05-31-2021, 12:55 PM
06-02-2021, 10:16 PM
06-02-2021, 10:22 PM
Send in the Clown
Chapter 6: Don’t Kick Him While He’s Down
Well, here we are, another chapter… where to start?
No, I’m kidding. I know exactly where to begin. I mean, you saw me on Breakdown, didn’t you?
You know the old saying “Don’t bring your personal feelings into work” or “Leave home life at home” or whatever? Yeah, I didn’t do that.
Let me backtrack – last match I had, I had something to prove. Not to Holly Adams – god definitely not! – the day I feel like I have to justify myself to her, of all people, is the day that I sign up for ‘Life-Coaching classes’, if she even holds those.
No, in the days leading up to my title defence about two weeks ago, I won’t lie, my ego had been hurt. No, you know what? I take that back. It wasn’t my ego. Ego is when you become so arrogant that something like a loss causes you to freak out and make excuses left right and center. I didn’t make excuses when Aaron Blackbourne beat me last Rise to Greatness. I used it to push myself further and to better levels of entertainment. I didn’t run around and scream ‘foul’ or ‘unfair’ or whatever nonsense. I didn’t make excuses like a fake injury or-
Heh… listen to me. Using up all my promo material here in the story part. That’s not how it’s supposed to work, is it? I’m supposed to be standing in a dark set with a broken down circus tent or something to that effect, right?
Alright, alright… perhaps I got a little excited in trying to make my point. Or, perhaps, I am actually looking forward to the work aspect that is my job at SCW that it’s leaking into elements of my story-telling.
Regardless, I rescind my earlier statement in that my ‘ego’ was hurt in the days before my Adrenaline title defence with Holly. Tripping, quite literally, over your two feet into a waitress and having food and drink dumped on you (all my own fault, mind you) was not so much damaging my ego as it was my pride.
Yes, there is a difference. I’ve already told you what ego is – and if you need more examples, watch any other promo besides mine in the upcoming six-person tag match. Trust me, you’ll see ego. But pride…that’s something different.
Fist fights and squabbles are created by something like egos. Wars are created by pride.
Someone might be willing to beat you up over hurt ego. People have fought to the death over matters of pride.
Am I prideful? In some matters now, but I am human, so, in some matters, I am VERY much prideful. And, for all the faults I have – of course I have them, makes my success all the more amazing when I overcome them to beat my opponent – I take pride in providing for my family and for being an entertaining performer in SCW.
Yeah, not “won World title” or “Headlined RTG three times in a row” or “Won God of Wrestling Tournament” or “Grand Slam Champion”. Those are my accolades. Those are things I’m proud of but there not at the top of my list of where my pride is. As I said, being a provider for my family and being an entertainer for SCW were the two.
And up until my ‘return’ or however you want to spin it, I had failed at the first part. I had failed to provide for my family. And for years, I said nothing. I said nothing while we struggled paycheck to paycheck, with my mate, Marina, worked as a social worker and I took odd jobs where I could find them, the meager pension SCW had ‘graciously given’ me having whittled away to nothing.
But when I got to wrestle again, despite the downplaying and dismisses the management gave me, all that hatred and feelings of worthlessness went away. I wasn’t the deadbeat dad or husband anymore. I was not only a provider again, but – well have you seen me?! There hasn’t been a moment on TV now where I am not entertaining! Love me or hate me, you all pay to watch me – sure as hell isn’t to see Syren cry about the same thing over and over again or the ABC Club (yes, that’s Asher, Blondie, and Cid) – better name than A/C Blondtourage Unit… seriously?
No, I was mixing it up! Keeping you guessing while providing ACTUAL wrestling to entertain you on top of that!
And it felt damn good to be that man again. To be the person that I, when I took my ‘last bow’ back in 2017, I thought I would never be again. I thought I would never get that feeling again.
But… when I hit the dirt and felt all that food and drink spill on me – as the shock subsided – as I lay on my side on the ground in that restaurant… it was like I was back to that moment. To that defeated Shilo lying on the couch, putting on a smile for his wife and his son, but really just waiting for his son to grow up and leave and his soulmate to grow tired of his worthless ass and inevitably do so – all ending with a quiet fade away. No audience. No applause. No spotlight….
Just, ‘The end’….
…
I couldn’t go back to that. Never again. I had gotten my pride back and it was refusing to let me slip down that hole once more. So… when I fought in the Under the Big Top match, that had been my driving force. I needed to show Marina and myself that I was not simply going to return to that…that… I can’t even call that form of me a ‘person’. People move. People have hope. That Shilo had been more of a slug waiting to be squished…
But speaking of Marina... I know I’m sort of going in different directions here, but hey! You want “more the same”? Go check any of the other matches and their promos. I don’t do things ‘the same’. I tell you what is on my mind and where I go with things.
But Marina… she hadn’t been happy with me. I knew she knew something was up with my leg. She had seen prat-fall after all. But I hadn’t talked to her about it. How could I? I wouldn’t get understanding if I did. I’d get her fear and her demanding that I quit then and there. I’d get her running to the phone and calling D. – and if that bastard was willing to ‘buy into’ an act like “OOWIE! MY ANKLE HURTS!”, then he sure as hell wasn’t going to take any chances with a legitimate woman like my Marina. He would demand tests…
Tests… worse than the kinds in high-school. He would have every element of my leg tested. X-rays, muscle and balance tests…
And, here is the thing, I’ve known that old man for over a decade. He doesn’t like me. He’ll never like me. All he would need is one doctor to “advise that I don’t wrestle.” Not ‘forbid’, mind you, but just ‘In my professional opinion, wrestling is a dangerous choice for him now’ and the old man would be all over me more than his girlfriend when his Cialis/Viagra concoction finally kicked in. He’d strip me of the title, the only thing I had that was any kind of bargaining power here in SCW, and I’d be back to where I was…
Marina didn’t see that. She just saw that I was in danger. That her partner was in danger – and trust me, I’m not an idiot. I know she’s like that because she loves me. I get it. She wants me to be with her for as long as possible. She wants me to be around for our son, Memphis. But she doesn’t understand what losing my regained pride will do to me. I could lose the title tomorrow – I could work with that. I’d fight for it or another or another spot or another joke or another event or another plan – but if she took SCW away from me… If I couldn’t leave on my own terms…
She didn’t understand that she wouldn’t have a husband or soul-mate anymore…
Morbid, I know, but that was where I saw my hand going if she continued trying to be an obstacle in my way. Needless to say, we didn’t talk about this like two loving partners. Please, that would be too mature for someone like me! At least on the first go.
No, I came home from that Breakdown full of – that’s right – ego! I tossed the title down in front of Marina, told her I was fine and, thanks to me, we still had that bonus check coming for another few weeks, maybe a month if I was lucky. Afterall, I had stated to management my intention for being part of the Taking Hold of the Flame Battle Royale. How fair would it be if they forced me into two matches? They’d have to grab James Evans and make him defend his United States title! Television Title goes on the line, too! Oh I was ready to play that game if the boss tried to overwork me simply because he didn’t like me!
But, that aside, I was acting like a pompous jackass, showing off my title to my son again – he always seemed to like seeing some with that many metal plates on it. I spent the whole day playing with him, too – video games, outside, the works! Was I sore from my match with Holly? Yeah, a little. She had gotten a few good shots in, but she spent most of the match running around and making excuses, so… I think I got off lucky.
But I knew Marina hadn’t watched the match and I had used that to my advantage – tell you wouldn’t do the same thing to win an argument with your spouse. ONE PERSON tell me you wouldn’t do that and I’ll call you a lying son of a bitch!
Needless to say, at the end of the day that I had returned home and Memphis had been put to bed, I was feeling damn confident that I had made my point adamantly clear. You know that feeling you get when you ‘win an argument’? Yeah, I was feeling that. Granted, there hadn’t really been an argument with words, but it was still a matter of her stance against mine. And I clearly had won.
Right? I mean, I return from a match she thought was going to ‘kill me’, a little banged up, sure, but no more than a typical, standard match, and then I spend the day being a good dad for my kid – yeah, I had won and made her look foolish.
