12-07-2018, 01:40 PM
The decisions that we make.
The things that we think of or about for long periods of time, using just a small piece of our brain to actually process those thoughts as they turn around a million times over, allowing our minds to play out trillions versions of what we should expect next. When it really comes down to it, we ultimately have to go with what we feel in our hearts to move forward.
Some things end up working out well, some don’t. Every decision, though, brings out the good, the bad, lessons, or luck. That none us of really knows for sure, but one certainty, however, is that indecision steals years from wrestlers like me leaving regrets, because we were unable to take a leap of faith.
It’s easy though if you want different results, make better decisions. In reality, we never know the outcomes, never have, and yet that has hardly ever mattered. I’ve kept pressing forward because until you’ve reached your endgame in this business there can’t be another direction for you to follow. My endgame is the EMERGE championship, but sadly every decision I’ve made has taken me astray from it and my decision to stay with EMERGE may be taken away from me.
Invasion: Washington
I have survived this long for many reasons, most of which you from how I approach my matches. But a lot of that has to do almost as much with the things that I don’t do. Like I don’t ever take the competition lightly regardless of whom it maybe be and why it is that they stand before me in the ring. I simply prepare for them all the same as if they were the best, because in truth they are considered amongst the best if they’ve made it to this level. Part of that means not speaking out of turn and coming at an opponent with words that aren’t going to add up in the ring later. Words are that careless substances that support the opinions I have. Words that hold no meaning once anyone contradicts themselves be it Jenny Helms, Peyton Royce, or myself. Saying fool hardy things or saying too much tend to go hand in hand with contradicting yourself.
In fact sometimes they say it’s better to simply keep quiet and be thought a fool than it is to speak and remove all doubt. Piss Posh, Black Ace, Piss Posh. Spoken. Noted. But Certainly far from being duly. I know that I have the talent to be not just any champions in EMERGE, but the World Champion, and it has very little to do with the opinions of what others like you might believe about the grit of this generation, and how much they can endure inside of the ring.
That’s the thing of all this too. The fact that Jenni Helms waltzed right into my territory, spouting off, trying to tell anyone like me of the old guard that she’s the who’s who and the what’s what. I can say the Golden Girl, you amuse me. You can amuse them all like a little jester. Because everyone has to love the jester, because they have had so many different looks, made many changes which presents different meanings in different times and cultures. The jolly, well-loved jester familiar to most people as a protean creature.
Gotta love ‘em, right? From madmen, hunchbacks, amputees, the natural clowns, and models turned wrestlers. Ones elected to fulfill a role. Ludicrous or chaotic. Beloved or loathed. Doesn’t matter, I guess, just as long as they can draw the attention, even if their role was ambiguous as it is were contradicting of who they really are. That’s what you are when you speak and you speak and you speak, spouting off with very little substance to anything that you are saying, but you’re entertaining enough to grab the attention of everyone watching. An effort I can definitely applaud, if not allow a small chuckle out as the truth of it bearing in the back of my mind all the same. Even when you try to bear yourself to the world as you have, your insecurities couldn’t be clearer in the process. Doing life in your head, seeing the world through your own lenses, and tying everything back to your own self-worth? And for what? You’ve had a career and a resume with the kind of stats that most can only dream of, but then again that’s what drags you out of your self-deluded world that you have concocted in your head that you and only you seem to really believe in at this point.
Those other names I’ve mentioned recently? You follow in their footsteps, coming at them with a formula that they have solved time and again. So be it. You too will learn just as they did what you didn’t realize before. That reality is that you live a life where you’re closed off, with inward thinking, listening to a constant inner dialogue of judgment and criticism. When you try to make it all about you? Your world becomes small. You become small.
You can rest assured, though, that this story is about me. But nonetheless, I’m so glad you, whomever my opponent may be, that you’ve come to play your part in it. Despite the fact that I don’t know who you are, if a title will be on the line, or how many of you that there will be at Invasion: Washington. The biggest difference between then and now for this elitist is the fact that ‘A’ I’ve had the chance to go through that experience and come out more knowledgeable and prepared for when such a moment would come again and that I’d get the opportunity to right a wrong. ‘B’ I took Willow Wilkes to her limit at EMERGE Fifteen. The EMERGE champion was in a tag match doing only half the work, The Spirit and Rush Champions? Nowhere to be found on the show.
