05-20-2019, 11:38 AM
(OOC note: OK, just to clear things up, if this CD is familiar, it’s because it’s been used in EMERGE. Olek is aware of the situation, and will judge it how he sees fit. I just thought it would be a good idea for those that hadn’t had the ‘pleasure’ to understand what the character is like. In Elijah / Zero’s mind, all this is real, and he believes he really is an anti-hero, so let’s see how it goes. Obviously, he cannot really do the things he thinks he can, but to him this is his life as remembered in his head. Anything on shows will be pyro, mind tricks and maybe a pulley or two ;-) Feel free to debunk it as much as you like.)
ORIGINS – EPISODE 1
I sit in the hospital bed, bandages covering my face. I’d been like this now for the past six weeks, having not been allowed to see the results of the operation until the swelling went down. I was excited, so excited I had pissed himself on more than one occasion, understandable as I was looking forwards to living a life of beauty, as opposed to the ugliness I had to ensure since I was five.
I remembered the moment well, holding myself, trying to stop the flow of urine from leaving my body, and tripping over the step, slamming my head into the porcelain of the toilet bowl. And the smell as the urine soaked into my trousers. I’d lived with that ugliness for so long, this was the moment I had waited for, and had spent my life savings on. And right now, all I wanted to do was tear the bandages off.
Well, that was actually a lie, because I also wanted to tear off the clothes of my Doctor, something that wasn’t surprising considering she had spent the last six weeks examining my face, her breasts dangling inches away from my tongue. Oh to have a bigger tongue. Her breasts smelt like lavender, which until recently I hadn’t really liked. Now though, the smell had a certain attraction.
“So Elijah, you ready to see the result of a lot of hard work?”
I nod, though in truth I was having difficulty doing anything considering all the blood had rushed to my groin. Doctor Hudson, Charlotte Hudson was teasing the fuck out of me right now, so much so for just a second the operation and any results really didn’t matter
Charlotte: We are really proud of this Elijah, it’s moments like these that make us truly inspired.
Fuck sake, I just wanted her to get on with it, and perhaps touch my penis. I knew my life was about to change forever, and that girls would be swarming all over me. Heck, it wouldn’t surprise me if once the bandages were removed, Charlotte didn’t straddle me and ride the shit out of me. Talking of which, I had to remember to pay a visit to the toilet, as the snake was already popping its head out of the cage
Charlotte: OK then, here goes
Finally, she goes for the bandages, and as an added bonus the lavender scented goodness finds its way close enough for me to lick her breast. She was so into the big reveal she didn’t seem to notice, or perhaps it was because she wanted more. As the bandages are removed, a gasp is heard around the room, and several of the student doctors, one that looked dangerously like jail bait to me but was worth the risk, begins a round of applause, Charlotte stepping back to admire her handiwork
Charlotte: Wow, I have really surpassed myself this time. The results are… amazing. Would you like to see?
Well fuck yeah, talk about stupid question. I nod my head enthusiastically, as she turns and passes me a mirror, without me taking a moment to admire her ass. I lift up the mirror, and see the reflection looking back at me. My eyes widen, and I turn to Charlotte, my erection having shriveled to almost nothing due to what I was looking at
Elijah: Like, what the fuck?
Charlotte: What’s wrong, the scar is gone… you can barely notice it.
Elijah: Fuck the scar, what about the rest of my face. You’ve ruined it
Charlotte: I don’t understand…
Elijah: Get the fuck out… go… get these fucking students out my room.
I watch as Charlotte ushers them out, staring at the hideous creature looking back at me. How could they fuck up so badly? I mean, this was like; the 39th best rated plastic surgery in the state so they had to be good. I feel a tear form on the corner of my crow footed eyes and feel no shame. I wanted this bitch to know how fucked off I was.
Elijah: So?
Charlotte: So?
I didn’t know why she had suddenly turned into a parrot, I pay it little heed
Elijah: What are you going to do?
Charlotte: I don’t see what I can do?
It was obvious she wasn’t getting it. I mean, even if she didn’t think she could do anything with my face, her actions were at least worthy of a blow job right? I point at my face…
Elijah: This, how are you going to make this right. I asked you to get rid of the scar; I didn’t ask you to change my whole face
Charlotte: But… we haven’t
Elijah: Bullshit, I want to see the head surgeon
Charlotte: That’s actually me
Elijah: I…
I hesitate, this was getting me nowhere. I needed to think on this, the compensation for such a fuck up may have been worth the incessant insults I was sure to endure.
Elijah: Just get out, and take your lavender scented mammaries with you.
Charlotte: I’m sorry… what?
Yeah, but not sorry enough for a blowy apparently, and she leaves. Probably already planning to tell her girlfriends how a patient at work had been such a meanie. Meanie, I was going to give her a meanie the next time her and I were alone, but for now I had to figure out how I was going to live with this now even uglier visage. The Freak Circus was hiring, maybe it would be worth giving the Greatest Showman a call
TWO WEEKS LATER
In truth, my options had been limited. Apparently it wasn’t seen as good practice to operate so soon after the initial procedure so in the words of the practice manager I was going to have to live with it. That douche wanted to think himself lucky that Charlotte had that morning decided that my dick would be well placed between the scented musk of lavender… a scent that I had ruined with my sweet sperm… I knew there were benefits from asparagus. Anyway, I step out of the elevator and into the hospital lobby, cursing as I see the weather, and then made more than aware that people were looking at me. I pull the hooded top over my head, and make my way towards the door, a crack of thunder almost immediately followed by sheet lightening
“Got this for the rest of the day apparently, can I hail you a taxi?
