Sal Darius vs. Religious Wright

[Konrad Raab]

2 RP Limit for singles

3500 word max per RP

Deadline: FRIDAY, June 16, 2023 (For kayfabe: Act as if the show is still Thursday, June 15, 2023)

[Braddock]

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Taking Hold of the Flame has just concluded and there are many who are celebrating. Kandis is most definitely celebrating her Taking Hold of the Flame battle royal win. Selena Frost is celebrating her world championship victory. And yet while others celebrate, there are those that mourn. At least thirty nine others in the battle royal, as well as Adam Allocco, are mourning their own failures tonight. But one individual in particular is in great mourning. That man is still wearing his wrestling gear and is stomping around the backstage area upset over his defeat, his shameful elimination from tonight’s battle royal. For he had dedicated what was supposed to be his crowning achievement, his big victory, and upcoming Rise To Greatness main event opportunity, to the greatest man he had never known…James Evans.

Yes, John Wright, known to fans as Religious Wright, is quite upset that he let down his hero James Evans. But that isn’t the only reason for his angry demeanor this very moment. Part of it is sheer annoyance as he is being filmed by Brother Douglas of The Sword of Joshua Full Gospel Pentecostal Temple of Joy Holiness by way of Mt. Judea, Arknasas. Brother Douglas, wearing denim bib overalls, a white t-shirt, and boots, is carrying a large camera with him and pointing it straight at the downtrodden face of Religious Wright. He was brought here to film what was supposed to be Wright’s greatest victory, a victory in the name of THA LAWD! A victory in the name of James Evans! Instead Brother Douglas is filming Wright at his lowest of lows…

Brother Douglas: Come on, Pastor! Show us the face of a winner! Show us the face of victory! A victory you earned by the power of James Evans and in the name of the LAWD! Show us…

Wright turns and slaps Brother Douglas across the face. He points to his own face.

Religious Wright: Does this look like the face of a winner you inbred numbskull?

Brother Douglas: Uh, Pastor…we are filming. I thought you said you wouldn’t make my being inbred public knowledge?

Wright rolls his eyes.

Religious Wright: So I forgot! Big deal! That’s another thing going wrong today!

Religious Wright turns and storms down the hall. Brother Douglas continues to follow him with the camera, filming everything as he goes. Wright doesn’t notice for a while but eventually he figures out. He stops and turns to face Brother Douglas.

Religious Wright: What in the yellow HELL are you doing?

Yellow hell because “What in the blue hell” is way overused, don’t ya think? Brother Douglas smiles sheepishly.

Brother Douglas: Filming you.

Religious Wright: Why?!

Brother Douglas: You told me to.

Religious Wright: IF I WON!!! But did I win?

Brother Douglas: I dunno…

Wright looks on incredulously that his devotee apparently wasn’t paying attention.

Religious Wright: You don’t know? How don’t you know?!

Brother Douglas: I was trying to track down Selena and Deanna Frost. I want to get their autographs…phone numbers…flirt with them…uh…

Wright rolls his eyes.

Religious Wright: So now not only are you ignoring YOUR PASTOR but you are also STEALING MY IDEAS?! I placed a good bet on Frosty winning in hopes that she would tangle…in more ways than one…at Rise To Greatness. But guess what? I FUCKING LOST!

He sighs.

Religious Wright: At least I won $500 for that bet I made!

The erstwhile cameraman and follower of Wright pats him on the back.

Brother Douglas: See there, pastor! Not all is lost tonight!

Religious Wright: Maybe…but still, I had to settle for a James Evans Golf Cart instead of a James Evans Monster Truck. Then that cart was stolen by a couple of nitwits. And I got thrown over the top by Xander Valentine. I swear to you, Brother Douglas, there are way too many people named VALENTINE in this damn company!

Brother Douglas: I thought Xander Valentine was a chick.

Religious Wright: No that’s Autumn Valentine.

Brother Douglas: I thought that was the day Al Capone ordered a hit on a bunch of Bugsy Moran’s men.