That sounds like I’m being a prick, but you need to understand here. This was a matter of my journey – my life, everything – in the balance. Marina only needed one hint to act and I had to make sure she didn’t have one. If that meant putting on a little show of overacting and a little rubbing it in her face to do it? Yes, I was prepared to do it! The end result: our son having more than enough money to go to whatever school he wanted to, she and I able to have more than enough money to retire on, me able to end things on my terms and walk away fully and not become that slug again? It was all worth it! The ends did justify the means in this case!
Why am I explaining all this? Because I think it’s best you understand where my head was at when Marina proved to me just how much smarter she is than me…
As I said, Memphis had been put to bed – fast asleep, sleeps like a rock, his alarm (in order to wake him up) is so loud that Marina and I can hear it in our room across the hall. I remember walking down the stairs from his room (he was on the second floor (small space as it was) while Marina and I had our room at the other end of the house.
I remember scanning the room, the place was clean – Marina having done some cleaning while I had been outside playing with Memphis. My eyes caught her in the kitchen area just ten or so steps away. She was wearing a dark-blue night gown. I could see how thin her shoulders were, part of the bones were particular noticeable as they defined her skin. She pouring herself a glass of water…
Looking back, seeing her breathing slowly, her eyes closed, opening them only to focus on me – I cannot believe that I did not see the signs. She was preparing herself.
But I was too egotistical in that moment. Too arrogant, feeling ‘safe’ that I had convinced my soulmate that I was alright and that her worries were not only unfounded, but foolish.
To quote myself in 2012… I’m untouchable
Yeah… I actually thought that in that moment. Dumb. Fucking. Shit.
“Feel like you’ve made your point?” she had asked me as I leaned up against the doorway between the family room and the kitchen, her eyes on me, almost scanning my posture and form.
I only gave a shrug as my answer.
“You were laying it on kind of thick when you gave Memphis a piggy-back ride in the backyard.” She added, turning her back to me. “Was yelling for me to ‘come look’ his idea or yours?”
I granted her a grin and decided to throw her a bone. “It was mine.” I answered. “I didn’t want you to miss the fun we were having.”
She turned back towards me, her eyes locked on me… with me knowing that she wasn’t buying that BS.
“You were trying to flaunt how lucky you were.” She stated.
“Lucky?” I laughed. “Marina, I told you that you had nothing to worry about. I told you that I knew what I was doing. I told you that I knew the match and I knew the opponent. You’re the one that continued to stress and take it out of proportions and fear the worst – how is that my fault?”
“Yes, Shilo.” She sighed, reaching up with her left hand to rub at her temples. I spotted some of her straight, brown hair shifting from her hand movement, momentarily distracting me as she continued. “You were right and I was wrong, okay? You want me to say it to you? Will that make you feel better? You were right and I was wrong.”
She had said the words – and meant them… yet I didn’t feel as good as I thought I would. Was it the tiredness in her voice? Was it the fact that she still seemed cold to me? I wasn’t sure, but her next set of words prevented me from trying to think it over.
“This time.”
A pair of words that changed the entire structure and meaning of her previous declarations and destroyed any positive emotion I felt towards her admittance to me being right. I knew, then, that if I said a word that another fight would break out between us, and, truth be told, I was too tired from the day with Memphis for another fight.
With a shake of my head and a scoff, I turned around to head to bed. I didn’t want to hear what else she wanted to say, mostly because I could guess it. Still, that didn’t stop her from grabbing my hand tightly.
“Shilo!” she urged – I can still hear the desperation in her voice… desperation that I ignored when I heard it. “I’m relieved that you’re alright. You know that right?”
She waited for me to answer, but there was no way that I was going to give her one. It was becoming clearer to me that, while I was ‘showing off my wellness’ with my son in the yard and rubbing my wife’s face in it, she had quietly been watching, planning out her own approach. Her own words and counters to my actions. Because there she was in that moment, ready to go like a damn politician about to give a prepared speech and me… with nothing prepared.
“Shilo?” she tried, but still, I gave her no answer. If I said ‘yes’, she would launch into her tirade. If I said, ‘no’, that was gonna start a while other argument that I wasn’t prepared to deal with.
I shrugged. Like a damn kid, I shrugged my shoulders!
“But just because you were safe now doesn’t mean-“
“Doesn’t mean what?” I shot back. “That there isn’t some danger in what I do? Have you forgotten that YOU were a wrestler as well, Marina?”
“Yes.” Marina sighed nodding her head as she moved around the space so she was facing me. “Which is why I am worried and why I am saying this.”
A few ticks of the clock went by as Marina’s words settled. I remained silent, which prompted her to speak again.
“It wasn’t just the Big Top match.” Marina explained. “It’s every match. Every match where you want to run around and jump out of the ring. Or your opponent wants to cheat and they use a weapon. Or you decide to do another crazy match and incorporate ladders or something- at some point…”
Her eyes were gazing at mine, staring through him. I felt vulnerable – same feeling I felt in that restaurant and I hated it in that moment as much as I hated it then. She hadn’t learned a damn thing. She still thought I couldn’t do it. She still thought I was going to get permanently hurt/damaged.
I remember biting down on my lower lip until it really hurt, though I don’t think I broke the skin with my teeth because I didn’t taste any blood.
“Honestly…” I slowly drew in a breath – maybe it was anger that was guiding the question that followed. “Do you think I am an idiot or something?”
“No.” she quickly implored. I saw her hands reach out for mine (which where at my side) and I, stupidly, backed away back into the family room.
“Really? Because I feel like you’re treating me like Memphis or something. That if I scrape my knee, it’s off to the hospital. If I sneeze because it’s cold, suddenly I need to stay in bed – hell, it’s worse than how you treat Memphis! You’re not that controlling.”
“Memphis doesn’t swing from ladders or throw himself all over the place and into cages-“
“Jesus Christ, Marina!”
I couldn’t help it. This was the opposite of what I wanted to happen. She was supposed to back off. Get the idea that I was in perfect shape. No injuries or flaws or weaknesses and that I would be alright! That’s what was supposed to happen! Why was she still on this?! Why was she still dissecting as many ‘what-ifs’ that she could conjure up?!
“I haven’t done anything dangerous or reckless since almost a year ago at the last Under the Big Top! Everything I’ve done has been methodical. Mind games. That sort of thing!”
She didn’t say anything, at least not right away. Still, my mind was racing. Because it was true. Aside from the last few weeks, I only wrestled on pay-per-views. And it wasn’t like I was running into ladder matches or whatever Marina was worried about every time. It was usually standard matches – wasn’t she seeing that I was being careful?
I shouldn’t have asked the next question. Looking back, if I hadn’t, I might have been able to walk away from this without any issue. I might have been able to just pass this off and still keep my win in this petty game. But I opened my mouth as I saw her looking away.
“Have you even watched me?” I asked. “Do you even watch Breakdown or the Pay-Per-Views?”
She wiped at something in her eye before running the same hand through her long locks of brown hair. I waited ten seconds…twenty seconds… thirty seconds – far longer than what was needed for a simple ‘yes’.
“Wow…” I slowly spoke, moving past her to pace around the family room, avoiding the table that was by the couch. I don’t know why it bothered me so much, that my lover and partner wasn’t watching me wrestle… but I have to admit, I was bothered by it. “So… you didn’t see me win the Adrenaline title and become a Supreme Champion?”
She said nothing in reply, merely keeping her eyes off me.
The hurt I had felt – I’ll happily tell you – intensified. In the year or so that I had returned to SCW, I’ll admit, I hadn’t done much. A victory over Datura, beating Aaron in that Big Top match, but other than that, there wasn’t much, which was more SCW management’s fault than my own. Beating Glory Braddock and Dylan Howell, competing at that level when no one thought I still could? It had been one of the greatest moments I had experienced – it was validation! It was revenge! It was proof!
In that moment, to see Marina before me and realizing that she had never even witnessed such an important moment for me… I don’t know, but it made it less special. It made it… incomplete?
