Let's talk about depression

[Simple77]

Not a very exciting thread subject is it?

October 10th which is one day before my birthday and is also World Mental Health Day. I was working on my recent class and so I didn't say anything that day, but it didn't slip my mind either.

The facts are sobering:

-Depression is a common but serious mood disorder. Symptoms of a depressive episode can include: loss of interest in things you used to enjoy, change in weight, difficulty sleeping or oversleeping, energy loss, feelings of worthlessness, and thoughts of death or suicide.

-Personal or family history of depression, major life changes, trauma, stress, and certain medications can contribute to a higher risk of developing depression.

-Anxiety and depression disorders are closely related. Nearly 50% of those diagnosed with depression are also diagnosed with an anxiety disorder.

-There is no "one-size-fits-all" for treating depression, but common treatments include: antidepressant medications, traditional forms of psychotherapy, or electroconvulsive therapy (ECT).

-In 2017, an estimated 264 million people in the world experienced depression.

-Depression comes in different forms, such as persistent depressive disorder (also called dysthymia), postpartum depression, psychotic depression, seasonal affective disorder, and major depression.

-Depression is a major contributor to the overall global burden of disease.

Again those are very sobering truths to take in, But I want to put a much more personal face on depression. The first time I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder I was 19 years old. My fiancee left me, she was my first girlfriend period, and I did not know how to cope. Ever since then, when things become rough, I struggle more often than not with another bout of depression. It lasts for anywhere from 2 weeks to 2 months typically, with the average being right around 3 weeks. It can manifest itself in different ways, but most typically I feel worthlessness and I lose interest in things I used to enjoy.

Five weeks ago, I experienced depression rearing its ugly head on me again and it was BAD. I didn't even want to get up out of bed for several mornings and while I never considered suicide, (I have only considered that once, and it was a long time ago) I did start thinking to myself that other people would be better off if I was not around to burden them. Depression takes on a whole new meaning when you are disabled, because you try so hard not too, but you do feel like you are a burden to other people. It took me one day of thinking like that and I made an appointment into see my psychologist, I wasn't taking any chances. As it turns out, my class last time was rough, a lot rougher than usual, and my psychologist believes that stress due to that class caused me another episode when I tried to keep pressing on through, without taking adequate breaks. So far, I have managed to control my depression without medication, but I live with the realization that I might not always have that option.

I feel fine now, but I do want to take this opportunity to apologize for anything I have said or did to any one of you in the last few weeks. I wasn't myself but that is no excuse, and I am sorry I have made any of you feel less than I should have, because none of you deserve that. I also want to say thank you for being some of the best friends and family I could ever ask for, because that is what all of you are to me, friends and family, and when you struggle with depression, friends and family take on a whole new level of importance.

I love all of you more than you comprehend

Most importantly though, if you know someone that you think could be depressed or someone that is depressed, keep encouraging them to receive help until they do it please? I am lucky, I have my Mom, my siblings, friends, and all of you who are there for me. I have a Bachelors degree in psychology, so I know what to look for in myself. (And I still see someone when it is necessary!) Not everyone does, so don't wait too long until you say something alright?

Thank you.

[Jake Starr]

My friend, let me first say what an amazing post.  You are spot on about depression as a whole, and I too am thankful you got your help.

I'd like to chime in my two cents because I'm half depressed.  I say that because, as I've posted before, I'm bipolar, and have both a manic and depressive side.  It's something that, in retrospect, makes a lot of sense of how I would reach to situations, including this game.  I think a lot of people mistake depression and mania as things easy to control, when in fact, a lot of the time it's something we don't realize we are in the middle of.

Now, I also have PTSD, which is one of those diseases that can really exacerbate both mania and depression.  I faced this head on back in July.  I talked to a few about it, but over the weekend of July 14th, I went into a panic attack that was the worst I had ever experienced.  It lasted from Saturday late night/Sunday early morning until Monday.  One of my best friends is an RN and Monday came to my house and found me curled up in my bed, shaking.  After about an hour she simply said "you're going to the hospital, now."  Long story short, I had myself checked into the hospital voluntarily, but they did discharge me believing I was not a harm to myself.

I contacted my therapist who had an emergency session with me, and it was determined that I had a full-on depressive PTSD flashback.  Why?  July 17th was the 21st anniversary of my brother's passing, and for 20 years, I had blocked the date out.  Effectively, my defenses and my desire to face the cause of my PTSD went head to head and I had feelings I didn't know how to cope with.  I was depressed.  I was upset.  I was scared.  I didn't know what feelings to have pro or con.

I share this because depression is something that can manifest in many ways.  And people need to realize you can have friends who put on a front, but if you're willing to get to know them, befriend them, and show them you truly care, you could be that person who looks them in the eye and tells them they need help, and they listen.  You could become that friendly face and one logical voice that keeps them from doing something drastic or finally figuring out what is causing their problems.

You all, this game, this fed, especially since I returned, has become one of the greatest enjoyments I have had.  Yeah I missed a deadline, and took a nap, but unlike in the past where I'm so concerned about getting a push, I can simply say, "I'll get them next time."   And a lot of that attitude is because of each and every handler here.

I may sound like a carbon copy of the above, but take it from another who suffers everyday, but entrusts others to help him fight and know that, in the end, it's worth it.

Like above, I love you all.  Thank you for being there for people like us, and not laughing or writing us off, but being supportive of us, regardless of IC or OOC past or present.

[Syren]

Been trying to write in here for ages, but I’ve struggled to put into words how depression effects me. Whenever I have, it’s sounded “melodramatic” to me and I’ve ended up deleting whatever I wrote. Then yesterday, in part thanks to Jon and in part due to just a lovely NHS doctor who gave me the first of two referrals I need for Gender Confirmation surgery, I had a good day. I started thinking about how depression effects me again to try to put it into words for my work (which I’m currently off sick from due to... depression!) and I think I’ve found a way.

So, the way that depression gets it’s nasty fingers into me is that I have a habit of believing that I am worthless, that everything I do, say and think is worthless, and that there’s no point in me doing anything. When that gets what my brain then perceives as confirmation from something, I drop a level and it begins again. Recently my brain has gotten so much “confirmation” that it’s been spiralling uncontrollably.

The more stuff happens, the more it feeds into this feeling that I’m worthless, everything I do, say and think is worthless, and I end up wanting to die. Because I’m not a confrontational person I take these feelings home, obsess over them, I can’t sleep because of them, all of this is going around and around in my head, and it all feeds into itself and drags me down further and further and further and further until I feel like I’m spiralling into an abyss.

Fortunately I have another week off work yet to attempt to drag myself back to a level where I feel like I have some kind of worth as a human being. Jon helped with that yesterday, Jax the dog helps with that because he’s adorable and loves me unconditionally because I’m his mommy and his favourite person in the world, and... for the first time in over a week I have a little bit of hope that I may feel better. Plus, I actually slept properly last night, which made a nice change. So thank you Jon, I heart you more than you will ever know.

[Chris Cannon]