SCW Adrenaline Championship Contendership Battle Royal

[Ricky James]

A “catch-22” is defined as “a dilemma or difficult circumstance from which there is no escape because of mutually conflicting or dependent conditions”. Ricky James finds himself with a catch-22 every single time he steps into an SCW ring. Of course the goal for every superstar in SCW going into a match is to win the match. Ricky James is no different there. However, Ricky enters every match in a lose-lose situation, though he does not realize that yet. 



Let’s elaborate on what makes each one of his matches a lose-lose situation, shall we? We can start with the easy and obvious aspect of actually losing the match. No superstar wants to lose a match. Losing is demoralizing. It can derail momentum a superstar has or reinforce doubt a superstar has in themself. In Ricky’s case, a loss (though Ricky will never admit to actually losing a match, despite clear-as-day evidence that he has lost multiple times) negatively affects him multiple ways. We touched on this a couple weeks back. Each loss Ricky suffers puts him further into denial, causes him to become more paranoid about these “conspiracies” against him, and backs him into a corner. The thoughts planted in Ricky’s head from Lucy Huckabee Sanders and his neighbor Joe, among others, are reinforced with every loss. It was Shady Sasha, or the referee, or a cheating opponent. 


Aside from fueling the conspiracy theories, losses have also caused Ricky to subconsciously doubt himself. Ricky moved on from Mexico in search of a better life and career. He struggles with flashbacks to his prior life as evidenced by his fascination with masks. These flashbacks have done more harm than good thus far, costing Ricky multiple matches, as he is unable to stay focused. While Ricky consciously blames others for these losses, there is a bit of self-doubt deep down somewhere. Ricky should be questioning some of the choices he has made in the past. Is he really in a better spot now? Is it worth having to live a lie, completely denying your past, to achieve this “success” that was promised him? Is there a reason for all these flashbacks? Are they trying to tell him something?


Unfortunately, these are all buried too deep in Ricky’s subconscious. He hasn’t yet figured out there is a reason he is having these flashbacks. He sees them as a distraction he can usually overcome (even though he has failed to overcome them more times than he actually has overcome them). The constant “encouragement” from Lucy Huckabee Sanders each time he is in the ring, the “encouragement” from Kellyanne and the “fans” during the staged press conferences, and the “encouragement” from Joe when Ricky is able to spend some time at home are all so overwhelming that they completely destroy any chance of Ricky having some actual self-reflection. 


Yes, not being able to fully realize the root of Ricky’s problems is a massive issue for him when he loses. But what happens when he wins? After all, Ricky James was victorious in his last match, defeating Konrad Rabb. Not only did Ricky win the match - he also overcame a very obvious fascination with Konrad’s mask, actually unmasking Konrad in the process of winning the match. Ricky actually did what he said he was going to do for once, a rarity thus far in his SCW career. After a crushing loss to Asher Hayes (a loss Ricky and Lucy are “challenging” in “court”), this should have been a major positive momentum swing for Ricky.


We mentioned this was a lose-lose situation, though. What’s bad about winning a match and overcoming your personal demons in the process? Well, with every win, the conversation Ricky needs to have with himself keeps getting pushed further and further away. The subconscious thoughts become buried even deeper. The words of the influencers in Ricky’s life begin to hold more weight. With each win, the beliefs that Ricky made the right decisions in life are reinforced. And with each win, Ricky further solidifies his trust in his inner circle, particularly Lucy Huckabee Sanders. 


On the surface, Ricky James is flying high. He is fresh off a victory and now has a chance at yet another title opportunity in his young SCW career. His confidence is up, especially having overcome more flashbacks in the process of winning. He feels that he accomplished his “mission” in “exposing” another one of Shady Sasha’s plots. Yes, Ricky James is certainly riding high at the moment. But while the momentum swings in the right direction for his in-ring career, the much needed self-reflection is pushed to the back burner. If left untreated, it could blow up completely.


When exactly will Ricky address the actual elephant in the room? When will he take a long, hard look at the decisions he has made? When will he stop denying his past and at the very least be honest with himself? It seems this will all catch up to Ricky eventually, but perhaps not any time soon, especially if he continues to have success in the ring.