Religious Wright: No, that’s the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre.

Brother Douglas: I thought that was the dude who got married to the chick with the big ass.

Religious Wright: That’s Thomas Valentine.

Brother Douglas: …then who the hell eliminated you?

Religious Wright: XANDER VALENTINE!

Brother Douglas: Tellin’ ya, I was certain he was a girl.

Wright again smacks Brother Douglas in the back of his head.

Religious Wright: Just stop and LISTEN for a moment! We need to focus before my day gets any worse! Tell me, who is my next opponent? Who is the next victim of the great Religious Wright? Someone must be SMOTED FOR INCURRING THE WRATH OF THE LAWD!

Brother Douglas: Is “smoted a word”?

Religious Wright: It is now! Because THE LAWD decrees it! Now who am I facing?

Brother Douglas: Sal Darius.

Wright rubs his hands together, almost like a saturday morning cartoon super villain plotting evil villainy and shit. Which, knowing him, that is quite likely to be the truth.

Religious Wright: Perfect. That loser thinks he’s some MMA specialist but he has nothing on me! Nothing I tell ya! I was a collegiate great! I have experience coming out of my ass!

Brother Douglas: I thought you took medicine to fix that?

Wright smacks him in the back of his head.

Religious Wright: That was for the diarrhea I had last night after eating Taco Bell, you moron! Now focus! I have the talent, I have the experience, I also have the brains…Sal doesn’t know whether he’s coming or going. More importantly, I have the power of the LAWD and the memory of the great James Evans fighting with me! I CANNOT LOSE!

Suddenly the ringing of a cell phone is heard. It’s coming from Brother Douglas. Wright scowls.

Religious Wright: Who DARES interrupt the messenger of the LAWD?!

Brother Douglas: My sister.

Religious Wright: Gimme that!

Wright quickly snatches the phone out of Brother Douglas’s pants pocket. He puts it up to his ear.

Religious Wright: Hey there you sweet sexy thing! Did you see me in action? Did you see me talk tough to that loser Sal Darius? Did y…uh-huh…really…

Wright’s face goes pale.

Religious Wright: You heard your brother talk about wanting to hook up with the Frost ladies?...uh huh…and you heard me saying that it was my idea…well let me assure you that you are the only woman I am cheating on my wife with! I assure you! Your brother is a lying piece of shit! I would never cheat on our beloved affair by flirting with that sweet ass Deanna Frost! Never! I swear this…IN THE NAME OF THA LAWD!

He hangs up and hands the phone back to Brother Douglas.

Brother Douglas: You’re in trouble, aren’t you pastor?

Religious Wright: Shut up and sing me off…

“JESUS! FUCK YEAH!”
“THE POWA OF THA LAWD! FUCK YEAH!”
“GONNA WHIP SAL’S ASS! FUCK YEAH!”
“JESUS! FUCK YEAH!”

[Sal Darius]

The scene opens in a big rugby ground, where the huge action figure looks like a white man who was caught by the camera in white aviators, jogging and coming closer. It was Darius who was wearing floral shorts and joggers.

Sal: Hey! Hey! Hey! (Breathes harder) Pheww, it is hot out there.

Sal stops for a moment, bends his upper body, and breathes slowly.

Sal: But anyway, no matter how much hot it gets. Nothing gets hotter than me in here. I always put on a show, winning or losing. Nah I don’t care about that. Cassie or Willow Aspen or your favorite girl out there Seelleennaaa FFrrooosssttt? If all three of them, sit on their knees and rub Sal’s sword in their mouths they won’t even get any fresh organic honey. You gotta try hard for that. Honestly. So, I am giving the SCW universe a favor today. It is especially for athletes.

‘The Sex Vibe’ gets into his pocket and takes out a small transparent plastic box.

