12-29-2018, 01:17 PM
The scene opens up not with oily muscles, nor the oil to outfit any salad bar in the nation. Instead, the completely untanned, white as a ghost, and dry, pecs of the man known as Banvel. Who is Banvel you might ask? We don’t have an answer. But for some reason, he’s talking. And while dumping oil down a sink. You’re not supposed to do that at all!
Banvel: “Well momma, you’re probably wonderin’ what this is all about. Well I’ve been called in because the MAN around here, he couldn’t get it done anymore. And this is a battle royal, so it needed an added attraction and I’m not just talkin’ about the money or the car. See, I’ve been watchin’ that fool Manvel with his Golden Triangle buddies and the KABLAMA Sutra, and it’s clear, the MAN has gone soft. So a replacement has been called.”
Banvel tosses the bottle behind him before we see inside the sink, a bunch of now soggy KABLAMA Sutra books and KABLAMaerobics videos.
Banvel: “Whereas the Mantastic one was all about throwing people out, like the coward that he is. I aint gonna be throwin’ dropkicks and tossin’ em out. No…they’re gonna be stuck in there with me! Ban-bar for you! Ban-bar for you! Ban-bar for EVERYONE! And everyone’s gonna tap. One way or another.”
Banvel steps forward and looks at the camera.
Banvel: “Fuck da MAN…the Banhammer is comin’!”
Banvel then walks off as we hear a shout from off-camera.
???: “MY KABLAMA SUTRA!”
Banvel: “Yo! You don’t need that! I got everything ya need right here!”
We then see a black woman run into the scene, wearing an obscene amount of tassels and black-light reflecting gear and face paint for reasons, again, no one really knows.
Woman: “Thanks to all this, you’re not gonna feel the blow anymore!”
Banvel: “What?! They’re trash-“
The scene abruptly cuts to black.
Banvel: “Well momma, you’re probably wonderin’ what this is all about. Well I’ve been called in because the MAN around here, he couldn’t get it done anymore. And this is a battle royal, so it needed an added attraction and I’m not just talkin’ about the money or the car. See, I’ve been watchin’ that fool Manvel with his Golden Triangle buddies and the KABLAMA Sutra, and it’s clear, the MAN has gone soft. So a replacement has been called.”
Banvel tosses the bottle behind him before we see inside the sink, a bunch of now soggy KABLAMA Sutra books and KABLAMaerobics videos.
Banvel: “Whereas the Mantastic one was all about throwing people out, like the coward that he is. I aint gonna be throwin’ dropkicks and tossin’ em out. No…they’re gonna be stuck in there with me! Ban-bar for you! Ban-bar for you! Ban-bar for EVERYONE! And everyone’s gonna tap. One way or another.”
Banvel steps forward and looks at the camera.
Banvel: “Fuck da MAN…the Banhammer is comin’!”
Banvel then walks off as we hear a shout from off-camera.
???: “MY KABLAMA SUTRA!”
Banvel: “Yo! You don’t need that! I got everything ya need right here!”
We then see a black woman run into the scene, wearing an obscene amount of tassels and black-light reflecting gear and face paint for reasons, again, no one really knows.
Woman: “Thanks to all this, you’re not gonna feel the blow anymore!”
Banvel: “What?! They’re trash-“
The scene abruptly cuts to black.