“That bothers me far more than it should.” I admitted, turning to sit on the armrest of the lazy-boy that was close to the window.
“I tried.” She admitted. “I watched you against Datura and then again at Rise to Greatness, but seeing you hurt… it became too much…”
“And you figured, ‘outta sight, outta mind’, right?”
“I figured that if you were going to keep doing this, for your sake and for the sake of not fighting like this-“ she gestured towards us with a wave of her hand. “That I would stay away and not know. But I can’t do that now…”
“Wait a minute!” I held up my hand. “So your whole argument has been about me being foolish and doing stupid stuff in SCW…” my logic was running with the new information it had been given. “But you’ve never seen me wrestle…”
“I know how you wrestle-“
“You know how I USE to wrestle, Marina!” I countered. “You know how I USE to be! Yeah, I’ll admit, I was reckless back then. I did a lot of stupid stuff and put up with a lot of stupid things and people. But do you honestly think, for a single second, that I would just blindly pick that back up? That I would just ignore the six or seven years of straight wrestling I did and how I’m not like that anymore?”
“Shilo-“
“No.” I held up my hand to silence her. “I was humoring your arguments up to this point – and yes, I used today to make you realize that you were wrong and you didn’t know everything about me and wrestling, but now I see that is more true than I realized.”
“Just because-“ she tried again, only for me to quickly cut her off.
“No, this whole debate or whatever you want to call it is over.” I stated, putting my foot down metaphorically. “You don’t have any idea how I’ve changed my style or my ways to be safer. You have no idea how I am constantly thinking about you and Memphis when I wrestle! You’re just assuming the worst, Marina. And if you’re not even willing to listen and watch and SEE how I’m trying to be safe for you and for Memphis, then I’m done talking to you about this.”
I turned to go. I was past her and two steps towards our room when-
“What’s wrong with your knee then?”
I stopped in my tracks, my jaw clenching and every muscle and joint in my body suddenly stiff. Slowly, I turned around to face her, crossing my arms over my chest – ooo, big tough guy! Yeah, right!
“What do you mean?” I asked.
She stood about eight feet from me, her fingers interlocked with one another. She seemed determined but also apprehensive of what she had asked me.
“You know what I mean.” She replied. “If you’re right and I shouldn’t be worried about anything. If everything is going perfect and NOTHING has gone wrong for you in wrestling – why did you fall last week?”
“Last we-“
“At the restaurant.” She reminded me. Not that I needed a reminder. I could ‘phantom-smell’ the A1 sauce that had landed on my face whenever I recalled that memory.
“I-“
“Don’t say you ‘tripped’.” She pointed a finger at me, warning me not to go further. “That wasn’t a trip.”
“No…” I had to think fast, my brain running facts and scenarios in my head – trying desperately to end this before this became my nightmare and Marina found out. “No, my leg gave out.” I simply said. “I think I overdid in training that day – it was a leg day after all. So I think when I got out too fast, I hit a nerve or something and it just gave.”
She stood there silently, her eyes narrowing at me. “That’s your answer?” she asked in disbelief. “It just ‘gave’ out.”
I shrugged at that. “Would you rather it be something serious?”
“I rather you be honest with me!”
Well, being honest here, guys – it was a good thing that Memphis could sleep through a tornado duking it out with a T-rex. Because I could feel that Marina and I were seconds away from shouting every word. And let me say this as well – I WANTED to be honest with her. I wanted to tell her back at that restaurant, I wanted to tell her months ago when the problem first started and I wanted to tell her now.
But again… if this ‘conversation’ had proved nothing else, it proved that Marina wasn’t willing to truly listen and understand. She was letting her fears on the what-ifs dictate her actions… and I couldn’t let that be the reason I stopped wrestling in SCW.
“I don’t know what you want me to say, Marina.” I said simply. “My leg had a bad day cause I overworked it. It’s fine now and I’m taking it a bit easier on leg day, so…”
What happened next took only two seconds, but I want you to understand that it felt like two years at the moment, and two milliseconds looking back on it…
It started off with me taking a step towards Marina, trying to end this once and for all. Maybe it was dimly lit room or maybe because it was night and I wanted to get some sleep, but I didn’t see her move. I barely heard her step.
But I felt it.
I felt her foot as it struck downward, kicking the knee that I was stepping on… the knee with my weight on… the bad knee. It was the kick that a wrestler like Marina, even retired, could do blindfolded. The Black Swan kicked my leg out from under me, causing me to collapse to the floor!
It was over in seconds, leaving me confused as my head snapped around as I pushed myself to look up at her. “What the hell-“
“Now get up.” Marina dared. “Get up on the knee I just kicked.”
“You’re out of your mind!” I barked. “Why would you-“
“Because I know, okay!” her voice roared. “I know your knee is fucked up!”
…
I can’t fully describe to you the range of emotions I felt, lying there on my stomach, looking up at her. Shock that my wife had hit me. Fear from her words. Anger and frustration that I was in such a position. But as I lifted my head, I saw her looking down at me.
And from a guy that’s had the likes of CHBK, Shawn Winters, Xander Valentine, Jason Zero, Syren, and practically every other SCW legend or icon or superstar, I know what it’s like to be looked down upon and seen as ‘weak’ or ‘less’ or ‘a joke’…
That wasn’t Marina.
Even in the dim light of the room, I could see the tears threatening to fall from her eyes. I could see her hands shaking, and, most of all, I could see the hatred she had for herself for what she just did to me.
“Please…” she whispered, her voice shaking. “Just get up…”
With a slow breath, I didn’t even have to pray. I just pushed myself up onto a kneeling position, using the knee she had kicked and…without a word… lifted myself to a standing position, my weight on my kicked leg.
I saw the emotions running across her face. Surprise, doubt, disbelief and finally, guilt.
“Shilo…” she tried, her jaw shaking. “I didn’t…”
“Are you happy now?” I asked, lifting my arms and dropping them to my sides before walking past her. My bag for Breakdown was already at the door. The original plan was to wait until tomorrow morning to drive down to North Carolina for Breakdown, but I knew that I needed to leave now.
I didn’t look back. I didn’t think to. Even when I heard her pleading with me and calling my name – she didn’t dare reach out to touch me now. Still, I ignored her, strongly marching out of the small house – I hated how small this house was – and feeling the rain as it pelted my body. I kept walking to my car, tossing my bag in the trunk and getting in the driver’s seat, turning the engine on and refusing to look back.
I knew she was standing outside. I knew she was letting the rain soak her. I knew she was hoping I’d look up and see her there and change my mind, come rushing back into her arms and forgive her.
But I just pulled out of the drive way and drove through the streets until I was on the highway for about ten minutes. When Guelph was far enough away, I pulled over to the side of the highway and took a deep breath, my hands slowly reaching down to my track pants to roll them up over the kicked leg, almost catching the metal of the brace that held my leg in place.
My fingers softly traced over the metal holdings before I slowly unlatched it and removed it from my leg. Immediately, I felt a sharp pain grip my entire leg, not the stiff/crippling kind, but enough to remind me of what I had done.
Of how I slipped on the brace earlier this morning to hedge my bet in terms of my day of playing with Memphis. How I had kept it on by accident, simply by forgetting I was wearing it after I put Memphis to bed. How that brace was the only reason I had been able to leave the house as I had.
I hated myself as I sat there in my car, the rain drenching my vehicle as other cars passed me by. I hated this lie I was living. I hated this weakness I had. I hated the unpredictability. I hated how I was damned either way.
I heard my cellphone in my bag vibrating. No doubt a text from Marina… but like her in the driveway door, I ignored her.
I had to keep lying until I could trust her with this – until she could understand why I needed to stay in SCW. How I needed to stay as an entertainer…
So I kept driving. Driving the 13 hours needed to get to North Carolina, all the while wondering how I, and only I, could be pathetic enough to win, and also lose at the exact same time…
And just so we are clear…. Now you know why I was in a bad mood last Breakdown…
************************************************
The camera opens to a single spotlight amidst the dark. The sound of boots are heard walking, drawing closer until a figure, dressed in black pants and a blood-red t-shirt appears. The figure lifts his head, eyes on the camera as he grins that familiar grin of a jester – Shilo Valiant standing before his audience. With a clap of his hands, the room illuminates into a deranged looking dressing room for performers, with lightbulb-framed mirrors that are cracked and some bulbs broken or missing, tatters of what looked to once be elegant costumes lie hanging on wooden coat racks. The Adrenaline Champion grins brightly as he greets the audience.
