11-25-2018, 12:56 AM
The idea of seeing the world would be an absolute thrill to most people. The idea of getting out into the world and making friends with fellow travelers on this big, blue, meaningless marble (or...frisbee...if you are moronic enough to believe that we live on a pizza) we live on, hurling itself through the infinity of space...it stands as one of the ultimate adventures this life has to offer. Traveling from country to country helps reinforce the illusion that there is some kind of meaning to this spontaneous outbreak of sentient life. It makes people feel as though there is a purpose to this all; and, that we aren’t simply meaningless parasites, doomed to live out our pointless existences, spawning more purposeless spawns to further infect this planet before finally dying and decomposing back into the womb of the mother who bore us all.
They say that travel broadens the mind…
Meh.
This isn’t to say that Cassidy Carter did not find some pleasure in the idea of international travel when she heard that Supreme Championship Wrestling would be embarking on a new world tour. Even the most cynical of beings can fins a hint of joy in the monotony of life. After the toxicity that had infected this country over the last few months as small-minded morons of opposing political views waged civil war on one another...Trump this, Trump that...Cassidy was thrilled at the idea of being able to escape this shithole. One of the things Rachel had taught her long ago was, politics truly didn’t matter to everyday lives of most people. Democrats, Republicans...life seemed to move forward at the same pace regardless of who was holding the reigns. If you aren’t poor, reliant on government programs or an immigrant...there was very little that changed from day to day as power bounced from one party to the other and back again like a ping pong ball. All that Cassidy knew was, when one party took power, it was harder to acquire an abortion; but...she had no intention of doing that again.
She remembered being screamed at as she made her way into the clinic. They called her a “whore,” a “murderess,” a “baby killer,” a “bride of satan.” The last one made her laugh a little when she heard it. She had gone in prepared to receive some judgement, black hoodie with the hood always up, large sunglasses meant to hide her identity...the last thing she needed was a picture of her walking into an abortion clinic all over the internet. She knew there would be a herd of mindless bible-thumping sheep there trying to change her mind through fear and intimidation; and, for the most part, she was ready for them. She couldn’t have a baby...not then...it wasn’t that she didn’t love Austin...he was her rock...the one thing she could count on in this world. Cassidy had long ago squared herself with the idea that, if there is an afterlife, she would be spending it in hell. Even if she had spent the majority of her life living in purity; she had once seduced a priest into breaking his vow of chastity while she was still underage. She was pretty sure that was the day she had purchased her direct flight to the flaming gates of the underworld; and, from then on, she had decided to make sure she was upgraded to first class for that journey; so, she knew THAT decision was merely icing on the cake. She was ready for them...or, so she thought. There is a huge difference between mentally preparing for it, and actually being berated with insults. Normally, she would have shrugged it off, waving to the crowd of protestors like Miss America riding a float; but, no matter how nonchalant she tried to force herself to be about this decision, it truly had eaten her up inside; and, there screams were enough to make her second guess herself. There was part of her that wanted to explain her reasoning to them...she was just a kid; and, if forced to have the child, she would have basically relegated it to being raised by an underpaid, undocumented immigrant as she spent her time trying to chase her next high and living her life to the absolute fullest. She was far too selfish to be a mother; and, she feared that a child might scare Austin away. She did what she had to do. And, when it was all over, she crawled to the nearest bar, and drank until she didn’t have to feel feelings anymore. It was the right decision...she knew it, the world knew it.
Politics and religion…the sickening cocktail which was ruining this country!!!
So...when she heard that she would not only get to leave this eroding country; but, also get paid to gallivant around Europe or Australia, she couldn’t help but be a little thrilled; a feeling that was soon crushed by the news that she and her husband would be on opposite legs of that tour. She would be headed to Europe...he would be headed to the southern hemisphere. Cassidy had drafted dozens of emails complaining about this separation to SCW management; but, never gathered the heart to send any of them. It wasn’t that she feared them, or the reprisal she would receive if she sent them...it was…
She had no idea what it was…
Perhaps she thought she could work around it. She wasn’t sure how...her engagements with the LFL in America and SCW in Europe would already be making her schedule chaotic; and yet, she spent many late nights going back and forth between her Google calendar and airline websites. She wasn’t going to be able to make it work; but...she didn’t care.
There was a part of her that took a tiny amount of solace in the fact that she wouldn’t have to endure the constant blather of Kennedy Street or Ravyn Taylor in Europe; though, she was stuck with Blake Mason, the unwanted white knight with a savior complex, who could only see women as damsels in need of saving. She looked forward to a chance to cave in his chest on this tour; but, she would trade that away in a heartbeat, and even endure the constant self-serving rambling of Kennedy Street if it meant she could be with him.
The days before he left for Australia...you would have thought it was their honeymoon. She made sure he knew just how much she loved him, even if she couldn’t always say the words, buying a whole slew of new lingerie and letting him ravage her whenever he wanted. She could still feel her heart sinking as she watched his plane rolling down the runway, slipping the bonds of gravity as it disappeared into the blue of the sky. She remembered standing there, hoping that it would somehow turn around and come back, returning her husband to her; but, it never did. She stood and watched until the gate filled with the passengers of the next flight; and, even then...she waited for a few more minutes. She felt...lost...as she returned to her Mercedes. Since the day they finally rid themselves of Kennedy Street, they had been inseparable. No matter what they did, or where they went, he was always right there by her side. And now…
She didn’t know how to live without him; though, she would never admit it to anyone. There was a part of her, a LARGE part of her... that absolutely hated how much she needed Austin. He was her...everything...one of those corny things you always heard in cheesy songs and cliche filled movies. She hated herself for letting him make her feel that way; and yet, she wouldn’t have had it any other way.
