you are. And quite frankly, you’ve rubbed everyone the wrong way here. You and your little boyfriend, Ricky.
Lucy’s eyes go wide. At this point she is so furious that she is speechless. She holds her finger out at the guards and tries to think of something to say, but struggles. She slowly lowers her finger as the guards just smirk at her. Lucy takes a breath as she finally manages to get something out.
LHS: First of all, Ricky is NOT my boyfriend. He is my business associate. Second, I guess I know who you two are too - a couple of cowards. I guess chivalry really is dead. A woman in distress asking for your help, and you two just sit back and do nothing? Pathetic. You are scum just like Shady Sasha, Stalina Frost, Do Nothing D, Fool’s Gold….all of them.
Lucy spits in one of the guard’s faces and then quickly turns away to head back down the hall. The guard starts to make a move towards Lucy before he is restrained by the other guard. Lucy makes her way back down towards the TSM dressing room. As she approaches the door, she is surprised to find it has been cracked open. Lucy pokes her head inside the room, but the lights are all off.
LHS: Ricky……?
Lucy flips the light switch on and finds Ricky laying down on a couch, blankly staring at the ceiling. Lucy, showing a total lack of empathy, starts screaming at Ricky.
LHS: What the hell is going on with you?! You’ve barely answered any of my calls, you’ve been short with me, and you just told me you’d be ready for our EPC in five minutes, but you haven’t moved!
Ricky has absolutely no reaction to Lucy. He continues to stare up at the ceiling, one arm limp hanging off the couch, the other arm flexed with a closed fist. Lucy begins to realize the aggressive approach isn’t working, so she grabs a chair and sets it down right next to Ricky’s head. She takes a seat and speaks in a more normal tone.
LHS: Ric, what is this about?
Ricky continues to ignore Lucy. Lucy, still frustrated but showing a little more patience, waves her hand in front of Ricky’s face. Ricky doesn’t blink.
LHS: Hello? Anyone home?
Lucy then grabs Ricky’s limp arm and holds it up like a referee counting out a wrestler in a submission hold. Ricky’s arm drops back to the floor as Lucy releases. As Ricky’s arm drops, Lucy notices subtle movement with Ricky’s closed fist. She notices he is holding an item tightly. She then glares at Ricky.
LHS: That better not be what I think it is, Ric.
Lucy reaches for Ricky’s closed fist. He offers little resistance as Lucy pulls a lucha mask out of Ricky’s hand. Lucy holds the mask up in disgust and begins to yell again.
LHS: What is WITH you, Ric? Enough with the damn mask! It’s over! You aren’t in Mexico anymore, remember? Remember how awful your life was? Nobody gave a damn about you, Ric. You were just another guy. That’s it.
The expression on Ricky’s face finally changes, as it slowly shifts to a look of frustration.
LHS: I saw potential in you when we met. And I know you still have it. I sacrificed a lot to get you here, Ric. But part of the deal was putting this…
Lucy holds the mask up in front of Ricky’s face.
LHS: Putting all of THIS aside. You are in a better place now. You are in a better country now. You ARE somebody here. And we have a mission, remember?
Lucy pauses, hoping for a response from Ricky. Ricky, while clearly now listening to Lucy, still remains unresponsive. Lucy quickly grows irritated again, abruptly stands up, and throws the lucha mask in the trash. Ricky slowly turns his head toward Lucy but remains silent. Lucy marches back over to Ricky and slaps him across the face.
LHS: SNAP OUT OF IT, RIC! You are RICKY JAMES, PROUD AMERICAN. That’s all you need to remember!
Ricky, still holding his face, finally sits up. He glares at Lucy for a few moments before flashing a grin.
Ricky: We’re good.
Lucy calms down a bit but stays firm.
LHS: Good. Now are you going to be able to pull yourself together for this? I’m not sure what that whacko Jay Gold did to you on Sunday to scramble your brains - but remember, we were screwed yet again. And instead of giving you a fair rematch, which we know will never happen, Sasha threw you in a match against some fat slob I’ve never heard of.
Ricky nods, seemingly having snapped out of his trance.
Ricky: What do we have on him?
LHS: Kellyanne sent me a few notes. I’ll fill you in on our way down.
Ricky: Sounds good, just give me a second, I’ll meet you right outside. You can even stand by the door. I swear.
Lucy reluctantly nods and steps out of the room. Before closing the door, she pokes her head back in.
LHS: Oh and Ricky - no mask talk this time. Seriously.
Ricky chuckles.
Ricky: I’m good, I’m good.
Lucy closes the door behind her, allowing Ricky a moment to finish getting ready. Ricky steps into the bathroom to freshen up. He takes a few extra moments to look at himself in the mirror and grins. He then makes his way back to the door, but stops before leaving. Ricky stares deeply into the trash can, then slowly moves his hand into the bag. Before Ricky can reach into the bag, Lucy bangs on the door.
