Jaina Lancaster
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A few months ago
It was a nice Saturday afternoon, a few weeks following Jaina's mom's return from rehab, and the day she yelled at her at Aunt Bree's house. Jaina had picked Loki up from home to spend a few hours together, as the sister and brother do every so often ever since Jaina moved out. Today, they were walking the trail at Lafreniere Park, as the weather had started to cool just enough to be comfortable spending a significant amount of time outside. As Jaina drove them to the park, they caught up with small talk – Loki and his girlfriend, Jaina and work. Out here on the trail though, the natural surroundings tend to lead conversations down a deeper path.
“So... how's it going at home?” Jaina asks softly.
“What do you mean? Like... Mom and Dad?”
Jaina still wasn't used to the deeper sound of Loki's voice, even though the tone change had leveled out months ago. Her 'baby brother' was closing in on sixteen and was now taller than her by a few inches.
“Yeah. How are they? Mom doesn't talk about anything much when we travel for work.”
Loki shrugs. “Okay, I guess. I mean, they're doing Mom's counseling thing. That's why she doesn't say much about it, the doctor had them both agree not to talk about things with other people.”
“That's dumb We're their kids.”
“I guess they're just supposed to work it out between themselves? I don't know. All I really know is what I see, and accidentally overhear. Dad's still in the other bedroom. Sometimes things seem almost normal, and others it's super tense. I can tell they're trying to not let me see that, but it's not hard to tell.”
“That sounds awful.”
“It's not great. I try to spend a lot of time with Carly, or Justin.” The girl was Loki's girlfriend, and the boy was his best friend from the BJJ class he's been taking for a few years now.
“You know, you could always come stay with me when I'm home.”
Loki laughs. “What, and interrupt whatever you and Marie might be doing?”
Jaina shakes her head at her brother, thinking about the nature of her relationship with Marie Caedes.
Marie lives with Jaina now, and their relationship could best be described as a Friends with Benefits situation. Marie had been involved with Spencer Pryce, the young man who turned out to be a previously unknown son of Simon Lyman. When he got a little too aggressive with his old man, SCW fired him.... and he promptly left town, not telling anyone he was leaving not even Marie. He'd called her from Beaumont once he arrived at his brother's place. Marie had been hurt, she felt betrayed after she had trusted him, slept with him, and even took his side about his father. Maybe he had been right about his father being an asshole, if what Jaina heard second-hand could be believed, but so was Spencer. Marie was broken up over it, and Jaina did what any best friend would do – anything she could to support and comfort her friend. One night they'd had drinks – which was rare for Jaina to do, but Marie had wanted some. Their conversation spiraled into relationship and sex and Jaina's preferences, and they'd ended up in bed together. Marie moved in shortly afterwards. These days, Marie has sworn off men completely. She keeps her own bedroom at Jaina's condo, but they have fun occasionally. Well, maybe more than occasionally. Jaina wonders what would happen if either her mom or Marie's mom knew. But no one does, other than Loki, and maybe Aunt Bree had guessed, but if she had, she hadn't said anything.
Jaina forces her attention back to her brother.
“You wouldn't be in the way. Ever.”
“I feel like I am at home, why should staying at your place with her there be any different?”
“Uh, well... me and Marie aren't in the middle of a major life crisis?”
Loki shrugs. “I guess that's true.” They walk a few steps in silence before Loki asks, “So... are you still mad at Mom?”
“When was I mad at Mom?”
“That day at Aunt Bree's.”
“Oh.” Jaina wasn't very proud of the day she yelled at her mom in her aunt's backyard.
“Mom was super upset when she got home. She asked me if I thought Dad was doing the right thing. With her.”
“What? Why would she ask that? What did you tell her?”
“I don't know. To see if I agreed with you? I told her no. I think Dad is being too hard on her. He's, like... cold. It's fucking weird.”
Jaina stops walking and turns to her brother. “Wait, what? You think he's being too hard? How can you think that? We grew up in the same house with her, do you not remember everything she put us through?”