Sal: THISS!! Yeah right, you would know what is this transparent thing. No way!! You don’t know shit about it… It is not sperm broo, come on!? It will help you. Trust me, just a few drops in your smoothie and you are going to turn into a Hulk. Except, you won’t turn green. Now see, I am not just a pro wrestler. Okay? I am a businessman. I mean some people misperceive me as a celebrity, I bounce heads off the canvas and I sell my power and skills to the buyers. Fortunately, there are a lot of buyers because I am a fucking brand!! And then they give me stupid funny farts like Religious Wright to fight against. What the hell man!? The kid has never fought. Rarely fought! And you guys think he has a chance against a sexy-looking veteran like me?... If Lyman gotta fluke in the battle royal. Doesn’t that mean every other bum has the potential of beating me? See... SCW is full of talent do not get me wrong. I respect the athletes and my opponents. But as I said, I respect the athletes and my opponents. Religious, you’re neither of those. You’re not an athlete, you can’t hang in there for a few seconds and you think you will beat me? I will give a very powerful suggestion here. You did bet on Selena. Right, you did win $500? Bet here too, that I will beat your priest ass in 5 minutes. You know what? Some people may respect you a lot since you’re their leader and representative. You might be a father in your church, but I am a daddy!! Some of them sisters you’ve in the church must be wanting more Sal’s sword than your short and tiny Sword of Joshua who you represent as ‘Senior Pastore’. So tonight… Hmm? Bring the sword of Joshua with you. Chop my head off with it, because that would be the only way you could win.

Sal stops for a while and looks towards the sky. It looks like, it is going to rain and I have no time to waste on this stupid man. I need to complete my workout.

Sal: Oh and yess!! I am so looking forward to see all those sisters. Not mine!! Yours stupidass 'Senior Pastore' change their veil to biknies and wear mine famous aviators. Because after I whoop your ass tonight... Your whole religious community, is going to wear my world famous aviators and follow me... Instead of jesus. See you in the ring.

'The Freaky Darius' restarts his workout. Going into a push-up position, laying his face towards the floor, and pushing his hands to raise his body until his arms go straight. The weather goes darker and the screen starts to fade away.

[Braddock]

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Greetings, brothers and sisters! I am Brother Douglas serving as your holy guide and narrator as we go along watching the events in the life of our prophet from above, his worshipful masterfulness Religious Wright! As you can see we are just outside of the Wright Compound. Wait, I apologize, he doesn’t like me using the term Compound, “makes us sound like the Branch Davidians” or the Jonestown nutcases. We definitely do not ask our congregation to drink blue kool-aid. Our kool-aid is green, which is obviously much safer! But we do not support the Green New Deal or the Green Party. The Sword of Joshua Full Gospel Pentecostal Temple of Joy Holiness by way of Mt. Judea, Arknasas does NOT endorse political candidates unless they first endorse us with a massively obese check made out to Religious Wright!

As you can see The Wright Compound is magnificently decorated on the outside, just like the kinda place you’d expect to see that orange guy staying in, don’t ya think? There’s even a golf course out back, an olympic size swimming pool, and a bowling alley! But now as we move inside we can see the carpet is a fine gorgeous wine red color and the halls are decorated with fine artwork from famous painters…definitely NOT paid for by congregation money…well, maybe. The golf course was definitely paid for with our money.

“Calm down sweetie…”

“Don’t tell me to calm down Johnny! Not this time!”

And that shouting is our beloved pastor himself Religious Wright arguing with his wife Lizzy! As we move on into the bedroom we can see pastor Wright ducking a vase being thrown at him by Lizzy! Nice moves! See, that kind of agility is why pastor Wright is going to defeat Sal Darius on Breakdown and eventually go on to become SCW World Champion!

Lizzy Wright: What is that fool doing here with the camera, Johnny?!

Religious Wright: Its all part of my promotional gig! He is documenting the life and times of the great prophet Religious Wright!

Lizzy Wright: Who the hell told you that was a good idea?

Religious Wright: It worked for Ozzy!

Lizzy Wright: Well good, maybe the world should know what kind of cheating bastard you are!

