BATTLE ROYAL - CONTRACT ANY MATCH ANY TIME STIPS WITHIN

[Foreverzerov1]

Saraiel Rp

I feel like I am nothing but a disapointment

I try to hide it with being sexy...or slutty or fucking people. But deep down i know i am nothing. Thats why this
chad thing is so easy thats why just accepting this new life was so easy to accept to take in. To become a whore before that just to degrade myself in the name of survival that was easy just from who i am how i feel at my lowest of lows. I feel like i am every single negative thing some one has said about me. I feel like I deserve to be treated like dirt because that is what I am i feel like if I should be treated this way.

I look at my life and i wonder why do i do every thing so wrong.

Its not like i want to be one of those cry for help i need attention people its actually the opposite

i hate being weak i hate being looked down at i hate being treated like i am less then every one.

So I fuck people so they shut up so they dont talk...i just hate people maybe i just hate people talking about themselve i hate people talking about their problems or wanting to talk about mine. I am fucked up i am a mess i know it. I dont need pity i just need to find the solution i dont need to be cuddled i dont need to know every thing will be ok I just need a reason i just need a reason or something that just stops this feeling of being so useless....

I entered this battle royal...news flash im not winning and i wouldnt say i entered more i was told i am entered and i do as im told chad is my boss but after that it is the emerge brass so i will do as i am told because thats what im good at being submissive doing as im told maybe it will point me in the path of where i need to find that missing piece in my life or maybe its just another shit hole in my life....Oh well lets get this shit done with....


I look at the man in the bed with me....apparently hes some one of note in this business i didnt care whether he was or he wasnt. or He apparently is important I dont remeber his name could be the coke...could be the weed could be the booze i doubt he will be here in the morning so what does it matter i look at my phone texts from jenna shes probably the only person that cares about me asking if im ok...thats not something im use to. pimps they dont care about you at least not like a person they care about you like a farmer cares for a cow...its weird having friends...its weird about having a friend without alterior motives...i still dont get it...I take another hit and i pass out...

Thats life ...i had been clean for awhile but the guilt of letting down the only friend ive ever had...that got to me. Jenna not getting the tag titles...not for me but for her that was what caused this because i thought about it i thought about how every onmje else seemed so much better then me every one else seemed to have their shit together...i realized with slittle training with little talent what chance did i have...and thats where it began the spiral im in the spiral i continue to fall in the spiral that made me realize i will never be good enough that i will never matter...i dont need salvation or even to turn things around i think all i want is just blank out and forget everything id love to just disappear to have my mind blanked out in the men in black movies...that would be cool id like that id be cool with that...

I just want to go to sleep...but for now i will fight for now i will enter the battle royal...lose and life will go on. atleast ill have the money to pay for my next high.