LHS: LET’S GO!
Ricky quickly pulls his hand back, shakes his head, and opens the door.
Ricky: Let’s do this.
Ricky steps out into the hallway and closes the locker room door behind him. The Silent Majority begin walking down the hall together as Lucy pulls out her phone and begins showing Ricky text messages from Kellyanne.
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*ON CAMERA*
A small crowd of reporters gathers around a podium set up in an open area backstage at the Staples Center. Behind the podium hangs a large American Flag with the letters “TSM” sewn into the middle stripe. While this setup has many of the usual features of The Silent Majority’s Emergency Press Conferences, it is certainly a more modest setup than the press conference for Under Attack. Lucy Huckabee Sanders and Ricky James walk up to the podium. Lucy stands behind the microphone and begins.
LHS: Ladies and gentlemen, I really hate to have to do this. I really do.
The reporters roll their eyes.
LHS: However, it is my duty as Official Press Secretary of SCW to keep you informed. We are yet again seeing injustices and abuse of power. We are yet again seeing a conspiracy against beautiful Americans. And yet again, The Silent Majority were screwed in a match. So we are calling another EMERGENCY PRESS CONFERENCE!
The reporters try to keep their groaning to a minimum, knowing full well the routine at this point.
LHS: Ricky James exposed Shady Sasha’s plot prior to Under Attack. She sent one of her comrade Canadian sympathizers, an old man with no reason to still be here other than to do the bidding of a socialist, to silence Ricky James and myself. With the help of yet another phony referee, Fool’s Gold STOLE a victory from Ricky James.
The reporters roll their eyes but manage to stay quiet.
LHS: And during that match, or at least what was supposed to be a match, you all saw Fool’s Gold introduce a FOREIGN OBJECT into the ring. This, I believe, was an attempt to silence us. Well I have bad news for you, Fool’s Gold and Shady Sasha. You will NEVER silence us. You can continue to cheat all you want. That will not stop us for exposing your corruption and your conspiracies. We WILL save SCW, even if we have to go through an entire army of your socialist scum.
Lucy pauses, expecting a reaction from the reporters, but by this point, they no longer feed in. Lucy looks a bit annoyed that she did not get a response but continues nonetheless.
LHS: Now. Ricky James has been part of four matches thus far in SCW. But let the official record show he is still undefeated. He has two wins, zero losses, and two no contests. Taylor, Powers, and Gold cannot claim victories over Ricky James. They were all part of conspiracies - they conspired with Shady Sasha and perhaps even SHADIER referees. A rigged match does not count as a real match, ladies and gentlemen. On top of that, I am a press secretary. I am not a wrestler. The fact that I was thrown into a “match” shows that Shady Sasha has absolutely zero integrity. We know that any “match” I am put into is nothing more than a charade to cover up Shady Sasha’s true intentions.
A reporter begins to raise her hand but is nudged by another reporter, who shakes his head at her.
LHS: Anyway, we will get back to Fool’s Gold another day, if he hasn’t died by then. Much like Stalin, Shady Sasha uses and abuses people. Her latest example comes this week. She has placed Ricky James in yet another faux match against someone who….
Lucy stops and motions as if she is going to throw up. Ricky “consoles” her before she takes a deep breath, nods her head, and continues.
LHS: Someone who does not belong in a wrestling ring, ladies and gentlemen. This man is apparently named Derek Adonis. I know, I had to look him up too. You know, each week I think to myself, ‘Shady Sasha can’t get much worse, can she?’ Yet week after week she continues to get worse. At least the matches against Taylor, Powers, and Gold appeared to be legitimate. Shady Sasha is not even pretending to be legitimate with this match. Now, before we get to your questions, I would like to turn it over to Ricky James, who has some comments on this….”opponent” of his.
Lucy steps aside and Ricky steps up to the podium. By this point Ricky looks just as confident as he usually does, showing no signs of the struggles he had prior to the press conference.
Ricky: Thank you, Lucy. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I don't really want to touch much more on what happened at Under Attack. If you have questions once we open it up, that’s fine, but I am warning you now that my focus is on this week. My focus is on foiling yet another plot by Shady Sasha. As Lucy alluded to, this Derek Adonis character does not belong in a wrestling ring. For starters, he is not physically capable of competing in an actual wrestling match. Video games, perhaps. Not an actual match. He is endangering himself just by walking to the ring, let alone actually trying to wrestle. A man his size needs to seek professional help. I don’t truly believe he is a trained wrestler. I do not think he fought his way to get here like most of the rest of us. It is clear, more than any other case thus far, that Derek Adonis was hired by Shady Sasha as a hitman.
The reporters can no longer control themselves as loud groans are heard throughout the crowd.