So what if I lost my match, because that match was main event level. Come Invasion, I’ll have bounced back, I’ll be ready to once again show what I’m capable of doing in the ring. I’m ready to write in the history books my crowning achievement despite not knowing who or what match I will end up being in. For the last several months all I have wanted was a shot at EMERGE champion, Peyton Royce and now I could finally have it. I could finally have the chance to help further mold her into a full-fledged superstar that’s she destined to become.
However, that might not be in my cards, because of the Capital shake-up aspect of the night. I’m not in a position with a set position in the main event. I know I’m ready for the spotlight, and I’ll jump at the opportunity, because what better way to possible end what could be my last night with EMERGE? The way things are laid out for the show has an insane beauty about it, but also problematic unknown. No one knows what fate has in store for them with everyone’s contract up for renewal after the show.
So for all of us, this show is the last chance for us to save our jobs. The only difference be myself and all my potential opponents, is the fact that I’ve had a long career. If this show ends up being my last show… I have no regrets win or lose. The others, the stars of tomorrow… if they lose, especially if they lose their title will have regrets. They will wonder what they could have done differently to keep their title to go out with a Hero’s Farewell.
I can admit to the fact if I end up losing my job it’s because I was lazy at times. I disrespected all of my opponents who busted their asses to get here. I can’t complain about Jenni Helms surpassing me to become The Spirit champion, because while my experience should have gave me the edge… I lacked the conviction to follow through, because I was coasting on the value of my name alone.
Jenni, Gavin, Hemmingway… no everyone that has held gold at one point in EMERGE before me… they simply proved that they wanted it more than me. When they did that, they showed what they are after, that their desires is to continue to chase their dreams was greater than mine. You can say that I’ve been just going through the motions, losing most of my matches, losing my motivation… I was being the one thing I told my students to never be… lazy.
In my career I have only been in contention for a World title once. So the idea of returning to that situation was worth coming back for, and why not? To be the top champion would be the cherry on top of my career. Though my lack of consistency has hindered me greatly and it didn’t help that I would settle for moral victories. Think that even though I lost I was helping prepare the victor for their next challenge. Who knows where I’d be right now if I didn’t settle like that? Maybe Jenni Helms, Drake Hemmingway, or Gavin Taylor would never have become champions if they faced off against me at my best.
My best, which I haven’t consistently given since I signed with EMERGE. The only consistency that I have shown is that I’ve been consistently inconsistent. As a veteran, I don’t question anyone’s passion when they step between the ropes with me, but maybe I should have been questioning my own? I had a chance to walk away with my match against Kaito. I didn’t have to have fight… I could’ve lost and went home called it a career. However, I justified fighting, because I thought that EMERGE needed me despite being long in the tooth.
However, I was just searching for that World title reign that has been ever elusive to me, because I’d proven myself as one of the best long before EMERGE. So knowing that at Invasion my contract might not be renewed… I can say with certainty I’m content. That after the dust is cleared, win or lose against whomever is my opponent, I’ll get on a plane fly home to San Diego. Spend some much needed time with my family and friends before returning to work training the next generation at Rick Young’s wrestling school. Molding the next batch of prodigies for the future, something that I wholeheartedly can look forward no matter the outcome of my match.
The immediate future of EMERGE is being molded in many different forms, with people that have the skill, talent, and a good mindset for what it takes to succeed over the long haul, and they’ve got great examples to go by in SCW to look up to. I’m just grateful to have been able to recognize my worth to this business before the door was slammed in my face.
I might know who my opponent or opponents are going to be heading in to the show, but depending on who it is they might try to downplay my worth by calling the era I came from inferior, soft, or even unrefined, but I’m going to give this last match everything I have, because if it my last match… I plan on going out with a bang not a whimper. Though I know some of you are thinking I’ll believe it when I see it and I understand why you feel that way, and if this show ends up being the final page of the final chapter of my career… I can respect that. If my journey’s end is right around the corner the only direction I can go is forward and I hope the old saying is true… In the end the house ALWAYS wins.
Ryan finished typing out on his computer in the living room of his home in San Diego. He hesitate a moment before pushing the send button to post the blog up on the EMERGE’s website. As the page starts reloading with the freshly posted piece he reaches up and whips a single tear away from his left eye.
