PERSONAL INFORMATION
-------------------------------------------------
Wrestler's Alias: Derek Adonis
Wrestler's Real Name: Derek Robert Oliver Yanni George Brand Victor Walker-Marchetti
Pic Base: Eric Stonestreet
Height: 6’2”
Weight: 270 lbs.
Birthdate: February 14, 1977
Birth Place: Atlantic City, New Jersey
Current Residence: Las Vegas, Nevada
Physical Description: A rather large individual, and apparently out of shape (though, for certainly purposes, in better shape than he looks.. KABLAM!), Derek Adonis is still very proud of his folds and Supercuts hairstyle. His outfits are often offensively colourful mismatches.
WRESTLING INFORMATION
-------------------------------------------------
Wrestling Style: Let’s go with “unorthodox”
Alignment (Face/Tweener/Heel): Depends on who you ask (ie: Neutral)
Years Pro: 10
Finishers: Kablam!; Top Rope Fuckinator
Finishers Descriptions:
Kablam! – A Stinger Splash in the corner
Top Rope Fuckinator - A front-flip onto a standing opponent's shoulders, taking them down (AKA Molly-Go-Round)
Signature Moves: Lady's Choice; Oops
Signature Moves Descriptions (If Needed):
Lady’s Choice – A bronco buster (typically only used on female opponents)
Oops – A stalled brainbuster (one can never tell if the move is intentional, or if Adonis just can’t hold them up for a stalled suplex and drops them on their head mistakenly)
Theme Song: “Come In KABLAMia” by The KABLAMian Taberacle Choir
Common Moves:
- Suplex
- Bodyslam
- Fallaway slam
- Punches/kicks
- Big splash
- Big splash from the bottom rope
- Big splash from the middle rope
- Battering ram
- Running shoulder tackle
- Elbow drop
- Full nelson
- Full nelson sitout drop
- Sitout power bomb
- Running face-wash boot
- Bearhug
- Bearhug slam
Strengths:
Size – He’s bigger than his opponents. That helps, right?
Unorthodox style – Let’s face it: No one really knows what his style is.
Strangely Charismatic – You wouldn't know it to look at him though.
Weaknesses:
Dumb – Very, very dumb. Okay, not really DUMB… conceited, and prone to stupid mistakes.
Conceited – Believes that every woman wants him (who wouldn’t?) and every man wants to be like him. This causes him to often take his eye off the prize (of winning a match) and puts his eye on the other prize (boo-tay).
Prone to Stupid Mistakes – Because of his conceitedness mixed with his rather low intelligence, the tendency to make dumb mistakes that often cost him (ie: picking a male opponent up in the corner out of a staunch refusal to perform the Lady’s Choice on anyone but a lady).
Entrance:
KABLAAAAAAAAAAM!!!
The sound of a xylophone scale is heard, signifying the start of the KABLAMian Taberacle Choir's jingle, "Come In KABLAMia"...
Derek Adonis rolls out atop the ramp on a cloud, alongside a number of the citizens of KABLAMia: Sweet Sangria, Mimi Mimosa, Het Meisje, and Anastasia Fantasia among them. The crowd rise to their feet in a raucous applause at the display of flesh in front of them...
Welcome to the land that loves below the belt
The sky’s are clear and pleasure is felt
Come in KABLAMia, come in KABLAMia
Adonis partially rises to his knees, waving out to the crowd as chants of "KABLAM" ring out throughout the arena. The cloud continues to roll it's way down the ramp.
Where fun-loving people can give right in
To a Man Mountain utopia where everyone wins
Come in KABLAMia, come in KABLAMia
Sweet Sangria always dressed in smile
Many men and women will go the extra mile
Come in KABLAMia, come in KABLAMia
The women on the cloud toss out small, travel-sized bottles of Derek Adonis Heavy KABLAM Lubricant and folded up travel brochures to the crowd.
The lube flows freely, never enough
It’s a copyrighted formula, the right stuff
But even still they make you feel right at home
Whether you love cleaning the carpet or polishing chrome
The cloud makes it to the bottom of the ramp and Adonis hops off first, reaching up to help the four primary women off. They step down, each planting a kiss on the cheek of Man-Mountain before heading up the stairs. Adonis follows up last and pulls himself through the ropes, lifting them for the four women to enter the ring as well.
We don’t kink-shame here, it never allowed
It’s a comfortable place while you’re being plowed
Your greatest dreams are always on tap
Your can register now with our convenient app
Adonis moves around to the four corners, climbing onto the bottom rope to throw out travel brochures as far as he can.
That’s right, KABLAM is expanding…
It’s the dream of Derek Adonis
Come in KABLAMia, summy KABLAMian
We mean YOU!
After finishing (heh), Adonis moves to the middle of the ring, posing with the four women around him. As the song ends, he bellows out with it...
