OOC Note: Edited board code that didn't format properly.
{NEHMIAH: Chapter 6}
Meir Ezra once said, “Courage is not seeing the bad and ignoring it. Courage is the result of seeing the good and jumping in despite the danger," and as I have grown older in life, the more and more I realize how true those words of his are. And I'm beginning to realize, more and more, that I can't just simply hide from the past, hide from fear, and hide from the things I don't wish to face, head-on.
This is especially true with recent events...
Between Emma and Hailey both seeing through my front, both seeing the vulnerabilities and anger I have seeded deep within my soul, I face the innate human response of fight or flight. I don't know whether to fight back and try and convince them of otherwise, knowing their right, or succumb to the urge to run away and simply forget the pain ever existed. My track record would suggest the latter, but that was the past, and this is the present and I'm faced with a conundrum I don't personally like...
I have to decide if the old me, is still the new me, and if it isn't, what do I do now?
I'm not used to being the vulnerable one. From school age, to The Compound, to the days as "The One," I never got to show that I had a weakness. I always had to just suck it up and deal with things as they came as the hard-nosed. I always had to act like it didn't hit me where it counted, but when I have the two girls who, one is like my older sister, my mentor, and my best friend, and the other is my little sister, and the one I have sworn my life to protect, tell me I am weak and they are right, I don't know what to do. I can't abandon them. I can't fight back with them. Sure, I can argue, but in the end, it reinforces their notion and they see further past what I want anyone to see...
I face the double-edged sword of life, and I don't like it...
But regardless of my liking, or not liking, it's the reality I am facing and I'm being forced to decide if, as he put, I'm courageous or if I will live in fear. On one hand, it's an easy road. It's everything I've come to embrace, accept, and endure. On the other hand is potential pain, not just for me but others, because I don't know how my actions will result, and they're not something I can sit back and predict.
So I'm left to question every move I make...
I'm forced to wonder if any situation will create the firestorm I fear...
I worry if I do show that vulnerability will it diminish who I am to the world, but more importantly, those I care about? Would weakness make me look, more... Well... Weak?
Again... The sword continues to pierce through the agony I face...
But the reality, and not the thought, is that one way or another, I wlll have to burden that question with an answer. Am I ready to be courageous, not just in my eyes, but in the eyes of others, and facing, what I would call, danger, head on, and making myself the center of the world's attention, or would I simply reject the opportunity, and run for the hills? One creates an opportunity of strength, and the other creates an opportunity of safety for myself, and myself alone.
I guess the question isn't about courage... It's how selfish am I?
Sometimes in life, you have to "adult," and today is one of those days for Hailey and Kirsten, as they have had the moment where they have to head to the store to begin restocking supplies and groceries for the group at their abode. With the holiday week, some stores closer to them have closed earlier than others, forcing them to go to town for their needs, pushing them back into the territory once controlled by The Compound and ultimately, The Prophets.
As it stands, The Prophets, both, still sit in jail awaiting their trial date, being kept apart. But their reach is still broad, having members of law enforcement still within their purview. They still have ways of controlling the town and those they may have influence over, even when completely behind bars. And this is this known to Kirsten and Hailey as they realize the local justice system will eventually see an overhaul once the federal investigation and prosecution is done, but until then, there is still a risk for the "mob family-like" individuals to act on the behalf of those they turned against.
This is why shopping inside the county is risky.
Hailey and Kirsten know this, but they also realize that sometimes your options dictate what you are capable and incapable of doing...
As they browse through the store they can feel the eyes on them. They can feel the sideeye from patrons who they, too, recognize, but at the same time try to ignore in a sign of respect. Unfortunately the respect isn't gifted both ways as they are always profiled and treated as the "bad people" currently. To expedite the shopping spree they decide to split up. Hailey grabs a second cart and begins on the opposite end of the store, working her way toward the "front" or "produce" end of the place, where she had left Kirsten. Kirsten, continues to grab what they need on each aisle.
As the two shop, Kirsten turns down the next aisle to get spices, and immediately comes to a frozen stop. She is staring down the most intimidating presence she has felt in a long time, as her mother and father look up and see her opposite them. Both freeze not knowing how to react. Kirsten's dad, especially, is caught off guard, while her mother cannot help but feel the motherly love come over her. She is the first to utter any words...
Kirsten's Mom: K... kir... Kirsten...?
Kirsten is immediately reminded of how her parents sided with The Prophets, over her.
Kirsten Scott: Mother... Father...
It's a memory that her mother shuns and immediately charges at Kirsten, embracing her, as Kirsten stands there. She musters the emotion to put one hand on her mother's lower back.
Kirsten's Mom: Oh my god! I've missed you!!
Kirsten's dad, however, feigns the same glee.
Kirsten's Dad: It's good to see your, Kid... I've been wondering what happened to you after that... Oh you know, that incident everyone made a big deal of, and, I wondered what they did with you...
Kirsten's mom let's go and stands to the side.
Kirsten Scott: What they "did" with me? I was a catalyst... I was who brought that shit down... They didn't do ANYTHING to me... I can't imagine what they did to the two of you...
It's at this point Kirsten's father doesn't hold back, and let's his rage through.