Heading into the Last Laugh PPV, where Ricky James will take on nine other competitors in a battle royal for a shot at the SCW Adrenaline Championship, Ricky’s past may be the last thing on his mind. Will his recent success and the encouragement from Lucy Huckabee Sanders be enough to keep him distracted from his personal demons? We will soon find out. 




Saturday Night, December 5th, 2020


Ricky James lounges back in a chair inside his hotel room at the Renaissance Phoenix Glendale Hotel & Spa, which is adjacent to Gila River Arena, site of Last Laugh this Sunday. Ricky appears very content, smiling as he watches some TV. Ricky, remote in hand, flips through the channels on the television as if he is looking for something to watch. In reality, he is simply looking for Fox News. He finds the station and sure enough stops channel surfing. He sets the remote down on the table next to his chair and picks up a glass of whiskey from the table. As Ricky brings the glass up to his lips, he hears a loud knock at the door. Ricky sighs, rolls his eyes, and puts down the glass before he can take a sip.


Ricky: Just a sec!


Ricky sits up from the chair and walks over to the door. Without checking to see who is there, Ricky quickly opens the door. Sure enough, Lucy Huckabee Sanders is standing in the doorway. Lucy, with a large purse in hand, lets herself into the room without saying a word. She drops her purse down on the bed as Ricky closes the door behind them. Lucy sits down on the bed and Ricky goes back over to sit in the chair.


Ricky: Traveling a little heavier this time?


LHS: I’ll get to that in a minute. How are you feeling?


Ricky: Great. I mean, I shouldn’t have to be facing nine other people tomorrow night. But I….we...will overcome the odds like we always do. We took care of Comrade pretty easily. So I…


Lucy cuts Ricky off.


LHS: I actually meant personally, Ric. And speaking of Comrade, what the hell happened out there?


Ricky: What do you mean?


LHS: Well, we all knew you were going to win, of course. But you still couldn’t let the mask thing go, could you?


Ricky: Luce I…


LHS: You’re lucky you were against someone like that, Ric. If you were against an American, you could have seriously screwed up our chances there. We’ve been through this. You have. To stay. FOCUSED! Not everyone you face is going to be as terrible as Comrade. Sasha is running out of foreigners to throw at you. Eventually you are going to face real competition and I don’t want your little “visions”, or whatever you want to call them, screwing things up.


Ricky: Hey, I understand the concern, but you need to relax a bit and trust me. I wasn’t distracted in that match. I was trying to send a message. And I think I….I mean we….succeeded. 


Lucy stares blankly at Ricky for a few seconds before shaking her head.


Ricky: You disagree?


LHS: I don’t know what goes on in your head, Ric. To me and to everyone else, you seemed distracted. 


Ricky: I was focused, Lucy. Trust me. We talked about why that coward wears a mask. It has nothing to do with…


Lucy again cuts Ricky off.


LHS: I don’t care why he wears a mask, Ric. It doesn’t matter the circumstance. You’re letting masks trigger you like one of these left wing nut jobs who get offended by everything.  Once again, you faced possibly the worst superstar on the SCW roster. A GERMAN, Ric. We know they can’t fight or do anything better than an American. You can say you weren’t distracted, but you were.


Lucy grabs her purse, opens it, and starts rifling through it.


LHS: And you can’t afford to be distracted tomorrow night. There will be too much going on in the ring for you to be stuck in your own head. 


Ricky: I’ll stay focused, relax. I mean, it’s ridiculous that I have to deal with nine other people before getting a title shot I should already have, but we’re used to Sasha treating us like this…


Ricky grabs the glass of whiskey and brings it back up to his lips to take a sip. Lucy sees this out of the corner of her eye and immediately stops looking through her purse.


LHS: What the hell are you doing?!


Ricky gets a very small amount of whiskey in his mouth before quickly putting down the glass.


Ricky: I’m just having a celebratory drink…


Lucy’s face turns red as she scolds Ricky.


LHS: Celebratory, Ric? This is at least the fifth time I’ve seen you drinking whiskey over the past few weeks. I NEVER knew you as a drinker. What the hell is going on? You know that stuff messes with your head. Do you want to become an alcoholic? Because that’s the path you’re starting to..


This time Ricky cuts Lucy off.


Ricky: Relax, Lucy. It’s just one little drink. You know, just to clear my head a bit.


LHS: …..and why would you want to clear your head, Ric? Are you…..fixated on something again?


