Religious Wright vs. Amelia Blythe

[Braddock]

Today we find Senior Executive Most Reverend John Wright of The Sword of Joshua Full Gospel Pentecostal Temple of Joy Holiness by way of Mt. Judea, Arknasas in the dining room, a very fancy dining room at that, of their palatial estate (which he calls a “simple parsonage”). He is decked out in his finest polo shirt and khaki pants. The pastor’s wife, Lizzie Wright, emerges behind him wearing a fancy black sequin evening gown. The lovely Lizzie does not appear very pleased at this moment. She is still upset with her beloved husband, who is now attempting to woo her.

Lizzie Wright: I hope you’re not trying to bribe me into falling in line with your pathetic little schemes…

Religious Wright: I would never bribe you into falling in line with my pathetic little schemes. Now I WOULD bribe you into falling in line with amazingly great schemes, schemes that come from the WORD OF THA LAWD!

Lizzie Wright: All I know, Johnny, is that you started this church…and the idiots gave you everything they had…

Religious Wright: OUR BLESSED, GIVING CONGREGATION!

Lizzie Wright: Then you got some wild ass hair up your butt to try and wrestle.

Religious Wright: I can spread the word of THA LAWD into televisions worldwide!

Lizzie Wright: Yeah, and you got off track from…ahem…THA LAWD. Now you seem to be worshipping that James Evans fella. And how the hell has he helped ya? Huh? Has he increased our profit margins any? Has he got me that fancy new luxury convertible you promised me?

Religious Wright: Now slow down, Lizzie. Mr. James Evans is a prophet of THE LAWD, just like me! We must defend him, protect him, we must…

Lizzie Wright: All I wanna do is spread my legs wide open for that hunka hunka man meat!

Religious Wright rolls his eyes.

Religious Wright: Oh come on, Lizzie. You got me for that!

Lizzie Wright: Yes, and you said yourself that scandal is GOOD for our movement. You already having an affair with that idiot cameraman’s whore of a sister. And you were eyeballing Deanna Frost at Taking Hold of the Flame. I bet you talked that Mista Dee character into giving you a match with Amelia Blythe just so you can get your dirty paws on her too, huh?

Religious Wright: No! I want to defend the honor of James Evans!

Lizzie Wight: Bull Manure, Johnny! You want to fuck three women! Its only fair that I can have at least one secret love affair with little Jimmy Evans!

Religious Wright: Uh, Lizzie? It won’t exactly be secret. The cameras are recording all of this.

Lizzie sighs out of frustration.

Lizzie Wright: Which is another thing! Why are we recording everything we do? We’re not the fucking Osbornes!

Religious Wright: But we can be as big as them! And holy too!

He motions for his wife to sit down at the table. Lizzie sighs as she sits down. John Wright sits down next to her.

Religious Wright: I have had your favorite meal prepared for you, my lovely bride!

Lizzie Wright: Iberian ham with monkey brain soup?

Religious Wright: Uh…nooo…

Lizzie Wright: Well that’s my favorite dish you moron. My second favorite is Wagyu beef with Madagascar vanilla pod. Is that what you made, sweetie?

Religious Wright: Uh…no…

Lizzie rolls her eyes.

Lizzie Wright: Ok, then it HAS to be Ayam Cemani Black Chicken.

Religious Wright: Yes! Well…kinda…in the ballpark at least.

Lizzie Wright: What do you mean by… “in the ballpark”, Johnny?

Pastor Wright claps his hands. In walks a fancy dressed butler with a huge silver serving tray with half a dozen bags of chic-fil-et food resting upon it. He places the silver tray on the table in front of Religious Wright and Lizzie Wright.

Religious Wright: See? Your favorite!

Lizzie: That’s your favorite, you idiot! I hate chick-fil-et!

Religious Wright: Buuuuuut I’m the pastor, therefore my favorite is everyone’s favorite! That’s the rules, right?

Lizzie slaps him across the face.

Religious Wright: Guess not…

Lizzie Wright: You don’t want me to have an illicit affair with that sexy stud James Evans, meanwhile you’re oggling the likes of Deanna Frost and Amelia Blythe…

Religious Wright: In fairness that’s gonna be AFTER I kick Amelia’s rear end on Breakdown.

Lizzie Wright: Shut up! You’re filandering around and you try to woo me with chick-fil-et? That’s not what I want.

Religious Wright: Well what DO you want, love?

Lizzie Wright: I think you know what I want.

Religious Wright sighs and shakes his head.

Religious Wright: You want to have wild animalistic sex right here and now, don’t you?

Lizzie Wright: Take off those pants you hunka hunka holy love!