Chicago, Illinois. Thursday 2nd June (Off-Camera)
Just a regular day of playing soccer with my adopted son, Sebastian, as we always have more time together than people know. Luiza wasn't a big soccer fan, and I could understand, considering she was more into gymnastics and skateboarding. Still, it was a good exercise for both of us, even if Frankie wanted to join in, but I kept throwing a small ball for Frankie to go and fetch to distract him, and Sebastian sometimes did. We stopped playing soccer, and Sebastian said he had to go to a friend's house and goes to sleep there for the night. Of course, Sebastian had made many friends at school and felt comfortable living in Chicago. As he left our home to meet with a friend, I picked the ball up and placed it in the garage.
Then I picked up two goal posts and put them in the garage. As I slid them into place, something fell from the above shelf. I stood back a bit on the item as I crouched down, looking directly at it. I scratched my head, and I knew Luiza would have absolutely nothing to do with this piece of weapon, I doubt she even knows what it is, and I don't think she'd keep something like that a secret.
Konrad Raab: “What the hell? I don't ever remember seeing or given this. I wonder if my mum knows anything about this weapon?"
She was the only one who could know about this secret weapon I found in my stash of items. As I picked it up, it felt pretty heavy, but at the same time, I touched the spikes of this metal piece of the weapon, and it looked like it could hurt someone. It was like a cane, but in metal form and with at least seven spikes. One was on the cane's tip, and the six were on the side. There must be a reason for it here. So I took it out of the garage and closed it with a button before I went back into the house and went upstairs to mine and Luiza's bedroom.
I picked up the phone, went through my contacts, and pressed the call button when I reached my mum. I took my shoes off and placed the cane on my bed as I waited for the phone call to go through as international calls took a bit longer. Finally, the phone picked up to hopefully get my needed answers about this cane.
Woman on the phone: "Hello?"
Konrad Raab: “Hello mum, it's me.”
Ingrid Raab (Konrad Raab's mum): “Oh Konrad, I'm so glad you called. Been a while since I last heard from you. How you been doing?"
Konrad Raab: "I'm doing well, thank you. Yourself?"
Ingrid Raab: "I'm good as well. What can I help you with?"
Admittedly, I did neglect my mother at times on speaking to her on the phone, considering I rarely to never speak to her. Because I didn't want to talk about my problems all the time, especially when she knew most of what I was going through. She knows about my rapid eye movement disorder and other issues with my dad. So I picked up this cane and placed it on my lap.
Konrad Raab: "Can you tell me about this cane I found in my home? It's metal and has seven spikes all around it."
Ingrid Raab: "Oh, you finally manage to find that, huh? I knew you would eventually."
Konrad Raab: "What? You mean to tell me that I was meant to find this?"
Ingrid Raab: "Yes, because I put it in your old home in California. There's a reason for that. What you got there isn't a cane. It's a flanged German mace."
I still am lost why it was in my home; heck, why didn't Markus want to take care of it or why it wasn't given to him, considering it was more his thing to collect weapons like this than for someone like me? However, I could tell from my mum's voice that she wanted to talk more about the flanged German mace, part of my culture or at least I think it was.
Ingrid Raab: "I know you're wondering why Markus doesn't have this weapon; it's because your grandfather, when he passed away, left a note and told me to give flanged German mace to you. Markus got a German sword. He wanted you both to have something to remember him by. I can't believe it took you all this time to find it."
Konrad Raab: "I didn't aim to search for it. It fell from the floor from the shelf when I was putting the goal posts away. Was my grandfather in a war or something?"
Ingrid Raab: "He did a lot of medieval horse wars with that flanged German mace and knocked a lot of people off their horses. He also fought with it and other knights he battled in Germany and killed many people. Which explains why you and Markus have violence built into you because of that side of the family."
It was interesting that my mother was behind this all along; more surprised it took me so long to find it. I wasn't expecting to receive anything like this, considering I didn't have many family memories of my life. So to have this weapon attached to my family felt for the first time, I was worth belonging to the family. Although I most likely have dreams of someone using this weapon on me now.
Konrad Raab: “I don't understand.”
Ingrid Raab: "You're grandfather wanted you to have the weapon because he always felt you were special. He loved you more so than your father ever did. He felt so sorry when your father tried to kill you and made you who you are. You and your grandfather were close. He wanted to be a father to you, but we never got the plans done because I wanted you a part of our family."
It made me have a massive smile on my face, knowing my grandfather did want to take care of me as his son and that he loved me. Mainly I had no idea he was close to me. It felt like I belonged. Such a shame he's not alive anymore to teach me the ways of how he coped with my father treating me like shit.