Ricky pauses, knowing full well what Lucy is talking about but not knowing how to respond. Lucy continues before Ricky can answer.


LHS: I knew it. I knew you were still stuck on this Mexico crap. And that’s why I have this for you..


Lucy resumes looking through her purse and eventually pulls out an unmarked prescription container full of large white pills. She tosses the container at surprised Ricky, who fumbles it a bit.


LHS: Those will take care of your little visions, Ric. Alcohol is not the answer.


Ricky: And pills are?! Do you want me to end up like Ashtray Hayes?!


Lucy closes her eyes, shakes her head, and sighs. She then gets up and walks over to Ricky. She grabs his hand and looks him right in the eye.


LHS: Ric, you have to trust me here. Have I ever steered you the wrong way?


Ricky pauses for a moment and turns to look out the window. While he vehemently disagrees with this course of action, he has always listened to Lucy. Lucy was his first true friend in America and was the driving force behind getting him  into the country and into SCW. Looking back at what Lucy has done for him, as Ricky always does, he turns back to Lucy and reluctantly shakes his head.


Ricky: No….you haven’t.


Lucy smiles as she releases Ricky’s hand and steps away.


LHS: Good. That’s what I thought. Now, make sure you take one pill every morning with breakfast and another with dinner. Well, tomorrow night, make sure you take it about forty-five minutes before your match. We can’t take any chances.


Ricky holds the pill bottle in his hand and stares at the pills, clearly still uncomfortable.


Ricky: So uh...where did you get these? And what exactly are they?


Lucy lets out a long sigh.


LHS: Don’t worry about that, Ric. I told you I was going to take care of everything, didn’t I? 


Ricky: Yea you did but I….


LHS: No “but”, Ricky.


Ricky stops and thinks for a moment about what to say. He has never really challenged Lucy before, so he quickly weighs out the pros and cons in his head. He eventually settles on something that probably isn’t exactly what he wanted to say.


Ricky: Well, I don’t want people thinking I’m some drug addict, Luce.


LHS: No one has to know, Ric. You’re a very smart guy, but even the most intelligent people need a little assistance sometimes. These will just...keep you focused on the task at hand, that’s all. 


Ricky, looking defeated, stares off blankly into space. Lucy grabs the glass of whiskey off the table, brings it to the bathroom, and dumps it out into the sink. 


LHS: And you won’t be needing this crap anymore. I don’t know who put you onto this, but you have to stop drinking, okay? Especially now that you’ve got your medicine. 


Ricky, clearly still upset with the situation, nods his head.


LHS: Good. Have you eaten recently?


Ricky: Yeah, why?


LHS: I want to make sure you had something in your stomach. 


Lucy fills the whiskey glass up with water, walks over to Ricky, and sets the glass down next to him before taking a few steps back.


LHS: Go ahead and take one now. That should take care of you for our press conference tonight.


Ricky: You want me drugged up for our press conference?


Lucy groans.


LHS: Ricky, you aren’t going to be “drugged up”, okay? You have some mental issues with your past and this medicine will take care of those. You aren’t going to end up like Asher Hayes - he takes drugs that he has no business taking just to get high. Illegal drugs, Ricky.


Ricky holds up the unmarked container of pills.


Ricky: And these are legal?


Lucy starts to turn red again as she grows impatient with Ricky’s questions.


LHS: Ric, burnouts like Asher don’t need to take drugs. You actually have an issue that requires medicine. Don’t worry about how I got your medicine. We know how terrible government healthcare is, Ric. We don’t want to go that route. I had to jump through some hoops but trust me, this is the best of the best.


Ricky: Jump through hoops? Lucy, don’t tell me these came from Mex-


Lucy storms back over to Ricky and grabs the container from him.


LHS: Open your hand, Ricky.


Ricky folds his arms and looks away, acting like a stubborn little child. Lucy glares at him.


LHS: RIC!


Ricky slowly turns back to Lucy and briefly looks at her defiantly before eventually sighing and slowly extending his hand out to her. Lucy empties out one pill into Ricky’s hand.


LHS: Good. Now take your medicine.


Ricky slowly and reluctantly puts the pill into his mouth, maintaining eye contact with Lucy. He grabs the glass of water and takes a couple gulps, swallowing the pill in the process. He sets the glass down and mockingly opens his mouth to show Lucy that he did in fact swallow the pill. Lucy flashes a grin as she closes the container and sets it down.