”
I turn to face one of the hospital staff, a guy that was probably just as camp as he looked. He tries to look beyond the shadow of the hood but I don’t allow him
.
“Hey, I’m talking to you”
Elijah: Nah, I’m gonna walk
“Suit yourself, only trying to help.”
As I step out into the rain I immediately regret it, my top almost immediately drenched. I wasn’t going to lose face though, and I walk down the street, trying to keep my face obscured and never looking back at the smug, obviously gay man that I knew would still be watching, why wouldn’t he? I turn into an alleyway, the rain not as heavy here as I’m sheltered by the buildings. As I walk, I hear a noise coming from the trash bins, a woman’s squeal piercing through the night.
“Shut up you bitch, just give me what I want, and you can go”
It was obvious what the man wanted, and part of me believed that maybe I wanted it too. The words however leave my mouth before I can stop them
Elijah: Stop it… NOW.”
There is a momentary silence, and then from behind the trash bin a man stands, and even through the darkness his anger is obvious, as is his size. I immediately regret my decision to not walk past and leave him to it.
“Just walk away stranger, you haven’t seen a thing”
I had, unfortunately, and the whimpering of the woman didn’t help. Or was that my whimpering?
“Please, help me…” she mutters quietly, pitifully.
Elijah: I’m afraid I can’t do that.
“You had your chance”
The words leave his lips menacingly, and I do the best thing for all, and start running off down the alleyway. You’d have thought the guy would have just got on with what he was doing, but no, he decides to give chase, with all the speed of Usain Bolt as it happens. I tear into the street and immediately cross the road, a searing light seeming to engulf me as electricity strikes from the sky above. I feel the heat surge through my body, a power like I have never known. As the man catches up to me, I instinctively hold out my hand, the electricity finding its release and slamming into the guy, the impact sending him flying backwards and through a shop window almost fifteen feet away. Strangely, the rain immediately subsides, and all seems silent. I stand there in the middle of the street, my hood having dropped to my shoulders, well aware of the crowd having watched what just happened. I pull my hood back up over my face; after all, it had to be my face didn’t it, the reason why they were staring.
Elijah: What the fuck…
I mutter under my breath, and sprint away from the crowds. What the hell had just happened, I had no clue. I’d just been struck by one of nature’s most destructive forces and yet I was still standing. But not only that, it seemed like I had actually harnessed its power… but how?
ORIGINS – EPISODE 2
The rain continues to fall down on my face, my hands seemingly burning with raw power. Did I really just do that?
Elijah: What the fuck…
This was unreal, I’d never felt so strong in my entire laugh. I could feel the storm coursing through my veins and it felt good, so very good. I look up at the crowds that have gathered, some looking at me, others looking at the guy who still laid motionless the other side of the road. I hadn’t imagined this, this was real.
“What was that man? That was like some Ryu shit or something.”
A Black Jamaican stood on the other side of the road shouts, and suddenly all eyes are on me, the unconscious guy well and truly forgotten. From the alleyway, the woman from before appears, and mouths a ‘thank you’ to me, before heading off down the street. Thank you? Really, she’d obviously not seen me doing my Olympic standard sprinter impression, but I’d take it.
I hear sirens, from not that far away; it wasn’t beyond the realms of possibility that someone had called the police. All I knew was I wasn’t about to answer questions right now and get carted off to some psyche ward, I’d spent enough time in hospitals of late. So again I run, this time away from the throng of people and into an adjacent alleyway, watching from the safety of my hiding place.
The rain actually stops, and I watch as the cops take statements from all those that had witnessed what I had done, some shakes their heads in disbelief, and others quite blatantly laughing. None of them realizing that the guy that had started all this, skulks off down the alley from which he came
THE FOLLOWING MORNING
I didn’t remember getting home or even getting into bed but as I woke, the first thing that happening was the replaying over and over of what had happened the night before. Had I really shot lightening from my hands? As unbelievable as it was, yes I had. And around twenty witnesses at the scene would have agreed with me. I didn’t feel any different this morning though, and the burning sensation that I had felt in my hands before had no decapitated and been replaced by a numbing feeling that was annoying. Stretching out my fingers, and sat at the table I had stolen from a skip prior to my surgery, I boot up the laptop, and head straight to the local news website. And there is was, in all its monochrome glory
“SUPERHERO FOILS RAPE – THE CITY HAS A NEW HERO”
Super hero? I liked that, I couldn’t lie. I mean, everyone knew the chicks loved a hero, and even if the surgery had rendered me ugly as fuck, this wasn’t a bad pay off. Not going to lie, I did wonder if the ability to conduct lightening and then manipulate would add to my sexual prowess, but my first thought was actually to make sure that the website hadn’t gotten any pictures, a quick scroll down showed that I hadn’t been so lucky, damn me for living in the year 2013 and everyone having smartphones. Reaching the bottom of the article, I could at least be happy with the fact they hadn’t got my face. No one needed to see this visage over their cornflakes. My thoughts of pulling some Victoria’s Secret models due to my new status are extinguished by the doorbell ringing, and the dulcet tones of Deborah, my next door neighbor shrilling through the morning silence.
Deborah: You there Elijah? I got bagels…
Now, let me put you straight here, Deborah wasn’t a bad looking bird at all. In her forties, and divorced, twice, there was no doubt she got her fair share of suitors. But Deborah was in love with me, and didn’t want anyone else. My problem? She was Ginger, and I knew from her telling me in graphic details that her vaginal area resembled a badly stuffed kebab. I’d not ruled it out of course, if ever I was desperate for a late night booty call she’d be an option. But if I was going to be a super hero and embrace it, I could do better ya know?
