12-19-2020, 05:07 PM
Derek Adonis is a changed man.
For the last number of years, Supreme Championship Wrestling audiences has known Derek Adonis as the purveyor of KABLAM - an over-sexed manatee (in the words of some)... one who embraced the freedom of sexuality. He had run his KABLAMpire (a term coined by Derek himself) alongside his best friend Manvel and his eventual wife Cookie Dreams. Derek was a man on top of the world.
Then it started to fall apart. First was the Manvel betrayal, a Judas event if there ever was one, and recently his marriage (in all fairness, his sixth marriage) has seemingly fallen apart. Derek was left on the side of the road, with nothing to show for his years in the desert. Then a light came to him…
“Derek Adonis…”
Adonis lay back in the dirt, his hand shielding his eyes from the blinding light.
“I… I can’t see,” he shouted out. The light truly inhibited his sight, and Derek was left in a panic, unsure of what to do. “My God, I can’t see!”
“Derek Adonis…” the booming, almost otherworldly voice continued. “You have been led astray, like a sheep drawn away from its flock.”
“Who are you?” Derek asks desperately, yet fruitlessly. Disembodied voices don’t often like to be named.
“My son,” the voice continues, stubbornly refusing to answer Derek’s protestations, yet still maintaining a reassuring tone. “You have been led astray in your life. You have devoted yourself to sin and debauchery, to sloth and lust.”
“But father,” Derek defends himself, unsure why he just called the voice “father”. “I made a fortune.”
“At what cost?!” the voice booms even louder, almost enough to knock Derek flat on his back. Man Mountain struggles on his back like an abandoned turtle. “You took a vow in His name and you pervert it by…”
“I only do consensual KABLAM!” Derek protests.
“... taking His name in vain.”
“Oh.”
“You have embraced a life lathered in the deadly sins,” the voice, again very accurately, informs Adonis.
“Deadly?” Derek isn’t convinced. “Ain’t no one hurt…”
“You live a life of lust, gluttony, sloth, pride,” the voice continues. “Greed, envy…”
“What are you saying?” Adonis asks, cutting off the voice before mentioning the seventh deadly sin. “That I’m going to Hell? Are you the Ghost of Christmas Future!? Can this path be avoided!?”
Adonis looks up in desperation. The fact that his entire life had been built around the monetization of his sexual impulses, listed in KABLAM, has apparently come around to bite Adonis in a place and a way he doesn’t much care to be bitten. Looking almost to the Heavens, he sweats a sweat he hadn’t sweat since New Years Eve 1999 when he was in the midst of a Las Vegas orgy filled with people sure that the end of the world was nigh*.
*It wasn’t.
“Derek Adonis,” the voice booms out. “Rise.”
For Adonis, his usual confusion has been replaced by a whole new level of confusion. Still, when a booming, otherworldly voice beckons one to rise, one rises.
“From this day forward,” the voice begins. “You are to renounce your sinful ways and embrace a path of righteousness. You are to forsake lust and greed… sloth and gluttony, pride and envy…”
Still no wrath.
“You are to serve His holy name,” the voice continues. “You are to evangelize and spread the Word as you have women before. You are to make Him the primary motivation of your career.”
“Evangelize?” Adonis asks, not being familiar with the term. “You mean like those guys on TV from the mansions talking about the other guys in mansions being good and scaring people straight?”
“Precisely,” the voice tells Adonis exactly what he wanted to hear. “It is the responsibility of the strong to lead the weak in His word. Otherwise, how will the weak know what to do?”
Although the lessons started to seem a tad distant from the actual word, Adonis didn’t know any better.
“Embrace your destiny, Derek Adonis,” the voice concludes… “And lead the sheep to the Promised Land.”
The light awashed around Adonis dissipates, leaving him standing alone… wondering what he had just experienced, considering the ramifications of carrying on his own road. As he reaches up, feeling the hair styled up, he begins to pat himself down, pressing his hair to the top of his head, pushing it into something resembling a comb-over. In his eyes, there is a difference. He exhales deeply before placing one foot in front of the other, walking with a new purpose.
For on this day, Derek Adonis was not only changed.
Derek Adonis was Saved.
---
“Brothers…
Sisters…
I’m here to tell you there’s another way.
For too long, I have followed a road to personal riches. Fame. Fortune. Women. Every vice at my fingertips. And every time, I found myself letting it slip away. These hands are the greatest sieve out there. I could take things. I could hold them. But they always… always… were destined to slip away. And so I had these holes to fill. And I sought all sorts of things so I could fill the holes, but ultimately I was left unsatisfied.
Until today.
The days of Derek Adonis: Sinner are over. I renounce my sinful ways. I have sought forgiveness from the Lord above and, for that forgiveness, I have agreed to serve Him. To speak for Him. To lead the weak and haughty to Him. And in SCW, there is plenty of haught around. I am not going to be a guide to your eternal damnation. I want to shine a light on the right path. I want to blow my righteous air onto the plague of pride that courses through SCW and eradicate it entirely!
There is a change in the air.
And while I am facing Jamarcus Avery, I would recommend he and his manager not sleep on me. Because not only would that be unwise, but it would be rather uncomfortable. I’m not here to be anyone’s cushion. I am here to be a rock and show the power of faith…
Because faith can move anything… even Man Mountain!”