LHS: See? That wasn’t so bad. Trust me, you’ll have a clear head when you address the media tonight. Once you realize how good you feel, you shouldn’t have a problem taking these every day.


Ricky sighs, completely giving up the battle.


Ricky: So what’s the plan for tonight?


LHS: I’m glad you finally asked, Ric. You know I WAS going to say you should have time to take a nap before getting ready, but you wasted so much time fighting me on this that I don’t think you’ll have time. Presser is scheduled for 7:30 tonight…


Lucy looks at her phone to check the time.


LHS: So that gives you about an hour…


Ricky: And where are we headed?


LHS: You’re in luck. Meet me down in the lobby at 7:15. The EPC is happening here in the hotel at the Media Center.


Ricky: Great.


LHS: And you have your notes?


Ricky gives Lucy a look then sits up, walks over to the dresser, opens the top draw, and pulls out a large stack of papers. He tosses them down on the bed and smiles.


Ricky: Yeah, I’ve got them.


LHS: Good. Well I’ll let you get ready then….


Lucy grabs her purse and starts to head out. She stops at the door and turns back to Ricky.


LHS: Oh and Ric, prepare yourself. There will be hundreds of people in attendance. We’re really going to get our message across this week.


Ricky looks surprised and impressed as he nods his head.


Ricky: Sounds good. We got this.


Lucy flashes a half smile at Ricky and nods as she heads out. The second the door closes, Ricky falls back onto the bed and lets out a long sigh.




So much for not thinking about his past. So much for not thinking about the masks. What irony - Lucy giving Ricky a pill to block his flashbacks has only caused Ricky to worry about them even more. Of course the unknown pill has not yet gone into effect at this point. If Lucy is correct, perhaps this is a good temporary solution for Ricky.


Lucy has been known to bend the truth and make outrageous claims, however. Her ambiguity with the pill has caused Ricky to stress. Ricky of course eventually put on an act that he was all good, but he clearly is not as he lay back in the bed, his mind racing.


Why would Lucy Huckabee Sanders, who has been outspoken against drug use of any kind to Ricky, suddenly turn to pills for him? Even Ricky can see the hypocrisy in calling out Asher Hayes a few weeks ago for drug use only to be taking pills himself. Perhaps Lucy is right in that Ricky actually needs medication. Lucy has never steered Ricky the wrong way, at least not in his eyes. But Ricky knows based on his own experiences with Lucy, based on their “preparation” for press conferences, that Lucy can sound very confident while telling a blatant lie. Ricky was incredibly skeptical of the pill, especially after everything he has heard about drug use from Lucy and Joe among others. Why is it suddenly okay to take drugs, especially drugs that are not prescribed? 


A few things are at play here that make this situation different than how a normal person would respond. First, a normal person would probably seek the help of a psychiatrist and trust them with any medication they may prescribe. Ricky has been taught to be skeptical of psychiatrists just as much as he is skeptical of drugs. A conspiracy theorist, Ricky doesn’t buy into too many mental health doctors. Ricky probably would not have sought out any help on his own.


A normal person would also make the connection that if Lucy Huckabee Sanders is capable of lying to and manipulating others, she could easily do the same to Ricky. Ricky, though aware of what Lucy is doing during emergency press conferences and other interactions with the public, cannot fathom Lucy ever trying to manipulate him. The skepticism is there with Ricky, but he cannot make the connection yet. Rather than being skeptical of Lucy, he is more skeptical of the pill itself.


Ricky continues to lay in bed and worry about something that is supposed to stop him from worrying. After a few minutes of laying down and intensely thinking, Ricky sits up. He makes the decision to do what he always does - pretend a problem doesn’t exist. He begins to think about the upcoming press conference and gets out of bed. Perhaps Ricky can distract himself long enough for the pill to take effect. He manages to start to get ready, but the worry of what the pill may do to him still lingers in his head.


Thirty minutes later, Ricky has showered and changed into his suit. He’s hardly noticed at this point that he hasn’t really thought about the pill and hasn’t had any flashbacks. Eventually the thoughts faded away as he focused on getting ready. So far so good, but the true test will be how he responds at the press conference.