There were a few days between when Austin left for the southern hemisphere tour; and, when she had to leave for Europe. For the first day, she haunted there house like a ghost, entering and reentering rooms, hoping he would be there each time; and, always disappointed when he wasn’t there. After the first night alone in their bed, she decided to rent a room on the strip. The house felt far too empty without Austin there; so, she left it, packing her bags for the tour and moving into one of the Lanais suites at the Mirage for the last two nights. She bought tickets to the hotel’s resident Cirque du Soleil show, Love; which, she left halfway through as it only made her longing for him worse. She tried to immerse herself in a town that had no shortage of distractions; but, it never felt the same without him.
It was her last day in Vegas...and, she was counting down the minutes until she would enter McCarran International Airport and leave this country behind. She spent most of the day Skyping Austin; but, soon realized just how much she would hate this trip. There were only so many times the two of them could masturbate together on Skype. Before he left, she had purchased a Lovesense toy he could control from anywhere; so, he could play with her, even while they were thousands of miles apart.
She could feel a tear forming in the corner of her eye as the crushing weight of her loneliness set in, threatening to crush her beneath it. Her mind screamed at her to run to the airport and buy a ticket to go and join him. Fuck SCW for separating them!! Fuck management for…
“Mrs. Marshall…”
The man’s voice shook her from her thoughts, and threw her back into the present.
“Mrs. Marshall...”
The soft voice beckoned to her again. She was suddenly aware of her own nudity, her body covered only by a thin gown, her bare feet cradled in stirrups.
“Mrs. Marshall? Did you hear me?”
Her eyes opened again, and strained against the bright lights of the sterile room. It took a moment to adjust; but, she forced a smile as she looked down.
“My apologies Dr. Reid. I guess I’m a bit distracted today. I have a flight to Europe to catch in a few hours.”
Dr. Reid’s soft eyes widened as she listened, and a warm smile spread across her thin lips.
“Ooooh...Europe!!! Are you going for work or vacation?”
Cassidy chuckled. It was a forced chuckle, the kind people use when they are forcing small talk. Cassidy hated small talk; but, liked her gynecologist. Dr. Reid was one of the few people she endured in this life; and, in turn, Dr. Reid kept the talk to a minimum. She seemed to know that cassidy liked her; but, also had enough sense not to push her luck. Cassidy’s voice was soft as she responded.
“Work...unfortunately.”
Dr. Reid kept smiling...she was ALWAYS smiling. It was that warm smile that somehow made you feel comforted like everything was going to be okay. It was one of the things that made her so good at her job. You couldn’t help but be comforted by her bedside manner. She chuckled. Her’s was genuine.
“Well...I am hoping you can take some time to enjoy it. Where in Europe are you going?”
“I’m flying out to Norway today; then, Amsterdam, Berlin, Paris, Manchester and London.”
“Wow...that sounds like a dream trip.”
It would have been...to most people. Cassidy felt it was a chore; but, she hated the thought of having to explain why this trip was going to suck. Dr. Reid was one of the few people Cassidy refused to unload her negativity onto, despite being the happy-go-lucky kind of person whose spirit she usually loved to break. Instead, she forced another short chuckle.
“Yeah...I suppose it is. It would be a lot more fun if my husband were joining me.”
She surprised herself as this little nugget of honesty slipped out. She prided herself on being a severely guarded person; but, Dr. Reid’s warmth was extremely disarming. Dr. Reid’s answer was soft and warm, like a hug.
“Well, you know what they say...absence makes the heart grow fonder.”
Cassidy let out a soft, genuine laugh.
“I suppose.”
The two fell silent for a few more moments; then, Dr. Reid began speaking again.
“Well, as I was saying...we confirmed that you are, unfortunately, NOT pregnant. We aren’t sure why you would have been experiencing the symptoms that you have; but, it would seem that your home tests were accurate.”
Cassidy forced her smile, even as she felt her heart sinking. She wanted to cry; but, she refused to allow herself the outlet of that kind of public emotion. She liked Dr. Reid; but, she didn’t want her pitty. She bit down hard on her tongue, forcing herself to remain calm.
“What about the other tests?”
She asked softly, through clenched teeth as she tried to remain calm. Dr. Reid removed her gloves and discarded them in the nearby garbage can before taking a seat at her desk and logging onto the computer. A few clicks later, she had Cassidy’s chart open, and she typed a few things in before responding.
“Sorry about that. Well...all your tests came back negative for any indications of infertility.”
The doctor clicked away at the keyboard; then, adjusted her glasses and took a closer work at the computer screen. When she began to speak, her eyes never left the screen as the pensive look stayed on her face.
“Well...you have no history of infections or cysts, no family history of infertility, autoimmune diseases or ovarian cancer. It says all of your last tests have come back negative for ovulation problems; and, that you have been having regular periods. There does not seem to be any damage to your fallopian tubes or to your ovaries. Honestly...every test we ran came back negative for any issues that would point to infertility.”
She lifted her glasses onto her head, hesitating before she turned to Cassidy, her innocent green eyes looking deep into Cassidy’s icy blues. She had this slight unspoken fear of Cassidy, not enough to make them quake in their shoes; or, to have people visibly afraid of her; but, she did exude an air of unpredictability that seemed to make people uneasy. It was as if they could sense that she was not the kind of person to be rubbed the wrong way. It made people censor themselves around her; and, truly evaluate whether delivering bad news to her was worth the risk. To her credit, Cassidy wasn’t really in the habit of attacking innocents outside of an SCW arena; but, there was something in her eyes that made people believe she was capable of it. To be fair...she SELDOM attacked innocents. It didn’t mean she didn’t do it; or, that she didn’t relish the chance to leave someone bloodied and broken for looking at her the wrong way; especially if she had been drinking. Her gynecologist wasn’t one of those people who had to worry about this mean streak; but, that didn’t seem to alleviate the feeling of unpredictability she gave off. She spoke softly as she began to speak again.