Deborah: Elijah? I know you came home from hospital last night?
She probably had CCTV in my apartment
I open the door, and sure enough, her signature low cut top gives me an eyeful of the love pillows, a little earlier than I am used to. I’m not embarrassed to say, that she gave me a semi right there and then.
Deborah: Hey handsome, I know you must be tired, but can I come in?
I don’t saw a word, but step to one side, taking care to hide the swelling in my groin. Did I tell you I’m packing down there? Well I am, just saying, it might be relevant later. Deborah takes a seat, her thong was black, just in case you needed to know, and she pushes a bagel in my direction. Usually, probably wouldn’t have taken it, but I was exceptionally hungry, and let’s face it, firing lightening from your hands is thirsty work, so I take a huge bite from the pastry goodness and take my own seat. Deborah points to the laptop
Deborah: What do you reckon to this guy then? Everyone I’ve spoken to says it was a case of mass psychosis… it happens you know? Hands firing electricity, I mean… ridiculous.
Elijah: Yeah, sounds bonkers to me
And it would have sound bonkers, if it hadn’t been me doing the firing.
Deborah: Just another freak in a city of them if you ask me. Whatever he did though, he stopped a rape, so got to give him credit for that. Shame we don’t know who it is though
Elijah: He probably wants to remain anonymous or some shit.
Deborah: I know if I was on the front page of the website, I’d make sure EVERYONE knew it was me. I’d be famous.
I don’t believe I’m talking out of hand when I say that Deborah WAS famous, but not in a way she potentially imagined. Being single, and divorced, many of her conquests told tales of her ‘acrobatics’ in the bedroom, some even claimed they had video evidence but were probably just bullshitting.
Deborah: So, what are your plans for the day?
Dur, find out how the fuck I shot lightening from my fingers… that was what I didn’t say
Elijah: I dunno, probably rest or something
Deborah: I can see the surgery went well, even more cute now
If I didn’t know her, I’d think she was taking the piss, and her comment draws my attention to the mirror, and in particular the scar that was much worse than before the surgery.
Deborah: You can hardly see it now. Those Doctor’s work miracles nowadays don’t they? Do you think they could do something with these?
She cups her boobs together, giving me even more of a viewing, and indeed even more of an erection. It was a good job I was sat down. Maybe I would have a go on her after all. Call it research.
Elijah: Well, thanks for stopping by and thanks for the bagel, but the Doctor’s insisted I rest
Deborah: I don’t mind staying till you wake up
Elijah: It’s ok, thank you though
Deborah: Oh, OK… see you later though yeah?
Elijah: We’ll see.
I stand, my erection having subsided now, and open the door. I felt a little guilty having one last look at her mammaries as she left, only a little though. Some things were more important than breasts, not many, but certainly some. One, was finding out if my ‘abilities’ were a fluke…
THREE WEEKS LATER
Fucking weather… it has rained consistently for as long as I could remember prior to the surgery, and yet when I wanted a storm, nothing. Thankfully, stood at the top of my tower block, the clouds were rumbling, and again I could feel that sensation, a tingling, like I could feel the weather through my veins.
The crackling in the distance was making my cock hard… that was probably a little too much information, apologies.
For three weeks I had tried to simulate what had happened on that fateful night, through the use of batteries, generators, but nothing gave me the power I needed. Yet right now I could feel it, I could feel the power returning, and I hold my hands in front of me, the electricity starting to crackle through my fingers. Sheet lightening fills the skies, but nothing happens, perhaps I had to literally be struck, but the power seems to double, then treble, and continue multiplying.
The hairs on my body stand to attention, as does… well, you can guess. In the palms of my hands is what can only be explained as pure electricity, my fingers burning and yet the pain far from hurting, and instead pleasurable.
Zero: Fuck yeah
This was it, now or never, and I throw out my hands, the electricity streaming from them like fire, crashing into a lightening conductor that absorbs all the power. I couldn’t see for myself, but I’m guessing a goofy grin forms on my disfigured face.
Zero: Whoa…
ORIGINS - EPISODE 3
So, the last time you saw me, I was on top of a tower building firing electricity from my hands like a fucking God. Yeah, that’s right… I called myself a God. Harnessing that power, feeling it surge through my veins and then ‘boom’ releasing like the mother of all ejaculations, well it was kinda neat.
There was one major problem though, something that had the potential to stop me from being the biggest superhero of all time and far better than the twat with the Hammer. I could only do it if there was a storm in the air, and to be perfectly honest, that sucked balls. Big, Zero sized balls. Slight wind in the air… nadda, sunshine burning in a summer sky… impotent. Even rainfall, proper big fuck off rain the kind that drenches you through, left me unable to even generate a spark.
Yeah right, some fucking superhero I was going to be, one that can only go to work in the shittiest of weather, when pretty much every criminal worth his corn wouldn’t bother anyways. I had to find some way of being able to do this whenever I wanted to, and I figured the best way to do that was the internet right? After all, you could find out anything from the internet. And I got pride, I ain’t going to walk up to Thor and ask him how he does it. It’s not as if that fucker would tell me anyway.
So yeah, google is your friend right, so I type in ‘channeling electricity’ which brings up blue prints for lightning conductors and a whole lot of other shit that is of no use what so ever. Then it hits me, like, pardon the pun, a bolt of lightning. What if, whenever a storm occurred, instead of expending all that energy I was able to store it until I needed it? What if on top of that tower block I hadn’t released all that power, would it still be trapped within me right now? And what if, having stored some, it would enable me to call on electricity that is always in the air, or from generators, power lines?