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to another little corner of the Carnival of Rust! he tilts his head, giving a tip of an imaginary hat with his hand. And a fine hello to her ‘majesty’, Holly Adams!
YES! Hail to the Queen, right?! Shilo claps his hands. I mean, you heard her, did you not, people? Her coronation was set in stone! Her ‘rightful reign’ was to begin! I promised you entertainment, to be sure, but she guaranteed you that she would take the Adrenaline title and make it ‘mean something’ and, for a bonus, make me, the ‘old clown’, ‘relevant’…
The jester rubs his hands, his smile never fading. Should I bow, Holly? Oh, sorry…. Your Grace? Should I bend the knee and sing you praises? Shall I join the ranks of those that have made you ‘their favourite wrestler’?
Should I?
Or should I simply state the truth: that I am a man of my word.
The jester gives a shrug. I told you, Holly, that you had no idea what you were getting involved in. I told you that you were entering my world. I told you there would be consequences for taking things from me.
But you didn’t listen, did you? You were too busy looking for costumes and coming up with those clown jokes right? You were too busy making up jokes on Twitter about barbed-wire bra and panties, yes? You were too busy looking past me to even see me, weren’t you?
Shilo shakes his head slowly, amused. You talk a big game, Holly. No doubt about that. But, when it was all said and done, I did exactly what I said I was going to do. I fought you, I exposed you, and I left you in the ring defeated. I gave you your chance at greatness, Holly, and watched you run around the ring scared, trying to get out of the Big Top, trying to get help, trying to get someone to ‘save you’.
I’ll admit, it was amusing for me.
The Man Who Laughs chuckles a little. I mean, here you are: ‘Life Coach to the World Champions’, right? Running around like a chicken with your head cut-off. Have to admit, for all the hype you gave about beating me and winning your first title, I figured you’d have put more of an effort into it.
Don’t get me wrong, you got a few good shots in…phew… The jester rolls his shoulder a little, his smile staying as he gives a wink to the camera. But a few good shots isn’t enough to take that title from me. And that’s something that I was glad to teach you, and something everyone in the back is going to need to learn really quick.
With a snap of his fingers, the Adrenaline title appears in the same hand, as if conjured up. The showman holds it in front of the camera. I am the longest current champion in SCW. While everyone else couldn’t seem to hold their titles longer than a defence, I have lasted nearly five months as the Adrenaline champion. So for the next person, let Holly’s fate be a lesson to you that there are consequences when you deal with me and, whether you like it or not, this title is going to remain with me for as long as it entertains me.
Carefully, Shilo hangs the title on one of the wooden coat racks before returning his attention back to the camera. And I hope that, unlike my last challenger, whomever I take on next will appreciate what I do for this title and for them.
That’s something about you, Holly, that still rubs me the wrong way. the smile fades from Shilo’s face, leaving a rather stern expression. See, Holly, we all knew you were faking that little ‘ankle injury’ of yours. Harsh truth here: You’re not a good actor, whether it’s on Breakdown or your little tv-shows. And here’s the thing: at Careful What You Wish For? I had every right to just have you forfeit the match. Why not? After weeks of you demanding I be stripped of the title and the belt just be handed over to you, it would have been poetic justice to have your shot handed over to me and have me declared the winner in such a fashion. Don’t you agree?
Shilo shakes his head a little. But I didn’t do that, Holly. I decided to humor you. I decided to be an entertaining and gracious champion and give the people the match and entertainment you denied them and give you another chance at my title.
I gave you that, Holly. Not only that, I gave you THE match that is linked to my name. I put you on the top of the card for Breakdown. I handed you the match that would make your career.
But did I get a thank you? Did I get any appreciation for my generosity?
The showman runs a hand along his medium-length hair. No. See, Holly, it’s funny how you, one second declare victory like it’s a forgone conclusion and the second you’re proven wrong, you cower away and make excuses. “It wasn’t unfair!”, “I wasn’t ready!”, “Shilo cheated!”. Do you even listen to yourself? You HAD your chance at a standard match – you failed to show up, so I upped the ante to MAKE you show up. I gave you more than you deserved and you still want to whine and bitch about ‘fairness’ while you’re attacking housewives and beating people down with titles?
That what a ‘Queen’ does, Holly? That what you do?
Slowly, a smile returns to Shilo’s face.
But I’ll tell you what I am going to do, Holly. Once again, I am going to humor you. I am going to humor your little rants and whines. You say facing me one-on-one without the chance of Asher getting involved was ‘unfair’? Okay… well that’s why I can love tonight.
See, SCW Management has seen fit to give us another go around. And if we want to discuss ‘fair’? Well… how could it get any more fair?
After all, Holly, you have an alcoholic, perverted miscreant and I have an alcoholic, perverted miscreant.
You have a silent piece of ‘eye-candy’ and I have a, mostly, silent piece of eye-candy.
You have titles on your side and I… well, you know.
He gestures towards the Adrenaline title still hanging on the rack.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, for the first time in… I’ve lost track of how long it’s been… Shilo Valiant will return to tag-team wrestling!
Shocking, isn’t it? But, before you get TOO excited, people, and rush to your video-making on YouTube to begin rumors and predictions, my partners do not include the likes of Masquerade – thank god! – Thirteen or any of the other members of the House of Ruin. he shrugs.
Rather, while Holly, you are captaining the biggest reason for a PSA from M.A.D.D during Breakdown, I have Ace Marshall and Autumn Valentine, also called “Lexy’s Angels”, which I am sure Ace is thrilled about because it sounds like the name of a pair of strippers.
Now, you know as well as I do, Holly, that there is no love-lost between Ace Marshall and myself. Bit of history there and… let’s face it, I don’t really like him. Just another person trying to steal my schtick about being ‘entertaining’ – a cheap knockoff if I’m completely honest. But be that as it may, Holly, you have to admit, when he’s motivated, he can do a halfway decent job at whatever he is told to do – I’m sure you, of all people, know that about him.
And for tonight, Holly, I’ve told him exactly what I want to do. I want him to enjoy his time with Autumn dealing with the Golden Boys. Get some momentum going, get ready for their title shot coming up at the Pay-Per-View! I told him to have his fun, sure enough. Unlike you, ‘Life-Coach’, I also can keep my team in check.
Because, while this match can and will be fun and entertaining, there is some business that needs to conclude. Specifically, between you and me.
Shilo’s eyes narrow. As I said before, you owe me. You owe me for keeping your ‘title dreams’ alive a little longer. You owe me for giving you all that I did. You owe me keeping you in MY spotlight WAY longer than I should have and way longer than you deserved to be. So, while your partners are running around, drinking, and nursing their hangovers with more drinking? My ‘borrowed angels’ and I are going to be having an entertaining time picking you and your ‘team’ apart.
And I’ll give you a little spoiler, Holly. At some point, you won’t know when (cause where’s the fun in that?), I am going to lock you in a hold that had even Ace Marshall pissing his pants. And I’m not going to let go of you until I hear those two words come out of your mouth.
“Thank you…”
His grin returns, but it is far darker than before. You are going to thank me, Holly. You are going to thank me over and over again until I am satisfied or I will take your… sudden silence… as your gratitude. Far more believable than your client’s delusions.
So, once more, Holly, I am going to give you – and also the Golden Boys – a little bit of my spotlight. I am going to bring this ‘champion showcase’ the spotlight that the main event of Breakdown deserves. I will, like I did last time, bring you into my entertaining world. I will, just like last time, give you the harsh blast of reality that you still refuse to accept…
Head tilting down, Shilo’s look becomes even more sinister.
And just like last time, Holly… you will… Make Me Laugh!