“Babe, are you okay?” Asked his wife, Brianna as she walked up to him holding in her hands a couple of drinks.
“I’m fine,” Ryan said, because the hitch in the tone of his voice is more than enough to tell her that’s not the case. She places the drinks down on the desk a safe distance away from the device and then wraps her arms around her husband’s neck as she sits on his lap. Several moments go by and nothing said between the two of them as she just stares in to his soulful eyes.
“I know you better than that Ryan Joseph Singer.” Brianna said, and for the first time since the last time his mother used his full name he actually winced at the sound of it. As he knew that he couldn’t hide his emotional state from his wife.
“It’s just a lot of emotional running rampart with the idea of this next match being my last,” Ryan says.
“If they were going to get rid of you,” Brianna started to say, but she paused for a moment. “They wouldn’t have given you a chance to safe your job remember.”
“I know that, but…” Ryan says, but he doesn’t so much as pauses as he freezes up. Just looking in to her husband’s eyes she understands what he is saying without hearing the words. It’s not so much that he’s worried about being fired, but it’s the fact that he’s wrestling with the idea of going back in to retirement. She can tell that he’s struggling with the idea, because he hasn’t accomplished his goal of being EMERGE champion.
“Babe, do whatever makes sense to you, because “it doesn’t make a difference if we make it or not…” Brianna started speaking, but towards the end she starts singing. Which brought a smirk to Ryan’s face, because while she isn’t the best singer… she isn’t terrible either. That though doesn’t matter, because it’s the message of the song that she choose that did.
“We’ve got each other and that’s a lot for love…” Ryan added, from the chorus of Bon Jovi’s “Living on A prayer.” He couldn’t help, but kiss his wife as she’s the only person that would have thought about using Bon Jovi to cheer him up in the moment. As she’s right it doesn’t matter if Invasion is his last match, if it’s a win or lose, or for a title, because he won at life the moment that he put that wedding ring on her finger. However, the moment is interrupted by the sound of a notification of a new Skype video call. [ To Be Concluded in a CD rp. ]
The things that we think of or about for long periods of time, using just a small piece of our brain to actually process those thoughts as they turn around a million times over, allowing our minds to play out trillions versions of what we should expect next. When it really comes down to it, we ultimately have to go with what we feel in our hearts to move forward.
Some things end up working out well, some don’t. Every decision, though, brings out the good, the bad, lessons, or luck. That none us of really knows for sure, but one certainty, however, is that indecision steals years from wrestlers like me leaving regrets, because we were unable to take a leap of faith.
It’s easy though if you want different results, make better decisions. In reality, we never know the outcomes, never have, and yet that has hardly ever mattered. I’ve kept pressing forward because until you’ve reached your endgame in this business there can’t be another direction for you to follow. My endgame is the EMERGE championship, but sadly every decision I’ve made has taken me astray from it and my decision to stay with EMERGE may be taken away from me.
Invasion: Washington
I have survived this long for many reasons, most of which you from how I approach my matches. But a lot of that has to do almost as much with the things that I don’t do. Like I don’t ever take the competition lightly regardless of whom it maybe be and why it is that they stand before me in the ring. I simply prepare for them all the same as if they were the best, because in truth they are considered amongst the best if they’ve made it to this level. Part of that means not speaking out of turn and coming at an opponent with words that aren’t going to add up in the ring later. Words are that careless substances that support the opinions I have. Words that hold no meaning once anyone contradicts themselves be it Jenny Helms, Peyton Royce, or myself. Saying fool hardy things or saying too much tend to go hand in hand with contradicting yourself.
In fact sometimes they say it’s better to simply keep quiet and be thought a fool than it is to speak and remove all doubt. Piss Posh, Black Ace, Piss Posh. Spoken. Noted. But Certainly far from being duly. I know that I have the talent to be not just any champions in EMERGE, but the World Champion, and it has very little to do with the opinions of what others like you might believe about the grit of this generation, and how much they can endure inside of the ring.