Ricky takes one last look at himself in the mirror of the bathroom, adjusts his tie, and smiles. He takes a deep breath and then heads out of his room. Ricky makes his way down the hall to the elevators. He takes one of the elevators down to the hotel lobby. The moment the elevator doors open, Ricky sees Lucy Huckabee Sanders staring at him, holding up one of her arms and pointing to her wrist.


LHS: Tick tock, Ric! Come on, let’s go!


Ricky nods and scurries out of the elevator, showing no signs of the resistance to Lucy he had earlier. Lucy leads the two down the hall of the main floor of the hotel down to the Media Center, a large ballroom for events. As they walk down the hall, Ricky is wide-eyed with a smile on his face. It appears the drug has taken some effect.


As The Silent Majority get closer to the Media Room, they can hear the noise of people conversing get louder and louder. They continue toward the room and see Kellyanne waiting outside one of the closed doors with a security guard. She smiles as she sees Lucy and Ricky approaching.


Kellyanne: Welcome welcome! This is it guys! The biggest press conference yet!


Kellyanne turns to the security guard, who grabs a clipboard with a piece of paper on it and a pen from the chair next to him.


Security Guard: These are the two you were talking about?


Kellyanne: Yep that’s them! They just got in from their flight. It’s a long trip from Maine…


Lucy looks at Kellyanne, incredibly puzzled. The security guard looks equally confused as he looks at Ricky and Lucy and then back down at the paper on his clipboard. Ricky seems oblivious to the situation, continuing to look around with a euphoric look on his face. The guard looks at Ricky and Lucy one more time, back at his list, then turns to Kellyanne.


Security Guard: This is Ethel and Fred….?


Kellyanne: Yep!


The security guard again looks at Lucy and Ricky suspiciously, then back at the list. He then abruptly shakes his head, writes something on the list, and opens the door.


Security Guard: Fuck it, I’m not getting paid enough for this anyway…


Kellyanne smiles and then leads Ricky and Lucy into the packed room. The noise has died down as someone is now speaking on stage. Lucy and Ricky look around and see a few hundred people seated at tables, all very well dressed. It becomes immediately apparent that they have just entered a wedding reception. Lucy turns her attention to the stage, where the Best Man is giving a speech. Lucy looks puzzled while Ricky looks around in awe, still smiling. Lucy turns back to look for Kellyanne, but then notices Kellyanne has run off to a corner of the room behind the stage, where she is speaking to a man with a camera and two other security guards. Lucy, seemingly unaware that this was going to be the setup for their “press conference”, starts to get irritated and storms over to Kellyanne.


LHS: What the hell is this?


Kellyanne: Don’t worry, we are good. Once the Best Man is done, you guys will head on up. 


Lucy still looks skeptical.


Kellyanne: Trust me, Lucy. Just grab Ricky, you guys will be on any second now…


Lucy turns back and sees Ricky conversing with some of the guests at one of the tables. Her face turns red again and she marches over to Ricky. Lucy grabs Ricky by the arm and pulls him away toward Kellyanne and the back of the stage.


LHS: What the hell are you doing?!


Ricky: Just mingling…


LHS: Well we’re about to be on! Are you ready?


Ricky scoffs.


Ricky: I was born Ready, Luce.


Lucy rolls her eyes as she turns her attention back to the stage. The Best Man wraps up his speech with a toast to the new bride and groom. The guests applaud after a “Cheers”. During the applause, Kellyanne turns to her “crew”.


Kellyanne: Go go go!


The security guard disperse to stage left and stage right while the camera man runs over to the front of the stage. Kellyanne then nods at Lucy and Ricky, who proceed to the stairs on the side of the stage. One of the security guards holds back the confused wedding party on stage as The Silent Majority make their way to the center of the stage. Lucy rips the microphone out of the hand of the Best Man, who looks utterly confused but does not object. The Best Man, apparently a little intoxicated, shrugs and takes a seat. Lucy begins to address the guests while the bride and groom try to figure out what is going on. The security guards at each end of the stage are now on stage on either side of The Silent Majority.


LHS: Ladies and gentlemen, we unfortunately have to interrupt this beautiful reception for an EMERGENCY PRESS CONFERENCE!


A murmur is heard throughout the crowd as the guests look around at each other in confusion.


LHS: Some things are bigger than marriage. I understand this is a special day for the bride and groom here, but this is a dark day for our country. Our freedom is at stake!


