Quote:We don't do this often. When we do, it's pretty cool. Good luck. Lets make it an instant classic.
[A lot has been on my mind lately.
I don’t know how this is going to come across. I’m used to sitting or standing in front of a camera prepared to give the latest rendition of a hope speech. I have fallen into a routine to trying to sell everyone watching how wonderful of a day it is going to be. For once, I am exhausted. Grant it, I haven’t filmed a video since my match against Ravyn at Bound by Blood, I haven’t done a lot of talking. Just hanging out with my sister backstage patiently waiting for the next time anyone in the D family remembered I am apart of the roster.
Sasha did. I thank her for giving me this match. Hope she doesn’t take some of what I have to say personally. I am not the only one who feels the way I’m feeling. Speaking of feelings, expressing them is a tricky thing. Everyone has a different perspective. I know how I want this to come across. There is a lack of compassion in the world. I am expecting a lack of understanding. Can’t rely on hope all the time, sometimes, reality can be a kick face.
Breakdown is in Sacramento this week. Gives me a chance to head over to my beach house. I am sitting on the front steps. With as much of a stoic smile as I can muster, I nod to Abigail to hit play on the recording.]
[REC]
Dawn: “Sometimes... the truth is inconvenient.”
[I take a deep breath. Here. We. Go.]
Dawn: “Before I talk about my match against one of the best men I ever met... you need to hear what I have to say. I made a decision when Lohan Country lost the tag team titles at Under Attack. Losing was in a relief in a lot of ways. Fans were counting on me to keep the titles away from Bree Lancaster, if I was in their shoes, I would have wanted the same thing, too. I’m not blaming anyone, that is the position I put myself in. Dawn Lohan, SCW’s resident merchant of hope. No one asked me to become that; I volunteered. Losing stripped me of that burden. I felt freer than at any point in my life.”
“I made the decision to focus more on me by giving up the hero mantle. The best decision I made was removing myself from the D Family Civil War. Been there. Done that. Always a new quote unquote evil to fight. Then chaos started ramping up when Katya played her hand, I felt guilty. The fans needed hope, aside from a select few people who stood up to the neglected daddy’s girl, were there a line of people willing to put their careers on the line to stand up for what the fans feel is the right thing? I was tempted, believe me, I was. SCW needed, still needs a symbol of hope, now more than ever. The End of the Year Special confirmed to me that I made the right decision. Why you wonder?”
“Redemption won tag team of the year.”
[I sigh. I shouldn’t let the fan vote bother me. Abi encouraged me to let the world know how I feel. That’s what I’m doing, for better or worse.]
Dawn: “Normally, I wouldn’t care. I would sit here, accept that you have a right to vote however you want. I still don’t get it. Let me lay down the facts. Who prevented The Network from handing The Twins the World Tag Team Championships at Rise to Greatness? Lohan Country.
When Kennedy needed partners to take on Sienna and The TrueLove Twins a week after Sienna won the World Championship, who stood up? That would be Lohan Country.
Who prevented Bianca Evans and Katie Steward from becoming the tag team champions? Again. That would be Lohan Country.
What have Redemption done? What good fight have they actively fought? Did they actively stand up to The Network, The Beauty Network, hell, are they even putting themselves in any real danger like Abigail is doing tempting Ravyn? No.
Redemption has been passive champions. Not active.
Me and Abigail went out of our way to take on the “evils” of SCW. All Redemption wanted was the tag titles. They won a Chamber match. They beat Bree and Andrew. If me and Abigail retained at Under Attack, it would have been Lohan Country against Redemption. They would have never fought on your behalf like we did. They don’t care about actively standing up to be the heroes you people aren’t entitled to. That’s the difference between Lohan Country and Redemption. WE took an actual stance. Has James helped out Kennedy? No. Kennedy put her reputation on the line making nice with James. Amy, she welcomed James to her Be Brave conference with open arms, the least he can do is have her BAE’s back. Has Angelica helped out? No! Then why did you vote them tag team of the year? Because they are the last champions of 2018?”
[I roll my eyes. Did it really come down to “what have you done for me lately?”]
Dawn: Any guilt I felt NOT being your symbol of hope was erased with the fan vote. Gives me all the resolve in the world not to go out of my way to be your hero. If you are that fickle. If you are so quick to forget what Lohan Country did for you. What’s the point? There is nothing wrong having professional pride. I love my sister (Brittany), the time The Hollow won tag team of the year, that should have gone to 4Saken. Me and Selena were wonderful as champions.”