For the last number of years, Supreme Championship Wrestling audiences has known Derek Adonis as the purveyor of KABLAM - an over-sexed manatee (in the words of some)... one who embraced the freedom of sexuality. He had run his KABLAMpire (a term coined by Derek himself) alongside his best friend Manvel and his eventual wife Cookie Dreams. Derek was a man on top of the world.
Then it started to fall apart. First was the Manvel betrayal, a Judas event if there ever was one, and recently his marriage (in all fairness, his sixth marriage) has seemingly fallen apart. Derek was left on the side of the road, with nothing to show for his years in the desert. Then a light came to him…
“Derek Adonis…”
Adonis lay back in the dirt, his hand shielding his eyes from the blinding light.
“I… I can’t see,” he shouted out. The light truly inhibited his sight, and Derek was left in a panic, unsure of what to do. “My God, I can’t see!”
“Derek Adonis…” the booming, almost otherworldly voice continued. “You have been led astray, like a sheep drawn away from its flock.”
“Who are you?” Derek asks desperately, yet fruitlessly. Disembodied voices don’t often like to be named.
“My son,” the voice continues, stubbornly refusing to answer Derek’s protestations, yet still maintaining a reassuring tone. “You have been led astray in your life. You have devoted yourself to sin and debauchery, to sloth and lust.”
“But father,” Derek defends himself, unsure why he just called the voice “father”. “I made a fortune.”
“At what cost?!” the voice booms even louder, almost enough to knock Derek flat on his back. Man Mountain struggles on his back like an abandoned turtle. “You took a vow in His name and you pervert it by…”
“I only do consensual KABLAM!” Derek protests.
“... taking His name in vain.”
“Oh.”
“You have embraced a life lathered in the deadly sins,” the voice, again very accurately, informs Adonis.
“Deadly?” Derek isn’t convinced. “Ain’t no one hurt…”
“You live a life of lust, gluttony, sloth, pride,” the voice continues. “Greed, envy…”
“What are you saying?” Adonis asks, cutting off the voice before mentioning the seventh deadly sin. “That I’m going to Hell? Are you the Ghost of Christmas Future!? Can this path be avoided!?”
Adonis looks up in desperation. The fact that his entire life had been built around the monetization of his sexual impulses, listed in KABLAM, has apparently come around to bite Adonis in a place and a way he doesn’t much care to be bitten. Looking almost to the Heavens, he sweats a sweat he hadn’t sweat since New Years Eve 1999 when he was in the midst of a Las Vegas orgy filled with people sure that the end of the world was nigh*.
*It wasn’t.
“Derek Adonis,” the voice booms out. “Rise.”
For Adonis, his usual confusion has been replaced by a whole new level of confusion. Still, when a booming, otherworldly voice beckons one to rise, one rises.
“From this day forward,” the voice begins. “You are to renounce your sinful ways and embrace a path of righteousness. You are to forsake lust and greed… sloth and gluttony, pride and envy…”
Still no wrath.
“You are to serve His holy name,” the voice continues. “You are to evangelize and spread the Word as you have women before. You are to make Him the primary motivation of your career.”
“Evangelize?” Adonis asks, not being familiar with the term. “You mean like those guys on TV from the mansions talking about the other guys in mansions being good and scaring people straight?”
“Precisely,” the voice tells Adonis exactly what he wanted to hear. “It is the responsibility of the strong to lead the weak in His word. Otherwise, how will the weak know what to do?”
Although the lessons started to seem a tad distant from the actual word, Adonis didn’t know any better.
“Embrace your destiny, Derek Adonis,” the voice concludes… “And lead the sheep to the Promised Land.”
The light awashed around Adonis dissipates, leaving him standing alone… wondering what he had just experienced, considering the ramifications of carrying on his own road. As he reaches up, feeling the hair styled up, he begins to pat himself down, pressing his hair to the top of his head, pushing it into something resembling a comb-over. In his eyes, there is a difference. He exhales deeply before placing one foot in front of the other, walking with a new purpose.
For on this day, Derek Adonis was not only changed.
Derek Adonis was Saved.
---
“Brothers…
Sisters…
I’m here to tell you there’s another way.
For too long, I have followed a road to personal riches. Fame. Fortune. Women. Every vice at my fingertips. And every time, I found myself letting it slip away. These hands are the greatest sieve out there. I could take things. I could hold them. But they always… always… were destined to slip away. And so I had these holes to fill. And I sought all sorts of things so I could fill the holes, but ultimately I was left unsatisfied.
Until today.
The days of Derek Adonis: Sinner are over. I renounce my sinful ways. I have sought forgiveness from the Lord above and, for that forgiveness, I have agreed to serve Him. To speak for Him. To lead the weak and haughty to Him. And in SCW, there is plenty of haught around. I am not going to be a guide to your eternal damnation. I want to shine a light on the right path. I want to blow my righteous air onto the plague of pride that courses through SCW and eradicate it entirely!
There is a change in the air.
And while I am facing Jamarcus Avery, I would recommend he and his manager not sleep on me. Because not only would that be unwise, but it would be rather uncomfortable. I’m not here to be anyone’s cushion. I am here to be a rock and show the power of faith…
Because faith can move anything… even Man Mountain!”
![[Image: vJXLyBV.png]](https://i.imgur.com/vJXLyBV.png)