It sounded like a plan, and one that I couldn’t wait to put in place, but I’d need that surge of power to begin with, which meant waiting for another storm, whilst all the time the world was wondering who and where I was. I couldn’t think about it anymore, thinking had never been good for me, it hurt my brain. So I go back to what the internet is really for, and bring up Pornhub. No sooner does the tab come up however, a knock is heard at my door. If it was Deborah fuck it, I was going to satisfy her once and for all. I open the door, and it isn’t Deborah, in fact I didn’t have the first clue who it was, though he did look mightily official.
Elijah: Err, yeah?
Man: Elijah Cross?
Elijah: Look man, I paid the rent, I saw it go out my account. If you haven’t seen it, that ain’t…
Man: I assure you Mr Cross; I am not a debt collector. Could I possibly come in?
Elijah: You’re not going to rape me or anything right?
The man laughs, and to be fair I do well not to knock him out there and then such is his creepiness.
Man: No, I am not Mr Cross; I merely wish to discuss ‘changes’ in your life recently.
Now, that was weird. Now, I guess he could have been a mobile phone salesman, because I had changed my provider just last week. I’d found out that an electrical surge through your body wasn’t great for any electronic device. But as the guy walks in, and places his hat on the table, I’m pretty certain he knows something, or recognized me from the internet.
Man: My name is Halladay Mr Cross, and I am here to answer these questions that must be going around your head.
Elijah: Questions?
Seriously, I could have been an actor such is my delivery.
Halladay: Mr Cross, we are wasting time. You and I both know that you are the ‘mystery man’ who fired lightning from his hands, and in doing so assisted the police force in capturing a wanted rapist
Shit…he did know who I was. This sucked bigger balls than the current sunshine that was stopping me from frying this fucker here and now.
Elijah: Who the fuck are you? Who do you work for?
See, I even sounded like a superhero, fuck you Thor and your witty one liners.
Halladay: Can I ask you a question Mr Cross?
Elijah: If that question isn’t will you suck my dick?
Halladay: You really do have an obsession with penis don’t you Mr Cross?
I really did… mine, though. No one else’s. That’s gay.
Elijah: OK, go ahead
He pulls a photograph out of his briefcase, oh; he was carrying a briefcase I didn’t tell you that bit did I? It’s a brown one, if you’re interested in the details.
Halladay: Do you know this man Mr Cross?
In all honesty, I was getting really fucked off with him calling me Mr Cross. If I was going to be a hero, then I’d have to come up with a punchy nickname for people to call me, and a uniform, something really cool and figure hugging. Anyway, only my bank manager called me Mr Cross, and that was just because that fucker had me over a barrel with my overdraft, so this twat was grinding my gears. Oh, and yeah I recognized the man
Elijah: That’s my plastic surgeon, Neil Amberstone; he fucked up my scar, and made it worse.
Halladay nods, and places the photo back in his briefcase.
Halladay: Yes, that is Neil Amberstone you are correct, but he is a million miles away from being simply a plastic surgeon.
Now, I was open to agreeing with that comment, considering how much of a mess he’d made of my face. However, my interest was piqued.
Elijah: If you ask me, he’s the world’s worst plastic surgeon. Look what he did to me?
To be fair to Halladay he does take a look at the scar, but he seems more distracted with his own business than mine.
Halladay: Tell me Mr Cross…
Elijah: Please, for the love of God call me Elijah
Halladay: OK Elijah, have you ever heard of an organization called G.U.A.R.D?
Elijah: No, can’t say I have. What does that stand for?
Halladay: It doesn’t matter
(Plus I couldn’t think of anything witty enough, Guarding Us Against Real Dicks maybe?)
Halladay: But no, you shouldn’t have heard of it, because it is a top secret organization that protects the Earth
I mean, he could have said the city, but the whole planet, that’s over egging it just a little bit.
Elijah: OK, now this is starting to sound a little ridiculous…
Says the guy who shoots lightning from his hands
Elijah: But what’s that got to do with Amberstone?
Halladay: Amberstone was kicked out of our organization and shamed; want to know the reason why?
Elijah: No, not bothered in the slightest…OF COURSE I DO!!!
Halladay: Well, here’s the kicker Mr… sorry Elijah. He was expelled from G.U.A.R.D for conducting illegal experiments on human subjects. Experiments where he hoped to give them super powers… like superhuman strength and yes, the ability to fire lightning and channel the elements. Sound familiar?
Holy shit… in fact I probably said that out loud judging by Halladay’s reaction. This hadn’t been a mistake?
Elijah: And you think he did this to me?
Halladay: I’m sure of it Elijah, however we do need to run some tests on you to ensure that we are indeed correct. Thankfully, there is a way of reversing…
Elijah: Whoa there Doc? You mean no more lightning?
Halladay: Well yes, why would you want to carry such a burden?
Elijah: Well durr, I’m pretty much a superhero… if I can figure out the kinks. It’s not like I’m going to let you take that away.
Halladay: I’m afraid Elijah, you don’t have a choice. G.U.A.R.D was created to contain, and potentially use, the likes of you. If you choose not to come with me now, then I am afraid you will become an enemy of the state. You DO NOT want to become an enemy of my state.
I had my Will Smith reference ready, but right now it seemed like Mr Halladay was threatening me. Not cool.
Elijah: Look, nothing cool has happened to me until now. THIS is probably the best thing that has ever happened to me, well since someone fingered my ass. And I can use it, for Good and stuff.
Halladay: I get that Elijah, but with great power comes great responsibility…
Where had I heard that before?
Halladay: And this responsibility doesn’t have to be yours
Yeah, coz no one wants to fire lightening from their bare hands right? Fuck responsibilities; show me the power and what these bad boys can really do
Elijah: And yet Mr Halladay… it is. Now, if you don’t mind, I would like you to leave.