Kirsten's Dad: ... And you will NEVER have any idea what they did to us, you BITCH! You turned on US! You turned on THE PROPHETS! You turned on YOUR FAMILY! You made this about you and some Holy War you wanted to fight when it was NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS! We gave you everything so you could mind your own business. All we asked was you MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS DAMMIT, and you couldn't even abide by ONE RULE FROM US?! Instead you decide you protect some twat who was making us live a more lavish lifestyle than you will EVER fucking see again?! That's on you... THAT... IS... ON... YOU!
Kirsten's Dad lunches forward and slaps his daughter across the cheek, iliciting a response from his wife.
Kirsten's Mom: Shut up! Just shut up now! AND HOW DARE YOU?!
You do NOT insult our daughter that way, or lay hands on her, I don't care how much that damn place meant to you. She did what she did because she was led by HER morals. WE TAUGHT HER THAT! So don't act like we taught her to ignore what was right, even if we weren't perfect!
Kirsten's father begins to have mixed emotions about the situation.
Kirsten's Dad: So you want me to believe she did everything for GOOD?! She RUINED us! She RUINED my business, RUINED my financial status, and RUINED everything I invested in!
Kirsten's Mom: OR MAYBE IT WAS US WHO RUINED IT?! Haven't you ever considered that?! You're the bastard who just hit your own fucking child!
Kirsten's father begins to have some mixed emotions about what he just did, while Kirsten slowly turns her head back in his direction, holding her cheek, and rubbing it. Her tongue can be seen pushing against the inside of her cheek ensuring nothing is bleeding or dislodged.
Kirsten's Dad: Yeah I shouldn't have done that, but she's the reason we are having to fend for our lives, and have to live the life of a normal person. I worked my ASS off to get where I was... And this little bitch, she ruined it all. We had EVERYTHING. We had financial support. We had the lifestyle we DESERVED. We had THAT BITCH to protect us, and what did she do? She turned on us. She didn't believe in blood is thicker than water. She believed in herself was ABOVE us. SHE is the reason we have to shop for fucking boxed foods now, not me, not you, not us, but HER! She took away everything we had! And... Fuck it...
He tries to lunge at her again but this time is stopped by Kirsten's mother. Kirsten doesn't flinch. She stands there staring her father down, knowing he completely doesn't understand how he was the one being used in the whole matter.
Kirsten's Mom: STOP IT! STOP IT NOW!
The rage is still permeating his body as he pushes his wife, and that of Kirsten's mom, away.
Kirsten's Dad: OH... So now you're on her side, huh? Now you're not going to admit you weren't partaking in what The Prophets gave us, huh?
Kirsten's Mom: Fuck you! I'm not admitting I didn't, but I'm admitting she's our daughter FIRST! And if you can't admit that, you're the one who has the problem... Not me!
As he tries to make another push toward Kirsten, out of nowhere he is grabbed, spun around, and met with a right fist across his chin, in the middle of the aisle, sending him straight down, and unconscious. Kirsten watches him fall, as does her Mom, and the two of them look up to see Hailey with a snarl on her face, slowly retracting her fist back. She looks down at her fist, moving each finger, and smirking as if she "still has it." She then slowly looks up at Kirsten.
Hailey Brooks: Yeah I was done listening to him run his mouth, I don't know about you...
It turns out Hailey had heard the commotion from the other side of the store and recognized the voices. She opted to not continue shopping but make her way toward the problem area, knowing she could, and would, offer assistance. Upon seeing the back of Kirsten's Dad, and not seeing Kirsten, she knew she was shielded by her mother and father, and approached slowly, giving her the opportunity to do what she did.
It's at this point security finally begins to arrive and immediately spots Kirsten and Hailey as the antagonists of the situation. The quickly begin to order them both out of the store, and this quickly makes Kirsten turn toward her mother.
Kirsten Scott: Mom, care to clarify for these dickheads?
Kirsten's mom tries to open her mouth, and then looks down at her fallen husband, who is still unconscious. She can't muster the words to say that he was the instigator of violence, and the guards didn't bother checking any tapes before engaging.
When her mother says nothing, Kirsten looks up at Hailey...
Kirsten Scott: Let's go somewhere else... Somewhere with a little more...
Kirsten looks at her mother.
Kirsten Scott: ... Integrity...
This final word is a detriment to her mother, as she realizes that, now, Kirsten doesn't look at her anymore faborably than her father because she hadn't spoken up.
As Kirsten walks down the aisle she can feel her mother's eyes on her. She can feel the gaze of the woman who gave birth to her staring her down, even if not in a menacing manner. She pauses and slowly looks back over her shoulder, in the direction of her mother. Her mother sees this and her head sinks as a sign of failue toward her daughter. She then negins to pick up the pieces of jewelry that had fallen off her father, and in seeing this, Kirsten re-engages with the security guard in walking toward the exit.
When Kirsten gets outside, she immediately sits down on a bench and begins to look up. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, feeling a hand on her shoulder, as Hailey tells her the words that she neess to hear, and needs to believe...
Hailey Brooks: Just remember, in the end, "Hell hath no fury, like a woman's scorn..."
These words make Kirsten take a deep breath and simply stand up and usher Hailey toward the vehicle they came in, so they can then leave, and subsequently buy groceries wlsewhere, while on the inside, Kirsten's father begins to regain consciousness, seein his daughter's cart still there, and ultimately his wife staring him down from above his body.