Ricky: No, Derek Adonis did not fight his way to get anywhere. He ate his way, sure. He is yet another example of someone sucking from the government’s teat. I am sure Mr. Adonis hasn’t put in an actual day’s work in his life. And yes I will get to his supposed “profession” in a bit. But I cannot stress enough how blatantly obvious this conspiracy is. Shady Sasha is REALLY reaching now. She’s putting me in the ring with a lifetime freeloader. A fat, lazy piece of shit who has done nothing but take his entire life. Derek Adonis is just like this new wave of lazy people who want the government to run every aspect of their lives. They do not mind blindly following a corrupt government as long as they can buy soda and Ding Dong’s with their food stamps. Derek Adonis is doing the bidding of a dictator like Shady Sasha and has absolutely no shame. If he had any dignity, he would not walk around in public looking the way he does. What Shady Sasha is doing to him by putting him in the ring is actually abuse, but of course he doesn’t mind it.
Ricky pauses and begins to look more serious.
Ricky: But onto the second reason Derek Adonis has no business being in the ring…..as disgusting as that man’s physical appearance is, he is a more disgusting human being. I’m still trying to wrap my head around the things I have heard about this sorry excuse for a man. Ladies and gentlemen, I apologize if this offends anyone…
One of the reporters actually laughs at the absurdity of Ricky’s statement. Lucy glares at the reporter, who quickly covers his mouth.
Ricky: As I was saying….Derek Adonis….and this is from very reputable sources….is an adulterer.
Ricky pauses, expecting a reaction from the crowd as Lucy did earlier, but does not get any reaction.
Ricky: Oh, right. You probably do not know what that means. Ladies and gentlemen, this man SLEEPS with multiple women who are not married to him! My sources confirm he has done this multiple times and continues to do so. Now I’m sure you are wondering the same thing as me - how does a walrus convince multiple women to sleep with him? The only conclusion I can draw from that is Derek Adonis forces himself on women. And that, ladies and gentlemen, above all else, shows he has no business being in a wrestling ring. Adonis the Adulterer should be in PRISON for consistently abusing women!
This comment finally draws a major reaction from the crowd, who all begin trying to ask Ricky questions at once. Ricky motions for them to put their hands down.
Ricky: Hang on, hang on. We will get to your questions in just a moment. I am sure you have a lot after what I just revealed to you. I really don’t want to go much more into that, okay? It is a very touchy subject, and I am not one to talk about touchy subjects. I only bring it up because it was relevant to one announcement I will make before we get to your questions.
Ricky turns to Lucy as he continues to address the crowd.
Ricky: This has not been finalized, but we are strongly considering having Lucy Huckabee Sanders stay backstage this week and not accompany me to the ring. This is just out of an abundance of caution. I do not want to risk Lucy being anywhere near someone like Adonis the Adulterer. Now...onto your questions.
The small but now very intrigued group of reporters all shoot their hands up at once. Ricky points to one of them and mouths “Go ahead”.
Reporter: Mr. James, those were some serious accusations about Derek Adonis, and you just made them public. On what basis can you -
Lucy interrupts the reporter.
LHS: Excuse me?! Are you hard of hearing? Ricky said he would NOT further discuss that matter. We do not dwell on touchy subjects. Next question please.
The reporter holds his arms out and looks around confused as Lucy points to another reporter.
Reporter: Ms. Sanders alluded to “faux matches”, and by my count this would be the third time out of five matches you have deemed the match “illegitimate”. The two matches you don’t seem to have a problem with were matches against local talent and not against actual SCW superstars. Couldn’t one make the argument that those two matches weren’t legitimate and these others…
Lucy and Ricky, absolutely fuming, both cut off the reporter.
Ricky: They were illegitimate because my opponents CHEATED, okay?! All of those people were involved in Shady Sasha’s conspiracy and thus the match results DO NOT COUNT. The two “local talents”, as you referred to them, were world class athletes who lost to a superior wrestler. Fortunately, there was no cheating involved and we managed to have honest referees during those matches.
LHS: Ricky, remind me to pick up some hearing aids for these reporters next time.
Lucy turns back to the reporters.
LHS: If any of you had listened earlier, we have already answered these questions. You guys are 0 for 2 on good questions right now. Who wants to make it 0 for 3?
The same reporter who tried to ask a question earlier raises her hand. Lucy flashes a condescending, sarcastic smile at the reporter.
LHS: Okay, dear. Go ahead.
Reporter: Uh Mr. James, if you feel this match with Derek Adonis is not going to be legitimate, how do you plan on handling it?
Ricky seems pleasantly surprised by the question as he cools down a bit.
Ricky: Thank you for that question. It’s a great question. You know, we don’t get many of those nowadays. The press and fake news media are so dishonest and full of nasty questions. It is great to get a question like that.
Ricky stops, smiles, and nods his head as the reporters all look on, confused. Ricky seems just as confused as the reporters as he looks around at the group.
Ricky: So, any other questions?
The reporters look around at each other before one raises his hand. Ricky motions for him to go ahead.
