Dylan Howell & Konrad Raab vs. Frozen Hell

[Simple77]

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...

Cue The Towering Inferno by John Williams and The Boston Pops Orchestra

Street Wars

Episode IV

A New (Old) Dope

It is a period of civil war amongst the Streets. This should not come as a surprise to anyone who knows them as Dylan Howell (The Street who really isn’t a Street) always seems to have an issue with one Street family member or another is at it again on another one of his zany adventures. This time would be no different of course as Dylan is called into action in an emergency that he didn’t actually cause (as far as we know!), the recent roadside accident of two-time SCW World Champion Alistaire Allocco. With the former champ out of commission however, someone needed to step in and become Konrad Raab’s new tag team partner for the SCW Tag Tournament. Since Dylan is a two-time SCW World Tag Team Champion, (more on that in a second, it is relevant!) is Konrad recently minted manager which calls the sanity of both into question, and is just a damn swell guy, Dylan decides to take the job.

This does present a problem though because, the opponent on SCW Breakdown Wednesday night is the SCW World Tag Team Champions Frozen Hell, and yes the titles do happen to be on the line (see, I told you it is relevant, stop looking at me like that now!). What’s even more relevant is the fact the Frozen Hell is a team composed of “The Snow Queen” Selena Frost and Dylan’s younger half-sister and wrestling idol (is that even possible?) “The Hellcat” Regan Street. Even though relations are not quite as frosty between them now than they were in the past, to say that Dylan and Selena were not best friends is certainly true, and the relationship between Dylan and Regan? Well nobody will ever say that the two of them do not love each other very much, (in there was even a time for a long while that Dylan refused to wrestle Regan) but there are definitely times that Dylan has gotten on Regan’s last nerve (and sometimes even enjoyed it to a point. Kitty litter, anyone?).

In Konrad though Dylan just might have found a tag team partner that he can truly be on the same page. Afterall, Konrad is older than most if not all of the SCW roster (does anyone really know if CHBK is still on the roster?) and he has also had his sanity questioned at times, so it would seem that these two just might be the perfect pair heading into the fight of the lives and they even say all the right things not to have Frozen Hell (could there be a more appropriate name for tag team?) angry with them (Konrad had discussed at length his respect for Regan as well, and Dylan does admit, though still somewhat begrudgingly, that Selena is good at what she does). Because when you are going to be facing not one but two Supreme Champions for your opponents the last thing you need to do is make them angry, you are not going to like them when they are angry Hey, isn’t ripping off one movie already enough? Nah, keep reading and you will see what I mean. It’s like some guy is writing his Master’s thesis while trying to become Dylan for the first time in two years and is flooded with too many ideas and not enough time to write them all! (How are you, 4th wall?!)

Dylan and Konrad are aware that they do not need to push Regan and Selena any further heading into this confrontation, not when Selena just lost the SCW United States Championship to Darth Vader...I mean Xander Valentine at Under Attack. To make matters worse Regan was forced to sit their idly by and watch as her partner and sister (so they say, I have never seen any proof of this familial bond) passed out in the arms of SCW’s dark imperial overlord while she could do nothing to help the woman who teamed with her to give her the final piece to the Supreme Championship puzzle (Hey! What are you looking at me for? Jonathan Knots said it first that night!). Needless to say, the girls of Frozen Hell could kind of be in a rough mood while Dylan and Konrad are in the SCW offices waiting for a meeting with none other than Sasha D (if you don’t know who Sasha D is, quit wasting your time and go find something else to do)...

Cut music

SCW Headquarters
Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Tuesday, October 20th, 2020
4 pm