Shilo’s laugh is heard, echoing in the twisted room as everything slowly fades to black.
Chapter 6: Don’t Kick Him While He’s Down
Well, here we are, another chapter… where to start?
No, I’m kidding. I know exactly where to begin. I mean, you saw me on Breakdown, didn’t you?
You know the old saying “Don’t bring your personal feelings into work” or “Leave home life at home” or whatever? Yeah, I didn’t do that.
Let me backtrack – last match I had, I had something to prove. Not to Holly Adams – god definitely not! – the day I feel like I have to justify myself to her, of all people, is the day that I sign up for ‘Life-Coaching classes’, if she even holds those.
No, in the days leading up to my title defence about two weeks ago, I won’t lie, my ego had been hurt. No, you know what? I take that back. It wasn’t my ego. Ego is when you become so arrogant that something like a loss causes you to freak out and make excuses left right and center. I didn’t make excuses when Aaron Blackbourne beat me last Rise to Greatness. I used it to push myself further and to better levels of entertainment. I didn’t run around and scream ‘foul’ or ‘unfair’ or whatever nonsense. I didn’t make excuses like a fake injury or-
Heh… listen to me. Using up all my promo material here in the story part. That’s not how it’s supposed to work, is it? I’m supposed to be standing in a dark set with a broken down circus tent or something to that effect, right?
Alright, alright… perhaps I got a little excited in trying to make my point. Or, perhaps, I am actually looking forward to the work aspect that is my job at SCW that it’s leaking into elements of my story-telling.
Regardless, I rescind my earlier statement in that my ‘ego’ was hurt in the days before my Adrenaline title defence with Holly. Tripping, quite literally, over your two feet into a waitress and having food and drink dumped on you (all my own fault, mind you) was not so much damaging my ego as it was my pride.
Yes, there is a difference. I’ve already told you what ego is – and if you need more examples, watch any other promo besides mine in the upcoming six-person tag match. Trust me, you’ll see ego. But pride…that’s something different.
Fist fights and squabbles are created by something like egos. Wars are created by pride.
Someone might be willing to beat you up over hurt ego. People have fought to the death over matters of pride.
Am I prideful? In some matters now, but I am human, so, in some matters, I am VERY much prideful. And, for all the faults I have – of course I have them, makes my success all the more amazing when I overcome them to beat my opponent – I take pride in providing for my family and for being an entertaining performer in SCW.
Yeah, not “won World title” or “Headlined RTG three times in a row” or “Won God of Wrestling Tournament” or “Grand Slam Champion”. Those are my accolades. Those are things I’m proud of but there not at the top of my list of where my pride is. As I said, being a provider for my family and being an entertainer for SCW were the two.
And up until my ‘return’ or however you want to spin it, I had failed at the first part. I had failed to provide for my family. And for years, I said nothing. I said nothing while we struggled paycheck to paycheck, with my mate, Marina, worked as a social worker and I took odd jobs where I could find them, the meager pension SCW had ‘graciously given’ me having whittled away to nothing.
But when I got to wrestle again, despite the downplaying and dismisses the management gave me, all that hatred and feelings of worthlessness went away. I wasn’t the deadbeat dad or husband anymore. I was not only a provider again, but – well have you seen me?! There hasn’t been a moment on TV now where I am not entertaining! Love me or hate me, you all pay to watch me – sure as hell isn’t to see Syren cry about the same thing over and over again or the ABC Club (yes, that’s Asher, Blondie, and Cid) – better name than A/C Blondtourage Unit… seriously?
No, I was mixing it up! Keeping you guessing while providing ACTUAL wrestling to entertain you on top of that!
And it felt damn good to be that man again. To be the person that I, when I took my ‘last bow’ back in 2017, I thought I would never be again. I thought I would never get that feeling again.
But… when I hit the dirt and felt all that food and drink spill on me – as the shock subsided – as I lay on my side on the ground in that restaurant… it was like I was back to that moment. To that defeated Shilo lying on the couch, putting on a smile for his wife and his son, but really just waiting for his son to grow up and leave and his soulmate to grow tired of his worthless ass and inevitably do so – all ending with a quiet fade away. No audience. No applause. No spotlight….
Just, ‘The end’….
…
I couldn’t go back to that. Never again. I had gotten my pride back and it was refusing to let me slip down that hole once more. So… when I fought in the Under the Big Top match, that had been my driving force. I needed to show Marina and myself that I was not simply going to return to that…that… I can’t even call that form of me a ‘person’. People move. People have hope. That Shilo had been more of a slug waiting to be squished…
But speaking of Marina... I know I’m sort of going in different directions here, but hey! You want “more the same”? Go check any of the other matches and their promos. I don’t do things ‘the same’. I tell you what is on my mind and where I go with things.
But Marina… she hadn’t been happy with me. I knew she knew something was up with my leg. She had seen prat-fall after all. But I hadn’t talked to her about it. How could I? I wouldn’t get understanding if I did. I’d get her fear and her demanding that I quit then and there. I’d get her running to the phone and calling D. – and if that bastard was willing to ‘buy into’ an act like “OOWIE! MY ANKLE HURTS!”, then he sure as hell wasn’t going to take any chances with a legitimate woman like my Marina. He would demand tests…
Tests… worse than the kinds in high-school. He would have every element of my leg tested. X-rays, muscle and balance tests…
And, here is the thing, I’ve known that old man for over a decade. He doesn’t like me. He’ll never like me. All he would need is one doctor to “advise that I don’t wrestle.” Not ‘forbid’, mind you, but just ‘In my professional opinion, wrestling is a dangerous choice for him now’ and the old man would be all over me more than his girlfriend when his Cialis/Viagra concoction finally kicked in. He’d strip me of the title, the only thing I had that was any kind of bargaining power here in SCW, and I’d be back to where I was…
Marina didn’t see that. She just saw that I was in danger. That her partner was in danger – and trust me, I’m not an idiot. I know she’s like that because she loves me. I get it. She wants me to be with her for as long as possible. She wants me to be around for our son, Memphis. But she doesn’t understand what losing my regained pride will do to me. I could lose the title tomorrow – I could work with that. I’d fight for it or another or another spot or another joke or another event or another plan – but if she took SCW away from me… If I couldn’t leave on my own terms…
She didn’t understand that she wouldn’t have a husband or soul-mate anymore…
Morbid, I know, but that was where I saw my hand going if she continued trying to be an obstacle in my way. Needless to say, we didn’t talk about this like two loving partners. Please, that would be too mature for someone like me! At least on the first go.
No, I came home from that Breakdown full of – that’s right – ego! I tossed the title down in front of Marina, told her I was fine and, thanks to me, we still had that bonus check coming for another few weeks, maybe a month if I was lucky. Afterall, I had stated to management my intention for being part of the Taking Hold of the Flame Battle Royale. How fair would it be if they forced me into two matches? They’d have to grab James Evans and make him defend his United States title! Television Title goes on the line, too! Oh I was ready to play that game if the boss tried to overwork me simply because he didn’t like me!
But, that aside, I was acting like a pompous jackass, showing off my title to my son again – he always seemed to like seeing some with that many metal plates on it. I spent the whole day playing with him, too – video games, outside, the works! Was I sore from my match with Holly? Yeah, a little. She had gotten a few good shots in, but she spent most of the match running around and making excuses, so… I think I got off lucky.
But I knew Marina hadn’t watched the match and I had used that to my advantage – tell you wouldn’t do the same thing to win an argument with your spouse. ONE PERSON tell me you wouldn’t do that and I’ll call you a lying son of a bitch!
Needless to say, at the end of the day that I had returned home and Memphis had been put to bed, I was feeling damn confident that I had made my point adamantly clear. You know that feeling you get when you ‘win an argument’? Yeah, I was feeling that. Granted, there hadn’t really been an argument with words, but it was still a matter of her stance against mine. And I clearly had won.
Right? I mean, I return from a match she thought was going to ‘kill me’, a little banged up, sure, but no more than a typical, standard match, and then I spend the day being a good dad for my kid – yeah, I had won and made her look foolish.