Mr Halladay: I cannot leave without you Elijah, my superiors won’t allow it.
I get to my feet, and look all imposing. Problem was, he was taller than me when he stands up, what happens next though is what is very surprising. He rises, and goes to his pocket, and quick as a flash I grab him around the throat, and lift him fully a foot off the floor. His eyes widen, but not as much as mine as I realize what is going on. I reach into his pocket (not for that) and pull out the Taser (electricity, really?) and then drop him.
Mr Halladay: How?
For a moment, I am going to answer, but then he quickly scurries out of my apartment and out of sight, not waiting for the long winded rhetoric I was about to deliver about being not hard to find, I’ll be right here, and how I’m the sheriff round here yadda, yadda. For shame. So it seems that as well as channeling electricity, I also had super human strength. What else had Neil Amberstone given me? I couldn’t wait to find out.
ORIGINS - EPISODE 4
So yeah, to recap… it turns out I’m the result of some kind of experiment that some believe failed, but I saw as the mother fucker of all successes. I mean, harnessing lightening, and throwing it like Ryu and Ken from Street Fighter, I’m winning right? Wrong, because now it looked like I had some super-secret Men in Black type douchebags out to take my shit away from me. Well no Sir, not happening.
Anyways, you remember Halladay right, employee of G.U.A.R.D (nope still not thought of anything witty), the group of people that protect the Earth? Keep up. It seemed he thought best that I was kept tabs on, and parked a very ‘discreet’ (it really wasn’t) car out the front of my apartment, two ‘Agent’s’ following me wherever I went. I’m serious, I don’t know if you’ve ever walked round Walmart whilst being followed, but it doesn’t half take away the enjoyment of the weekly shop. I knew that if I was going to find Amberstone, I’d need to get rid of the oversized Gorillas, but I didn’t realise that Amberstone was going to come to me… sort of.
So picture the scene, I’m there, credit card in hand ‘donating’ funds to save the snow leopards… nah, who am I kidding, I’m getting ready for my latest session with Candice, and she’s got some pretty brutal looking beads that I don’t have the first clue where they are going. Oh… not in me, this is on line… webcam etc, why else do you buy a top of the range laptop if it’s not for porn. Anyway, she’s stripped, and I’m wondering if lightening enhanced hands will add to the ‘stimulation’ when suddenly Candice is pushed out the way and replaced by a guy that I can deduce immediately hasn’t ever been in the same room as someone as attractive as Candice. After reeling from the shock, and with my foot of slack still dangling like the proverbial elephants trunk, I protest.
Elijah: Err; I paid good money for this… well I will do when I pay off this credit card
Man: You are going to want to listen to me Mr Cross; you are a very difficult man to get hold of
Actually, that was bullshit. In fact, I’d only that morning offered a particularly attractive blonde with ample bosoms that exact opportunity, to grab a hold of me, a proposition she had quite rudely declined with a middle finger that didn’t even go anywhere near my ass
Elijah: Look Dude, I don’t have a clue who you are, but if I don’t empty these sacks bro, I’m going to explode all over this screen and believe me, neither of us wants that… or maybe you do, who am I to judge?
Now, I need to make it clear that as this point, I’m still naked and this guy in all honesty is staring at the pork sword a little too often if you get my drift. I ain’t homophobic, but I’m all about the Vagina, and his glances get a little more unnerving.
Elijah: I don’t know who you are buddy, but I swear if you look at Big Elijah one more time, I WILL hunt you down, and I am not a man you need to be messing with
Man: With respect Mr Cross, I know exactly who you are… and you could cover up
I nod my head, he was right, I could… but now it had become a battle of wills (or willies)
Man: Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Neil Amberstone…
Elijah: HOLY FUCK!!!
Amberstone: I see my reputation precedes me?
Now wasn’t the time to keep my tally wacker swinging in the wind, so I find the nearest (and biggest) cushion and cover it up.
Elijah: Dude, I would shake your hand if you could, do you know what you did to me?
Amberstone: With respect Elijah, I know where your hand has been recently… and yes, I know exactly what I did, and I believe you are learning pretty quickly as well.
Elijah: The lightening shit… oh yeah, I’m all over that
Amberstone: Then Elijah, I need you to listen very carefully, I’m not sure how much time I have. G.U.A.R.D is not what they pretend to be, they are a succubus draining the life force out of progress. I can help you Elijah, but you have to make me a promise?
Elijah: Bro, I’m not sucking your cock, I’ve seen Team America… fuck yeah
Elijah nods
Amberstone: Trust, me, that is not my concern, or want. If I give you the knowledge you need, you must help me take down G.U.A.R.D…
Elijah: What does that stand for anyway?
Amberstone: That doesn’t matter…
Why doesn’t it matter?
Amberstone: Do we have a deal Elijah?
Elijah: Damn right we do… I love this shit.
Amberstone: Very well, then we have an accord
Elijah: An accord?
Amberstone shakes his head
Amberstone: A deal Elijah… a deal.
Elijah: Well why didn’t you say so… jeez, you geeks and your fancy pants words. Of course we have a deal
Amberstone: Then I shall be in touch…
He turns back to Candice
Amberstone: As you were my dear
And with that he fucks off, and leaves a very confused Candice and a VERY erect Big Elijah ready to go off like a Cruise Missile (not that move that bulked up Icon used to do from the top rope in that wrestling programme I used to watch…a proper missile).
Candice: What was that all about? You can fire lightening from your hands?
