CAPITAL SHAKE UP RP'S HERE

[Kandis.]

October 29th
Toronto
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I waited just outside the medical room after Emerge #14 was over, where Drake Hemingway was getting looked at following his I Quit match with Gavin Taylor. The stupid official called the match off and Taylor the winner, despite the fact Drake never said the words. Maybe someone should give these officials some refresher training. I knew Drake was angry, given the way he had one of his druid-henchmen go after Taylor after the match. This was supposed to be 'the final act' but there was no way he was going to let it end this way. I had been waiting for the right time to make the move I'd had in mind for months, and this? Where Drake was angry and slightly hurt and probably looking for answers? Was my moment.

The door to the medical room opened, and Drake walked out slowly, holding an icepack to his head, thanks to Taylor's chair shots. He looked surprised to see me.
“Kandis? I was expecting Loretta to be here.”
“Oh, her. I think she's trying to get your match at the next show changed.”
“Why would she need to do that?”
“Cause it's a tag with me.” Drake just nodded. “She doesn't like me much.”
“She doesn't like most people.”
“But especially me. It's fine, I get it. I'm not a part of your... way, or whatever. She thinks I'm a threat to it.”
“She thinks all outsiders are.”
“What do I have to do to get her off my case?”
“I don't think you can do anything. She has to trust you on her own.”
“Like you do?”
“You've proven yourself an ally. Even if I do disagree with your lifestyle choices.”
“Not that I agree with yours. Honestly I don't really understand it. It just seems like denying humanity.”
Drake lowered the icepack and leaned against the wall, his head tilted a little, as he looked at me curiously. “That is the objective. Humanity is weak. The further away from it one moves, the closer to divine one becomes. Closer to absolute purity.”
“Yet, earlier after Gavin smashed your head in with that chair, you gave in to your anger at him. That's human nature, too.
Drake looked away from me, as if ashamed at what I pointed out. “Yes, I did.” He looked back up, his usual gaze returned. “Did he not deserve what he got?”
“Hell yeah! Look, my point is... you're just as human as the rest of us. And I think you've been denying yourself so much of what that is, that you don't know how to handle it. I want to help you.”
“How would you do that?”
“Well... first I think that if I'm going to try to help, I need to better understand what it is you actually do. Believe. And why.”
Drake's eyes widened slightly, I could tell I shocked him. “You want to learn about this path?”
“I'm not, like... gonna take a vow or put on one of those druid robes or anything... but yeah. I  need to understand where you're coming from before I can help you.”
Drake appeared to be considering this, maybe his own trust in me wavering a little. I got a little nervous he would tell me to fuck off, but then he grinned slightly.
“That makes some sense. I'll consider it.”
I grinned back. “Good.” I grabbed his wrist, the hand still holding the icepack, and raised it up, replacing it back on his forehead. He gave me an odd look. “Looked like the knot was coming back. You should keep this on here a little longer.”
Drake nodded, and I let go, my fingers trailing off slowly, before I backed away.
“When you make your mind up, let me know.”
“I will. I should go find Loretta, let her know I'm okay.”
“See you in three weeks.”
Drake just nodded and walked off down the hall. I got the impression he was more interested than he wanted me to know. If so, and he contacted me about my offer, I might see him before the next show.

I turned around to go back to my locker room to change, and found myself face to face with Loretta. Damn woman is like a fucking ninja! I gasped in surprise.
“Oh! Hey... um, Drake was just going to look for you, you could probably catch up-”
“No. We should speak first.”
“We should?”
“Yes. I heard the end of your conversation. Drake may be blinded by your charm, but I am not. I know what you're doing.”
I crossed my arms and leaned back on one foot cocky-like. “Oh yeah? What am I doing?”
Loretta continued her glare. “I am going to ask you bluntly, Kandis. Do you want my husband?”
I blinked a few times. Blunt wasn't a joke! “I... want to help him.”
“I heard. You know what I mean. I meant... carnally.”
I knew this woman was never going to trust me, not unless it sounded like I was being completely honest. So, I took a deep breath.
“Fine. Yes. But-”
“I knew it!”
“Just hear me out, okay? It's not what you think.”
“I do appreciate your honesty. So, I'll listen to what you have to say, although you must know I'm very skeptical.”
“Oh I know. So, here goes. You and I both know Drake has lately had moments where he lost his temper and maybe went a little too far in exacting revenge. Not really your idea of pure. Right?” Loretta seemed hesitant to agree with me, but she nodded. “So, I believe there's more than one way to experience purity, and I think Drake denying himself one of them is leading to all this anger. That's a lot of energy that has to come out somewhere.”
Loretta lost her glare some, thinking. “Assume I believed that and Drake allowed you what you want. What would you have me do?”
“Get out of the way?” Loretta's glare returned. “What I mean is... trust me, like he does. Let me help. For once it's not about me.”
“How am I to be sure you won't corrupt my husband with your impure ways?”
“Who's to say my ways are impure? I've heard you're a virgin, is that right?” She nodded, proudly. Ugh. “Then you wouldn't know. But, one of the purest things on earth is the ecstasy that comes from two bodies that trust each other coming together. Its all perspective.”
She hesitated. “That is a different perspective. Does marriage mean nothing to you? You expect me to be okay with you and he sharing a bed?”
“It doesn't, actually.  I don't believe in it, or love in general really. So nothing to worry about there, not that there was anyway. You've admitted your marriage isn't exactly normal. If you're not in bed with him, why does it matter, assuming I even get that far?”
“It matters because you're an outsider. Drake trusting you doesn't change the fact you are part of their world. Not ours.”
“You said you heard our conversation. I don't have to be on the outside. Let him better explain to me what your... ways, are all about. The more I know, the better I can help. If you're as devoted to him as you say, trust his judgment. Let him decide for himself what a path of purity means to him.”
Loretta stared at me hard, probably trying to judge if I was being sincere or trying to fuck with her. Honestly? Little of both.
“I will take it under advisement. I should go, he's looking for me.”
Loretta walked past me and away before I could say anything else. I spun and couldn't help but smirk as I watched her go quickly down the hall.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