“Have...have you considered the fact that your husband might be the one with sterility issues?”
She seemed to brace herself slightly; but, is surprised when Cassidy just laughs.
“Somehow, I doubt my husband has issues with his swimmers. I mean, he has at least one kid...a son.”
Dr. Reid hesitated for a moment; though, it didn’t seem she was looking for what to say; but, how to say it. She closed her eyes and rubbed the bridge of her nose before speaking again.
“Well...it is possible that your husband may have developed sterility issues between then and now. If he works in the same line of work you do, there is a chance that...sustained testicular trauma may have compromised his...swimmers...as you so eloquently called them.”
Her tone wasn’t sarcastic; but, Cassidy still didn’t like it. And yet, all that escaped her lips was a laugh.
“‘Sustained or repeated testicular trauma…’ he would have had a good laugh at that one.”
Dr. Reid furrowed her brow in confusion.
“It’s not often we get people who find the topic of sterility funny.”
“It’s not so much that he sees the topic as humorous. He WOULD find you talking about his testicles, and repeated and sustained trauma to them pretty funny. That being said…”
“Yes…”
“I...I just…”
Cassidy takes a deep breath, closing her eyes.
“I...know...for a fact...that my husband’s goodies works…”
She pauses for another moment; but, speaks before Dr. Reid can say anything.
“I...also know that...MY...ovaries are...working…or...WERE working.”
Dr. Reid furrowed her brow in hesitation for a moment; but, her eyes suddenly went wide.
“OH! So...you…?”
Cassidy couldn’t look at her, she just mumbled.
“...yeah.”
Dr. Reid nodded in understanding as she spoke quietly.
“...and you…?”
Cassidy felt the knot in her throat as the tears formed in the corners of her eyes. It was the first time she really let it hit her; and, the first time she was forced to think about it...the life...the…
No. She couldn’t say it...it wasn’t a baby. It wasn’t…
The tears streamed from her eyes as she mumbled again.
“...I...did.”
Dr. Reid paused for a moment, unable to figure out how to continue. She reaches over and puts her hand on Cassidy’s shoulder.
“I’m...so sorry Mrs. Marshall.”
Cassidy didn’t raise her head from her hands as she spoke softly.
“Could...could that be the reason?”
Dr. Reid leaned in, speaking softly in an attempt to reassure Cassidy.
“I promise you Mrs. Marshall, that did not make you sterile. Complications related to...that...are very rare. Also, as I said, all tests have come back negative for any of these issues.”
“So...what could it be. What is wrong with me?”
Dr. Reid gently rubs her shoulder again.
“There is nothing wrong with you Mrs. Marshall. All tests came back negative for any reproductive issues; and, your ovaries appear to be working properly. It is possible that the issue is mental. “
Cassidy looked up.
“What do you mean mental?”
Dr. Reid cleared her throat and sat up.
“Well, we have had occurrences where women had reproductive issues that were psychosomatic. Essentially, they can’t get pregnant because of some emotional trauma. It doesn’t occur often; but, when it does, we see it mostly in women with anxiety issues, high stress lives; or, in women who have had previous miscarriages. The extra stress to the system can sometimes throw of the body’s balance and cause these kind of psychosomatic issues that hinder a normal pregnancy.”
She pauses for a moment; then off handedly asks…
“Have you talked to your husband about these issues?”
Cassidy paused for a moment before replying.
“Um...yeah...Yes!”
The pause was not very long; but, Dr. Reid could read what it meant. She furrowed her brow ever so slightly, and Cassidy felt guilty.
“Well...no. It isn’t that I’m trying to force this on him, or trick him into it. From the talks we’ve had, I think he would enjoy the chance to be a father again...kind of a shot at redemption.”
Dr. Reid raised an eyebrow; but, Cassidy ignored it.
“I was actually hoping to surprise him with it and have a super cute reveal.”
Dr Reid nodded
“And...have you told him about…”
Cassidy paused again, averting her eyes.
“Yes...I mean...kind of. He might have thought I was joking.”
Dr. Reid leaned back
“Well...this is an important topic; and, if it is t too forward, I would suggest that you discuss it with your husband. Having an honest conversation about this is the only way that you will begin to unpack the trauma this event caused you; and, begin to heal.”
Dr. Reid removed her gloves and tossed them to the trash as she turned back to her computer, switching back to a professional matter-of-fact tone.
“Well...I would like to see you again in 3 months so we can run a few more tests. That being said, I highly suggest speaking with your husband about the issues you are having.”
She pauses, then grabs a piece of paper off her printer and hands it to Cassidy.
“That being said, I am also prescribing you some anxiety medication. It is an SSRI; so, if you do get pregnant within the next few months, it will not harm the fetus.”
Cassidy took the paper and shook the doctor’s hand. Dr. Reid kept speaking; but, Cassidy was lost in her own thoughts as she headed out of the office and got back into her car. She took a deep breath as tears began streaming down her face. She reached into the center console, pulling out a small vial and pouring a small pile of white powder onto the side of her hand, snorting it quickly before brushing off her nose. She began wiping her tears away as her phone rang. It was her husband. Cassidy took a deep breath and answered.
“Babe!! I was just thinking of you.”
A pause as he spoke; and then…
“Nothing to report. The appointment went as usual, everything is perfect, healthy as ever.”
_____________________________
The camera shakes as the picture comes into focus. We see Cassidy Carter, clad in her usual black hooded sweatshirt. She is sitting in the driver seat of the Mercedes she received after winning the End of the Year Battle Royal a couple years ago. She takes a deep breath as the camera focuses. She looks tired and annoyed as she looks into the camera and speaks.