Reporter: Uh...are you going to answer that last question?
Ricky: Uh….I did.
Ricky turns to Lucy and looks at her as if to say “Can you believe these people?”
Ricky: Lucy, you were right. These people are hard of hearing.
The reporter who originally asked Ricky about handling the “illegitimate” match takes a moment to think and then raises her hand again. Ricky smiles.
Ricky: Ah yes, the only good reporter of the bunch.
Reporter: Mr. James, you’ve talked about this conspiracy coming from SCW management, notably Sasha. You say this match against Derek Adonis is yet another example of that. What will you do to ensure you put an end to all of this?
Ricky smiles as the rest of the reporters look at her like she is crazy.
Ricky: Yes, another great question! As I mentioned, Adonis the Adulterer has no business being in the ring. We all know this is a sham. This is not a legitimate match. However, it will give me the opportunity to do something amazing. You see, since arriving here, Lucy Huckabee Sanders and I have looked out for a lot of people. We have looked out for great American SCW superstars like Bree Lancaster, Sienna Swann, and Holly Adams. We realize they are the backbone of this promotion, much like blue collar workers are the backbone of this country. We appreciate everything they do, and as a thank you, we continue to expose Shady Sasha and this corrupt regime for everything they are trying to do to put beautiful Americans down. Our mission is to save SCW. It is a bonus that we can help great people like Bree, Sienna, and Holly in the process. Now back to this “match” with Adonis. There will be a bonus in defeating him.
A reporter cuts Ricky off.
Reporter: But if it isn’t a real match, how can you “defeat” him?
Ricky, bright red, takes a step toward the reporter before being held back by Lucy. Ricky takes a breath and continues.
Ricky: If you would just let me finish…..I was going to explain to you that defeating Adonis the Adulterer will mean much more than pinning him. Let me be clear again - this is a fake match, much like many of you are fake news. But there will still be a referee. Even if the referee is once again a Canadian agent hired by Shady Sasha, I will overcome that. I will overcome this plot and defeat Adonis the Adulterer even under Shady Sasha’s unfair communist rules. Ding Dong Adonis can barely move. I am not worried about him sneaking a foreign object into the match like Fool’s Gold, unless that object is a roast beef sandwich. As I said, there is no way he is a trained wrestler. So once again, while this “match” is a setup attempt, I still will DEFEAT Derek Adonis. But back to my original point...this means more than a victory in a record book. Much like I fight for beautiful American SCW superstars and true Americans all over the country, I will also be fighting on behalf of all women who suffer from abuse.
Ricky looks past the group of eye-rolling reporters and into the camera behind the group.
Ricky: Women of the United States of America, rest assured, I am fighting for YOU this week. This Wednesday on Breakdown, I will make sure Adonis the Adulterer can never lay his hands on another woman again.
Ricky smiles, proud of himself, as he turns his attention back to the reporters.
Ricky: Any further questions?
A reporter’s hand shoots up, which for some reason angers Ricky.
Ricky: Remember what I said, this better not be about…
Reporter: It’s not, it’s not.
Ricky: Okay. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Reporter: This actually has nothing to do with Derek Adonis. But in your last answer you again referenced a “foreign object” that was brought into your match with Jay Gold. I assume you are talking about the mask? Can you tell us what happened there?
Lucy’s jaw drops as she turns to Ricky, knowing full well what is about to happen. Ricky begins to shake uncontrollably before letting out a scream. He picks up the podium and violently throws it to the side, taking out a monitor, lights, and pipe and drape in the process. The reporters quickly scramble and start to run away. Ricky begins to charge the reporter who asked the last question, but fortunately nearby security guards are able to step in and restrain Ricky. Lucy yells out to the reporters as they are running away.
LHS: No further questions! I am Lucy Huckabee Sanders, Official Secretary of SCW, and…
Before Lucy can finish, another cameraman catches Ricky James, who had managed to temporarily break free from security, destroying the camera that was used to film the press conference. Fortunately all reporters manage to flee the scene as two police officers join the guards in taking Ricky down to the floor. Ricky can be heard screaming in Spanish while being restrained. Lucy covers up the remaining camera filming and screams at the cameraman.
LHS: WE’RE DONE HERE!
Lucy Huckabee Sanders briskly walks through the back hallways of the Staples Center in Los Angeles, site of this week’s Breakdown, looking a bit more flustered than usual. She flashes dirty looks at staff members as she quickly makes her way toward one of the dressing rooms. She stops at a door with a red, white, and blue “TSM” sign on it. Lucy pauses, takes a deep breath, and then loudly knocks on the door.
LHS: Ricky! Are you good yet?
Lucy waits for a response, but hears nothing. After a few seconds, she knocks again, even louder than the first time.
LHS: Ric! Come on, let’s go. I gave you like a half hour by now.
Again, Lucy gets no response. Her face turns red as she starts to breathe heavily.
