Syren vs. Religious Wright

[Konrad Raab]

2 RP Limit for singles

3500 word max per RP

Deadline: 11:59:59 pm ET Thursday, April 4, 2024 (NOTE DEADLINE – Show takes place on Thursday)

[Braddock]

It is easter…ok, it is POST easter…but don’t let the facts get in the way of a good story, especially when you are talking about the holy man known as John Wright, better known to SCW fans as Religious Wright. And what better way to showcase the easter season than a great traditional image of the easter story? The cameras are rolling and we see Brother Douglas leading a donkey along through the grass. Riding on the donkey with his back facing the camera is Religious Wright.

“Brother Douglas! Are the cameras ready?”

“They’re rolling, Pastor Wright.”

“Wait, what?!” He sounds shocked. “Well where the hell are the cameras?”

“Right here.”

“I don’t see them!” Wright exclaims angrily with frustration.

“That’s because you are backwards on the jackass, sir.”

“What?!” And with that Wright takes a nosedive off the donkey and into the grass. Brother Douglas abandons the donkey to quickly take care of Religious Wright. Douglas helps the pastor back to his feet and dusts him off.

“Are you ok, Pastor Wright?”

“Does it look like I’m ok?!” He asks angrily. “This is a solemn moment! This is easter! And you are letting that ass make an ass out of me!”

“Sorry, Pastor Wright.”

“It’s ok, Brother Douglas. You can be redeemed. Let us start fresh with a blank slate.” He smacks Douglas in the face. “I FORGIVE YOU, MY BROTHA! IN THE NAME OF SELENA FROST I FORGIVE YOU!”

“Thank you, Pastor Wright!”

“Now then…let’s get down to business…my poor, misled sheep of Satanic Cat Worshiping, I am here to once again do battle for the hearts and souls of all of you! And I do this in the name of our savior, our goddess SELENA FROST! CAN I GET AN AMEN?!”

“Amen!”

“And the evil deviant who shall cross my path this time is…is…” he looks at Brother Douglas “...who am I facing?”

“Syren.”

“Who?” Wright looks confused.

“Syren. The former world champion. Managed by Lexy Chapel.”

“You mean the bald doofus who fought Superman?”

“That’s Lex Luthor.”

“I thought those were the people who provided public information for a small fee?”

“That’s LexisNexis.”

“I thought that was the comedian who got in trouble and had to turn to Netflix for support?”

“That’s Dave Chappelle.”

“Then who the hell am I thinking of?!”

“Lexy Chapel.”

“She really was an idiot, y’know? If that goof had a whole chunk of kryptonite and Superman STILL got the best of her, I should have no problem outwitting her and Syren on Breakdown.”

“Uh, Pastor Wright, I don’t think Syren is…”

“Hush! I know what I’m talking about!” Wright insists. “Syren…your days of scheming with Lexy Chapel to ruin Superman’s life are numbered! You will worship at the feet of YOUR GODDESS and MINE, Selena Frost! BELIEVE IT!”