Adonis: "KABLAAAAAAAAAAAAM!"
Biography: Derek Adonis Facts
- Derek Adonis has been married 4 times before (believe it or not). The first two marriages ended after the Vegas weddings were annulled, the third ended after he hit on his wife’s sister, and the fourth was an attempt to get into his will. (July 2022 edit: This count is now up to like six or seven... he's a regular Elizabeth Taylor)
- Derek Adonis owns two Las Vegas wedding chapels, and has been known to console brides who’s grooms abandoned them after they got “cold feet”.
- Surprisingly, Derek Adonis’ seduction success ratio is higher than one might think by looking at him.
- Derek Adonis owns every Barney Stinson book published by the people at CBS as a companion to “How I Met Your Mother”. As such, he has completed several of the plays in “The Playbook”.
- In his spare time, Derek Adonis writes messages for erotic greeting cards.
CLASSIC ENTRANCE:
The opening horns of “Weird Al” Yankovic’s “Wanna B Ur Lovr” begin to play out over the crowd, meaning the crowd is about to be graced by the presence of a living love machine – the Man-Mountain known as Derek Adonis!
And there he is! Stepping out amidst spotlights of every colour of the rainbow alongside his new KABLAMpress, Candy Adonis, the man’s outfit radiates light against a few blacklights slipped in, and he is completely oblivious to his detractors, basking in the glow of the spotlight as he begins his sensual stride towards the ring.
If you’re so inclined, you should check out the lyrics to the song that Adonis is entering to, because they really paint their own tapestry almost as well as the man himself is able to, stopping at various points on his walk down towards the ring to hit on some of the more attractive females in the area – without caring about the potential of boyfriends, husbands or security. He’ll take their hand, whisper sweet nothings to them (and, if you’ve seen girls at shows put in this kind of embarrassing situation, these do the same as all of them – and just laugh) and plant his lips ever so gently upon said hand before moving farther down the ramp.
As the chorus comes around, Adonis steps up the ramp, taking each step with added emphasis. He gets onto the apron and after winking at a particularly friendly female (probably the most receptive to advances of earlier), pulls himself through the ropes. He gyrates just a little bit in the ring (it’s better than his twerking – trust me) as his music fades.
*Candy's inclusion can vary as the matchwriter deems appropriate, though 9/10 she's there.
-------------------------------------------------
Wrestler's Alias: Derek Adonis
Wrestler's Real Name: Derek Robert Oliver Yanni George Brand Victor Walker-Marchetti
Pic Base: Eric Stonestreet
Height: 6’2”
Weight: 270 lbs.
Birthdate: February 14, 1977
Birth Place: Atlantic City, New Jersey
Current Residence: Las Vegas, Nevada
Physical Description: A rather large individual, and apparently out of shape (though, for certainly purposes, in better shape than he looks.. KABLAM!), Derek Adonis is still very proud of his folds and Supercuts hairstyle. His outfits are often offensively colourful mismatches.
WRESTLING INFORMATION
-------------------------------------------------
Wrestling Style: Let’s go with “unorthodox”
Alignment (Face/Tweener/Heel): Depends on who you ask (ie: Neutral)
Years Pro: 10
Finishers: Kablam!; Top Rope Fuckinator
Finishers Descriptions:
Kablam! – A Stinger Splash in the corner
Top Rope Fuckinator - A front-flip onto a standing opponent's shoulders, taking them down (AKA Molly-Go-Round)
Signature Moves: Lady's Choice; Oops
Signature Moves Descriptions (If Needed):
Lady’s Choice – A bronco buster (typically only used on female opponents)
Oops – A stalled brainbuster (one can never tell if the move is intentional, or if Adonis just can’t hold them up for a stalled suplex and drops them on their head mistakenly)
Theme Song: “Come In KABLAMia” by The KABLAMian Taberacle Choir
Common Moves:
- Suplex
- Bodyslam
- Fallaway slam
- Punches/kicks
- Big splash
- Big splash from the bottom rope
- Big splash from the middle rope
- Battering ram
- Running shoulder tackle
- Elbow drop
- Full nelson
- Full nelson sitout drop
- Sitout power bomb
- Running face-wash boot
- Bearhug
- Bearhug slam
Strengths:
Size – He’s bigger than his opponents. That helps, right?
Unorthodox style – Let’s face it: No one really knows what his style is.
Strangely Charismatic – You wouldn't know it to look at him though.
Weaknesses:
Dumb – Very, very dumb. Okay, not really DUMB… conceited, and prone to stupid mistakes.
Conceited – Believes that every woman wants him (who wouldn’t?) and every man wants to be like him. This causes him to often take his eye off the prize (of winning a match) and puts his eye on the other prize (boo-tay).