Konrad: Are you nervous Dylan?
Dylan: Nervous, who me? No, I am not nervous, not at all. What would have you think that I am nervous?
Konrad: There are few things that are going on that make me think that you are nervous, but primarily the fact that you are sitting here in our bosses office with me and you have wet yourself.
Looking down sheepishly, Dylan instinctively starts to cover himself in his seat while Konrad just smirks, trying not to laugh.
Konrad: Don’t you think that is a little late for that?
Dylan: Late for what?
Konrad: Alright, if that is how you want to play it, I can ignore this. Clearly, you are nervous though, so why? Sasha probably just wants to see that two of us because it has been so long since you have wrestled.
Dylan: So you don’t think that she is planning to tell the two of us that I cannot wrestle after all? I don’t know it if I have told you this before or not, but I am not the most popular person when it comes to authority type figures in SCW. They really don’t like me all that much.
Konrad: Dylan, I understand you being skeptical but it was Sasha’s idea for you to take Alistaire’s place in the tournament with me. I doubt she called us in here to her office with eight days to say she has changed her mind.
Dylan: Yeah I mean it’s not like I am Scarface snorting mountains of cocaine before a match or anything.
Konrad: Extreme example alright, but correct.
Just then coming into her office with a very blank look on her face directed toward Dylan as she sits down behind her desk is Sasha D.
Sasha: Excuse me Mr. Howell, but did you say something about snorting mountains of cocaine before a match?
Dylan: Oh my gosh, it is so good to see you, your highness! That snorting mountains of cocaine thing, you don’t need to worry about that with me. It's just a figure of speech.
Looking a Dylan odd now before she grins just slightly, Sasha decides not to take this any further, perhaps remembering she is dealing with Dylan Howell who once wore a mankini to the End of the Year Battle Royal in 2017, a battle royal that he won and became the SCW Adrenaline Champion in the process.
Sasha: Sure, whatever. Look, I am positive that you are busy getting prepared for your match next week so I am going to keep this brief.
Konrad: Are your concerns boss?
Sasha: Well, thinking about this more carefully, Mr. Howell has not been in the ring in over two years…
Dylan: I knew it!
Konrad: Dylan, let her finish.
Sasha: Thank you Mr. Raab. Mr. Howell, as I was saying it has been awhile since you have experienced in ring action and I just wanted to let you know that while I am sure that our fans will love seeing you in the ring, my first job as a representative of SCW is to be certain that you are mentally fit for the rigors of professional wrestling again. Now as odd as this might sound given your history, I am going to trust you Mr. Howell. So do you feel that you are mentally fit to compete in SCW and will you have your manager Ms. Alexis who is not here now close by you at shows at all times?
Dylan: Yes I am mentally fit, and Sam will be with me at all times.
Konrad: Boss, I would like to add that I will be with Dylan at all times also, just to make sure he doesn't get caught up in the moment and accidentally hurt someone because of it.
Sasha: I am really glad to hear you say that Mr. Raab, because if your partner Mr. Howell does do anything foolish that leads to anyone else being hurt? You will both face disciplinary action. Now like I said I am sure you are both busy getting ready to face Frozen Hell and I have work to do as well, so that will be all. Thank you and good luck.
Konrad: Thank you.
Dylan: Thank you.
Dylan and Konrad walk out without another word, the scene fading to gold.

---

You really didn’t think that I was going to be gone forever did you? Because let me just say if that is actually the case? You obviously do not know Dylan Howell very well at all. Maybe that is the case too, maybe you do not know very well, and if that is what is happening, that I have been off camera for so long, well then I guess that it is time that we become reacquainted don’t you think?

First you, you are the quintessential professional wrestling fan, which these days probably means that you are sorry, a professional wrestling snob. I know that you probably don’t like to hear me say that, but I wouldn’t say that unless it were true, so let’s just keep that in mind before you run off to twitter talking about how Dylan Howell is such an asshole and how you seriously hope that Selena Frost and his sister Regan Street kick his ass this Wednesday on SCW Breakdown. Considering that I haven’t stepped inside of a wrestling ring in over two years and that the two of them are such awesome competitors, that could be what is going to happen anyway, so good for you and more on that later. What were we talking about? Oh yeah, we were talking about you, and how much that you know about professional wrestling, which is quite a bit, if we are to believe what you write on your twitter page. Why does it seem like I have a thing for twitter pages from wrestling fans? Well, when you have been out of the game for almost two years like a have until I became Konrad’s manager recently, you tend to find other things to do with your time, including reading twitter pages. Honestly, most of the time I just laugh, never realizing before how someone like you who has never been in the ring at all can know so much more about this business than people like me who have given most of their lives work to competing in this business.

Dylan steps out of the shadows and into the light allowing his t-shirt which reads “Lucy Huckabee Sanders, the Clamidya of her Generation” to come into focus while he is grinning ear to ear.

