07-20-2019, 07:09 PM
KNN NEWS UPDATE
Our scene rises up inside the KNN studios, manned (or wo-manned, as the case may be) by the one and only news anchor Chesty LaRue. The young, well-endowed woman sits at her desk, the twins being pressed up by it from underneath, as she smiles into the camera.
Chesty: “Yes, this is a KNN News Update! I am your host, Chesty LaRue. Here’s today’s top story.”
She clears her throat, something she often does not have any trouble with as she keeps herself well in practice.
Chesty: “Today the match of the KABLAMennium was made, as our benefactors and financiers, Derek Adonis and Cookie Dreams, were announced to be facing the dastardly duo of Loretta Inglewood and Drake Hemingway at SCW’s Rise to Greatness event! Unfortunately, this match will NOT be contested within the confines of the KABLAMAdome, a structure that Man Mountain had teased in the past.”
An inset image appears above her shoulder that you don’t pay attention to. It’s essentially SCW’s Thunderdome painted pink and purple with some of the features of a BDSM club. I don’t know what kind of details that encompasses – just google it.
Chesty: “But what we can expect to have happen is a night where freedom and love and all things KABLAM takes its place against prudishness and cultish obedience. After all, what is America if not Freedom?”
Chesty stands up from her desk, removing the shirt she had been wearing tightly anyway to reveal an American flag bikini top underneath. She stands proudly, chest sticking out.
Chesty: “All this purity talk is unAmerican! And not only that, it’s anti-freedom. Like you might as well be [censored] [censored] Do[redacted] [unheard]ump! So stand up, denizens of KABLAM! Stand up for America! Stand up for the right to do what you want to do as long as it doesn’t hurt others! Stand up for KABLAM NATION! Together we can overcome this threat to our freedom! Together we can BE BEST! I am Chesty LaRue! THANK YOU, GOD BLESS, and HAPPY KABLAM!
With that, our KNN logo comes back onto the screen and we fade to black…
---------------------------------------------------
The KABLAMadome - an ominous structure made infinitely-less threatening by the presence of pink and purple paint upon it, strewn about with sex toys in lieu of actual weapons. It would be a hellish landscape for Loretta Inglewood, one of the opponents Derek Adonis and Cookie Dreams find themselves across the ring from at Rise to Greatness. In reality, this Rise to Greatness is different in and of itself: Derek Adonis is scheduled to compete on the main show for the first time in his SCW career - a feat made even more impressive considering his Taking Hold of the Flame appearance was decidedly limited. Derek Adonis can be seen sitting inside of it, holding onto one of the Fleshlights he was going to use in the match… they can make good bludgeoning objects, right? Looking at it almost wistfully, he sighs.
Adonis: “I’m sorry, Dillion Harper. I so wanted to use you in a manner other than that which you were created for. Oh well… I guess I’ll just have to keep you warn for the next time.”
He sighs again, reaching down for his belt buckle as he hears the footsteps of his unlikely wife, the voluptuous Cookie Dreams, approaching the KABLAMadome. He sets the Fleshlight aside, leaning back against the side of the dome. Cookie quickly rushes over.
Cookie: “Oh nonono! That was just painted!”
Derek shrugs.
Adonis: “What’s a pink grid on my back going to matter? It’s not going to be the KABLAMadome… it’s almost like SCW doesn’t take me seriously.”
Cookie begins to ponder it.
Cookie: “But we make so much money for them.”
Adonis: “Right!? Even when I wasn’t a two-time Champion of Television, I was still a man of the people. They love me! Even if Kandis thinks I come off as a bit “rapey”...”
Derek looks over at Cookie, his Tide Pod-hued eyes almost glistening in hurt.
Adonis: “Do I come off as “rapey”?”
Cookie: “What? Of course not! Where would anyone get that idea!”
Adonis smiles a bitter smile.
Adonis: “Thanks… just because I’m friendly doesn’t mean I’m rapey. I have my rules… No means no; Daddy doesn’t diddle; Daddy don’t ding dongs…”
Derek sighs, looking down at the Fleshlight beside him. He picks it up, just holding it.
Adonis: “I miss him too.”