Konrad Raab: "If that's the case, I will proudly honour it. I do want to use this in wrestling, though. I feel it would be a great weapon for me to use. If it's a part of my family's legacy, I'd gladly represent my grandfather with this weapon. It would stand me out from everyone else in wrestling. I'll start using it on Monday, and then I will start using it at Rise To Greatness, well, depending if I'm not on the bullshit pre-show again."
Ingrid Raab: "I don't think your grandfather will have a problem with you using it. I would be happy for you to take it to the wrestling ring and use it on wrestlers. You are one special son, and just because you hate the world, never forget I love you, and I took care of you."
Konrad Raab: "I know you love me, and I love you too. I didn't know this until now in my grandfather's life and this flanged German mace he wanted me to have. I will use it in wrestling. Just watch what I'll do with this thing. Thanks for explaining this to me. I'll be coming back to Germany sometime next month and want to see you and get this whole you having a boyfriend sorted."
I put the phone down, leading Luiza into the bedroom, wondering who I was talking to, but she looked as if I was a freak, primarily because of the flanged German mace I had on my lap, and she sat on the bed, taking the weapon from me.
Luiza Doe: "Oh hell no, we're not having weapons in our home."
Konrad Raab: "Luiza, I know it's a shock you see me have this, but the truth is, this weapon is a part of my family legacy. I was on the phone with my mum because I only found this in the garage and needed answers. My grandfather wanted me to have this flanged German mace, and I will honour that commitment because it turned out he loved me and wanted me as his son."
Luiza Doe: "Oh, that's different then. I accept this weapon in our home just because it's a part of your family legacy, and your grandfather wanted you to have it. Better not have any more weapons in our home."
Konrad Raab: "I don't."
Luiza Doe: "Go and take Frankie out for a walk."
I nodded at her as I looked at the weapon for the last time, pouring tears in happiness that I did belong in the family as she placed it back on the bed. Still, I wasn't going to allow these wrestling fucks to find out why this weapon would be the most important thing I'll bring to wrestling venues for the rest of my life.
I left it on the bed, got up from my bed as I went downstairs, and placed the leash on Frankie, who was waiting for me. I patted his head and then gave him a long stroke. I then left the house with Frankie and went for a walk in the park, remembering the weapon in my mind, knowing I would be using the weapon in wrestling sooner than later. Just the wrestlers or the companies don't know it yet.
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Chicago, Illinois. Wednesday 13th July (Off-Camera)
Today was going to be a tough day for me after I spent a couple of days celebrating my wins at the Atlanta race, the one race I can feel is my home track. If they didn't have any natural disasters, I would've lived there because it was a nice place to go. Today, I needed to do something I've been afraid to do since I got the diagnosis from Aaron Tyrone and his assistant back at Asylum Wrestling Society company about my sleeping issues worsening. Part of it was my bipolar, but it was also that. God only knows how Luiza, my future wife, will take the news and fear our relationship being on the line because I'm scared shitless of losing her.
I know I have support from the likes of Dakon Theron, a professional wrestler in Atlanta for a local company. AJ Allmendinger, one of my three rivals for the NASCAR Xfinity championship, was a great friend of mine. He understood the question I needed to ask him on that day and Aaron Tyrone, who was, of course, my psychologist. They were busy setting things up in both the secret room and the bedroom where Luiza and I sleep together.
I was shaking like a leaf, never felt more afraid in my entire life to tell Luiza my diagnosis. I felt everything I've ever done had been my fault regarding how I sleep at night. It was one of those things I feared, and it was the first time AJ had been to my house, but he was there for support, as were Dakon and Aaron. Luiza was looking at me like what was going on, which scared me even more, knowing that if I told her this news, she would leave me for another man. I knew I'd go and either be in prison or find a way to kill myself. Not many people, if anyone in wrestling, knew about my personal life, and I prefer to keep it that way.
It certainly was more manageable for Luiza, who was not a professional wrestler yet. Still, I never wanted her to be, mainly because it nearly ruined mine and Fizz's relationship more than once. NASCAR was different because, unlike wrestling, nobody would trash talk Luiza or my relationship with her, so I could trust them with that, but not wrestling. The three lads preparing things for Luiza and me came downstairs after Aaron brought the equipment needed for what I was going through, as they had already done the other room I aimed to sleep in when I told Luiza. They sat down on the sofa, or AJ went to sit next to Luiza on the other side.
Luiza Doe: "What's going on, you guys? Why are you all here, and why is Konrad so frightened?"