LHS: Ric, I’m giving you one more chance before I come in…
Lucy bangs loudly on the door, still getting no response. She tries to open the door, but it is locked.
LHS: What the hell is going on in there?!
Lucy, extremely frustrated, looks around for some assistance. She makes her way down the hallway and runs into two large security guards. Lucy pokes both men in the chest.
LHS: You and you, I need your help.
The security guards look at each other, then back at Lucy, and scoff simultaneously, which only further infuriates Lucy.
LHS: EXCUSE ME?! Do you two have any idea who I am? Not only am I the Official Press Secretary of SCW, but I…
One of the security guards cuts Lucy off.
Security Guard: We know who you are. EVERYONE knows who you are. And quite frankly, you’ve rubbed everyone the wrong way here. You and your little boyfriend, Ricky.
Lucy’s eyes go wide. At this point she is so furious that she is speechless. She holds her finger out at the guards and tries to think of something to say, but struggles. She slowly lowers her finger as the guards just smirk at her. Lucy takes a breath as she finally manages to get something out.
LHS: First of all, Ricky is NOT my boyfriend. He is my business associate. Second, I guess I know who you two are too - a couple of cowards. I guess chivalry really is dead. A woman in distress asking for your help, and you two just sit back and do nothing? Pathetic. You are scum just like Shady Sasha, Stalina Frost, Do Nothing D, Fool’s Gold….all of them.
Lucy spits in one of the guard’s faces and then quickly turns away to head back down the hall. The guard starts to make a move towards Lucy before he is restrained by the other guard. Lucy makes her way back down towards the TSM dressing room. As she approaches the door, she is surprised to find it has been cracked open. Lucy pokes her head inside the room, but the lights are all off.
LHS: Ricky……?
Lucy flips the light switch on and finds Ricky laying down on a couch, blankly staring at the ceiling. Lucy, showing a total lack of empathy, starts screaming at Ricky.
LHS: What the hell is going on with you?! You’ve barely answered any of my calls, you’ve been short with me, and you just told me you’d be ready for our EPC in five minutes, but you haven’t moved!
Ricky has absolutely no reaction to Lucy. He continues to stare up at the ceiling, one arm limp hanging off the couch, the other arm flexed with a closed fist. Lucy begins to realize the aggressive approach isn’t working, so she grabs a chair and sets it down right next to Ricky’s head. She takes a seat and speaks in a more normal tone.
LHS: Ric, what is this about?
Ricky continues to ignore Lucy. Lucy, still frustrated but showing a little more patience, waves her hand in front of Ricky’s face. Ricky doesn’t blink.
LHS: Hello? Anyone home?
Lucy then grabs Ricky’s limp arm and holds it up like a referee counting out a wrestler in a submission hold. Ricky’s arm drops back to the floor as Lucy releases. As Ricky’s arm drops, Lucy notices subtle movement with Ricky’s closed fist. She notices he is holding an item tightly. She then glares at Ricky.
LHS: That better not be what I think it is, Ric.
Lucy reaches for Ricky’s closed fist. He offers little resistance as Lucy pulls a lucha mask out of Ricky’s hand. Lucy holds the mask up in disgust and begins to yell again.
LHS: What is WITH you, Ric? Enough with the damn mask! It’s over! You aren’t in Mexico anymore, remember? Remember how awful your life was? Nobody gave a damn about you, Ric. You were just another guy. That’s it.
The expression on Ricky’s face finally changes, as it slowly shifts to a look of frustration.
LHS: I saw potential in you when we met. And I know you still have it. I sacrificed a lot to get you here, Ric. But part of the deal was putting this…
Lucy holds the mask up in front of Ricky’s face.
LHS: Putting all of THIS aside. You are in a better place now. You are in a better country now. You ARE somebody here. And we have a mission, remember?
Lucy pauses, hoping for a response from Ricky. Ricky, while clearly now listening to Lucy, still remains unresponsive. Lucy quickly grows irritated again, abruptly stands up, and throws the lucha mask in the trash. Ricky slowly turns his head toward Lucy but remains silent. Lucy marches back over to Ricky and slaps him across the face.
LHS: SNAP OUT OF IT, RIC! You are RICKY JAMES, PROUD AMERICAN. That’s all you need to remember!
Ricky, still holding his face, finally sits up. He glares at Lucy for a few moments before flashing a grin.
Ricky: We’re good.
Lucy calms down a bit but stays firm.
LHS: Good. Now are you going to be able to pull yourself together for this? I’m not sure what that whacko Jay Gold did to you on Sunday to scramble your brains - but remember, we were screwed yet again. And instead of giving you a fair rematch, which we know will never happen, Sasha threw you in a match against some fat slob I’ve never heard of.
Ricky nods, seemingly having snapped out of his trance.
Ricky: What do we have on him?
LHS: Kellyanne sent me a few notes. I’ll fill you in on our way down.