“I digress.”
[I take a deep breath. Wow, I have gotten pretty emotional. Feels good. Not great bottling things up. I feel better. Much better.]
Dawn: “This is more about me wanting approval, not ashamed to admit that. On a professional level we all want respect. We want to be acknowledged for how good we are. That wanting; was part of the reason why I wanted to leave the tag division behind, get back on the singles wrestler train, it was that little voice in my head that was telling me, the people have forgotten how good you are. Take on challenges. Show them. Don’t let everyone else pass you by, we all fall to that. Most won’t admit it. Most people feel the need to wear this mask that they are this unstoppable killer who doesn’t feel the need to expose what is really behind all the gusto.”
“December 31st changed everything.”
“I don’t need to remind the world how good I am. I don’t need the approval of people who forget all the good me and Abigail did, most importantly, I don’t need to please anyone. Or go out of my way to be a symbol in a company that clearly is not ready for one. And for anyone who is complaining that Dawn is getting all these chances, with all due respect, I am given opportunities because I am that damn good. There was a time I’d feel guilty. When I won the World Title I felt that way. For the longest time I felt if it wasn’t for Kelcey having to deal with a hurricane, I wouldn’t be champion. Then I need to remind myself, I won two matches in one night. I walked out a double champion. I would not have walked out double champion if I was that damn good.”
“Which I am.”
[I wink.]
Dawn: “2019, you are going to see a brand new Dawn. I won’t hold myself back. I have one goal, to become Supreme Champion. No more being a hero. No more being your symbol of hope. I have not given up on hope. Not at all. I believe no matter what happens, I will come out on top. I may have loss my final two title matches of 2018. This is a new year. It’s a new day. I believe beyond a shadow of a reasonable doubt that I am going to walk out the brand new Television Champion. No offense Tommy.”
[I brightly smile.]
Dawn: “I was one hundred percent happy you won last week. How many people are talking about you being a two time Television Champion? Our peers on Twitter are reaching out to Adonis, telling him that everything is going to be okay after Manvel betrayed him. My heart goes out to him, too. I know what it feels like when a friend stabs you in the back. People flocking to Adonis is exactly what I am talking about.”
“Where is your respect? Where are our friends letting you know how proud of you they are? How many of them hopped on Twitter immediately to congratulate you on a job well done? Where was the outpouring of fan support? I was the only one who came out to say congrats. Where were they? You’re no stranger to disrespect. In many ways, we are alike. Both of us have busted our asses for how many years now? You have a longer career then me, as far as SCW goes, 2013 I wanna say?
“We fought at Taking Hold of the Flame.”
“Rise to Greatness.”
“We battled in a four way with the World Title on the line.”
“We stood side by side inside a Roofed Cage to take down The Network.”
“Did anyone pat us on the back for a job well done? Not at all.”
[I shake my head.]
Dawn: “I’m not looking for anybody to give us a five star match on Wednesday. I expect for our great match to get lost in the shuffle of everything that is going on. The D Family Civil War. The continued fallout of Katya trying to screw Cassidy over in favor of Syren. The Balance of Power matches that will decide I assume what D family member is in control of our fates. Know what, Tommy, that’s ok. Our Television Title match is not about them, nope, our match is about US. I am not going to allow the outside noises to strip away what this match means for me.”
“I stand across the ring from one of my best friends. I stand across the ring from a man who has been there for me in the darkest moments of my personal and professional life. When Alexis gave me a concussion a few years ago, you were there. When I was in Blood Grove, you stood by me. When I left this company, you kept in touch. The good, the bad, the one person consistently there for better or worse has been you, Tommy. This is our spotlight. Our moment. The fans don’t appreciate you the way that I do.”
[I nod.]
Dawn: Sentiment aside Tommy, you are wearing what I need right now, the Television Championship. Another thing I have rarely cared about was stacking up accomplishments, hey, I am close to the honor. Two more to go. I challenged for the Television Title once. Came up short. I don’t plan on coming up short again. By the end of 2019, I will become Supreme.”
“I’ve been the hero.”
“I have been the villain.”
“Each of those labels limited me.”
“You know us Lohan’s, we are a stubborn bunch. On Wednesday, I’ll remind you how stubborn I can be. Good luck, friend. With all due respect, I plan on the only one having a wonderful day, is me.
[I smile. I wave playfully waves for the camera as Abigail kills the feed.
Wow, didn’t know all of that would come out. Needed to be said. Wednesday can’t come soon enough.]