Aaron Tyrone: "Well, there's a reason that Dakon, AJ and I are here. It's severe, and Konrad felt he couldn't talk to you about what he must tell you without us around. I'm allowing Konrad to speak about that."
I cleared my throat and muttered oh shit to myself, knowing there was a question I got to ask her before I got right down to it; I gulped so heavily, still shaking like a leaf, but Aaron was right. I had delayed it way too long to tell Luiza why I hadn't been sleeping very well when she was around and even my fear of sleeping. I consistently fear Frankie being in danger too. Now I fear mine and Luiza's twin children too.
Luiza Doe: "Well, Konrad, what have you got to say that you seem so frightened to tell me?"
Konrad Raab: “Here it goes. Luiza, have you seen me at night when I'm shouting, punching, kicking a wall and jumping out of bed movements in my sleep? Have I told you the dreams I have in my sleep?"
Luiza Doe: "Unfortunately, I have experienced you doing everything you've mentioned, and I always worry about you attacking me."
Konrad Raab: "Fuck, don't tell me I've done that?"
Luiza shook her head which was a sigh of relief because I would've killed myself right then and now if I had my handheld around her throat or something like that to an extent in my sleep, so I wiped my forehead as a sigh of relief. However, I was sweating all over because I feared her leaving me.
Luiza Doe: "You have told me dreams about your father chasing you to be killed, but I thought that was just a part of your bipolar and mentioned some guys in your past in Germany chasing after you to kill you."
Konrad Raab: "Aaron discovered it's more than just my bipolar. It's gotten a lot worse, and I can't control it anymore."
Luiza Doe: "If it's not just bipolar, what have you got that makes you so scared?"
Konrad Raab: "I have Rapid Eye Movement Disorder."
I ran away after I said that, leaving the lads to discuss it because I didn't want to hear Luiza's decision to leave me. So I went upstairs to the bedroom and closed the door to be in tears, being so afraid of that decision, already wanting to kill myself. I couldn't do anything because AJ, Dakon and Aaron had already removed sharp objects from both of my rooms. Luckily I didn't have to tell Luiza why it was terrifying for me.
Luiza Doe: "Is this true?"
Aaron Tyrone: "It is, unfortunately, Luiza. I'm so sorry."
Luiza Doe: "That's what's so scary about him telling me? How did this even come up?"
Aaron Tyrone: "We discovered the sleeping therapy back in the Asylum Wrestling Society; as you know, he goes there to sort himself out. They always do these checks to see the problems, and your fiance has a very extreme case of it when we realised he was doing the things he mentioned to you. Granted, thankfully, he hasn't hit you, but that's the part he fears the most."
AJ Allmendinger: "Because he loves you and wants to protect you. Konrad told me at Atlanta he couldn't survive without you."
Dakon Theron: "I did tell him to tell you, but he was so afraid of you leaving him over this because it can cause relationships to fail."
Even with concern, Luiza nodded as Aaron gave her a leaflet and a book about how to cope with a loved one with Rapid Eye Movement Disorder. Luiza discovered why I had Rapid Eye Movement Disorder with three factors that applied to me: I was a male, over fifty years old, and I take antidepressants for my bipolar and depression. Luiza cried, more that she was so worried about herself and she should be, knowing what I could fucking do to her in my sleep.
Luiza Doe: "Oh my god."
Luiza nodded her head at the guys down there, and I am thankful they were there to support me, but I couldn't bear the grunt of Luiza walking out of my life. She turned into tears, crying on AJ's shoulder, although I couldn't figure out what was going on because I was covering myself in bed in tears, wondering if she'll leave me, and I didn't know what would happen. Will she pack her things and leave me all by myself?
Aaron Tyrone: "What scared him the most about telling you was that I told him to sleep in separate rooms from you, and he was like, I can't do that; I love her so much that breaking away the love we have would destroy me. That is what I know he's crying about, along with the fear of losing you."
Luiza Doe: "I need to tell him something right now. I think we go up there and let him know if that's the case. I'm just so scared for myself and him. Does he take tablets for this?"
Aaron Tyrone: “Yes, he does. I gave him a prescription of clonazepam that he must take one a night before he goes to sleep.”
Dakon Theron: "As I said, I did encourage him to tell you, and AJ did as well, but he was so afraid, you know. That was why he was sleeping in my hotel room because he said, I can't sleep with Luiza around, I'm capable of hurting her, and it was the thing that scared him. I agree, we go upstairs, and you talk to him."