“Not as much as you do obviously, but yeah, I remember. But I also remember how even with her problems, Mom always tried the best she could for us. Even when she barely had energy for herself, she used what she had for us. She'd do anything for us, Jay. You know that. She'd never leave us, or Dad. So why would he even
think about leaving us... her?” Loki tried to cover up that 'us' but Jaina caught it.
“Oh. I get it. You're worried if he does, he'll forget about you.” Loki said nothing, but he didn't have to. He'd already been abandoned by one father. Being afraid of losing another was reasonable. “That's not gonna happen, Lo. He loved me before he knew I was his kid, and he always treated you like his son, even when your father still pretended to give a shit.”
Loki sighs, and leans against the rail along the path where they'd stopped. “Okay, you're right about that. But what about Mom? You always wanted them together, even when they weren't. You were happier than anyone else at the table for your birthday when they told us they'd got back together.”
“Yeah, I was. But I was also fifteen, and Mom hadn't been to rehab the first time yet.”
“I'm fifteen, what's your point?”
“Point is... a lot has happened since then. You don't get it, you can't see it from my side.”
“Explain it to me.” Loki crosses his arms, waiting.
“Okay. Do you remember Mom's overdose?”
“Some parts. Like waiting at the hospital forever, with Granny and Aunt Bree. And your friend Katie. Oh, and how Dad had yelled at me to go upstairs. That was the first time he
ever yelled at me. I heard when he broke the door.”
“Right. You weren't there. You didn't see Mom. I did. I literally thought she was
dead. The way she was just
limp when he carried her out of the house.” Jaina shakes her head clear of the memory. “I will never understand how after
that, she can still do the shit that caused it.”
“Do you understand being sick?” Jaina rolls her eyes. “No, seriously. Because Dad does. He stayed after that. They had those few months apart when he lived in Shreveport but he's been here since. Why does this have to be different? Why would he threaten to leave instead of trying to help her again?”
Jaina sighs as she leans on the rail next to her brother. “I don't know. Maybe it
is helping. If she doesn't realize how serious her shit is and what it could cost her, she'll never fix herself. It's the only threat he can make that she's afraid of. I just don't know if it's worth all the energy.”
“Well, he hasn't left yet, so maybe it is. Mom's been doing everything he and the doctor asks. She has this new sponsor lady who's real nice, she comes over sometimes. You should meet her.”
“I did. I liked her.” Jaina had met the lady Velvet once, and she was being honest, she did like her. Loki nods acknowledgment. “So, you think things are really getting better?” Jaina sounds hopeful.
“A little bit. I mean, its slow. But they talk to each other more now than when Mom first got back from that place.”
“Okay, so maybe Dad's threat is actually doing some good.”
Loki looks down at his feet, and sighs heavily. He doesn't like that Jaina is right. “Yeah. Maybe.” Loki looks up, worry in his eyes. “Do you think he'd really do it, though? Leave?”
Jaina shrugs. “He has before.”
“They weren't married then.”
“True, but... I don't know. I'm just tired of it. I've seen this too many times. Her fuckups, the going back to drinking... growing up with Mom was
hard, you can't say otherwise. I know she loves us, but the fact is she's a shit parent.”
Loki pushes himself off the rail, now angry. It was like his eyes clicked, rather than transitioned, to the darker emotion. It reminded Jaina way too much of Loki's real father, in a bad way.
“Yeah, it was
hard. I won't argue that. I saw her mistakes too. But you know what else I saw? Mom always
tries. After every mistake she always did her best to make up for it, make it right. She's doing that now. Maybe
you think she's a shit parent, you don't know
anything about shit parents.
I do. Compared to my father, Mom is a fucking saint. She
cares. She
tries. That's what I see, and what I choose to focus on. Maybe you should think about that instead of just keeping score of mistakes.”
Jaina hadn't heard her brother sound so angry in a long time, and she had to admit, he had a point. Mom wasn't the best, but Loki's father, Dustin? He was literally the devil. She has nothing to say, so Loki goes on.