Ricky: Sounds good, just give me a second, I’ll meet you right outside. You can even stand by the door. I swear.
Lucy reluctantly nods and steps out of the room. Before closing the door, she pokes her head back in.
LHS: Oh and Ricky - no mask talk this time. Seriously.
Ricky chuckles.
Ricky: I’m good, I’m good.
Lucy closes the door behind her, allowing Ricky a moment to finish getting ready. Ricky steps into the bathroom to freshen up. He takes a few extra moments to look at himself in the mirror and grins. He then makes his way back to the door, but stops before leaving. Ricky stares deeply into the trash can, then slowly moves his hand into the bag. Before Ricky can reach into the bag, Lucy bangs on the door.
LHS: LET’S GO!
Ricky quickly pulls his hand back, shakes his head, and opens the door.
Ricky: Let’s do this.
Ricky steps out into the hallway and closes the locker room door behind him. The Silent Majority begin walking down the hall together as Lucy pulls out her phone and begins showing Ricky text messages from Kellyanne.
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*ON CAMERA*
A small crowd of reporters gathers around a podium set up in an open area backstage at the Staples Center. Behind the podium hangs a large American Flag with the letters “TSM” sewn into the middle stripe. While this setup has many of the usual features of The Silent Majority’s Emergency Press Conferences, it is certainly a more modest setup than the press conference for Under Attack. Lucy Huckabee Sanders and Ricky James walk up to the podium. Lucy stands behind the microphone and begins.
LHS: Ladies and gentlemen, I really hate to have to do this. I really do.
The reporters roll their eyes.
LHS: However, it is my duty as Official Press Secretary of SCW to keep you informed. We are yet again seeing injustices and abuse of power. We are yet again seeing a conspiracy against beautiful Americans. And yet again, The Silent Majority were screwed in a match. So we are calling another EMERGENCY PRESS CONFERENCE!
The reporters try to keep their groaning to a minimum, knowing full well the routine at this point.
LHS: Ricky James exposed Shady Sasha’s plot prior to Under Attack. She sent one of her comrade Canadian sympathizers, an old man with no reason to still be here other than to do the bidding of a socialist, to silence Ricky James and myself. With the help of yet another phony referee, Fool’s Gold STOLE a victory from Ricky James.
The reporters roll their eyes but manage to stay quiet.
LHS: And during that match, or at least what was supposed to be a match, you all saw Fool’s Gold introduce a FOREIGN OBJECT into the ring. This, I believe, was an attempt to silence us. Well I have bad news for you, Fool’s Gold and Shady Sasha. You will NEVER silence us. You can continue to cheat all you want. That will not stop us for exposing your corruption and your conspiracies. We WILL save SCW, even if we have to go through an entire army of your socialist scum.
Lucy pauses, expecting a reaction from the reporters, but by this point, they no longer feed in. Lucy looks a bit annoyed that she did not get a response but continues nonetheless.
LHS: Now. Ricky James has been part of four matches thus far in SCW. But let the official record show he is still undefeated. He has two wins, zero losses, and two no contests. Taylor, Powers, and Gold cannot claim victories over Ricky James. They were all part of conspiracies - they conspired with Shady Sasha and perhaps even SHADIER referees. A rigged match does not count as a real match, ladies and gentlemen. On top of that, I am a press secretary. I am not a wrestler. The fact that I was thrown into a “match” shows that Shady Sasha has absolutely zero integrity. We know that any “match” I am put into is nothing more than a charade to cover up Shady Sasha’s true intentions.
A reporter begins to raise her hand but is nudged by another reporter, who shakes his head at her.
LHS: Anyway, we will get back to Fool’s Gold another day, if he hasn’t died by then. Much like Stalin, Shady Sasha uses and abuses people. Her latest example comes this week. She has placed Ricky James in yet another faux match against someone who….
Lucy stops and motions as if she is going to throw up. Ricky “consoles” her before she takes a deep breath, nods her head, and continues.
LHS: Someone who does not belong in a wrestling ring, ladies and gentlemen. This man is apparently named Derek Adonis. I know, I had to look him up too. You know, each week I think to myself, ‘Shady Sasha can’t get much worse, can she?’ Yet week after week she continues to get worse. At least the matches against Taylor, Powers, and Gold appeared to be legitimate. Shady Sasha is not even pretending to be legitimate with this match. Now, before we get to your questions, I would like to turn it over to Ricky James, who has some comments on this….”opponent” of his.
Lucy steps aside and Ricky steps up to the podium. By this point Ricky looks just as confident as he usually does, showing no signs of the struggles he had prior to the press conference.
