09-08-2018, 03:55 PM
As many have probably seen, I've missed two cards out of the past three. In a nutshell, I've seen a lot of darkness to the point of this week having to fill out and sign a crisis plan, should I ever get back to where I was. It hasan't been pretty, and because of an insurance debacle, I was actually without my mood stabilizers for days, which could have caused things to be a lot more dangerous than they already were.
So I'm sorry to everyone for that.
Now, what caused it... I'm dear friends with an individual who is in a relationship where she and her son are abused by her husband/son's father. I've become close to the point he has lashed out at me to try and keep me from being friends with her, and started making threats against me and my family. It was to the point I had to take out a temporary restraining order against this guy for his harassment and threats, culminating in the trial this week for the permanent order.
In a nutshell, I lost...
I walked in ill-prepared to prove my family's danger, and the order was lifted. The night before and the subsequent night is when I fell into a stage of mental chaos where I didn't eat, and only drank. Before Thursday night I MAY have slept a total of 3 hours since Friday. When I woke up Thursday, I knew something needed to change, based solely on how I felt physically. I was a disaster. My boss at work and HR even called a wellness-check meeting with me to ensure I was doing everything I could to take care of myself personally.
With the trial now behind me, and medications back on track, I'm in a better place I believe. The darkness I saw was scarier than I think I've ever seen, and I realized that there are pits of hell I don't even want to gaze into based on what I saw already. I'm not making excuses. This is a game, I know, but I have expectations of myself, and it's time I start doing things for me that I enjoy, and not just focusing on those around me. That means I need to get back to being me and finding my happy place.
Every one of you here has been there for me in some form or fashion, and it's meant the world. It's why I've only posted things like this here, and not on social media outlets at all. For the most part, I've tried to keep this quiet because I'm scared to death of it. It's got a grip on me, and honestly I thought I'd have this under control by now. Unfortunately, it's going to be a battle, and it's going to be one where I ebb and flow until I'm settled in my own emotions, and honestly in a lot of personal issues I am faced with as well. But this is one of my happy places.
I love you all, truly. I apologize for not being active as I should be. I plan on making that change as I figure out the balance of life again, but dammit, this is home, and you people are my family.
So I'm sorry to everyone for that.
Now, what caused it... I'm dear friends with an individual who is in a relationship where she and her son are abused by her husband/son's father. I've become close to the point he has lashed out at me to try and keep me from being friends with her, and started making threats against me and my family. It was to the point I had to take out a temporary restraining order against this guy for his harassment and threats, culminating in the trial this week for the permanent order.
In a nutshell, I lost...
I walked in ill-prepared to prove my family's danger, and the order was lifted. The night before and the subsequent night is when I fell into a stage of mental chaos where I didn't eat, and only drank. Before Thursday night I MAY have slept a total of 3 hours since Friday. When I woke up Thursday, I knew something needed to change, based solely on how I felt physically. I was a disaster. My boss at work and HR even called a wellness-check meeting with me to ensure I was doing everything I could to take care of myself personally.
With the trial now behind me, and medications back on track, I'm in a better place I believe. The darkness I saw was scarier than I think I've ever seen, and I realized that there are pits of hell I don't even want to gaze into based on what I saw already. I'm not making excuses. This is a game, I know, but I have expectations of myself, and it's time I start doing things for me that I enjoy, and not just focusing on those around me. That means I need to get back to being me and finding my happy place.
Every one of you here has been there for me in some form or fashion, and it's meant the world. It's why I've only posted things like this here, and not on social media outlets at all. For the most part, I've tried to keep this quiet because I'm scared to death of it. It's got a grip on me, and honestly I thought I'd have this under control by now. Unfortunately, it's going to be a battle, and it's going to be one where I ebb and flow until I'm settled in my own emotions, and honestly in a lot of personal issues I am faced with as well. But this is one of my happy places.
I love you all, truly. I apologize for not being active as I should be. I plan on making that change as I figure out the balance of life again, but dammit, this is home, and you people are my family.
![[Image: Kennedy-Street2021.png]](https://i.ibb.co/HVcCQyF/Kennedy-Street2021.png)