Elijah: Oh baby, that’s not the half of it. You should see what I can do with this bad boy
Truth was, I really doubted I could fire lightening from my dick as I was implying, that would literally be too awesome for words… like a sawn off spunk shotgun. It seemed Amberstone was key, but could I trust him? Well, that was the question I should have been asking myself considering all the cloak and dagger bullshit going on. But what I was actually asking myself was what else I able to do? Oh please tell me I could go invisible… the ladies changing rooms here I come.
LATER…DAYS, MAYBE WEEKS AFTER DOESN’T MATTER
Ok, so you remember my plan, to harness electricity and store it in my body to be used when I needed it. Power lines? Fuck, is anyone actually listening to this story? Well anyway it didn’t work and unless Amberstone contacted me soon, I was doomed to mediocrity and powers I wasn’t even aware I had yet. The news stories had died down about the ‘vigilante’ cleaning up the streets (it had been one person, hardly a cleanup operation) and I’d become yesterday’s news, and I’m going to be truthful with you all, it was pissing me off. So much so, even the delights of my favorite Pizza was failing to excite me. The two goons were still outside, and still followed me wherever I went, oh I was going to fry those fuckers when I got the chance, but right now I was nothing more than a lame duck.
Elijah: Christ I’m bored… bet Peter Parker never went through this shit
Christ, I bet I’m coming across like a right whingebag right now. But to try and explain, just imagine having the biggest dick in the world, but a face like a bag of spanners, I had all this power and couldn’t use it, and it was fucking depressing, just like the news on television. Muggings, shootings, it was all over the television, I could be out there dealing with that shit but no… I was gorging on a 12 inch meat feast (and that is not how it sounds fuckers)
“Elijah”
I look around my apartment, and weirdly at the dog, who I knew couldn’t speak, or at least he never had. He was a German shepherd anyway and I didn’t speak German, or any other language for that matter. His name was Thor… it’s really not important though.
“Over here…”
I look at the television screen, the gormless face of Amberstone looking at me.
Elijah: How the hell you doing that?
Amberstone: Elijah, you can fire lightening from your hands because of me, is it really a surprise that I can hack into a smart TV?
Elijah: I guess not
It was a pretty ridiculous question I accept in hindsight… apologies viewers.
Amberstone: The time has come for us to meet face to face Elijah.
Elijah: That’s great, but what about…
Amberstone: The two G.U.A.R.D agents posted outside your apartment building? Don’t worry; they will be taken care of. I shall send you the address to your phone…
Sure enough a text arrives, from an unknown number
Amberstone: Be there, seven o’clock tonight, and I shall explain everything. Do not be late, I hate tardiness
There he was again with the words; he must have sensed my confusion
Amberstone: Late Elijah… don’t be late
The screen flickers, and then goes back to the usual programming.
Elijah: About time…
SCENE FADES
ORIGINS – EPISODE 1
I sit in the hospital bed, bandages covering my face. I’d been like this now for the past six weeks, having not been allowed to see the results of the operation until the swelling went down. I was excited, so excited I had pissed himself on more than one occasion, understandable as I was looking forwards to living a life of beauty, as opposed to the ugliness I had to ensure since I was five.
I remembered the moment well, holding myself, trying to stop the flow of urine from leaving my body, and tripping over the step, slamming my head into the porcelain of the toilet bowl. And the smell as the urine soaked into my trousers. I’d lived with that ugliness for so long, this was the moment I had waited for, and had spent my life savings on. And right now, all I wanted to do was tear the bandages off.
Well, that was actually a lie, because I also wanted to tear off the clothes of my Doctor, something that wasn’t surprising considering she had spent the last six weeks examining my face, her breasts dangling inches away from my tongue. Oh to have a bigger tongue. Her breasts smelt like lavender, which until recently I hadn’t really liked. Now though, the smell had a certain attraction.
“So Elijah, you ready to see the result of a lot of hard work?”
I nod, though in truth I was having difficulty doing anything considering all the blood had rushed to my groin. Doctor Hudson, Charlotte Hudson was teasing the fuck out of me right now, so much so for just a second the operation and any results really didn’t matter
Charlotte: We are really proud of this Elijah, it’s moments like these that make us truly inspired.
Fuck sake, I just wanted her to get on with it, and perhaps touch my penis. I knew my life was about to change forever, and that girls would be swarming all over me. Heck, it wouldn’t surprise me if once the bandages were removed, Charlotte didn’t straddle me and ride the shit out of me. Talking of which, I had to remember to pay a visit to the toilet, as the snake was already popping its head out of the cage
Charlotte: OK then, here goes
Finally, she goes for the bandages, and as an added bonus the lavender scented goodness finds its way close enough for me to lick her breast. She was so into the big reveal she didn’t seem to notice, or perhaps it was because she wanted more. As the bandages are removed, a gasp is heard around the room, and several of the student doctors, one that looked dangerously like jail bait to me but was worth the risk, begins a round of applause, Charlotte stepping back to admire her handiwork
Charlotte: Wow, I have really surpassed myself this time. The results are… amazing. Would you like to see?
Well fuck yeah, talk about stupid question. I nod my head enthusiastically, as she turns and passes me a mirror, without me taking a moment to admire her ass. I lift up the mirror, and see the reflection looking back at me. My eyes widen, and I turn to Charlotte, my erection having shriveled to almost nothing due to what I was looking at
Elijah: Like, what the fuck?
Charlotte: What’s wrong, the scar is gone… you can barely notice it.
Elijah: Fuck the scar, what about the rest of my face. You’ve ruined it
Charlotte: I don’t understand…
Elijah: Get the fuck out… go… get these fucking students out my room.