Ricky: Thank you, Lucy. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I don't really want to touch much more on what happened at Under Attack. If you have questions once we open it up, that’s fine, but I am warning you now that my focus is on this week. My focus is on foiling yet another plot by Shady Sasha. As Lucy alluded to, this Derek Adonis character does not belong in a wrestling ring. For starters, he is not physically capable of competing in an actual wrestling match. Video games, perhaps. Not an actual match. He is endangering himself just by walking to the ring, let alone actually trying to wrestle. A man his size needs to seek professional help. I don’t truly believe he is a trained wrestler. I do not think he fought his way to get here like most of the rest of us. It is clear, more than any other case thus far, that Derek Adonis was hired by Shady Sasha as a hitman.
The reporters can no longer control themselves as loud groans are heard throughout the crowd.
Ricky: No, Derek Adonis did not fight his way to get anywhere. He ate his way, sure. He is yet another example of someone sucking from the government’s teat. I am sure Mr. Adonis hasn’t put in an actual day’s work in his life. And yes I will get to his supposed “profession” in a bit. But I cannot stress enough how blatantly obvious this conspiracy is. Shady Sasha is REALLY reaching now. She’s putting me in the ring with a lifetime freeloader. A fat, lazy piece of shit who has done nothing but take his entire life. Derek Adonis is just like this new wave of lazy people who want the government to run every aspect of their lives. They do not mind blindly following a corrupt government as long as they can buy soda and Ding Dong’s with their food stamps. Derek Adonis is doing the bidding of a dictator like Shady Sasha and has absolutely no shame. If he had any dignity, he would not walk around in public looking the way he does. What Shady Sasha is doing to him by putting him in the ring is actually abuse, but of course he doesn’t mind it.
Ricky pauses and begins to look more serious.
Ricky: But onto the second reason Derek Adonis has no business being in the ring…..as disgusting as that man’s physical appearance is, he is a more disgusting human being. I’m still trying to wrap my head around the things I have heard about this sorry excuse for a man. Ladies and gentlemen, I apologize if this offends anyone…
One of the reporters actually laughs at the absurdity of Ricky’s statement. Lucy glares at the reporter, who quickly covers his mouth.
Ricky: As I was saying….Derek Adonis….and this is from very reputable sources….is an adulterer.
Ricky pauses, expecting a reaction from the crowd as Lucy did earlier, but does not get any reaction.
Ricky: Oh, right. You probably do not know what that means. Ladies and gentlemen, this man SLEEPS with multiple women who are not married to him! My sources confirm he has done this multiple times and continues to do so. Now I’m sure you are wondering the same thing as me - how does a walrus convince multiple women to sleep with him? The only conclusion I can draw from that is Derek Adonis forces himself on women. And that, ladies and gentlemen, above all else, shows he has no business being in a wrestling ring. Adonis the Adulterer should be in PRISON for consistently abusing women!
This comment finally draws a major reaction from the crowd, who all begin trying to ask Ricky questions at once. Ricky motions for them to put their hands down.
Ricky: Hang on, hang on. We will get to your questions in just a moment. I am sure you have a lot after what I just revealed to you. I really don’t want to go much more into that, okay? It is a very touchy subject, and I am not one to talk about touchy subjects. I only bring it up because it was relevant to one announcement I will make before we get to your questions.
Ricky turns to Lucy as he continues to address the crowd.
Ricky: This has not been finalized, but we are strongly considering having Lucy Huckabee Sanders stay backstage this week and not accompany me to the ring. This is just out of an abundance of caution. I do not want to risk Lucy being anywhere near someone like Adonis the Adulterer. Now...onto your questions.
The small but now very intrigued group of reporters all shoot their hands up at once. Ricky points to one of them and mouths “Go ahead”.
Reporter: Mr. James, those were some serious accusations about Derek Adonis, and you just made them public. On what basis can you -
Lucy interrupts the reporter.
LHS: Excuse me?! Are you hard of hearing? Ricky said he would NOT further discuss that matter. We do not dwell on touchy subjects. Next question please.
The reporter holds his arms out and looks around confused as Lucy points to another reporter.
Reporter: Ms. Sanders alluded to “faux matches”, and by my count this would be the third time out of five matches you have deemed the match “illegitimate”. The two matches you don’t seem to have a problem with were matches against local talent and not against actual SCW superstars. Couldn’t one make the argument that those two matches weren’t legitimate and these others…
Lucy and Ricky, absolutely fuming, both cut off the reporter.
Ricky: They were illegitimate because my opponents CHEATED, okay?! All of those people were involved in Shady Sasha’s conspiracy and thus the match results DO NOT COUNT. The two “local talents”, as you referred to them, were world class athletes who lost to a superior wrestler. Fortunately, there was no cheating involved and we managed to have honest referees during those matches.
LHS: Ricky, remind me to pick up some hearing aids for these reporters next time.
Lucy turns back to the reporters.
LHS: If any of you had listened earlier, we have already answered these questions. You guys are 0 for 2 on good questions right now. Who wants to make it 0 for 3?
The same reporter who tried to ask a question earlier raises her hand. Lucy flashes a condescending, sarcastic smile at the reporter.