CASSIDY: “Well...here we fucking are. I want to start by thanking the incompetent assholes of SCW management for separating my husband and I for the last two weeks; and, for giving me the opportunity to earn the title shot I have already earned.”
She paused and rolled her eyes.
CASSIDY: “So...Bound by Blood...I have the distinct displeasure of facing SCW’s resident white knight, king of sticking his nose where it doesn't belong. Yes boys and girls, it the altruistic asshole, riding around and forcibly saving those who don't want or need to be saved. But, who will save us from our white knight who continues to force himself upon the world? Why, it's Heels, the magnificent blonde bombshell who has a knack for slaying unwanted white knights!!”
Cassidy paused and takes on a less sarcastic tone.
CASSIDY: “I've already discussed how I feel about you...the forced hero of your own narrative, wandering around and slaying all the villains of the wrestling world. The simple minded moron who sees the world as black and white; but, isn't smart enough to see that being the hero of your own narrative does not make you an actual hero. It is all about perspective. You see, in your narrative you are the hero; but, have you ever stopped to consider in how many people’s narratives you are the villain? Have you considered how many times you have come to a “damsel’s” rescue; but, she didn't want you there. You aren't the altruistic hero you think you are. As previously discussed, you are little more than Don Quixote, stumbling around the countryside, attacking windmills and claiming you slay dragons. You are the village idiot in so many people’s story...the simpleton idiot who doesn't seem to understand that women do not need to be saved; and, that he is little more than a snake.”
Cassidy’s eyes narrow
CASSIDY: “The reality of this all is that you are a slithering little snake who somehow sneaks his way into situations that he does not belong in. The fact of the matter is, I EARNED my spot as the number one contender. When AJ died, or went into that irreversible coma, or whatever soap opera ailment has befallen him...his ordained contendership naturally falls to the person who owned that Battle Royal until the very last moment...me!! As much as everyone in this fucking company seems to LOVE taking me for granted, to assume that I am nothing more than the some silly little girl who continues to get lucky. None of you have the foresight to back up and look at the big picture, to see the trap I set for each of you. If you win every match, people take you too seriously, if you lose every match, people don't take you seriously at all; but...if you know how to pick and choose your victories, slaying all the right opponents; while allowing yourself to fall to some more inconsequential opponents...well...you get Cassidy, the blonde bombshell who is constantly overlooked; and yet, has pulled off some HUGE victories since coming to this company. And now...I am co-main evening an SCW Pay per View...about to become the number one contender for a world championship; and...poised to become the world champion of a MAJOR company! The fact is, I am so much more than you all give me credit for being. And don't get me wrong, there's a part of me that loves the fact that none of you have taken the time to get to know who I really am. It's still funny to me to hear you all projecting your own inadequacies on me. You constantly try to paint me as some one-dimensional little party girl with no brain because I like to enjoy my life. You and your friends try to paint me as a whore because my husband and I like to enjoy ourselves. The funny thing is, all the things you try to fault me for being seem to be projections of your own inadequacies. The fact of the matter is, you only see the world as black and white; while I...I am the only person who seems to understand the full spectrum. It reminds me of Brian Kinney…”
Cassidy chuckles lightly.
CASSIDY: “During my time with Rachel, she spoke many times about Brian Kinney...the man she said chose to be a peacock in a world full of pigeons. I've never seen that woman faun over anyone the way she did over Kinney. I'm surprised she doesnt sell ‘WWBKD’ bracelets, or name ibe of her kids after him.”
She pauses for a moment, then adds.
CASSIDY: “To be fair...with how stoic and connected to German culture she's become, I'm also surprised she didn't name one of her bastards Otto Von Bismarck.”
She chuckled to herself before getting back on track.
CASSIDY: “According to Rachel, Brian Kinney was one of the first people who dared to be himself, unapologetic for who he was or what he wanted. He didn't care that he didn't fit the mold, he refused to fit in with the status quo; and, as such, he was a rainbow across a monotonous, miserable gray sky. She always wondered what happened to him, believing that the weight of the collective disapproval of the guardians of the status quo finally got to him...as he disappeared into history. The one lesson she insisted I take away from him was to be myself, and never subject myself to the cookie cutter mentality. It isn't to say that I am the only one who lives their life this way; but...I will be the first to break through the top echelon of this company, which is filled with one dimensional relics of the past. This is current America...with the rigid oligarchy holding on to the last vestiges of power. Well...I am the new generation...here to slay the old guard. I am a revolution, coming to break the hold that these antiquated ideals of good and evil have left on this company.”
She pauses for dramatic effect.
CASSIDY: “The truth is, I have already won by making it this far...Cassidy Carter, the little girl you all try so hard to shrug off as nothing more than a joke, is now being seriously considered for contendership; and, I have left a trail of bodies in my wake. Katelyn Buehler, Justin Davis, Konrad Raab, all but one of the participants in the Fatal Fortunes battle royal. I even decimated a large field of competitors to win this very car. The thing you don't seem to understand is...I win when I want to; and...I want this win...so fucking badly!!! If I have to slay Don Quixote himself to do it...well...that's just icing on the cake. Consider this the revenge of all the windmills you slew; and, all the damsels who could have saved themselves; but, we're forced to endure your insufferable attempts at chivalry”
Cassidy pauses one last time, looking deep into the camera as she tries to add emphasis to her final statement.
CASSIDY: “Love me or hate me, you had better get used to me; because, despite your constant attempts to shrug me off and wish me away, despite your small-minded dismissal of me as nothing more than a distraction, unready for the bright lights of prime time...I am here. I have broken through the glass ceiling you keep trying to trap me under; and, I am coming for the heads of the old god's. I am the face of the revolution that will reshape this company in my own image. I am the death of the dark vs light, heroes vs villains, good call evil paradigm you keep trying to shove down our throats. And I know, your point of view is too narrow, and your understanding of the world is too small; but, when you're lying on your back, watching my hand being raised, and hearing the crowd roaring for me, just remember...you aren't the hero in this story...Don Quixote.”