Lucy has apparently succeeded in gaining the attention of the guests, who are now quiet and listening attentively. The groom, meanwhile, continues to speak to one of the guards, who is holding him back. The bride glares at Lucy but does not say anything.


LHS: For those of you who for some reason may not know….my name is Lucy Huckabee Sanders. I am the official Press Secretary of Supreme Championship Wrestling. Behind me is my associate, Ricky James. Ricky James is the future of SCW. He is a world class athlete and one of the best wrestlers in the company. More importantly, he is a Proud Patriot. He is a true American who represents beautiful, hard-working Americans like all of you. We decided to come to SCW to save it from a hostile takeover by left-wing radicals. SCW is currently being run by a Communist Dictator. She goes by the name of Shady Sasha. Over the last few months, Shady Sasha has done everything she can to rip away individual liberties, what this country was founded on, and create a socialist environment where beautiful Americans are treated unfairly and not rewarded for their hard-work. She gives handouts to her socialist buddies, who take advantage of opportunities they do not deserve, just like people who abuse the welfare system in America. She has a clear bias against Americans and is trying to push her Canadian agenda through her army of Communist Cowards. She has specifically targeted myself and Ricky James, The Silent Majority. She has suspended us for no reason, cheated Ricky out of matches, and consistently stacks the deck against Ricky and other beautiful Americans in the company.


At this point the groom tries to make a move to grab the microphone from Lucy, but the security guard pushes him back. The groom then pulls out his phone and storms off the stage as he makes a call. The bride continues to give Lucy a dirty look from her seat on stage.


LHS: Tomorrow night, right next door at the arena, Ricky James will continue to fight for our freedom. Ricky has conquered any challenge Shady Sasha has thrown his way, no matter how unfair the circumstances. Ricky should be entering this match as the Television Champion. And he should be challenging for the Adrenaline Championship. Instead, we are still tied up in litigation with regards to the Television Championship, and Ricky inexplicably has to prove himself YET AGAIN against NINE other competitors. NINE!


By this point, half of the guests have moved on and resumed conversing amongst themselves. The other half look on at Lucy, extremely puzzled. The groom is still on the phone, now in the same corner of the room Kellyanne and the crew were in earlier.


LHS: This is Shady Sasha’s latest attempt to silence us. Even Shady Sasha couldn’t deny that Ricky deserved another title opportunity, but of course she has to give Ricky a title shot under the most absurd circumstances. Ricky James has already EARNED a chance at his second championship, ladies and gentlemen. He should not have to defeat nine other superstars in order to get a one on one Adrenaline Title match. But alas, we once again find ourselves in a completely unfair situation. And we will once again overcome the odds. For more on this match tomorrow night, please welcome your future DOUBLE CHAMPION, the undefeated, RICKY JAMES!


One drunk person in the crowd loudly cheers and claps as Lucy hands the microphone over to Ricky. Ricky, looking much chipper than usual, has a large grin on his face as he addresses the guests.


Ricky James: Ladies and gentleman, as you all know, my name is Ricky James. I am YOUR freedom fighter. I am YOUR soon-to-be crowned SCW Champion of Television. Tomorrow night I will overcome the odds yet again, win the battle royal, and go on to defeat Glory Braddock and become YOUR American Champion!


Lucy elbows Ricky.


LHS (whispering): Adrenaline!


Ricky nods at Lucy and mouths “I got it”.


Ricky: Yes, I am fueled by adrenaline. 


Lucy rolls her eyes and shakes her head.


Ricky: You see, as Lucy said, Shady Sasha cannot deny that I have earned multiple title opportunities already in my short time in SCW. Of course there is a catch with each “opportunity” she actually gives me. The first title opportunity was an actual one on one title match, but it was completely unfair and rigged from the beginning. Shady Sasha gave me a Championship of Television match in GERMANY with a biased referee against a fake champion who uses performance enhancing drugs. Fortunately our legal team is working vigorously to overturn the results of that sham match and award me with the Championship of Television that I deserve. 


The groom now has a few of his friends next to him. The men begin to take off their jackets and roll up their sleeves, clearly planning to take physical action to remove The Silent Majority from the stage. Ricky, completely oblivious to this, continues.