Prone to Stupid Mistakes – Because of his conceitedness mixed with his rather low intelligence, the tendency to make dumb mistakes that often cost him (ie: picking a male opponent up in the corner out of a staunch refusal to perform the Lady’s Choice on anyone but a lady).
Entrance:
KABLAAAAAAAAAAM!!!
The sound of a xylophone scale is heard, signifying the start of the KABLAMian Taberacle Choir's jingle, "Come In KABLAMia"...
Derek Adonis rolls out atop the ramp on a cloud, alongside a number of the citizens of KABLAMia: Sweet Sangria, Mimi Mimosa, Het Meisje, and Anastasia Fantasia among them. The crowd rise to their feet in a raucous applause at the display of flesh in front of them...
Welcome to the land that loves below the belt
The sky’s are clear and pleasure is felt
Come in KABLAMia, come in KABLAMia
Adonis partially rises to his knees, waving out to the crowd as chants of "KABLAM" ring out throughout the arena. The cloud continues to roll it's way down the ramp.
Where fun-loving people can give right in
To a Man Mountain utopia where everyone wins
Come in KABLAMia, come in KABLAMia
Sweet Sangria always dressed in smile
Many men and women will go the extra mile
Come in KABLAMia, come in KABLAMia
The women on the cloud toss out small, travel-sized bottles of Derek Adonis Heavy KABLAM Lubricant and folded up travel brochures to the crowd.
The lube flows freely, never enough
It’s a copyrighted formula, the right stuff
But even still they make you feel right at home
Whether you love cleaning the carpet or polishing chrome
The cloud makes it to the bottom of the ramp and Adonis hops off first, reaching up to help the four primary women off. They step down, each planting a kiss on the cheek of Man-Mountain before heading up the stairs. Adonis follows up last and pulls himself through the ropes, lifting them for the four women to enter the ring as well.
We don’t kink-shame here, it never allowed
It’s a comfortable place while you’re being plowed
Your greatest dreams are always on tap
Your can register now with our convenient app
Adonis moves around to the four corners, climbing onto the bottom rope to throw out travel brochures as far as he can.
That’s right, KABLAM is expanding…
It’s the dream of Derek Adonis
Come in KABLAMia, summy KABLAMian
We mean YOU!
After finishing (heh), Adonis moves to the middle of the ring, posing with the four women around him. As the song ends, he bellows out with it...
Adonis: "KABLAAAAAAAAAAAAM!"
Biography: Derek Adonis Facts
- Derek Adonis has been married 4 times before (believe it or not). The first two marriages ended after the Vegas weddings were annulled, the third ended after he hit on his wife’s sister, and the fourth was an attempt to get into his will. (July 2022 edit: This count is now up to like six or seven... he's a regular Elizabeth Taylor)
- Derek Adonis owns two Las Vegas wedding chapels, and has been known to console brides who’s grooms abandoned them after they got “cold feet”.
- Surprisingly, Derek Adonis’ seduction success ratio is higher than one might think by looking at him.
- Derek Adonis owns every Barney Stinson book published by the people at CBS as a companion to “How I Met Your Mother”. As such, he has completed several of the plays in “The Playbook”.
- In his spare time, Derek Adonis writes messages for erotic greeting cards.
CLASSIC ENTRANCE:
The opening horns of “Weird Al” Yankovic’s “Wanna B Ur Lovr” begin to play out over the crowd, meaning the crowd is about to be graced by the presence of a living love machine – the Man-Mountain known as Derek Adonis!
And there he is! Stepping out amidst spotlights of every colour of the rainbow alongside his new KABLAMpress, Candy Adonis, the man’s outfit radiates light against a few blacklights slipped in, and he is completely oblivious to his detractors, basking in the glow of the spotlight as he begins his sensual stride towards the ring.
If you’re so inclined, you should check out the lyrics to the song that Adonis is entering to, because they really paint their own tapestry almost as well as the man himself is able to, stopping at various points on his walk down towards the ring to hit on some of the more attractive females in the area – without caring about the potential of boyfriends, husbands or security. He’ll take their hand, whisper sweet nothings to them (and, if you’ve seen girls at shows put in this kind of embarrassing situation, these do the same as all of them – and just laugh) and plant his lips ever so gently upon said hand before moving farther down the ramp.
As the chorus comes around, Adonis steps up the ramp, taking each step with added emphasis. He gets onto the apron and after winking at a particularly friendly female (probably the most receptive to advances of earlier), pulls himself through the ropes. He gyrates just a little bit in the ring (it’s better than his twerking – trust me) as his music fades.
*Candy's inclusion can vary as the matchwriter deems appropriate, though 9/10 she's there.
![[Image: vJXLyBV.png]](https://i.imgur.com/vJXLyBV.png)