Cassidy’s face remained stoic and fiercely focused as she forced a small smile before the picture cut to black.
They say that travel broadens the mind…
Meh.
This isn’t to say that Cassidy Carter did not find some pleasure in the idea of international travel when she heard that Supreme Championship Wrestling would be embarking on a new world tour. Even the most cynical of beings can fins a hint of joy in the monotony of life. After the toxicity that had infected this country over the last few months as small-minded morons of opposing political views waged civil war on one another...Trump this, Trump that...Cassidy was thrilled at the idea of being able to escape this shithole. One of the things Rachel had taught her long ago was, politics truly didn’t matter to everyday lives of most people. Democrats, Republicans...life seemed to move forward at the same pace regardless of who was holding the reigns. If you aren’t poor, reliant on government programs or an immigrant...there was very little that changed from day to day as power bounced from one party to the other and back again like a ping pong ball. All that Cassidy knew was, when one party took power, it was harder to acquire an abortion; but...she had no intention of doing that again.
She remembered being screamed at as she made her way into the clinic. They called her a “whore,” a “murderess,” a “baby killer,” a “bride of satan.” The last one made her laugh a little when she heard it. She had gone in prepared to receive some judgement, black hoodie with the hood always up, large sunglasses meant to hide her identity...the last thing she needed was a picture of her walking into an abortion clinic all over the internet. She knew there would be a herd of mindless bible-thumping sheep there trying to change her mind through fear and intimidation; and, for the most part, she was ready for them. She couldn’t have a baby...not then...it wasn’t that she didn’t love Austin...he was her rock...the one thing she could count on in this world. Cassidy had long ago squared herself with the idea that, if there is an afterlife, she would be spending it in hell. Even if she had spent the majority of her life living in purity; she had once seduced a priest into breaking his vow of chastity while she was still underage. She was pretty sure that was the day she had purchased her direct flight to the flaming gates of the underworld; and, from then on, she had decided to make sure she was upgraded to first class for that journey; so, she knew THAT decision was merely icing on the cake. She was ready for them...or, so she thought. There is a huge difference between mentally preparing for it, and actually being berated with insults. Normally, she would have shrugged it off, waving to the crowd of protestors like Miss America riding a float; but, no matter how nonchalant she tried to force herself to be about this decision, it truly had eaten her up inside; and, there screams were enough to make her second guess herself. There was part of her that wanted to explain her reasoning to them...she was just a kid; and, if forced to have the child, she would have basically relegated it to being raised by an underpaid, undocumented immigrant as she spent her time trying to chase her next high and living her life to the absolute fullest. She was far too selfish to be a mother; and, she feared that a child might scare Austin away. She did what she had to do. And, when it was all over, she crawled to the nearest bar, and drank until she didn’t have to feel feelings anymore. It was the right decision...she knew it, the world knew it.
Politics and religion…the sickening cocktail which was ruining this country!!!
So...when she heard that she would not only get to leave this eroding country; but, also get paid to gallivant around Europe or Australia, she couldn’t help but be a little thrilled; a feeling that was soon crushed by the news that she and her husband would be on opposite legs of that tour. She would be headed to Europe...he would be headed to the southern hemisphere. Cassidy had drafted dozens of emails complaining about this separation to SCW management; but, never gathered the heart to send any of them. It wasn’t that she feared them, or the reprisal she would receive if she sent them...it was…
She had no idea what it was…
Perhaps she thought she could work around it. She wasn’t sure how...her engagements with the LFL in America and SCW in Europe would already be making her schedule chaotic; and yet, she spent many late nights going back and forth between her Google calendar and airline websites. She wasn’t going to be able to make it work; but...she didn’t care.
There was a part of her that took a tiny amount of solace in the fact that she wouldn’t have to endure the constant blather of Kennedy Street or Ravyn Taylor in Europe; though, she was stuck with Blake Mason, the unwanted white knight with a savior complex, who could only see women as damsels in need of saving. She looked forward to a chance to cave in his chest on this tour; but, she would trade that away in a heartbeat, and even endure the constant self-serving rambling of Kennedy Street if it meant she could be with him.
The days before he left for Australia...you would have thought it was their honeymoon. She made sure he knew just how much she loved him, even if she couldn’t always say the words, buying a whole slew of new lingerie and letting him ravage her whenever he wanted. She could still feel her heart sinking as she watched his plane rolling down the runway, slipping the bonds of gravity as it disappeared into the blue of the sky. She remembered standing there, hoping that it would somehow turn around and come back, returning her husband to her; but, it never did. She stood and watched until the gate filled with the passengers of the next flight; and, even then...she waited for a few more minutes. She felt...lost...as she returned to her Mercedes. Since the day they finally rid themselves of Kennedy Street, they had been inseparable. No matter what they did, or where they went, he was always right there by her side. And now…
She didn’t know how to live without him; though, she would never admit it to anyone. There was a part of her, a LARGE part of her... that absolutely hated how much she needed Austin. He was her...everything...one of those corny things you always heard in cheesy songs and cliche filled movies. She hated herself for letting him make her feel that way; and yet, she wouldn’t have had it any other way.
There were a few days between when Austin left for the southern hemisphere tour; and, when she had to leave for Europe. For the first day, she haunted there house like a ghost, entering and reentering rooms, hoping he would be there each time; and, always disappointed when he wasn’t there. After the first night alone in their bed, she decided to rent a room on the strip. The house felt far too empty without Austin there; so, she left it, packing her bags for the tour and moving into one of the Lanais suites at the Mirage for the last two nights. She bought tickets to the hotel’s resident Cirque du Soleil show, Love; which, she left halfway through as it only made her longing for him worse. She tried to immerse herself in a town that had no shortage of distractions; but, it never felt the same without him.