Ricky: As an honest, hard-working, fighting American, I did not let that sham match get to me. Instead, I went on to defeat one of Shady Sasha’s soldiers, Comrade Raab. I destroyed Comrade, a filthy German, just like the Allies destroyed the Nazis. And not only did I defeat Comrade…


Lucy’s eyes go wide, anticipating Ricky to bring up the mask.


Ricky: I sent a message to Shady Sasha and the rest of her friends that, even when the deck is stacked completely against us, Americans prevail, as we always have.


Lucy breathes a sigh of relief.


Ricky: After my decisive victory, there was no denying I had earned another title opportunity. Since Shady Sasha didn’t have the convenience of having the Last Laugh pay per view in one of her socialist countries, she had to resort to other means to try to screw us over. Rather than give me a one on one title match that I deserve, Shady Sasha has thrown me into a 10 person battle royal, where the winner earns an American Championship match. If this isn’t a blatant example of Shady Sasha pushing a Canadian socialist agenda, I don’t know what is. Think about it. What the hell did these nine other people do to deserve an opportunity at the coveted American Championship? This is a classic example of a government handout. Many of the superstars in this match have NO business being there. None. It is clear to me that this is yet another punishment of beautiful Americans disguised as a “match”. Shady Sasha is once again giving her loyal communist comrades free handouts in exchange for them doing her dirty work. I mean, let’s take a look at some of the people in this match. 


Voice: EXCUSE ME!


Ricky looks down and sees the groom, surrounded by five of his friends and a few of the security guards from the hotel, standing in front of the stage.


Groom: You’ve stolen enough of our time here. Your little charade is over. Now you can either walk off the stage right now and get the hell out of here, or we can physically remove you from the stage. Your choice. 


Ricky pauses and looks back at Lucy. He takes a step back and gets the attention of the two TSM security guards on the stage. The group deliberates as the groom and his entourage prepare themselves for a potential fight. After a few moments, Ricky puts down the microphone and leads his group off stage. The guests cheer loudly as The SIlent Majority and their two guards exit the stage. They meet up with Kellyanne and the cameraman, who had been chased off by the groom. Lucy gives Kellyanne a death stare as their group leaves the room, the guest still cheering. The moment the group steps outside, Kellyanne turns to her two guards and scolds them.


Kellyanne: You two are done. Fired, get the hell out of here!


The guards look at each other and shrug before leaving the area, clearly not that broken up about losing their gig. Kellyanne then turns to the cameraman.


Kellyanne: And you…


Lucy stops Kellyanne.


LHS: No. We aren’t finished with him. We are going to do this right here. But you can go ahead and take the night off. This was a mess, Kellyanne. And I’m putting it on you. 


Kellyanne’s face turns red. She starts shaking and tearing up.


Kellyanne: But I….


LHS: We’re going to give you another chance, just not tonight. Now get the hell out of my sight!


Kellyanne starts bawling and Lucy rolls her eyes. She then grabs Ricky and the cameraman and leads them down the hall, leaving Kellyanne behind. She searches frantically for a private space. The group comes across a function room that is being cleaned by hotel staff. Lucy barges into the room.


LHS: You guys, out!


The staff members just stare blankly at Lucy. They do not appear to speak English.


LHS: ¡Ahora!


The cleaning crew scurries out of the room. Lucy directs traffic, motioning for the cameraman to get set up and for Ricky to stand against the wall.


LHS: You got everything before that little fiasco, right?


The cameraman nods. Lucy looks at the room and shakes her head, clearly unimpressed with the surroundings. She then turns back to the cameraman.


LHS: You can edit in an American flag behind us, right?


The cameraman nods again.


LHS: Well that’s what we’ll have to do. Get the camera rolling. Ricky, please continue.


Ricky nods as the cameraman turns his camera back on and points to Ricky. Ricky clears his throat and looks into the camera.


Ricky: As I was saying….take a look at some of these people in the battle royal. Aaron Blackbourne. Very obviously a hired hitman from Shady Sasha. The man lives in Seattle, which is a hub for Antifa, a group Shady Sasha is incredibly fond of, as we know. This is no different than the Fool’s Gold situation. Antifa Aaron has no business in this match. Blake Mason is another hired hitman. I do not know much about him, but I do know he lives in possibly the second most socialist state in America after Commifornia. It does not surprise me that Shady Sasha would throw two of her left-wing radical followers, Antifa Aaron and Bolshevik Blake into this “match”. 


Lucy shakes her head in disgust as Ricky continues.