I watch as Charlotte ushers them out, staring at the hideous creature looking back at me. How could they fuck up so badly? I mean, this was like; the 39th best rated plastic surgery in the state so they had to be good. I feel a tear form on the corner of my crow footed eyes and feel no shame. I wanted this bitch to know how fucked off I was.
Elijah: So?
Charlotte: So?
I didn’t know why she had suddenly turned into a parrot, I pay it little heed
Elijah: What are you going to do?
Charlotte: I don’t see what I can do?
It was obvious she wasn’t getting it. I mean, even if she didn’t think she could do anything with my face, her actions were at least worthy of a blow job right? I point at my face…
Elijah: This, how are you going to make this right. I asked you to get rid of the scar; I didn’t ask you to change my whole face
Charlotte: But… we haven’t
Elijah: Bullshit, I want to see the head surgeon
Charlotte: That’s actually me
Elijah: I…
I hesitate, this was getting me nowhere. I needed to think on this, the compensation for such a fuck up may have been worth the incessant insults I was sure to endure.
Elijah: Just get out, and take your lavender scented mammaries with you.
Charlotte: I’m sorry… what?
Yeah, but not sorry enough for a blowy apparently, and she leaves. Probably already planning to tell her girlfriends how a patient at work had been such a meanie. Meanie, I was going to give her a meanie the next time her and I were alone, but for now I had to figure out how I was going to live with this now even uglier visage. The Freak Circus was hiring, maybe it would be worth giving the Greatest Showman a call
TWO WEEKS LATER
In truth, my options had been limited. Apparently it wasn’t seen as good practice to operate so soon after the initial procedure so in the words of the practice manager I was going to have to live with it. That douche wanted to think himself lucky that Charlotte had that morning decided that my dick would be well placed between the scented musk of lavender… a scent that I had ruined with my sweet sperm… I knew there were benefits from asparagus. Anyway, I step out of the elevator and into the hospital lobby, cursing as I see the weather, and then made more than aware that people were looking at me. I pull the hooded top over my head, and make my way towards the door, a crack of thunder almost immediately followed by sheet lightening
“Got this for the rest of the day apparently, can I hail you a taxi?
”
I turn to face one of the hospital staff, a guy that was probably just as camp as he looked. He tries to look beyond the shadow of the hood but I don’t allow him
.
“Hey, I’m talking to you”
Elijah: Nah, I’m gonna walk
“Suit yourself, only trying to help.”
As I step out into the rain I immediately regret it, my top almost immediately drenched. I wasn’t going to lose face though, and I walk down the street, trying to keep my face obscured and never looking back at the smug, obviously gay man that I knew would still be watching, why wouldn’t he? I turn into an alleyway, the rain not as heavy here as I’m sheltered by the buildings. As I walk, I hear a noise coming from the trash bins, a woman’s squeal piercing through the night.
“Shut up you bitch, just give me what I want, and you can go”
It was obvious what the man wanted, and part of me believed that maybe I wanted it too. The words however leave my mouth before I can stop them
Elijah: Stop it… NOW.”
There is a momentary silence, and then from behind the trash bin a man stands, and even through the darkness his anger is obvious, as is his size. I immediately regret my decision to not walk past and leave him to it.
“Just walk away stranger, you haven’t seen a thing”
I had, unfortunately, and the whimpering of the woman didn’t help. Or was that my whimpering?
“Please, help me…” she mutters quietly, pitifully.
Elijah: I’m afraid I can’t do that.
“You had your chance”
The words leave his lips menacingly, and I do the best thing for all, and start running off down the alleyway. You’d have thought the guy would have just got on with what he was doing, but no, he decides to give chase, with all the speed of Usain Bolt as it happens. I tear into the street and immediately cross the road, a searing light seeming to engulf me as electricity strikes from the sky above. I feel the heat surge through my body, a power like I have never known. As the man catches up to me, I instinctively hold out my hand, the electricity finding its release and slamming into the guy, the impact sending him flying backwards and through a shop window almost fifteen feet away. Strangely, the rain immediately subsides, and all seems silent. I stand there in the middle of the street, my hood having dropped to my shoulders, well aware of the crowd having watched what just happened. I pull my hood back up over my face; after all, it had to be my face didn’t it, the reason why they were staring.
Elijah: What the fuck…
I mutter under my breath, and sprint away from the crowds. What the hell had just happened, I had no clue. I’d just been struck by one of nature’s most destructive forces and yet I was still standing. But not only that, it seemed like I had actually harnessed its power… but how?
ORIGINS – EPISODE 2
The rain continues to fall down on my face, my hands seemingly burning with raw power. Did I really just do that?
Elijah: What the fuck…
This was unreal, I’d never felt so strong in my entire laugh. I could feel the storm coursing through my veins and it felt good, so very good. I look up at the crowds that have gathered, some looking at me, others looking at the guy who still laid motionless the other side of the road. I hadn’t imagined this, this was real.
“What was that man? That was like some Ryu shit or something.”
A Black Jamaican stood on the other side of the road shouts, and suddenly all eyes are on me, the unconscious guy well and truly forgotten. From the alleyway, the woman from before appears, and mouths a ‘thank you’ to me, before heading off down the street. Thank you? Really, she’d obviously not seen me doing my Olympic standard sprinter impression, but I’d take it.
I hear sirens, from not that far away; it wasn’t beyond the realms of possibility that someone had called the police. All I knew was I wasn’t about to answer questions right now and get carted off to some psyche ward, I’d spent enough time in hospitals of late. So again I run, this time away from the throng of people and into an adjacent alleyway, watching from the safety of my hiding place.