That sounds like I’m being a prick, but you need to understand here. This was a matter of my journey – my life, everything – in the balance. Marina only needed one hint to act and I had to make sure she didn’t have one. If that meant putting on a little show of overacting and a little rubbing it in her face to do it? Yes, I was prepared to do it! The end result: our son having more than enough money to go to whatever school he wanted to, she and I able to have more than enough money to retire on, me able to end things on my terms and walk away fully and not become that slug again? It was all worth it! The ends did justify the means in this case!
Why am I explaining all this? Because I think it’s best you understand where my head was at when Marina proved to me just how much smarter she is than me…
As I said, Memphis had been put to bed – fast asleep, sleeps like a rock, his alarm (in order to wake him up) is so loud that Marina and I can hear it in our room across the hall. I remember walking down the stairs from his room (he was on the second floor (small space as it was) while Marina and I had our room at the other end of the house.
I remember scanning the room, the place was clean – Marina having done some cleaning while I had been outside playing with Memphis. My eyes caught her in the kitchen area just ten or so steps away. She was wearing a dark-blue night gown. I could see how thin her shoulders were, part of the bones were particular noticeable as they defined her skin. She pouring herself a glass of water…
Looking back, seeing her breathing slowly, her eyes closed, opening them only to focus on me – I cannot believe that I did not see the signs. She was preparing herself.
But I was too egotistical in that moment. Too arrogant, feeling ‘safe’ that I had convinced my soulmate that I was alright and that her worries were not only unfounded, but foolish.
To quote myself in 2012… I’m untouchable
Yeah… I actually thought that in that moment. Dumb. Fucking. Shit.
“Feel like you’ve made your point?” she had asked me as I leaned up against the doorway between the family room and the kitchen, her eyes on me, almost scanning my posture and form.
I only gave a shrug as my answer.
“You were laying it on kind of thick when you gave Memphis a piggy-back ride in the backyard.” She added, turning her back to me. “Was yelling for me to ‘come look’ his idea or yours?”
I granted her a grin and decided to throw her a bone. “It was mine.” I answered. “I didn’t want you to miss the fun we were having.”
She turned back towards me, her eyes locked on me… with me knowing that she wasn’t buying that BS.
“You were trying to flaunt how lucky you were.” She stated.
“Lucky?” I laughed. “Marina, I told you that you had nothing to worry about. I told you that I knew what I was doing. I told you that I knew the match and I knew the opponent. You’re the one that continued to stress and take it out of proportions and fear the worst – how is that my fault?”
“Yes, Shilo.” She sighed, reaching up with her left hand to rub at her temples. I spotted some of her straight, brown hair shifting from her hand movement, momentarily distracting me as she continued. “You were right and I was wrong, okay? You want me to say it to you? Will that make you feel better? You were right and I was wrong.”
She had said the words – and meant them… yet I didn’t feel as good as I thought I would. Was it the tiredness in her voice? Was it the fact that she still seemed cold to me? I wasn’t sure, but her next set of words prevented me from trying to think it over.
“This time.”
A pair of words that changed the entire structure and meaning of her previous declarations and destroyed any positive emotion I felt towards her admittance to me being right. I knew, then, that if I said a word that another fight would break out between us, and, truth be told, I was too tired from the day with Memphis for another fight.
With a shake of my head and a scoff, I turned around to head to bed. I didn’t want to hear what else she wanted to say, mostly because I could guess it. Still, that didn’t stop her from grabbing my hand tightly.
“Shilo!” she urged – I can still hear the desperation in her voice… desperation that I ignored when I heard it. “I’m relieved that you’re alright. You know that right?”
She waited for me to answer, but there was no way that I was going to give her one. It was becoming clearer to me that, while I was ‘showing off my wellness’ with my son in the yard and rubbing my wife’s face in it, she had quietly been watching, planning out her own approach. Her own words and counters to my actions. Because there she was in that moment, ready to go like a damn politician about to give a prepared speech and me… with nothing prepared.
“Shilo?” she tried, but still, I gave her no answer. If I said ‘yes’, she would launch into her tirade. If I said, ‘no’, that was gonna start a while other argument that I wasn’t prepared to deal with.
I shrugged. Like a damn kid, I shrugged my shoulders!
“But just because you were safe now doesn’t mean-“
“Doesn’t mean what?” I shot back. “That there isn’t some danger in what I do? Have you forgotten that YOU were a wrestler as well, Marina?”
“Yes.” Marina sighed nodding her head as she moved around the space so she was facing me. “Which is why I am worried and why I am saying this.”
A few ticks of the clock went by as Marina’s words settled. I remained silent, which prompted her to speak again.
“It wasn’t just the Big Top match.” Marina explained. “It’s every match. Every match where you want to run around and jump out of the ring. Or your opponent wants to cheat and they use a weapon. Or you decide to do another crazy match and incorporate ladders or something- at some point…”
Her eyes were gazing at mine, staring through him. I felt vulnerable – same feeling I felt in that restaurant and I hated it in that moment as much as I hated it then. She hadn’t learned a damn thing. She still thought I couldn’t do it. She still thought I was going to get permanently hurt/damaged.
I remember biting down on my lower lip until it really hurt, though I don’t think I broke the skin with my teeth because I didn’t taste any blood.
“Honestly…” I slowly drew in a breath – maybe it was anger that was guiding the question that followed. “Do you think I am an idiot or something?”
“No.” she quickly implored. I saw her hands reach out for mine (which where at my side) and I, stupidly, backed away back into the family room.
“Really? Because I feel like you’re treating me like Memphis or something. That if I scrape my knee, it’s off to the hospital. If I sneeze because it’s cold, suddenly I need to stay in bed – hell, it’s worse than how you treat Memphis! You’re not that controlling.”
“Memphis doesn’t swing from ladders or throw himself all over the place and into cages-“
“Jesus Christ, Marina!”
I couldn’t help it. This was the opposite of what I wanted to happen. She was supposed to back off. Get the idea that I was in perfect shape. No injuries or flaws or weaknesses and that I would be alright! That’s what was supposed to happen! Why was she still on this?! Why was she still dissecting as many ‘what-ifs’ that she could conjure up?!
“I haven’t done anything dangerous or reckless since almost a year ago at the last Under the Big Top! Everything I’ve done has been methodical. Mind games. That sort of thing!”
She didn’t say anything, at least not right away. Still, my mind was racing. Because it was true. Aside from the last few weeks, I only wrestled on pay-per-views. And it wasn’t like I was running into ladder matches or whatever Marina was worried about every time. It was usually standard matches – wasn’t she seeing that I was being careful?
I shouldn’t have asked the next question. Looking back, if I hadn’t, I might have been able to walk away from this without any issue. I might have been able to just pass this off and still keep my win in this petty game. But I opened my mouth as I saw her looking away.
“Have you even watched me?” I asked. “Do you even watch Breakdown or the Pay-Per-Views?”
She wiped at something in her eye before running the same hand through her long locks of brown hair. I waited ten seconds…twenty seconds… thirty seconds – far longer than what was needed for a simple ‘yes’.
“Wow…” I slowly spoke, moving past her to pace around the family room, avoiding the table that was by the couch. I don’t know why it bothered me so much, that my lover and partner wasn’t watching me wrestle… but I have to admit, I was bothered by it. “So… you didn’t see me win the Adrenaline title and become a Supreme Champion?”
She said nothing in reply, merely keeping her eyes off me.
The hurt I had felt – I’ll happily tell you – intensified. In the year or so that I had returned to SCW, I’ll admit, I hadn’t done much. A victory over Datura, beating Aaron in that Big Top match, but other than that, there wasn’t much, which was more SCW management’s fault than my own. Beating Glory Braddock and Dylan Howell, competing at that level when no one thought I still could? It had been one of the greatest moments I had experienced – it was validation! It was revenge! It was proof!
In that moment, to see Marina before me and realizing that she had never even witnessed such an important moment for me… I don’t know, but it made it less special. It made it… incomplete?
“That bothers me far more than it should.” I admitted, turning to sit on the armrest of the lazy-boy that was close to the window.