Cookie: “It feels like everything we’ve had going on in the last six months has been because Manvel betrayed us. And look at where we all are now. You and I have these Purity people trying to horn in on our market…”
Adonis: “Without even getting the irony of “horning”...”
Cookie: “Exactly! They’re doing that, and Manvel is just… listless.”
Adonis: “Does he even have a match this weekend? I guess the pre-show battle royal...”
Cookie: “It’s all Cupcake’s fault… “WhO wAnTs A cOoKiE wHeN yOu CaN hAvE a CuPcAkE!?”... phooey!”
Derek chuckles as Cookie opens the Dome, moving over and sitting beside her (again very unlikely) husband.
Adonis: “At least we have each other… even if you COULD do better.”
Cookie shrugs her shoulders.
Cookie: “Meh… better is too much work.”
Derek smiles, holding onto the Fleshlight as he rests his head on Cookie’s shoulder. She takes it out of his hand.
Adonis: “Wait… wh…”
Cookie: “You just relax.”
Any of Derek’s mopiness instantly escapes as he gleefully sits up. Cookie shifts around in front of him as the scene cuts away. Sorry, perverts… none of that here!
Adonis: “KABLAM!”
---------------------------------------------------
“KABLAM is under attack!
Make no mistake about it… what Purity wants to do will not stop with KABLAM! It will continue on through us if it is allowed to everything else until everyone is a soulless automaton existing only to pat each other on the back and have the world’s largest circle jerk without any actual circle jerks happening… madness, I tell you… MADNESS!
“THIS IS SPARTA!”... kick! Sorry… I always wanted to do that.
I don’t believe in that… what Drake Hemingway and Loretta Inglewood talk about. Purity is fine and dandy. If that’s your thing, you do you. But they want to FORCE people into their belief. They want people to follow them by any means necessary, and that includes by force. I… I never understood that. There’s no joy in that. And KABLAM is all about happiness and joy.
KABLAM is why, at 40, I joined SCW. Because it was something I wanted to do. And yeah, I’ve lost things in the meantime. I had four divorces when I joined, and now have five with a sixth marriage. I had a best friend who I don’t have anymore. I’ve been Champion of Television twice - both times starting the next year as Champion, which is pretty cool. But being Champion twice means I’ve lost it twice. I have lost a lot in the name of KABLAM… I’ve been beaten, spit on, called “Rapey” on Twitter…
But I’m still here.
Because I am not about to let someone else tell me I can’t stick around, that I can’t be myself and believe what I believe. And no, I would never FORCE anyone to believe what I believe, but I’m not going to be shy about giving them the chance to. Maybe… maybe that’s where I come on a little strong. I’m a salesman. I sell things… drive-thru weddings, books, TV series… I sell things. Maybe they’re not things for everyone. What exists that everyone needs? I mean, you’d be hard-pressed to find a home without a chair, and I don’t sell a KABLAMAchair… maybe I should. Note to self: KABLAMAchair.
Where was I?
Oh… right. Really, that’s the real difference between Purity and KABLAM! Purity wants people to fit a mold whether they want to or not. They’ll hammer square pegs into round holes (KABLAM) and vice versa. KABLAM will fit to your happiness. KABLAM, in a way, has room for Purity within it. If that’s what makes you happy, then KABLAM it! Maybe you should think about it, because the way you’re going about it makes people think you have sticks where the sun doesn’t shine IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN! KABLAM!
No… no… I have a match. I have to be ready to go into combat. I have to be ready to defend not only MY ideals… not only the ideals of KABLAM… but the ideals of freedom… the same freedom that America represents! In a way of thinking, I am fighting for America…
Because only in America can a man like me get a woman like Cookie and be able to actually keep her even when other people tell her she can do better.
Only in America can I take a little chapel in Las Vegas and turn it into the epicenter of what has become a full out movement.
Only in America can someone who was probably a tad overweight manage to become a cultural… well… not Icon, but you know…
Only in America could I have the FREEDOM to sell what you call “smut”. This is about America and American values! Not Purity.
And I will do my PATRIOTIC DUTY and stand up for the United States! I will do my PATRIOTIC DUTY to NOT tone my skin orange and actually do some GOOD… someone in America has to, right!?
This is going to be big, folks! God bless the United States of Ameri-KABLAM!”