That’s the thing of all this too. The fact that Jenni Helms waltzed right into my territory, spouting off, trying to tell anyone like me of the old guard that she’s the who’s who and the what’s what. I can say the Golden Girl, you amuse me. You can amuse them all like a little jester. Because everyone has to love the jester, because they have had so many different looks, made many changes which presents different meanings in different times and cultures. The jolly, well-loved jester familiar to most people as a protean creature.
Gotta love ‘em, right? From madmen, hunchbacks, amputees, the natural clowns, and models turned wrestlers. Ones elected to fulfill a role. Ludicrous or chaotic. Beloved or loathed. Doesn’t matter, I guess, just as long as they can draw the attention, even if their role was ambiguous as it is were contradicting of who they really are. That’s what you are when you speak and you speak and you speak, spouting off with very little substance to anything that you are saying, but you’re entertaining enough to grab the attention of everyone watching. An effort I can definitely applaud, if not allow a small chuckle out as the truth of it bearing in the back of my mind all the same. Even when you try to bear yourself to the world as you have, your insecurities couldn’t be clearer in the process. Doing life in your head, seeing the world through your own lenses, and tying everything back to your own self-worth? And for what? You’ve had a career and a resume with the kind of stats that most can only dream of, but then again that’s what drags you out of your self-deluded world that you have concocted in your head that you and only you seem to really believe in at this point.
Those other names I’ve mentioned recently? You follow in their footsteps, coming at them with a formula that they have solved time and again. So be it. You too will learn just as they did what you didn’t realize before. That reality is that you live a life where you’re closed off, with inward thinking, listening to a constant inner dialogue of judgment and criticism. When you try to make it all about you? Your world becomes small. You become small.
You can rest assured, though, that this story is about me. But nonetheless, I’m so glad you, whomever my opponent may be, that you’ve come to play your part in it. Despite the fact that I don’t know who you are, if a title will be on the line, or how many of you that there will be at Invasion: Washington. The biggest difference between then and now for this elitist is the fact that ‘A’ I’ve had the chance to go through that experience and come out more knowledgeable and prepared for when such a moment would come again and that I’d get the opportunity to right a wrong. ‘B’ I took Willow Wilkes to her limit at EMERGE Fifteen. The EMERGE champion was in a tag match doing only half the work, The Spirit and Rush Champions? Nowhere to be found on the show.
So what if I lost my match, because that match was main event level. Come Invasion, I’ll have bounced back, I’ll be ready to once again show what I’m capable of doing in the ring. I’m ready to write in the history books my crowning achievement despite not knowing who or what match I will end up being in. For the last several months all I have wanted was a shot at EMERGE champion, Peyton Royce and now I could finally have it. I could finally have the chance to help further mold her into a full-fledged superstar that’s she destined to become.
However, that might not be in my cards, because of the Capital shake-up aspect of the night. I’m not in a position with a set position in the main event. I know I’m ready for the spotlight, and I’ll jump at the opportunity, because what better way to possible end what could be my last night with EMERGE? The way things are laid out for the show has an insane beauty about it, but also problematic unknown. No one knows what fate has in store for them with everyone’s contract up for renewal after the show.
So for all of us, this show is the last chance for us to save our jobs. The only difference be myself and all my potential opponents, is the fact that I’ve had a long career. If this show ends up being my last show… I have no regrets win or lose. The others, the stars of tomorrow… if they lose, especially if they lose their title will have regrets. They will wonder what they could have done differently to keep their title to go out with a Hero’s Farewell.
I can admit to the fact if I end up losing my job it’s because I was lazy at times. I disrespected all of my opponents who busted their asses to get here. I can’t complain about Jenni Helms surpassing me to become The Spirit champion, because while my experience should have gave me the edge… I lacked the conviction to follow through, because I was coasting on the value of my name alone.
Jenni, Gavin, Hemmingway… no everyone that has held gold at one point in EMERGE before me… they simply proved that they wanted it more than me. When they did that, they showed what they are after, that their desires is to continue to chase their dreams was greater than mine. You can say that I’ve been just going through the motions, losing most of my matches, losing my motivation… I was being the one thing I told my students to never be… lazy.