“I tried.” She admitted. “I watched you against Datura and then again at Rise to Greatness, but seeing you hurt… it became too much…”
“And you figured, ‘outta sight, outta mind’, right?”
“I figured that if you were going to keep doing this, for your sake and for the sake of not fighting like this-“ she gestured towards us with a wave of her hand. “That I would stay away and not know. But I can’t do that now…”
“Wait a minute!” I held up my hand. “So your whole argument has been about me being foolish and doing stupid stuff in SCW…” my logic was running with the new information it had been given. “But you’ve never seen me wrestle…”
“I know how you wrestle-“
“You know how I USE to wrestle, Marina!” I countered. “You know how I USE to be! Yeah, I’ll admit, I was reckless back then. I did a lot of stupid stuff and put up with a lot of stupid things and people. But do you honestly think, for a single second, that I would just blindly pick that back up? That I would just ignore the six or seven years of straight wrestling I did and how I’m not like that anymore?”
“Shilo-“
“No.” I held up my hand to silence her. “I was humoring your arguments up to this point – and yes, I used today to make you realize that you were wrong and you didn’t know everything about me and wrestling, but now I see that is more true than I realized.”
“Just because-“ she tried again, only for me to quickly cut her off.
“No, this whole debate or whatever you want to call it is over.” I stated, putting my foot down metaphorically. “You don’t have any idea how I’ve changed my style or my ways to be safer. You have no idea how I am constantly thinking about you and Memphis when I wrestle! You’re just assuming the worst, Marina. And if you’re not even willing to listen and watch and SEE how I’m trying to be safe for you and for Memphis, then I’m done talking to you about this.”
I turned to go. I was past her and two steps towards our room when-
“What’s wrong with your knee then?”
I stopped in my tracks, my jaw clenching and every muscle and joint in my body suddenly stiff. Slowly, I turned around to face her, crossing my arms over my chest – ooo, big tough guy! Yeah, right!
“What do you mean?” I asked.
She stood about eight feet from me, her fingers interlocked with one another. She seemed determined but also apprehensive of what she had asked me.
“You know what I mean.” She replied. “If you’re right and I shouldn’t be worried about anything. If everything is going perfect and NOTHING has gone wrong for you in wrestling – why did you fall last week?”
“Last we-“
“At the restaurant.” She reminded me. Not that I needed a reminder. I could ‘phantom-smell’ the A1 sauce that had landed on my face whenever I recalled that memory.
“I-“
“Don’t say you ‘tripped’.” She pointed a finger at me, warning me not to go further. “That wasn’t a trip.”
“No…” I had to think fast, my brain running facts and scenarios in my head – trying desperately to end this before this became my nightmare and Marina found out. “No, my leg gave out.” I simply said. “I think I overdid in training that day – it was a leg day after all. So I think when I got out too fast, I hit a nerve or something and it just gave.”
She stood there silently, her eyes narrowing at me. “That’s your answer?” she asked in disbelief. “It just ‘gave’ out.”
I shrugged at that. “Would you rather it be something serious?”
“I rather you be honest with me!”
Well, being honest here, guys – it was a good thing that Memphis could sleep through a tornado duking it out with a T-rex. Because I could feel that Marina and I were seconds away from shouting every word. And let me say this as well – I WANTED to be honest with her. I wanted to tell her back at that restaurant, I wanted to tell her months ago when the problem first started and I wanted to tell her now.
But again… if this ‘conversation’ had proved nothing else, it proved that Marina wasn’t willing to truly listen and understand. She was letting her fears on the what-ifs dictate her actions… and I couldn’t let that be the reason I stopped wrestling in SCW.
“I don’t know what you want me to say, Marina.” I said simply. “My leg had a bad day cause I overworked it. It’s fine now and I’m taking it a bit easier on leg day, so…”
What happened next took only two seconds, but I want you to understand that it felt like two years at the moment, and two milliseconds looking back on it…
It started off with me taking a step towards Marina, trying to end this once and for all. Maybe it was dimly lit room or maybe because it was night and I wanted to get some sleep, but I didn’t see her move. I barely heard her step.
But I felt it.
I felt her foot as it struck downward, kicking the knee that I was stepping on… the knee with my weight on… the bad knee. It was the kick that a wrestler like Marina, even retired, could do blindfolded. The Black Swan kicked my leg out from under me, causing me to collapse to the floor!
It was over in seconds, leaving me confused as my head snapped around as I pushed myself to look up at her. “What the hell-“
“Now get up.” Marina dared. “Get up on the knee I just kicked.”
“You’re out of your mind!” I barked. “Why would you-“
“Because I know, okay!” her voice roared. “I know your knee is fucked up!”
…
I can’t fully describe to you the range of emotions I felt, lying there on my stomach, looking up at her. Shock that my wife had hit me. Fear from her words. Anger and frustration that I was in such a position. But as I lifted my head, I saw her looking down at me.
And from a guy that’s had the likes of CHBK, Shawn Winters, Xander Valentine, Jason Zero, Syren, and practically every other SCW legend or icon or superstar, I know what it’s like to be looked down upon and seen as ‘weak’ or ‘less’ or ‘a joke’…
That wasn’t Marina.
Even in the dim light of the room, I could see the tears threatening to fall from her eyes. I could see her hands shaking, and, most of all, I could see the hatred she had for herself for what she just did to me.
“Please…” she whispered, her voice shaking. “Just get up…”
With a slow breath, I didn’t even have to pray. I just pushed myself up onto a kneeling position, using the knee she had kicked and…without a word… lifted myself to a standing position, my weight on my kicked leg.
I saw the emotions running across her face. Surprise, doubt, disbelief and finally, guilt.
“Shilo…” she tried, her jaw shaking. “I didn’t…”
“Are you happy now?” I asked, lifting my arms and dropping them to my sides before walking past her. My bag for Breakdown was already at the door. The original plan was to wait until tomorrow morning to drive down to North Carolina for Breakdown, but I knew that I needed to leave now.
I didn’t look back. I didn’t think to. Even when I heard her pleading with me and calling my name – she didn’t dare reach out to touch me now. Still, I ignored her, strongly marching out of the small house – I hated how small this house was – and feeling the rain as it pelted my body. I kept walking to my car, tossing my bag in the trunk and getting in the driver’s seat, turning the engine on and refusing to look back.
I knew she was standing outside. I knew she was letting the rain soak her. I knew she was hoping I’d look up and see her there and change my mind, come rushing back into her arms and forgive her.
But I just pulled out of the drive way and drove through the streets until I was on the highway for about ten minutes. When Guelph was far enough away, I pulled over to the side of the highway and took a deep breath, my hands slowly reaching down to my track pants to roll them up over the kicked leg, almost catching the metal of the brace that held my leg in place.
My fingers softly traced over the metal holdings before I slowly unlatched it and removed it from my leg. Immediately, I felt a sharp pain grip my entire leg, not the stiff/crippling kind, but enough to remind me of what I had done.
Of how I slipped on the brace earlier this morning to hedge my bet in terms of my day of playing with Memphis. How I had kept it on by accident, simply by forgetting I was wearing it after I put Memphis to bed. How that brace was the only reason I had been able to leave the house as I had.
I hated myself as I sat there in my car, the rain drenching my vehicle as other cars passed me by. I hated this lie I was living. I hated this weakness I had. I hated the unpredictability. I hated how I was damned either way.
I heard my cellphone in my bag vibrating. No doubt a text from Marina… but like her in the driveway door, I ignored her.
I had to keep lying until I could trust her with this – until she could understand why I needed to stay in SCW. How I needed to stay as an entertainer…
So I kept driving. Driving the 13 hours needed to get to North Carolina, all the while wondering how I, and only I, could be pathetic enough to win, and also lose at the exact same time…
And just so we are clear…. Now you know why I was in a bad mood last Breakdown…
************************************************
The camera opens to a single spotlight amidst the dark. The sound of boots are heard walking, drawing closer until a figure, dressed in black pants and a blood-red t-shirt appears. The figure lifts his head, eyes on the camera as he grins that familiar grin of a jester – Shilo Valiant standing before his audience. With a clap of his hands, the room illuminates into a deranged looking dressing room for performers, with lightbulb-framed mirrors that are cracked and some bulbs broken or missing, tatters of what looked to once be elegant costumes lie hanging on wooden coat racks. The Adrenaline Champion grins brightly as he greets the audience.