It was her last day in Vegas...and, she was counting down the minutes until she would enter McCarran International Airport and leave this country behind. She spent most of the day Skyping Austin; but, soon realized just how much she would hate this trip. There were only so many times the two of them could masturbate together on Skype. Before he left, she had purchased a Lovesense toy he could control from anywhere; so, he could play with her, even while they were thousands of miles apart.
She could feel a tear forming in the corner of her eye as the crushing weight of her loneliness set in, threatening to crush her beneath it. Her mind screamed at her to run to the airport and buy a ticket to go and join him. Fuck SCW for separating them!! Fuck management for…
“Mrs. Marshall…”
The man’s voice shook her from her thoughts, and threw her back into the present.
“Mrs. Marshall...”
The soft voice beckoned to her again. She was suddenly aware of her own nudity, her body covered only by a thin gown, her bare feet cradled in stirrups.
“Mrs. Marshall? Did you hear me?”
Her eyes opened again, and strained against the bright lights of the sterile room. It took a moment to adjust; but, she forced a smile as she looked down.
“My apologies Dr. Reid. I guess I’m a bit distracted today. I have a flight to Europe to catch in a few hours.”
Dr. Reid’s soft eyes widened as she listened, and a warm smile spread across her thin lips.
“Ooooh...Europe!!! Are you going for work or vacation?”
Cassidy chuckled. It was a forced chuckle, the kind people use when they are forcing small talk. Cassidy hated small talk; but, liked her gynecologist. Dr. Reid was one of the few people she endured in this life; and, in turn, Dr. Reid kept the talk to a minimum. She seemed to know that cassidy liked her; but, also had enough sense not to push her luck. Cassidy’s voice was soft as she responded.
“Work...unfortunately.”
Dr. Reid kept smiling...she was ALWAYS smiling. It was that warm smile that somehow made you feel comforted like everything was going to be okay. It was one of the things that made her so good at her job. You couldn’t help but be comforted by her bedside manner. She chuckled. Her’s was genuine.
“Well...I am hoping you can take some time to enjoy it. Where in Europe are you going?”
“I’m flying out to Norway today; then, Amsterdam, Berlin, Paris, Manchester and London.”
“Wow...that sounds like a dream trip.”
It would have been...to most people. Cassidy felt it was a chore; but, she hated the thought of having to explain why this trip was going to suck. Dr. Reid was one of the few people Cassidy refused to unload her negativity onto, despite being the happy-go-lucky kind of person whose spirit she usually loved to break. Instead, she forced another short chuckle.
“Yeah...I suppose it is. It would be a lot more fun if my husband were joining me.”
She surprised herself as this little nugget of honesty slipped out. She prided herself on being a severely guarded person; but, Dr. Reid’s warmth was extremely disarming. Dr. Reid’s answer was soft and warm, like a hug.
“Well, you know what they say...absence makes the heart grow fonder.”
Cassidy let out a soft, genuine laugh.
“I suppose.”
The two fell silent for a few more moments; then, Dr. Reid began speaking again.
“Well, as I was saying...we confirmed that you are, unfortunately, NOT pregnant. We aren’t sure why you would have been experiencing the symptoms that you have; but, it would seem that your home tests were accurate.”
Cassidy forced her smile, even as she felt her heart sinking. She wanted to cry; but, she refused to allow herself the outlet of that kind of public emotion. She liked Dr. Reid; but, she didn’t want her pitty. She bit down hard on her tongue, forcing herself to remain calm.
“What about the other tests?”
She asked softly, through clenched teeth as she tried to remain calm. Dr. Reid removed her gloves and discarded them in the nearby garbage can before taking a seat at her desk and logging onto the computer. A few clicks later, she had Cassidy’s chart open, and she typed a few things in before responding.
“Sorry about that. Well...all your tests came back negative for any indications of infertility.”
The doctor clicked away at the keyboard; then, adjusted her glasses and took a closer work at the computer screen. When she began to speak, her eyes never left the screen as the pensive look stayed on her face.
“Well...you have no history of infections or cysts, no family history of infertility, autoimmune diseases or ovarian cancer. It says all of your last tests have come back negative for ovulation problems; and, that you have been having regular periods. There does not seem to be any damage to your fallopian tubes or to your ovaries. Honestly...every test we ran came back negative for any issues that would point to infertility.”
She lifted her glasses onto her head, hesitating before she turned to Cassidy, her innocent green eyes looking deep into Cassidy’s icy blues. She had this slight unspoken fear of Cassidy, not enough to make them quake in their shoes; or, to have people visibly afraid of her; but, she did exude an air of unpredictability that seemed to make people uneasy. It was as if they could sense that she was not the kind of person to be rubbed the wrong way. It made people censor themselves around her; and, truly evaluate whether delivering bad news to her was worth the risk. To her credit, Cassidy wasn’t really in the habit of attacking innocents outside of an SCW arena; but, there was something in her eyes that made people believe she was capable of it. To be fair...she SELDOM attacked innocents. It didn’t mean she didn’t do it; or, that she didn’t relish the chance to leave someone bloodied and broken for looking at her the wrong way; especially if she had been drinking. Her gynecologist wasn’t one of those people who had to worry about this mean streak; but, that didn’t seem to alleviate the feeling of unpredictability she gave off. She spoke softly as she began to speak again.
“Have...have you considered the fact that your husband might be the one with sterility issues?”
She seemed to brace herself slightly; but, is surprised when Cassidy just laughs.
“Somehow, I doubt my husband has issues with his swimmers. I mean, he has at least one kid...a son.”