AJ placed his arm around Luiza, and they went upstairs together as Aaron, AJ and Dakon were going to wait outside the bedroom. However, it was the first time any of the three had been upstairs as Luiza knocked on the door and heard me screaming in fear. I wiped tears off my face and opened the door, and she hugged me, leaving both of us crying, soaking through each other's shirt sleeves. I said the words to her I felt I had to do.
Konrad Raab: “I'm sorry.”
AJ, Aaron and Dakon came into the room as I flicked my hand to them to come in, and they got together primarily to support us. I still didn't know what Luiza's decision was, mainly we're meant to get married on the third of August, but I don't know if that's happening now because I don't know what Luiza was going to say to me after that. I still am shitting myself.
Luiza Doe: "No, don't be sorry for something that isn't your fault. It scared me you have this Rapid Eye Movement disorder because I know it does cause me, our kids and our dog in danger, especially after what Aaron said to me. It's no wonder why you never sleep when I wake up in the mornings."
Konrad Raab: "It's also why I found it so hard to tell you. Please, don't leave me."
Luiza Doe: “I'm not leaving you. I want to support you through this disorder much as AJ, Aaron, and Dakon want to do. Please never think I'll leave you. I know most women would in that situation, but I'm not. It does mean we have to sleep separately, not because I don't love you any more or want to leave you or I'm mad at you, but because of your recovery from this."
That only made me love Luiza even more, that she was so understanding, and my fear vanished just like that. Although I understand about us sleeping separately for the time being because I'm recovering from my Rapid Eye Movement disorder. I did want it to go away so I could resume my life with Luiza, the woman I wanted to marry and be with for the rest of my life.
Konrad Raab: "Aaron, can I still make love to Luiza?"
Aaron Tyrone: "Oh yes, you both still can do that, but not sleeping in the same bed together. I think you, Luiza, could help him meditate and possibly encourage him to do more Tai-Chi before he sleeps. Could you both help Konrad with that and remind him to take his tablets?"
Dakon Theron: "I can certainly do that."
AJ Allmendinger: “For sure.”
Aaron Tyrone: "Well, I better be leaving you all now that Konrad and Luiza feel a lot better with that, and I hope to see you all soon."
Aaron went downstairs and opened the front door to leave my home as I felt a lot better, knowing Luiza wanted to help me through this and that I was feeling like myself again. Still, I want to be violent, and sometimes, I beat the shit out of my opponents from my dreams I have from Rapid Eye Movement Disorder. I've been wanting to get more violent in Supreme Championship Wrestling and cause everyone to be in pain because of me and be a better wrestler for it. Suddenly, I realised I hadn't picked the best man for the wedding, so I spoke softly to him.
Konrad Raab: "AJ, can we have a word in private in my office room?"
AJ Allmendinger: "Sure, man.
Dakon Theron: "I better get going too, got to get back to my wife. I'll see you guys later."
Konrad Raab: "Thanks for being here for Luiza and myself."
Dakon and I shook hands before he went downstairs and left the house. I then left the bedroom with AJ, and we went into my office room. I closed the door as I didn't want Luiza to hear about my plans for the wedding, and I felt getting closer to AJ, although I had told Kyle Busch about my Rapid Eye Movement Disorder at Atlanta this previous weekend. I jump straight into it.
Konrad Raab: "With the wedding with Luiza still on, and thank god it is, I still got one decision to make, and I feel you're perfect for it. Would you be my best man for the wedding?"
AJ Allmendinger: "Really?"
Konrad Raab: "I was going to ask my twin brother, but because he's wrestling the day before I get married, I wouldn't want him to prepare for the speech at the last minute. His husband can't speak due to autism, Ty Gibbs is too young, and Kyle Busch is going through sponsorship deal issues right now and wouldn't want to put pressure on him either, so would you do it?"
AJ Allmendinger: "It would be my pleasure to be your best man for the wedding."
Konrad Raab: "So after the Indianapolis race, you come to my twin brother's headquarters in Las Vegas, and you'll sleep in my cousin's apartment. I will let Markus and Henry know about that. Don't worry, Luiza's best woman will sleep in a separate room from you. You can bring your wife with you if you want to as a guest at the wedding."
AJ Allmendinger: "For sure, I'll do that. I'll see you at Pocono Race in two weeks."
I was glad AJ could be my best man because other than Kyle Busch and Ty Gibbs, he was the only other guy I could trust. I mean, I could've picked Dakon, but he was a wrestler and knowing Dakon, he would've refused because it wasn't his style. AJ left my home to head back to California, and I had a smile on my face, knowing I got two tricky situations off my back, most importantly retaining Luiza Doe as my fiancee and still getting married. I went back to the bedroom and kissed her as a way of thanking her for not leaving me.