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to another little corner of the Carnival of Rust! he tilts his head, giving a tip of an imaginary hat with his hand. And a fine hello to her ‘majesty’, Holly Adams!
YES! Hail to the Queen, right?! Shilo claps his hands. I mean, you heard her, did you not, people? Her coronation was set in stone! Her ‘rightful reign’ was to begin! I promised you entertainment, to be sure, but she guaranteed you that she would take the Adrenaline title and make it ‘mean something’ and, for a bonus, make me, the ‘old clown’, ‘relevant’…
The jester rubs his hands, his smile never fading. Should I bow, Holly? Oh, sorry…. Your Grace? Should I bend the knee and sing you praises? Shall I join the ranks of those that have made you ‘their favourite wrestler’?
Should I?
Or should I simply state the truth: that I am a man of my word.
The jester gives a shrug. I told you, Holly, that you had no idea what you were getting involved in. I told you that you were entering my world. I told you there would be consequences for taking things from me.
But you didn’t listen, did you? You were too busy looking for costumes and coming up with those clown jokes right? You were too busy making up jokes on Twitter about barbed-wire bra and panties, yes? You were too busy looking past me to even see me, weren’t you?
Shilo shakes his head slowly, amused. You talk a big game, Holly. No doubt about that. But, when it was all said and done, I did exactly what I said I was going to do. I fought you, I exposed you, and I left you in the ring defeated. I gave you your chance at greatness, Holly, and watched you run around the ring scared, trying to get out of the Big Top, trying to get help, trying to get someone to ‘save you’.
I’ll admit, it was amusing for me.
The Man Who Laughs chuckles a little. I mean, here you are: ‘Life Coach to the World Champions’, right? Running around like a chicken with your head cut-off. Have to admit, for all the hype you gave about beating me and winning your first title, I figured you’d have put more of an effort into it.
Don’t get me wrong, you got a few good shots in…phew… The jester rolls his shoulder a little, his smile staying as he gives a wink to the camera. But a few good shots isn’t enough to take that title from me. And that’s something that I was glad to teach you, and something everyone in the back is going to need to learn really quick.
With a snap of his fingers, the Adrenaline title appears in the same hand, as if conjured up. The showman holds it in front of the camera. I am the longest current champion in SCW. While everyone else couldn’t seem to hold their titles longer than a defence, I have lasted nearly five months as the Adrenaline champion. So for the next person, let Holly’s fate be a lesson to you that there are consequences when you deal with me and, whether you like it or not, this title is going to remain with me for as long as it entertains me.
Carefully, Shilo hangs the title on one of the wooden coat racks before returning his attention back to the camera. And I hope that, unlike my last challenger, whomever I take on next will appreciate what I do for this title and for them.
That’s something about you, Holly, that still rubs me the wrong way. the smile fades from Shilo’s face, leaving a rather stern expression. See, Holly, we all knew you were faking that little ‘ankle injury’ of yours. Harsh truth here: You’re not a good actor, whether it’s on Breakdown or your little tv-shows. And here’s the thing: at Careful What You Wish For? I had every right to just have you forfeit the match. Why not? After weeks of you demanding I be stripped of the title and the belt just be handed over to you, it would have been poetic justice to have your shot handed over to me and have me declared the winner in such a fashion. Don’t you agree?
Shilo shakes his head a little. But I didn’t do that, Holly. I decided to humor you. I decided to be an entertaining and gracious champion and give the people the match and entertainment you denied them and give you another chance at my title.
I gave you that, Holly. Not only that, I gave you THE match that is linked to my name. I put you on the top of the card for Breakdown. I handed you the match that would make your career.
But did I get a thank you? Did I get any appreciation for my generosity?
The showman runs a hand along his medium-length hair. No. See, Holly, it’s funny how you, one second declare victory like it’s a forgone conclusion and the second you’re proven wrong, you cower away and make excuses. “It wasn’t unfair!”, “I wasn’t ready!”, “Shilo cheated!”. Do you even listen to yourself? You HAD your chance at a standard match – you failed to show up, so I upped the ante to MAKE you show up. I gave you more than you deserved and you still want to whine and bitch about ‘fairness’ while you’re attacking housewives and beating people down with titles?
That what a ‘Queen’ does, Holly? That what you do?
Slowly, a smile returns to Shilo’s face.
But I’ll tell you what I am going to do, Holly. Once again, I am going to humor you. I am going to humor your little rants and whines. You say facing me one-on-one without the chance of Asher getting involved was ‘unfair’? Okay… well that’s why I can love tonight.
See, SCW Management has seen fit to give us another go around. And if we want to discuss ‘fair’? Well… how could it get any more fair?
After all, Holly, you have an alcoholic, perverted miscreant and I have an alcoholic, perverted miscreant.
You have a silent piece of ‘eye-candy’ and I have a, mostly, silent piece of eye-candy.
You have titles on your side and I… well, you know.
He gestures towards the Adrenaline title still hanging on the rack.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, for the first time in… I’ve lost track of how long it’s been… Shilo Valiant will return to tag-team wrestling!
Shocking, isn’t it? But, before you get TOO excited, people, and rush to your video-making on YouTube to begin rumors and predictions, my partners do not include the likes of Masquerade – thank god! – Thirteen or any of the other members of the House of Ruin. he shrugs.
Rather, while Holly, you are captaining the biggest reason for a PSA from M.A.D.D during Breakdown, I have Ace Marshall and Autumn Valentine, also called “Lexy’s Angels”, which I am sure Ace is thrilled about because it sounds like the name of a pair of strippers.
Now, you know as well as I do, Holly, that there is no love-lost between Ace Marshall and myself. Bit of history there and… let’s face it, I don’t really like him. Just another person trying to steal my schtick about being ‘entertaining’ – a cheap knockoff if I’m completely honest. But be that as it may, Holly, you have to admit, when he’s motivated, he can do a halfway decent job at whatever he is told to do – I’m sure you, of all people, know that about him.
And for tonight, Holly, I’ve told him exactly what I want to do. I want him to enjoy his time with Autumn dealing with the Golden Boys. Get some momentum going, get ready for their title shot coming up at the Pay-Per-View! I told him to have his fun, sure enough. Unlike you, ‘Life-Coach’, I also can keep my team in check.
Because, while this match can and will be fun and entertaining, there is some business that needs to conclude. Specifically, between you and me.
Shilo’s eyes narrow. As I said before, you owe me. You owe me for keeping your ‘title dreams’ alive a little longer. You owe me for giving you all that I did. You owe me keeping you in MY spotlight WAY longer than I should have and way longer than you deserved to be. So, while your partners are running around, drinking, and nursing their hangovers with more drinking? My ‘borrowed angels’ and I are going to be having an entertaining time picking you and your ‘team’ apart.
And I’ll give you a little spoiler, Holly. At some point, you won’t know when (cause where’s the fun in that?), I am going to lock you in a hold that had even Ace Marshall pissing his pants. And I’m not going to let go of you until I hear those two words come out of your mouth.
“Thank you…”
His grin returns, but it is far darker than before. You are going to thank me, Holly. You are going to thank me over and over again until I am satisfied or I will take your… sudden silence… as your gratitude. Far more believable than your client’s delusions.
So, once more, Holly, I am going to give you – and also the Golden Boys – a little bit of my spotlight. I am going to bring this ‘champion showcase’ the spotlight that the main event of Breakdown deserves. I will, like I did last time, bring you into my entertaining world. I will, just like last time, give you the harsh blast of reality that you still refuse to accept…
Head tilting down, Shilo’s look becomes even more sinister.
And just like last time, Holly… you will… Make Me Laugh!
Shilo’s laugh is heard, echoing in the twisted room as everything slowly fades to black.
06-02-2021, 11:34 PM
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