LHS: Okay, dear. Go ahead.
Reporter: Uh Mr. James, if you feel this match with Derek Adonis is not going to be legitimate, how do you plan on handling it?
Ricky seems pleasantly surprised by the question as he cools down a bit.
Ricky: Thank you for that question. It’s a great question. You know, we don’t get many of those nowadays. The press and fake news media are so dishonest and full of nasty questions. It is great to get a question like that.
Ricky stops, smiles, and nods his head as the reporters all look on, confused. Ricky seems just as confused as the reporters as he looks around at the group.
Ricky: So, any other questions?
The reporters look around at each other before one raises his hand. Ricky motions for him to go ahead.
Reporter: Uh...are you going to answer that last question?
Ricky: Uh….I did.
Ricky turns to Lucy and looks at her as if to say “Can you believe these people?”
Ricky: Lucy, you were right. These people are hard of hearing.
The reporter who originally asked Ricky about handling the “illegitimate” match takes a moment to think and then raises her hand again. Ricky smiles.
Ricky: Ah yes, the only good reporter of the bunch.
Reporter: Mr. James, you’ve talked about this conspiracy coming from SCW management, notably Sasha. You say this match against Derek Adonis is yet another example of that. What will you do to ensure you put an end to all of this?
Ricky smiles as the rest of the reporters look at her like she is crazy.
Ricky: Yes, another great question! As I mentioned, Adonis the Adulterer has no business being in the ring. We all know this is a sham. This is not a legitimate match. However, it will give me the opportunity to do something amazing. You see, since arriving here, Lucy Huckabee Sanders and I have looked out for a lot of people. We have looked out for great American SCW superstars like Bree Lancaster, Sienna Swann, and Holly Adams. We realize they are the backbone of this promotion, much like blue collar workers are the backbone of this country. We appreciate everything they do, and as a thank you, we continue to expose Shady Sasha and this corrupt regime for everything they are trying to do to put beautiful Americans down. Our mission is to save SCW. It is a bonus that we can help great people like Bree, Sienna, and Holly in the process. Now back to this “match” with Adonis. There will be a bonus in defeating him.
A reporter cuts Ricky off.
Reporter: But if it isn’t a real match, how can you “defeat” him?
Ricky, bright red, takes a step toward the reporter before being held back by Lucy. Ricky takes a breath and continues.
Ricky: If you would just let me finish…..I was going to explain to you that defeating Adonis the Adulterer will mean much more than pinning him. Let me be clear again - this is a fake match, much like many of you are fake news. But there will still be a referee. Even if the referee is once again a Canadian agent hired by Shady Sasha, I will overcome that. I will overcome this plot and defeat Adonis the Adulterer even under Shady Sasha’s unfair communist rules. Ding Dong Adonis can barely move. I am not worried about him sneaking a foreign object into the match like Fool’s Gold, unless that object is a roast beef sandwich. As I said, there is no way he is a trained wrestler. So once again, while this “match” is a setup attempt, I still will DEFEAT Derek Adonis. But back to my original point...this means more than a victory in a record book. Much like I fight for beautiful American SCW superstars and true Americans all over the country, I will also be fighting on behalf of all women who suffer from abuse.
Ricky looks past the group of eye-rolling reporters and into the camera behind the group.
Ricky: Women of the United States of America, rest assured, I am fighting for YOU this week. This Wednesday on Breakdown, I will make sure Adonis the Adulterer can never lay his hands on another woman again.
Ricky smiles, proud of himself, as he turns his attention back to the reporters.
Ricky: Any further questions?
A reporter’s hand shoots up, which for some reason angers Ricky.
Ricky: Remember what I said, this better not be about…
Reporter: It’s not, it’s not.
Ricky: Okay. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Reporter: This actually has nothing to do with Derek Adonis. But in your last answer you again referenced a “foreign object” that was brought into your match with Jay Gold. I assume you are talking about the mask? Can you tell us what happened there?
Lucy’s jaw drops as she turns to Ricky, knowing full well what is about to happen. Ricky begins to shake uncontrollably before letting out a scream. He picks up the podium and violently throws it to the side, taking out a monitor, lights, and pipe and drape in the process. The reporters quickly scramble and start to run away. Ricky begins to charge the reporter who asked the last question, but fortunately nearby security guards are able to step in and restrain Ricky. Lucy yells out to the reporters as they are running away.
LHS: No further questions! I am Lucy Huckabee Sanders, Official Secretary of SCW, and…
Before Lucy can finish, another cameraman catches Ricky James, who had managed to temporarily break free from security, destroying the camera that was used to film the press conference. Fortunately all reporters manage to flee the scene as two police officers join the guards in taking Ricky down to the floor. Ricky can be heard screaming in Spanish while being restrained. Lucy covers up the remaining camera filming and screams at the cameraman.
LHS: WE’RE DONE HERE!