November 16th
Los Angeles
-------------------

It had been over two weeks and I hadn't heard from Drake or Loretta, so I assumed that they were either still debating my offer, or my move failed. I didn't think I'd find out until I got to Toronto for the next show. Drake and I were facing Peyton Rice and Jason Dillinger, I planned on getting there early so we could go over a plan. I had to take care of something before leaving though.

I met with Jennifer at her office, which is attached to the L.A. Area state home for children. Years ago I spent more time there than I wanted to remember, but I had to be there. I agreed to help her and the state in their case against Danny Anderson for assaulting a thirteen year old girl, the same way he did to me when I was fourteen. I was still pissed at this agency for silencing me then, but I was also here to stop the cycle. Jennifer told me the girl, Carla, wanted to meet the woman who would be helping her get justice. It wasn't going to be easy for me, not only because of the subject matter, but because of the girl's name – it was the same as my birth mother's. Either Jennifer forgot that from years ago, or she never knew.

Jennifer led me down the hall from the offices to the children's area. Before taking me to see Carla, she told me her story. Carla's parents were killed in a car accident a few years ago, when she was nine. No living grandparents, only one uncle on her father's side who wasn't financially able to take her in. She'd stayed here at the home for about a year before her first placement, then found her way to the Anderson's eight months ago. Two months ago, a few days before Jennifer called me, Carla had confessed to Jennifer what had been happening to her. Jennifer immediately thought of me and believed Carla without hesitation. They went to the director – still the same asshole who silenced me – and spoke to him. Then without Carla present, Jennifer reminded him about me. That was when he admitted that there were others. I don't know why he covered it up then and let the Anderson's continue to foster, maybe I'd find out soon.

Jennifer walked me through the community room of the kids' residence, and then down a hall. Carla had her own room, being a teenager. We got to her door and Jennifer knocked. I got nervous, which is strange for me. It's not every day you come face to face with another person your attacker assaulted, though. The door opened, and a tall blonde girl smiled at Jennifer.
“Jen! You came.”
“Told you I was coming by today. I have someone with me. This is Kandis, I told you about her.”
Carla looked up at me, and when our eyes made contact, I saw in hers that she was thinking the same thing I was - “you too.” I made myself smile.
“Hi Carla. Jen told me about you, too.”
She smiled back, just as forced as mine. “I'm glad you're both here.”
Jennifer and I went inside, and Carla's room looked a lot like a college dorm – twin bed, dresser, a desk and chair, a door that I assumed was a closet. Carla sat on the bed, her legs crossed. Jennifer took the chair. Carla saw me standing there and pat the bed next to her, so I sat there.
“So... Jen said you wanted to meet me?”
“Yes ma'am. I-”
“Oh, please don't do that, doll.”
Carla laughed and went on. “Okay. Anyway, I wanted to talk to you. When Jen told me you.... you know, and that you could maybe help me, I had to see you. And say thank you.”
“Not gonna lie, I almost said no. I was super mad at the people who told me to keep my mouth shut back then. But my brother – well, foster brother – he convinced me you were more important than sticking it to them. You did a brave thing, telling. And you and I? We're gonna make sure that asshole doesn't get to anyone else, anymore. Deal?”
Carla snickered a little at my language, and nodded. “Deal. Um... can I... can I hug you?”
“of course, doll. Come here...”
I leaned over, and she did too, hugging me tight. Like, tighter than I even expected. I actually can't remember the last time someone hugged me that tight. I gave it right back, I think she needed it. Not from just anyone, but someone who understood. Jennifer is great at her job, full of compassion and empathy and caring. But empathy isn't the same as sympathy. I didn't know it until then, but I kinda needed that hug, too. I hadn't thought about any of this shit in years. Jennifer asking for my help really fucked with my head.

Carla finally pulled away and smiled at me again. “Thanks.”
“Thank you. Can I tell you a secret?” Carla looked skeptical for a second, and I realized that could sound bad considering what our common thread was. “A good secret.” She relaxed, and nodded. “I think I was meant to meet you and help you. You have the same name as my real mom.”
Carla smiled, and I saw Jennifer's eyes go wide from the corner of my eye, and then nod to herself, now she remembered.
“Really? That's awesome! Can you tell me about her?”
“Not really... she died when I was a little baby. That's why I was here. No one knew who my real family was.”
“I'm sorry. That's sad.”
“It's my normal. I can't be sad about it because I didn't know her. How about you tell me about your parents, instead?”
I saw her eyes light up before she started talking. I guess most people didn't ask her about her parents, because they think it will upset her. But she's a kid, she probably wanted to talk about them, remember them.

Jennifer and I stayed with Carla for an hour, and she told me stories about her parents. All the while I couldn't help but think.... how could someone do something so vile to such a sweet little girl? I was only a year older when it happened to me, but I wasn't sweet like this. I was already jaded and bitter at a young age, thanks to getting pushed around and bouncing around foster homes, having never had a real home. Carla did. She seemed so.... delicate. And innocent.

Was I ever that way?

I'm sure the fuck not now. Just ask Drake and Loretta. They'd agree I'm not, but with different reasons.