In my career I have only been in contention for a World title once. So the idea of returning to that situation was worth coming back for, and why not? To be the top champion would be the cherry on top of my career. Though my lack of consistency has hindered me greatly and it didn’t help that I would settle for moral victories. Think that even though I lost I was helping prepare the victor for their next challenge. Who knows where I’d be right now if I didn’t settle like that? Maybe Jenni Helms, Drake Hemmingway, or Gavin Taylor would never have become champions if they faced off against me at my best.
My best, which I haven’t consistently given since I signed with EMERGE. The only consistency that I have shown is that I’ve been consistently inconsistent. As a veteran, I don’t question anyone’s passion when they step between the ropes with me, but maybe I should have been questioning my own? I had a chance to walk away with my match against Kaito. I didn’t have to have fight… I could’ve lost and went home called it a career. However, I justified fighting, because I thought that EMERGE needed me despite being long in the tooth.
However, I was just searching for that World title reign that has been ever elusive to me, because I’d proven myself as one of the best long before EMERGE. So knowing that at Invasion my contract might not be renewed… I can say with certainty I’m content. That after the dust is cleared, win or lose against whomever is my opponent, I’ll get on a plane fly home to San Diego. Spend some much needed time with my family and friends before returning to work training the next generation at Rick Young’s wrestling school. Molding the next batch of prodigies for the future, something that I wholeheartedly can look forward no matter the outcome of my match.
The immediate future of EMERGE is being molded in many different forms, with people that have the skill, talent, and a good mindset for what it takes to succeed over the long haul, and they’ve got great examples to go by in SCW to look up to. I’m just grateful to have been able to recognize my worth to this business before the door was slammed in my face.
I might know who my opponent or opponents are going to be heading in to the show, but depending on who it is they might try to downplay my worth by calling the era I came from inferior, soft, or even unrefined, but I’m going to give this last match everything I have, because if it my last match… I plan on going out with a bang not a whimper. Though I know some of you are thinking I’ll believe it when I see it and I understand why you feel that way, and if this show ends up being the final page of the final chapter of my career… I can respect that. If my journey’s end is right around the corner the only direction I can go is forward and I hope the old saying is true… In the end the house ALWAYS wins.
Ryan finished typing out on his computer in the living room of his home in San Diego. He hesitate a moment before pushing the send button to post the blog up on the EMERGE’s website. As the page starts reloading with the freshly posted piece he reaches up and whips a single tear away from his left eye.
“Babe, are you okay?” Asked his wife, Brianna as she walked up to him holding in her hands a couple of drinks.
“I’m fine,” Ryan said, because the hitch in the tone of his voice is more than enough to tell her that’s not the case. She places the drinks down on the desk a safe distance away from the device and then wraps her arms around her husband’s neck as she sits on his lap. Several moments go by and nothing said between the two of them as she just stares in to his soulful eyes.
“I know you better than that Ryan Joseph Singer.” Brianna said, and for the first time since the last time his mother used his full name he actually winced at the sound of it. As he knew that he couldn’t hide his emotional state from his wife.
“It’s just a lot of emotional running rampart with the idea of this next match being my last,” Ryan says.
“If they were going to get rid of you,” Brianna started to say, but she paused for a moment. “They wouldn’t have given you a chance to safe your job remember.”
“I know that, but…” Ryan says, but he doesn’t so much as pauses as he freezes up. Just looking in to her husband’s eyes she understands what he is saying without hearing the words. It’s not so much that he’s worried about being fired, but it’s the fact that he’s wrestling with the idea of going back in to retirement. She can tell that he’s struggling with the idea, because he hasn’t accomplished his goal of being EMERGE champion.
“Babe, do whatever makes sense to you, because “it doesn’t make a difference if we make it or not…” Brianna started speaking, but towards the end she starts singing. Which brought a smirk to Ryan’s face, because while she isn’t the best singer… she isn’t terrible either. That though doesn’t matter, because it’s the message of the song that she choose that did.
“We’ve got each other and that’s a lot for love…” Ryan added, from the chorus of Bon Jovi’s “Living on A prayer.” He couldn’t help, but kiss his wife as she’s the only person that would have thought about using Bon Jovi to cheer him up in the moment. As she’s right it doesn’t matter if Invasion is his last match, if it’s a win or lose, or for a title, because he won at life the moment that he put that wedding ring on her finger. However, the moment is interrupted by the sound of a notification of a new Skype video call. [ To Be Concluded in a CD rp. ]