Dr. Reid hesitated for a moment; though, it didn’t seem she was looking for what to say; but, how to say it. She closed her eyes and rubbed the bridge of her nose before speaking again.
“Well...it is possible that your husband may have developed sterility issues between then and now. If he works in the same line of work you do, there is a chance that...sustained testicular trauma may have compromised his...swimmers...as you so eloquently called them.”
Her tone wasn’t sarcastic; but, Cassidy still didn’t like it. And yet, all that escaped her lips was a laugh.
“‘Sustained or repeated testicular trauma…’ he would have had a good laugh at that one.”
Dr. Reid furrowed her brow in confusion.
“It’s not often we get people who find the topic of sterility funny.”
“It’s not so much that he sees the topic as humorous. He WOULD find you talking about his testicles, and repeated and sustained trauma to them pretty funny. That being said…”
“Yes…”
“I...I just…”
Cassidy takes a deep breath, closing her eyes.
“I...know...for a fact...that my husband’s goodies works…”
She pauses for another moment; but, speaks before Dr. Reid can say anything.
“I...also know that...MY...ovaries are...working…or...WERE working.”
Dr. Reid furrowed her brow in hesitation for a moment; but, her eyes suddenly went wide.
“OH! So...you…?”
Cassidy couldn’t look at her, she just mumbled.
“...yeah.”
Dr. Reid nodded in understanding as she spoke quietly.
“...and you…?”
Cassidy felt the knot in her throat as the tears formed in the corners of her eyes. It was the first time she really let it hit her; and, the first time she was forced to think about it...the life...the…
No. She couldn’t say it...it wasn’t a baby. It wasn’t…
The tears streamed from her eyes as she mumbled again.
“...I...did.”
Dr. Reid paused for a moment, unable to figure out how to continue. She reaches over and puts her hand on Cassidy’s shoulder.
“I’m...so sorry Mrs. Marshall.”
Cassidy didn’t raise her head from her hands as she spoke softly.
“Could...could that be the reason?”
Dr. Reid leaned in, speaking softly in an attempt to reassure Cassidy.
“I promise you Mrs. Marshall, that did not make you sterile. Complications related to...that...are very rare. Also, as I said, all tests have come back negative for any of these issues.”
“So...what could it be. What is wrong with me?”
Dr. Reid gently rubs her shoulder again.
“There is nothing wrong with you Mrs. Marshall. All tests came back negative for any reproductive issues; and, your ovaries appear to be working properly. It is possible that the issue is mental. “
Cassidy looked up.
“What do you mean mental?”
Dr. Reid cleared her throat and sat up.
“Well, we have had occurrences where women had reproductive issues that were psychosomatic. Essentially, they can’t get pregnant because of some emotional trauma. It doesn’t occur often; but, when it does, we see it mostly in women with anxiety issues, high stress lives; or, in women who have had previous miscarriages. The extra stress to the system can sometimes throw of the body’s balance and cause these kind of psychosomatic issues that hinder a normal pregnancy.”
She pauses for a moment; then off handedly asks…
“Have you talked to your husband about these issues?”
Cassidy paused for a moment before replying.
“Um...yeah...Yes!”
The pause was not very long; but, Dr. Reid could read what it meant. She furrowed her brow ever so slightly, and Cassidy felt guilty.
“Well...no. It isn’t that I’m trying to force this on him, or trick him into it. From the talks we’ve had, I think he would enjoy the chance to be a father again...kind of a shot at redemption.”
Dr. Reid raised an eyebrow; but, Cassidy ignored it.
“I was actually hoping to surprise him with it and have a super cute reveal.”
Dr Reid nodded
“And...have you told him about…”
Cassidy paused again, averting her eyes.
“Yes...I mean...kind of. He might have thought I was joking.”
Dr. Reid leaned back
“Well...this is an important topic; and, if it is t too forward, I would suggest that you discuss it with your husband. Having an honest conversation about this is the only way that you will begin to unpack the trauma this event caused you; and, begin to heal.”
Dr. Reid removed her gloves and tossed them to the trash as she turned back to her computer, switching back to a professional matter-of-fact tone.
“Well...I would like to see you again in 3 months so we can run a few more tests. That being said, I highly suggest speaking with your husband about the issues you are having.”
She pauses, then grabs a piece of paper off her printer and hands it to Cassidy.
“That being said, I am also prescribing you some anxiety medication. It is an SSRI; so, if you do get pregnant within the next few months, it will not harm the fetus.”
Cassidy took the paper and shook the doctor’s hand. Dr. Reid kept speaking; but, Cassidy was lost in her own thoughts as she headed out of the office and got back into her car. She took a deep breath as tears began streaming down her face. She reached into the center console, pulling out a small vial and pouring a small pile of white powder onto the side of her hand, snorting it quickly before brushing off her nose. She began wiping her tears away as her phone rang. It was her husband. Cassidy took a deep breath and answered.
“Babe!! I was just thinking of you.”
A pause as he spoke; and then…
“Nothing to report. The appointment went as usual, everything is perfect, healthy as ever.”
_____________________________
The camera shakes as the picture comes into focus. We see Cassidy Carter, clad in her usual black hooded sweatshirt. She is sitting in the driver seat of the Mercedes she received after winning the End of the Year Battle Royal a couple years ago. She takes a deep breath as the camera focuses. She looks tired and annoyed as she looks into the camera and speaks.
CASSIDY: “Well...here we fucking are. I want to start by thanking the incompetent assholes of SCW management for separating my husband and I for the last two weeks; and, for giving me the opportunity to earn the title shot I have already earned.”
She paused and rolled her eyes.