“I mean, are
you perfect?”
Jaina's memory brings up a flash of her laying on a table in an abortion clinic, with Aunt Bree at her side.
“No.” Her voice came out smaller than she intended.
“Then maybe don't expect Mom to be. Dad has a right to be fed up with things, but I think he's being too hard on her. You
both are.”
“Maybe.” Still quiet. “I guess I can try to see things from your perspective.”
“Try hard.”
Jaina brushes her hair back out of her face, a tick she inherited from her mom. “To be totally honest with you, I
do want them together. You're right, I always have. But I also want this up and down to stop. Just... pick one! Stop putting everyone through this.”
“I agree with you there. It's exhausting. But let's try to be positive and back them both up, instead of expecting the worst and going off for no reason.” Jaina nods. She'd long been a pessimist about Mom's ability to stay healthy. Maybe she needed to be verbally smacked across the face by her brother. “You should apologize to Mom. She won't admit it, but she was really hurt that day.”
“It wasn't my best moment, I'll give you that. I'll think about it.”
“Jay.”
“I have to figure out what to say, okay?”
“Okay.”
They look at each other a moment, then hug. After Loki pulls away, he grins at Jaina. “So, about this staying with you some time... how about tonight?”
Jaina smiles. “Of course.”
========== PROMO ==========
Okay, guys. I get it. I know I haven't really wrestled all that much in a long time. I meant to do more, but... well, life kept getting in the way. Most of you don't know this, but when my mom and aunt went back to VWA when they reopened again, I went, too. I wanted to show the people I grew up around that I could do this, too. I... had no idea what I was getting into. I haven't won a match yet. They don't take me seriously, and honestly why should they? They know I hold a mic way more than I run ropes. They, and you, all know I
can get in the ring and handle myself pretty well for someone who doesn't do this regularly. But, maybe I want to.
Maybe I'm tired of not being taken seriously.
So, I signed up for Fatal Fortunes. I didn't tell Mom or Aunt Bree I did it. They were... shocked, to say the least. When I was drawn into my match, against Aries, I hear I shocked a lot of people by keeping up and ending with that draw. Impressed a lot of people, even. But here's the thing.
I was disappointed.
I don't want people to be impressed that I fought to a draw. I didn't lose, but I didn't
win either. I know I can be better, if I just push myself harder.
So, here we are. New Year's Eve in SCW means the End of the Year Battle Royal. Sure, the tangible prizes are fantastic. Cold, hard, cash and a sweet new car. I even really like the model they chose this year, much better than that SUV last year. But as cool as it would be to walk away with those prizes, there's something else on the line here much bigger and more important than that.
Pride. Self-respect.
People shouldn't be impressed with me for keeping up. They should expect more of me, because I expect more of myself. What I want... is to get better and better at this every time I get inside the ropes. To pick up actual
wins instead of just surviving.
I know the odds are against me. No one knows how many people are entering this thing, or who will show up. People like to give Taking Hold of the Flame all the glory, but I think
this battle royal is much harder to prepare for, for those reasons. On top of that, you're not just dumping bodies over the top rope. You have to pin or submit them to eliminate them. That might sound easier, but I don't think it is. Not only do you have to wear someone down long enough for a three count, but you have to do it while hoping no one else in the ring decides to fuck with you and break your count.
But I'm coming out for this. I'm no stranger to facing challenges that seem over my head. I've been doing that my whole life. To most of you I'm a young woman, not too far removed from a kid... but I honestly can't remember the last time I felt like a kid. Maybe before my brother was born? I don't know. I'm not looking for sympathy by saying this either, I'm just telling you my experience. Don't let my physical age fool you. Mentally I've been an adult for longer than a lot of people on this roster, and I'd go as far as to say some of you... are still mentally children.
But, that's not the point in Toronto. That's something to dig into some other time. The point here, is to get in the ring, pin as many other people as possible, and be the last one standing.
If I can do that? Then everyone will have a
real reason to be impressed with me.