That is the type of thing that makes me laugh a lot when I think about it because it literally makes no sense, and if you remember anything about me at all, it’s that even when my sanity was not in question it’s that Dylan Howell makes no sense. At least that is what people who are the closest to me would have you believe, but what do I want you to believe and what is actually true? Well, to start with I am a pretty fine professional wrestler, even if I haven’t done it in a while. I am a two-time SCW World Tag Team Champion, 1 time SCW Adrenaline Champion, and 1 time estranged husband of Addy, though I have been told that it is wrong for me to want Addy back, because apparently marrying Addy was wrong of me in the first place. I guess that those people who believe that and I will just need to agree to disagree because I am a hopeless romantic at heart and I really believe that when you really love someone that you should be together no matter what, but for Addy and me it just wasn’t meant to be. Despite this which many people believe shows my “questionable” relationship with reality, most respect the fact that inside of the ring I am still one of the best in the world, or I was until taking some time off for a little while. I guess that leaves me with a lot to prove this time around, and the thing is I never planned to get involved as a wrestler. Alistaire Allocco ended up getting in a serious car accident though, and that meant my client and friend Korad Raab needed a new tag team partner for the SCW Tag Tournament. SCW thought that I might be able to step in and after several discussions with my girlfriend Samantha Alexis who also used to be my psychologist just to make sure that everyone involved would be safe though I am not quite sure what that means, here we are back with me in the ring wrestling again one more time.

However, I didn’t mean to come back right smack dab in the middle of a hornets nest and yet if you have been paying attention to what is going on in SCW, then you know that is exactly where we are. Because on the next Breakdown from Los Angeles no less which at least means that I will know where all of the McDonald’s are in the area, Konrad and I are scheduled to face Frozen Hell, that is Selena Frost and my younger sister Regan Street which means that my first match back in over two years is going to be for the SCW World Tag Team Championships, and it wasn’t even planned it just happened that way. Totally crazy because whoever gets a World Tag Team Championship shot in the first match back in over two years, and yet that is precisely what is going to happen, which would be awesome except the current champion are Selena and my sister Regan. Frozen Hell? Talk about a frosty reception!

Okay Regan is my half-sister in technicalities, but just like our little sister Mikaela, she is number one in my heart. Selena is not number one in my heart, not by a long shot, but at least I do not want to kill her anymore. Both Regan and Selena are Supreme Champions in SCW which means that in SCW terms they have done it all in professional wrestling, except for marrying and breast feeding a title belt, I think that I have gotten them beat in that regard. I guess you could say that Regan and Selena do not have the type of compassion that Dylan Howell has, but then again compassionate won’t mean a damn thing once that bell rings on Breakdown. What may make a difference is the fact that Regan and Selena are likely to be pretty pissed when you consider that this is the first match that the two of them have had since Under Attack. That is the event that Selena lost the SCW United States Championship to Xander Valentine while Regan watched at ringside. I probably don’t want to remind them of that, but when you are both Supreme Champions like I said, chances are that they will remember anyway, and they will be looking to move on the best way possible for them. That means that they will be looking to make an example of someone or someones to let everyone in SCW know that they are moving on from the events at Under Attack and as fate would have it in my first match back the examples that they have are Konrad and myself.

Dylan tone starts to get very serious

But as much as Regan and Selena might want, Konrad and I? We will not go down without a fight. Scratch that actually, because I know Regan and Selena both way to well, so I know for a fact even without talking to them about this match because I haven’t both Regan and Selena will demand that Konrad and I fight, and for that reason alone we are going to give them the best fight that we possibly can. Konrad and I, though we have never teamed before, I can tell you right now are no slouches even if we are not Supreme Champions. Nobody has more experience inside of the ring except the old guy who used to sleep with Mikaela and Shakey Jake the Starr who is pretty damned old too. Not to say that Konrad is old, he is experienced damn it, just like yours truly. Konrad is a two-time SCW Television Champion and I have already gone over my impressive resume and that is saying that I will leave the kitty litter at home this time, which I will Reg, I promise. I don’t think we would need that type of distraction anyway because with all that they have going on in the aftermath of Under Attack, Regan and Selena and are likely to be distracted enough already and if they are too distracted?

Konrad and I are going to shock the world even without kitty litter and become new SCW World Tag Team Champions and after that?

McDonald's had better be ready because we are coming to celebrate baby!