Religious Wright: Cheater?! Whatever do you mean?!

Lizzy Wright: You’re cheating on me with that whore!

Ah, lovely Lizzy Wright is such a doll, even when she calls my sister a whore. I mean, I assume she’s referring to my sister. Pastor Wright is having an affair with my sister.

Lizzy Wright: I am NOT talking about your sister, you idiot! I’m talking about that redhead he was giving the oogly eyes at on SCW!

Religious Wright: Deanna Frost? Look, I may have looked but I didn’t touch! I swear it! Besides, a good scandal is healthy for a movement such as ours! Look at Pat Robertson…Rush Limbaugh…

Lizzy Wright: Yes, that’s why I said it was OK to have an affair because it would bring in more money. But I never said you could have another damn affair! You should not be cheating on Brother Douglas’s sister like that!

See? Pastor Wright’s wife is such a wonderful woman with brilliant logic and…

Religious Wright: Shut up and keep narrating!

That’s what I’m doing.

Religious Wright: Oh, right…just trust my judgment babe! I have things under control! Everything is completely under control! Look, I won’t pursue the Frost lady. But maybe I can cause another scandal? You know, maybe Brother Douglas here can get involved with somebody in the SCW locker room.

That’s why I love pastor Wright. He is always looking out for others instead of himself. He’s willing to let me get all the glory and spotlight while he does the heavy lifting and legwork to make this church grow! Lucky for Religious Wright, this kind of generosity seems to be working on his lovely wife. Lizzy’s anger is melting away. She seems to be returning to her happy go lucky self.

Lizzy Wright: Shut up!

Sorry.

Religious Wright: Trust me, everything is going according to plan.

Lizzy Wright: Oh yeah? How did that James Evans Monster Truck work out for you?

Religious Wright: I can’t help Brother Douglas is an idiot who can’t tell the difference between JAMES Evans and CHAD Evans! But at least we had The James Evans Golf Cart…

Lizzy Wright: Which was promptly stolen.

Religious Wright: And will be recovered! I promise you that! The Power of the LAWD is on my side, Lizzy! The LAWD does not tolerate thieves! THOU SHALT NOT STEAL FROM THY HOLY ONE, FROM RELIGIOUS WRIGHT! And when one does steal there shall be punishment!

Pastor Wright in his holy, infinite wisdom punches the wall with his fist. Instantly he draws back in pain.

Religious Wright: Ouch! God Damn it…I mean, James Evans Damn It! That hurt!

You really shouldn’t punch the wall like that, pastor Wright.

Religious Wright: Look, I am the good shepherd and you are the bumbling fool who does my bidding. Are we clear on the arrangement here?

Crystal.

Religious Wright: Excellent. Now focus that camera on me because I have a thing or two to say to Sal Darius! See, he may not like religion but religion will eviscerate him on Breakdown. You like that word usage, Sal? Eviscerate. Those kinds of BIG words may be difficult for someone of your tiny, puny, insignificant intelligence quotient to understand, but trust me when I say that on Breakdown the WRATH OF THE LAWD will rain down upon you! And just for good measure, THE WRATH OF JAMES EVANS will rain down upon you! Because I am Religious Wright and HIS WILL SHALL BE DONE!

[Sal Darius]

Scene 2

The camera opens in an outdoor circumstance, where a bus was parked and its door was opening. It was ‘The King of the world of hearts’ who was welcoming his guest who happened to be the cameraman of the 20-year-old legendary promotion Supreme Championship Wrestling.

Sal: Gentlefolk! Here is your boy and this is his bus. Come on in!

The camera follows Sal getting onto his bus, while he was holding his protein shake bottle, wearing his flowery pattern boxers, with slippers on his feet, and roaming around half naked.