CASSIDY: “So...Bound by Blood...I have the distinct displeasure of facing SCW’s resident white knight, king of sticking his nose where it doesn't belong. Yes boys and girls, it the altruistic asshole, riding around and forcibly saving those who don't want or need to be saved. But, who will save us from our white knight who continues to force himself upon the world? Why, it's Heels, the magnificent blonde bombshell who has a knack for slaying unwanted white knights!!”
Cassidy paused and takes on a less sarcastic tone.
CASSIDY: “I've already discussed how I feel about you...the forced hero of your own narrative, wandering around and slaying all the villains of the wrestling world. The simple minded moron who sees the world as black and white; but, isn't smart enough to see that being the hero of your own narrative does not make you an actual hero. It is all about perspective. You see, in your narrative you are the hero; but, have you ever stopped to consider in how many people’s narratives you are the villain? Have you considered how many times you have come to a “damsel’s” rescue; but, she didn't want you there. You aren't the altruistic hero you think you are. As previously discussed, you are little more than Don Quixote, stumbling around the countryside, attacking windmills and claiming you slay dragons. You are the village idiot in so many people’s story...the simpleton idiot who doesn't seem to understand that women do not need to be saved; and, that he is little more than a snake.”
Cassidy’s eyes narrow
CASSIDY: “The reality of this all is that you are a slithering little snake who somehow sneaks his way into situations that he does not belong in. The fact of the matter is, I EARNED my spot as the number one contender. When AJ died, or went into that irreversible coma, or whatever soap opera ailment has befallen him...his ordained contendership naturally falls to the person who owned that Battle Royal until the very last moment...me!! As much as everyone in this fucking company seems to LOVE taking me for granted, to assume that I am nothing more than the some silly little girl who continues to get lucky. None of you have the foresight to back up and look at the big picture, to see the trap I set for each of you. If you win every match, people take you too seriously, if you lose every match, people don't take you seriously at all; but...if you know how to pick and choose your victories, slaying all the right opponents; while allowing yourself to fall to some more inconsequential opponents...well...you get Cassidy, the blonde bombshell who is constantly overlooked; and yet, has pulled off some HUGE victories since coming to this company. And now...I am co-main evening an SCW Pay per View...about to become the number one contender for a world championship; and...poised to become the world champion of a MAJOR company! The fact is, I am so much more than you all give me credit for being. And don't get me wrong, there's a part of me that loves the fact that none of you have taken the time to get to know who I really am. It's still funny to me to hear you all projecting your own inadequacies on me. You constantly try to paint me as some one-dimensional little party girl with no brain because I like to enjoy my life. You and your friends try to paint me as a whore because my husband and I like to enjoy ourselves. The funny thing is, all the things you try to fault me for being seem to be projections of your own inadequacies. The fact of the matter is, you only see the world as black and white; while I...I am the only person who seems to understand the full spectrum. It reminds me of Brian Kinney…”
Cassidy chuckles lightly.
CASSIDY: “During my time with Rachel, she spoke many times about Brian Kinney...the man she said chose to be a peacock in a world full of pigeons. I've never seen that woman faun over anyone the way she did over Kinney. I'm surprised she doesnt sell ‘WWBKD’ bracelets, or name ibe of her kids after him.”
She pauses for a moment, then adds.
CASSIDY: “To be fair...with how stoic and connected to German culture she's become, I'm also surprised she didn't name one of her bastards Otto Von Bismarck.”
She chuckled to herself before getting back on track.
CASSIDY: “According to Rachel, Brian Kinney was one of the first people who dared to be himself, unapologetic for who he was or what he wanted. He didn't care that he didn't fit the mold, he refused to fit in with the status quo; and, as such, he was a rainbow across a monotonous, miserable gray sky. She always wondered what happened to him, believing that the weight of the collective disapproval of the guardians of the status quo finally got to him...as he disappeared into history. The one lesson she insisted I take away from him was to be myself, and never subject myself to the cookie cutter mentality. It isn't to say that I am the only one who lives their life this way; but...I will be the first to break through the top echelon of this company, which is filled with one dimensional relics of the past. This is current America...with the rigid oligarchy holding on to the last vestiges of power. Well...I am the new generation...here to slay the old guard. I am a revolution, coming to break the hold that these antiquated ideals of good and evil have left on this company.”
She pauses for dramatic effect.
CASSIDY: “The truth is, I have already won by making it this far...Cassidy Carter, the little girl you all try so hard to shrug off as nothing more than a joke, is now being seriously considered for contendership; and, I have left a trail of bodies in my wake. Katelyn Buehler, Justin Davis, Konrad Raab, all but one of the participants in the Fatal Fortunes battle royal. I even decimated a large field of competitors to win this very car. The thing you don't seem to understand is...I win when I want to; and...I want this win...so fucking badly!!! If I have to slay Don Quixote himself to do it...well...that's just icing on the cake. Consider this the revenge of all the windmills you slew; and, all the damsels who could have saved themselves; but, we're forced to endure your insufferable attempts at chivalry”
Cassidy pauses one last time, looking deep into the camera as she tries to add emphasis to her final statement.
CASSIDY: “Love me or hate me, you had better get used to me; because, despite your constant attempts to shrug me off and wish me away, despite your small-minded dismissal of me as nothing more than a distraction, unready for the bright lights of prime time...I am here. I have broken through the glass ceiling you keep trying to trap me under; and, I am coming for the heads of the old god's. I am the face of the revolution that will reshape this company in my own image. I am the death of the dark vs light, heroes vs villains, good call evil paradigm you keep trying to shove down our throats. And I know, your point of view is too narrow, and your understanding of the world is too small; but, when you're lying on your back, watching my hand being raised, and hearing the crowd roaring for me, just remember...you aren't the hero in this story...Don Quixote.”
Cassidy’s face remained stoic and fiercely focused as she forced a small smile before the picture cut to black.
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