Kimberly Williams's Underground Invitational

[Braddock]

1 of ? For Wright. Depends on how much time I have.
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As if losing to Adam Brock at Rise To Greatness wasn’t enough, it only got worse for Pastor John Wright of The Sword of Joshua Full Gospel Pentecostal Temple of Joy Holiness by way of Mt. Judea, Arknasas. He fought the returning Sarah Wolf on Breakdown, or at least he was supposed to; but then he was attacked but worse still, he was betrayed! Betrayed by the man he held nearest and dearest to his heart, betrayed by his one true prophet of holiness, betrayed by James Evans. It is sad, really; sad because Wright felt that he was finally gaining some measure of traction in Supreme Championship Wrestling. Despite a fabulously awful losing record in the company, he still managed to earn a spot on the biggest event of the wrestling year; Rise To Greatness. Sure, he got beat by Adam Brock but at least he showed up, at least he was there, and at least he put up a fight. He even had gained some fans!

Ok, it was only one fan and that person really wasn’t a fan, it was just someone Brother Douglas paid to wear his merchandise that night at Rise To Greatness.

Still, Wright felt as if he finally had gained some momentum. He felt as if he had the wind beneath his wings and he was ready to soar. Then all of that air had been taken out of him thanks to the betrayal of the vile, evil fiend known as James Evans. SCW hasn’t even bothered to book Religious Wright on an edition of Breakdown since that point. Has SCW lost faith in the pastor? Does CHBK not take Wright seriously? Or maybe it’s because John Wright has been curled up in a fetal position in his bedroom crying like a little bitch refusing to leave ever since he was betrayed?

If you guessed the third option, you are correct. In fact Brother Douglas and Deacon Vern are situated just outside Religious Wright’s bedroom. They bloodcurdling screams can be heard coming from within the room. It really is sad to see how far the mighty Wright has fallen.

“Pastor Wright, you really should come out!” Brother Douglas, pleading with Wright. “This isn’t healthy for the morale of the congregation!”

“Leave me alone!”

“But Brotha Wright-uhhhh, your flock has diminished since your disappearance-uhhhh, they-uhhh need youuuuu-uhhhh to lead themmmmmm! Deacon Vern says, drawing out several of these syllables for some unknown reason.

“Of course they left me! I am a failure! I am a loser! I don’t want to live!”

“Y’know, Mr. Wright, if you let me talk to Mr. K then I can make that happen.”

“Who is Mr. K, Brotha Douglas-uhhhhh?”

“Mr. K as in CHBK. It’s more polite to call people Mr….”

“Of course. But how could CH…I mean, Mr. K-uhhhhh help Brotha Wright-uhhhh?

“Well, Mr. K could book Religious Wright in a match against Xander Valentine and I’m sure he won’t have to worry about the whole ‘living’ thing anymore!”

“I don’t want to wrestle Xander!” Wright’s shouts again are heard loudly. “I want to be left alone to die of starvation!”

“Does that mean you want me to cancel that GrubHub order?”

“No, dumbass!”

“Brotha Wright-uhhhhh, please listen to reason-uhhhhh, I know how depressed-uhhh you are over James Evans…”

“DO NOT SPEAK THAT NAME IN MY PRESENCE AGAIN!”

“Can we at least come in?”

“No!”

Brother Douglas smiles as he gets an idea. “We have porn.”

“What the hell are ya’ll doing waiting out there?! Come in!”

Brother Douglas winks at Deacon Vern before they open the door. They walk into the bedroom, cautious and curious about what they will find. The bedroom is a mess, a cluttered, dirty mess with clothes strewn about everywhere, empty bags and boxes of food and fast food burger wrappers everywhere, the bed is unkept, and lying on the floor in a fetal position wearing absolutely nothing except Holly Adams Brand (Trademarked) Underwear is Religious Wright.

“Where’s the damn porn?!”

“We said that just to get inside.”

“You lied to me?!” Wright sighs and starts crying again. “My own followers have betrayed me now!”

“We have not betrayed you-uhhhh, we just-uhhhh want to help you-uhhh.”

“Yes, Mr. Wright; the congregation is dropping off like flies and they need your leadership.”

“They’re dropping off like flies because I am a pathetic loser!”

“They are not leaving because you are a loser. You haven’t won a match in SCW. Ever. You have been humiliated time and time again on national television and yet the members of this parish still grew exponentially thanks to your time on television. Turns out your idea of making this whole wrestling journey a reality show was a big hit with the parish! They loved being semi-celebrities. They only left because,” Brother Douglas points a finger at Wright “you quit showing up to work on Breakdown.”

“Yeah?” Wright asks, sitting up and looking somewhat hopeful.

“Yeah.”

“See, Brotha Wright-uhhh, there is hope for you-uhhh and this church-uhhh.”

“Oh who am I kidding?” Wright shakes his head. “There is no hope. I had a thing going. This congregation had a symbol, we had James Evans and his message. But then he betrayed me. Without James and his message, we are nothing.”

“The message is important, not the messenger.” Brother Douglas points out. “James clearly never gave a damn about his message, otherwise he wouldn’t have betrayed you, nor would he have recruited some pimpsqueak who is little more than a hardcore junkie. But you, Mr. Wright, you kept the faith. While James was busy doing nothing you fought the good fight.”

“What are you suggesting, Brother Douglas?” Wright says as he stands up.

“Continue to preach the good news!” Douglas exclaims. “Do not let hypocrites like James get you down!”

“Sounds good in theory but what ideas do we have? I mean, The James Evans Monster Truck is finally finished but I suppose there’s no reason to use it now.”

“We could blow it up.” Douglas suggests. “People love a good explosion.”

“Or how about-uhhhh a game show-uhhhh?

“Game show?” Wright scoffs. “Nobody likes game shows anymore. The reality show biz is where its at. Brother Douglas, get your hot as fuck sister who I am secretly having an affair with busy getting the camera crew back here! We need to get on this pronto!”

“Already on it!” Brother Douglas salutes. “The camera crews are already here and have been filming this entire time. I figured you would want your meltdown and slow rise back to the top to be filmed for the documentary.”

“Good thinking, Brother Douglas!” Wright pats him on the back. “Now what we need is a new messenger.”

“What do you mean, Mr. Wright?”

“You were quite correct, Brother Douglas, the message is more important, but so is the messenger. James Evans was an imperfect messenger because he is only human. What we need is to quit following false prophets like James and instead we need to follow the one true goddess..”

“Goddess-uhhhh?” Deacon Vern arches his brow out of curiosity. “Do you really-uhhh think the congregation will-uhhhh believe in your new message-uhhhh?”

“Those morons will believe anything I say. Especially now that the message is coming from a divine deity!” Wright quickly turns towards his nightstand and picks up his “bible”. He slaps a Selena Frost sticker on the front of the “bible” and raises it over his head.

“WE BELIEVE!”

“WE BELIEVE!”

“WE BELIEVE!”

“And with this holy book, I shall return to SCW at Apocalypse and become the number one contender for the SCW Underground Championship! I shall claim that title in the name of SELENA FROST and rename it…THE INTEGRITY CHAMPIONSHIP!” Wright points at Brother Douglas. “Now take us away, Brother Douglas!”

“WE BELIEVE! FUCK YEAH!”
“INTEGRITY! FUCK YEAH!”
“WRIGHT RETURNS AT APOCALYPSE! FUCK YEAH!”
“WE BELIEVE! FUCK YEAH!”