Sal: Well, you know how hard I work. Usually, wrestlers say ‘How hard we work’ but no that’s bullshit. I work hard than any other pro wrestler in the locker room, that’s why none of them look like me, but anyway. I am here to give you my bus tour. As I don’t go home, so this is my home. Check that basket out, on the right side. Yeah, that one (while pointing the index finger). This basket has more than 500+ panties in it, I do them and then I keep them. Red panties are my favorite, but there are many other fancy ones. So, it is not even about the panties, it's about the mamas. So yeah, I perform from every part of my body. Not only with the hands, knees, and locks, like these dumbasses. Keep following me. On the opposite side, it is my LED and some gaming stuff. I watch some of my old fights, back from the days when I was not this much ripped and my family didn’t believe in me. That’s why, all these superstars in the company are not on my level. Many fight fans think, that a chip on your shoulder means that you’re the best in the business. I don’t believe in any of that crap, because, unlike these losers. I wasn’t gifted a wrestling ring to get better in. A lot of hard work has been put into my career. I have been my coach, doctor, dietitian, masseuse, and therapist. No nepotism or backing up. All hard work!! Blood, sweat, and tears. But anyway, I got some amazing matches recorded. I am not even talking about my matches, but if we calculate the times I have stepped into the ring. Huh! That would be 1000 times more than Religious Wright ever wrestled. Can’t believe who they are making me compete against. So, that’s the LED and some coo documented stuff. Come on let me show you, my fridge.

Darius bends down and opens his small fridge.

Sal: Yeah so, there are some vegetables. Some protein, it's just the basic stuff. Do you know? But ohh, you know what are those? (Sal points his index fingers towards some mini size small ice cube tray)

The camera widens its lens and focuses on the tray.

Sal: Yeah, let me take that out (Sal grabs the tray and shows it on camera). This is a valuable asset, now see. You guys eat shit, drink shit, and can’t sleep because your asses are depressed anyway. DRINK THESE! Just a little in the smoothies. I bet after I beat Wright’s ass, the sister in his church would be having these shots. Maybe, the shots will be straight away from the plant. But you need these too, trust me. Super recommendable!

Sal Darius opens the fridge, places the tray in, and faces back towards the camera.

Sal: The other stuff is basic; you honestly don’t want to see that. It's just my bedroom, moving forward. But you need to see that. Right now, I need to shower and deal with some media shit.

‘The Freaky Darius’ looks through his aviators and smiles with his pearly whites facing the camera. The screen starts fading away and the SCW Breakdown sponsor commercial starts being played.

The camera comes back to life and at the same place, a man was sitting next to Sal inside the bus. Two suited gentlemen were seen in the setting.

Interviewer: Hello everyone! This is Alex from fight world and today we are covering the man who has dominated the world of wrestling. ‘The Freaky Darius’ Sal Darius. Sal, how are you?

Sal: Good, how about you?

Interviewer: I am good too. Sal, we have seen you in the previous promotions and many expected a lot from you. But can I say, that you’ve not proved yourself as a pro wrestler in SCW?

Sal: Well, that doesn’t matter. I mean, I was focusing on my onlyfans and some other business stuff.

Interviewer: What business stuff, exactly are you talking about?

Sal: Well, I am a sperm donor and my shots are the best. They have got it tested in the labs and believe me I have a lot to sell. My system is full of fluids.

Interviewer: Oh!! Alright!! So, Sal, we all know how hard it was for you to make it as a pro wrestler. No backing up, and no wrestling background. You were a kid, who was plum and bullied in the teenage. How tough it all has been for you?

Sal: Quite tough!! Do you see me? You see my athletic build and performance. That’s all hard work!!

Interviewer: Certainly sir, that is. Do you talk to your family?

Sal: I have this love/hate relationship with them, but it is what it is. I am doing this all for the future Darius generation. Who is going to conquer the wrestling world? See, I have broken the stereotypical mindset in my family. My fam is full of doctors and engineers. I am the only big deal in there, who followed his passion and went against everyone. They used to talk shit, that how academic is super important and now they see me supporting me in my matches.

Interviewer: Do they come into the arena to support you?