Ricky: Now it seems I am not the only one being punished in this match. Shady Sasha is using this “match” as a convenient excuse to attempt to take out another beautiful American as well - our good friend, Holly Adams. You know, when I first looked at the competitors in this match, I was a bit blown away that Shady Sasha would put a powerful man like myself in the same ring with a bunch of women. I would never lay my hands on a woman. But as I dug a little deeper, it made more sense to me. We have seen Shady Sasha treat Holly Adams very unfairly, almost as unfairly as she has treated us, week after week. It seems Sasha is trying to once again take out Holly Adams by throwing five other women against her in this match. This conspiracy is too obvious here. Setting aside the fact that the women have no business being in this match, what the hell did some of these women do to deserve an opportunity at the American Championship? Who the hell is Polly Playtime? This grouping of people is a charade. This is, in effect, an 8 on 2 handicap match. Sasha has sent three hitmen, the last of whom I will address shortly, to try to take me out. She has sent 5 hitwomen to take out Holly Adams. 


Ricky pauses and shakes his head.


Ricky: I don’t want to spend too much more time on the women in this match. I believe some of them are decent people, but I lose all respect for any person - man or woman - who agrees to work with Shady Sasha. It is clear and obvious that this is a widespread conspiracy. Strike 1 was putting Antifa Aaron and Bolshevik Blake in the match. Strike 2 was the obvious targeting of Holly Adams. Strike 3, and worst of all, is the inclusion of…...Ashtray Hayes into this match. Ohh yes, our buddy Ashtray. The drug addict who would sell his soul for an undeserved title opportunity and some heroin. What business does Ashtray have in this match? He doesn’t deserve to hold the title he supposedly has now, let alone be given the chance at ANOTHER championship. I’ve already discussed how bad of a representative Hayes is as Champion of Television. Could you imagine him as American Champion?!


Lucy rolls her eyes and drops her head into her hand. Ricky legitimately thinks the Adrenaline Championship is called the American Championship.


Ricky: I couldn’t think of a worse representative for this great country. If this is all another attempt by Shady Sasha to rig a match in favor of Ashtray Hayes, our freedoms are in serious jeopardy, ladies and gentlemen. We have seen her do it before, so don’t tell me it won’t happen again. Now, he won’t have the crooked German referee helping him out this time - but it would not surprise me if Ashtray already has an alliance with Antifa Aaaron and Bolshevik Blake. The two hired hitmen working to make sure Sasha’s favorite burnout is victorious. It really is the perfect plan for Shady Sasha: take out Holly, take out myself, and then let Ashtray Hayes cakewalk to a victory.


Ricky drops his head and takes a deep breath.


Ricky: It would be a perfect plan, but we are already onto it. And Shady Sasha made a mistake in choosing which title opportunity to award me. The Championship of Television is prestigious, don’t get me wrong. It is not, however, on the same level as the American Championship. I think everyone would agree that I have been destined to become American Champion ever since arriving in SCW. So winning this battle royal is not just about foiling another plot from Shady Sasha. It isn’t only about fighting for freedom. Winning this battle royal is the penultimate step in fulfilling my DESTINY. Winning this battle royal will put me on the doorstep of becoming YOUR Champion of America! 


Ricky, filled with pride, puffs his chest out.


Ricky: With that type of motivation, with Lucy Huckabee Sanders in my corner, and with the support of all freedom loving Americans watching all over the country, we will not be denied. No amount of hitmen, Canadian sympathizers, street whores, or drug addicts thrown at me will stop The Silent Majority. This was a hell of an attempt by Shady Sasha, but she slipped up once again. The Silent Majority WILL have the Last Laugh tomorrow night when I am the last man standing in the middle of the ring. 


Ricky takes a step back but maintains eye contact with the camera as Lucy steps forward.


LHS: Before we wrap up this evening, we would like to recite the Pledge of Allegiance. All of you watching this, please join in.


Lucy and Ricky put their hands over their hearts.


TSM: I pledge allegiance, to the flag, of the United States of America, and to the republic, for which it stands, one nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.


Lucy pauses for a brief moment before continuing.


LHS: I am Lucy Huckabee Sanders, Official Press Secretary of SCW.


Ricky: And I’m Ricky James.


TSM: THE SILENT MAJORITY. FOR A BETTER SCW.