Our scene rises up inside the KNN studios, manned (or wo-manned, as the case may be) by the one and only news anchor Chesty LaRue. The young, well-endowed woman sits at her desk, the twins being pressed up by it from underneath, as she smiles into the camera.
Chesty: “Yes, this is a KNN News Update! I am your host, Chesty LaRue. Here’s today’s top story.”
She clears her throat, something she often does not have any trouble with as she keeps herself well in practice.
Chesty: “Today the match of the KABLAMennium was made, as our benefactors and financiers, Derek Adonis and Cookie Dreams, were announced to be facing the dastardly duo of Loretta Inglewood and Drake Hemingway at SCW’s Rise to Greatness event! Unfortunately, this match will NOT be contested within the confines of the KABLAMAdome, a structure that Man Mountain had teased in the past.”
An inset image appears above her shoulder that you don’t pay attention to. It’s essentially SCW’s Thunderdome painted pink and purple with some of the features of a BDSM club. I don’t know what kind of details that encompasses – just google it.
Chesty: “But what we can expect to have happen is a night where freedom and love and all things KABLAM takes its place against prudishness and cultish obedience. After all, what is America if not Freedom?”
Chesty stands up from her desk, removing the shirt she had been wearing tightly anyway to reveal an American flag bikini top underneath. She stands proudly, chest sticking out.
Chesty: “All this purity talk is unAmerican! And not only that, it’s anti-freedom. Like you might as well be [censored] [censored] Do[redacted] [unheard]ump! So stand up, denizens of KABLAM! Stand up for America! Stand up for the right to do what you want to do as long as it doesn’t hurt others! Stand up for KABLAM NATION! Together we can overcome this threat to our freedom! Together we can BE BEST! I am Chesty LaRue! THANK YOU, GOD BLESS, and HAPPY KABLAM!
With that, our KNN logo comes back onto the screen and we fade to black…
---------------------------------------------------
The KABLAMadome - an ominous structure made infinitely-less threatening by the presence of pink and purple paint upon it, strewn about with sex toys in lieu of actual weapons. It would be a hellish landscape for Loretta Inglewood, one of the opponents Derek Adonis and Cookie Dreams find themselves across the ring from at Rise to Greatness. In reality, this Rise to Greatness is different in and of itself: Derek Adonis is scheduled to compete on the main show for the first time in his SCW career - a feat made even more impressive considering his Taking Hold of the Flame appearance was decidedly limited. Derek Adonis can be seen sitting inside of it, holding onto one of the Fleshlights he was going to use in the match… they can make good bludgeoning objects, right? Looking at it almost wistfully, he sighs.
Adonis: “I’m sorry, Dillion Harper. I so wanted to use you in a manner other than that which you were created for. Oh well… I guess I’ll just have to keep you warn for the next time.”
He sighs again, reaching down for his belt buckle as he hears the footsteps of his unlikely wife, the voluptuous Cookie Dreams, approaching the KABLAMadome. He sets the Fleshlight aside, leaning back against the side of the dome. Cookie quickly rushes over.
Cookie: “Oh nonono! That was just painted!”
Derek shrugs.
Adonis: “What’s a pink grid on my back going to matter? It’s not going to be the KABLAMadome… it’s almost like SCW doesn’t take me seriously.”
Cookie begins to ponder it.
Cookie: “But we make so much money for them.”
Adonis: “Right!? Even when I wasn’t a two-time Champion of Television, I was still a man of the people. They love me! Even if Kandis thinks I come off as a bit “rapey”...”
Derek looks over at Cookie, his Tide Pod-hued eyes almost glistening in hurt.
Adonis: “Do I come off as “rapey”?”
Cookie: “What? Of course not! Where would anyone get that idea!”
Adonis smiles a bitter smile.
Adonis: “Thanks… just because I’m friendly doesn’t mean I’m rapey. I have my rules… No means no; Daddy doesn’t diddle; Daddy don’t ding dongs…”
Derek sighs, looking down at the Fleshlight beside him. He picks it up, just holding it.
Adonis: “I miss him too.”