Sal: Nah, I don’t allow them. I don’t help them in getting the passes and all. If they want to, they shall buy the tickets and go through the whole process.

Interviewer: Why not?

Sal: Because they weren’t with me when I was sleeping in my car with a broken window. They weren’t with me when I was jobless and my father kicked me out of the house. Only because he wanted me to become a sports journalist. I always knew I had it in me and I was capable of more.

Interviewer: Right!! What went wrong in the flame battle royal?

Sal: Nothing really, I just lost the focus and Lyman had me. But you will see me, achieving special things shortly.

Interviewer: Does it offend you? That they are making you fight against Religious Wright?

Sal: That’s what I have been talking about all the time!! Give me big money fights, not these clowns.

Interviewer: Well, some fans are thinking you may lose this as well.

Sal: Nah, they just think wrestling is an entertainment business. I am not an entertainer, I am here to hurt every motherfucker who comes in front of me.

Interviewer: Well, sir you can’t talk like that on our channel.

Sal: Ohh, well let me put it this way. I don’t care if I win the fight or not. I am going to burst Wright’s head along with Douglas's brother and the rest of his stupid Christian community. See, this isn’t a tv show. This is fighting business and I make money by mauling my opponents. This is my butter and bread. Wrestling came to me before, I turned into a public figure and a businessman. Understand that.

Interviewer: Okay, but people are doubting you because of your past performances.

Sal: I don’t care. Religious Wright, should bring his bible verses along with him. He really should bring everyone. Even his wife or Selena. He should bring everybody with him. Because if it is only going to be me and him. He is going to get killed in there.

Interviewer: What are the plans after you win this fight?

Sal: They still want me, so maybe more panties!

Interviewer: Oh okay, we are looking for some inspiration from this interview. Hahaha!! What advice would you give to your fans?

Sal: Work hard, live life, grab the popcorn, and log into Netflix because my documentary is coming soon!

Interviewer: Oh wow!! You heard that folks!! Well, good luck Sal.

Sal: Luck? No wait.

The camera widens its lens and focuses on Sal.

Sal: Religious Wright! I am taking a piece of you with me tonight!!

Interviewer: Oh okay!! Thank you for your time, Sal.

Sal: Thanks for having me. Goodbye.

Scene 3

The backstage was being set by the SCW staff, while out of nowhere Sal was seen with his luggage entering into the arena.

SCW Official: Sir the locker rooms are not ready yet, you can’t be here.

Sal: Oh, I am sorry.

Sal takes a long stare at the SCW official, grabs him by the neck, and gets him against the wall.

Sal: How fucking dare you!?

Darius slowly starts losing his grip and realizes that he is doing wrong.

Sal: Oh you know what? I am sorry man. I really shouldn’t. I am going.

The staff member gets confused and scared. While Sal was adjusting his outfit and cleaning the dust off of official's suit.

Sal: I am sorry, I am just adjusting your outfit. This is a great suit, I respect you, man. I mean you guys work your asses off, to set arenas for us.

SCW Official: Yes, thank you, sir!!

Sal: You’re welcome, just continue I am out.

Sal gets out of the scene, while the staff member starts giving instructions to the security member. Out of nowhere ‘The Freaky Darius’ grabs the official by the back of his neck and shatters his face onto a small titantron!! Sal sits on top of him and viciously starts throwing ruthless jabs into his face. While the room gets all heated up. The blood was bursting out of the official’s head and Sal's knuckles.

Officials: SECURITY!! SECURITYY!!! GET THIS MAN OUT OF HERE!!

Some security members get Sal and start taking him out of the arena.

Sal: HAHAHAHAHA! RELIGIOUS WRIGHT. I WILL PUT THIS BLOODY FIST IN YOUR FACE TODAYYY!! HAHAHAHA!! YOU THINK YOU HAVE A CHANCE AGAINST MEE!! I WILL BURRY YOU!!

Darius with his devilish grin gets pulled out of the arena by the security and the screen turns dark.