Kimberly Williams Trios Cash-In RP Thread

[Braddock]

OOC: Religious Wright rp
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Strobe lights are going off to an extreme extent; the flashing yellows, blues, greens, and orange all over is enough to send someone into an epileptic seizure. Throughout the mayhem and chaos of the flashing lights one can barely make out a stage where we see a large grotesquely obese man in overalls, a denim shirt, and a beard so long that it would make the guys from Duck Dynasty jealous. This fat bearded man is playing a song a guitar and singing the lyrics to “I’ll Fly Away” by Alan Jackson…a low tempoed song that certainly does not fit the excitement and extravaganza effect created by the flashing strobe lights.

“I'll fly away, oh, Glory”
“I'll fly away”
“When I die, Hallelujah, by and by”
“I'll fly away”

Before he can go any further we see another figure in what appears to be a dark hooded cloak storming the stage. It is difficult to make out much about this figure due to the hood and the lights. We can tell that this is a male based on the low masculine voice when he begins shouting.

“No! No! No! Stop!” He starts waving his hands “Stop! Stop the lights and stop the music!”

The flashing strobe lights cease. So does the music. The bearded guitar player looks on with confusion at the man who we can now see is John Wright, also known as Religious Wright of The Sword of Joshua Full Gospel Pentecostal Temple of Joy Holiness by way of Mt. Judea, Arknasas

“Uh, what’s wrong, Religious Wright?”

“What’s wrong? What’s wrong?! Brother Adam, WHAT IS WRONG is the choice of music you are playing! What did we talk at the Pastor-Parish Relations Committee meeting?”

“The affair you’re having with your hot secretary with big boobies?”

“No! Well, yeah, we did because DAMN she’s hot…but that wasn’t the primary topic now was it? We spoke about connecting to the youth of today. See, Brother Adam, the youth of today is interested in rock and roll! Pop! Taylor Swift! Bad Bunny! Ozzy Osmond!”

“It’s Ozzy Osbourne and he was around in the 1970s.”

“Do NOT contradict me, Brother Adam! You DO know the only reason you still have a job here at The Sword of Joshua Full Gospel Pentecostal Temple of Joy Holiness by way of Mt. Judea, Arknasas is because of MY good hearted generosity, right?”

Brother Adam tilts his head to one side and scratches his chin. “Is it because I caught you cheating on your wife with your hot secretary with big boobies who happens to be my sister?”

“Yes…I mean NO!” Wright shakes his head vehemently. “Now Brother Adam, I know you are not the smartest bulb in the bunch, but with the power of THA LAWD I know you can do this job as PRAISE BAND LEADER to the absolute best of your ability…which, unfortunately, the best of your ability is not very good…” he shrugs his shoulders “...but it’s good enough for my purposes! Now as I said, we need to connect to the youth of today! Do you think grown men and women actually watch devil programming like SCW Breakdown?”

“Yeah.”

“I doubt it! Tha LAWD tells me they don’t!” Wright exclaims. “Now play that song again only spice it up for the youth of today! Do you know what I mean?”

“I think so…”

“Then hit it, Brother Adam! Play for the JOY OF THE LAWD!”

Brother Adam begins strumming his guitar and playing a slightly different version of I’ll Fly Away by Alan Jackson…

“I'll fly away, oh, Glory! FUCK YEAH!”
“I'll fly away…FUCK YEAH!”
“When I die, FUCK YEAH! Hallelujah, by and by, FUCK YEAH!”
“I'll fly away…FUCK YEAH!”

Religious Wright is seen head banging as if he is at a rock concert right now. “Rock on, Brother Adam! Rock on for the GLORY OF THE LAWD!” He turns towards the camera. “Now look at me you fallen heathen within the confines of Satanic Championship Wrestling! Too often you have been ruled by the iron fisted evil powers of witches like Selena Frost and mythological snow creatures like Amy Chastain…”

“Uh, Religious Wright…”

“What the fuck is it, Brother Adam? Can’t you see that I am TRYING to save some souls?”

“Yeah, it’s just that Selena is the mythical snow person. Amy is the witch.”

“That’s what I said!” Religious Wright insists. “Now where was I? Oh yeah…now that unsaved whore of babylon Kimberly Williams has decreed that every single championship in Satanic Championship Wrestling shall be on the line in one night of brutal brutality in the barbaric barbarity of Underground Rules! First of all, do you know who lives in the Underground? THE DEVIL! Second, who in their right mind would let unsaved heathens decide matches? THE DEVIL! But Tha LAWD has decreed that I shall take advantage of THE DEVIL’S evil decree! I shall enter this violently violent violence and liberate EACH AND EVERY CHAMPIONSHIP from the claws of SATAN AND HIS MINIONS!”

“SATAN CRUZE SHALL NO LONGER BE WORLD CHAMPION!”

“BEELZEBUB HUDSON SHALL NO LONGER BE CHAMPION OF AMERICA!”

“LUCIFER LANCASTER SHALL NO LONGER BE ADRENALINE CHAMPION!”

“Bree…” Brother Adam pipes in. This interruption annoys Religious Wright who shoots him an annoyed gaze.

“WHAT?!”

“Bree Lancaster is the SCW Adrenaline Champion.”

“Who?!”

“Look.” Brother Adam shows Religious Wright a picture of Bree from the SCW Website on his phone. Religious Wright’s eyes grow wide.

“Is she single, Brother Adam?”

“No.”

“Fuck!” Wright stomps his foot angrily. “Well I will liberate her title! I will do it in the name of the LAWD! I will not let The Whore of Babolyn Kimberly Williams stop me! I will not let JEZEBEL BRADDOCK STOP ME! Satanic Championship Wrestling shall come crumbling down tonight, BROTHER ADAM!”

The strobe lights begin flashing again and Brother Adam resumes his playing…

“I'll fly away, oh, Glory! FUCK YEAH!”
“I'll fly away…FUCK YEAH!”
“When I die, FUCK YEAH! Hallelujah, by and by, FUCK YEAH!”
“I'll fly away…FUCK YEAH!”