Cookie: “It feels like everything we’ve had going on in the last six months has been because Manvel betrayed us. And look at where we all are now. You and I have these Purity people trying to horn in on our market…”
Adonis: “Without even getting the irony of “horning”...”
Cookie: “Exactly! They’re doing that, and Manvel is just… listless.”
Adonis: “Does he even have a match this weekend? I guess the pre-show battle royal...”
Cookie: “It’s all Cupcake’s fault… “WhO wAnTs A cOoKiE wHeN yOu CaN hAvE a CuPcAkE!?”... phooey!”
Derek chuckles as Cookie opens the Dome, moving over and sitting beside her (again very unlikely) husband.
Adonis: “At least we have each other… even if you COULD do better.”
Cookie shrugs her shoulders.
Cookie: “Meh… better is too much work.”
Derek smiles, holding onto the Fleshlight as he rests his head on Cookie’s shoulder. She takes it out of his hand.
Adonis: “Wait… wh…”
Cookie: “You just relax.”
Any of Derek’s mopiness instantly escapes as he gleefully sits up. Cookie shifts around in front of him as the scene cuts away. Sorry, perverts… none of that here!
Adonis: “KABLAM!”
---------------------------------------------------
“KABLAM is under attack!
Make no mistake about it… what Purity wants to do will not stop with KABLAM! It will continue on through us if it is allowed to everything else until everyone is a soulless automaton existing only to pat each other on the back and have the world’s largest circle jerk without any actual circle jerks happening… madness, I tell you… MADNESS!
“THIS IS SPARTA!”... kick! Sorry… I always wanted to do that.
I don’t believe in that… what Drake Hemingway and Loretta Inglewood talk about. Purity is fine and dandy. If that’s your thing, you do you. But they want to FORCE people into their belief. They want people to follow them by any means necessary, and that includes by force. I… I never understood that. There’s no joy in that. And KABLAM is all about happiness and joy.
KABLAM is why, at 40, I joined SCW. Because it was something I wanted to do. And yeah, I’ve lost things in the meantime. I had four divorces when I joined, and now have five with a sixth marriage. I had a best friend who I don’t have anymore. I’ve been Champion of Television twice - both times starting the next year as Champion, which is pretty cool. But being Champion twice means I’ve lost it twice. I have lost a lot in the name of KABLAM… I’ve been beaten, spit on, called “Rapey” on Twitter…
But I’m still here.
Because I am not about to let someone else tell me I can’t stick around, that I can’t be myself and believe what I believe. And no, I would never FORCE anyone to believe what I believe, but I’m not going to be shy about giving them the chance to. Maybe… maybe that’s where I come on a little strong. I’m a salesman. I sell things… drive-thru weddings, books, TV series… I sell things. Maybe they’re not things for everyone. What exists that everyone needs? I mean, you’d be hard-pressed to find a home without a chair, and I don’t sell a KABLAMAchair… maybe I should. Note to self: KABLAMAchair.
Where was I?
Oh… right. Really, that’s the real difference between Purity and KABLAM! Purity wants people to fit a mold whether they want to or not. They’ll hammer square pegs into round holes (KABLAM) and vice versa. KABLAM will fit to your happiness. KABLAM, in a way, has room for Purity within it. If that’s what makes you happy, then KABLAM it! Maybe you should think about it, because the way you’re going about it makes people think you have sticks where the sun doesn’t shine IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN! KABLAM!
No… no… I have a match. I have to be ready to go into combat. I have to be ready to defend not only MY ideals… not only the ideals of KABLAM… but the ideals of freedom… the same freedom that America represents! In a way of thinking, I am fighting for America…
Because only in America can a man like me get a woman like Cookie and be able to actually keep her even when other people tell her she can do better.
Only in America can I take a little chapel in Las Vegas and turn it into the epicenter of what has become a full out movement.
Only in America can someone who was probably a tad overweight manage to become a cultural… well… not Icon, but you know…
Only in America could I have the FREEDOM to sell what you call “smut”. This is about America and American values! Not Purity.
And I will do my PATRIOTIC DUTY and stand up for the United States! I will do my PATRIOTIC DUTY to NOT tone my skin orange and actually do some GOOD… someone in America has to, right!?
This is going to be big, folks! God bless the United States of Ameri-KABLAM!”