The rain actually stops, and I watch as the cops take statements from all those that had witnessed what I had done, some shakes their heads in disbelief, and others quite blatantly laughing. None of them realizing that the guy that had started all this, skulks off down the alley from which he came
THE FOLLOWING MORNING
I didn’t remember getting home or even getting into bed but as I woke, the first thing that happening was the replaying over and over of what had happened the night before. Had I really shot lightening from my hands? As unbelievable as it was, yes I had. And around twenty witnesses at the scene would have agreed with me. I didn’t feel any different this morning though, and the burning sensation that I had felt in my hands before had no decapitated and been replaced by a numbing feeling that was annoying. Stretching out my fingers, and sat at the table I had stolen from a skip prior to my surgery, I boot up the laptop, and head straight to the local news website. And there is was, in all its monochrome glory
“SUPERHERO FOILS RAPE – THE CITY HAS A NEW HERO”
Super hero? I liked that, I couldn’t lie. I mean, everyone knew the chicks loved a hero, and even if the surgery had rendered me ugly as fuck, this wasn’t a bad pay off. Not going to lie, I did wonder if the ability to conduct lightening and then manipulate would add to my sexual prowess, but my first thought was actually to make sure that the website hadn’t gotten any pictures, a quick scroll down showed that I hadn’t been so lucky, damn me for living in the year 2013 and everyone having smartphones. Reaching the bottom of the article, I could at least be happy with the fact they hadn’t got my face. No one needed to see this visage over their cornflakes. My thoughts of pulling some Victoria’s Secret models due to my new status are extinguished by the doorbell ringing, and the dulcet tones of Deborah, my next door neighbor shrilling through the morning silence.
Deborah: You there Elijah? I got bagels…
Now, let me put you straight here, Deborah wasn’t a bad looking bird at all. In her forties, and divorced, twice, there was no doubt she got her fair share of suitors. But Deborah was in love with me, and didn’t want anyone else. My problem? She was Ginger, and I knew from her telling me in graphic details that her vaginal area resembled a badly stuffed kebab. I’d not ruled it out of course, if ever I was desperate for a late night booty call she’d be an option. But if I was going to be a super hero and embrace it, I could do better ya know?
Deborah: Elijah? I know you came home from hospital last night?
She probably had CCTV in my apartment
I open the door, and sure enough, her signature low cut top gives me an eyeful of the love pillows, a little earlier than I am used to. I’m not embarrassed to say, that she gave me a semi right there and then.
Deborah: Hey handsome, I know you must be tired, but can I come in?
I don’t saw a word, but step to one side, taking care to hide the swelling in my groin. Did I tell you I’m packing down there? Well I am, just saying, it might be relevant later. Deborah takes a seat, her thong was black, just in case you needed to know, and she pushes a bagel in my direction. Usually, probably wouldn’t have taken it, but I was exceptionally hungry, and let’s face it, firing lightening from your hands is thirsty work, so I take a huge bite from the pastry goodness and take my own seat. Deborah points to the laptop
Deborah: What do you reckon to this guy then? Everyone I’ve spoken to says it was a case of mass psychosis… it happens you know? Hands firing electricity, I mean… ridiculous.
Elijah: Yeah, sounds bonkers to me
And it would have sound bonkers, if it hadn’t been me doing the firing.
Deborah: Just another freak in a city of them if you ask me. Whatever he did though, he stopped a rape, so got to give him credit for that. Shame we don’t know who it is though
Elijah: He probably wants to remain anonymous or some shit.
Deborah: I know if I was on the front page of the website, I’d make sure EVERYONE knew it was me. I’d be famous.
I don’t believe I’m talking out of hand when I say that Deborah WAS famous, but not in a way she potentially imagined. Being single, and divorced, many of her conquests told tales of her ‘acrobatics’ in the bedroom, some even claimed they had video evidence but were probably just bullshitting.
Deborah: So, what are your plans for the day?
Dur, find out how the fuck I shot lightening from my fingers… that was what I didn’t say
Elijah: I dunno, probably rest or something
Deborah: I can see the surgery went well, even more cute now
If I didn’t know her, I’d think she was taking the piss, and her comment draws my attention to the mirror, and in particular the scar that was much worse than before the surgery.
Deborah: You can hardly see it now. Those Doctor’s work miracles nowadays don’t they? Do you think they could do something with these?
She cups her boobs together, giving me even more of a viewing, and indeed even more of an erection. It was a good job I was sat down. Maybe I would have a go on her after all. Call it research.
Elijah: Well, thanks for stopping by and thanks for the bagel, but the Doctor’s insisted I rest
Deborah: I don’t mind staying till you wake up
Elijah: It’s ok, thank you though
Deborah: Oh, OK… see you later though yeah?
Elijah: We’ll see.
I stand, my erection having subsided now, and open the door. I felt a little guilty having one last look at her mammaries as she left, only a little though. Some things were more important than breasts, not many, but certainly some. One, was finding out if my ‘abilities’ were a fluke…
THREE WEEKS LATER
Fucking weather… it has rained consistently for as long as I could remember prior to the surgery, and yet when I wanted a storm, nothing. Thankfully, stood at the top of my tower block, the clouds were rumbling, and again I could feel that sensation, a tingling, like I could feel the weather through my veins.
The crackling in the distance was making my cock hard… that was probably a little too much information, apologies.
For three weeks I had tried to simulate what had happened on that fateful night, through the use of batteries, generators, but nothing gave me the power I needed. Yet right now I could feel it, I could feel the power returning, and I hold my hands in front of me, the electricity starting to crackle through my fingers. Sheet lightening fills the skies, but nothing happens, perhaps I had to literally be struck, but the power seems to double, then treble, and continue multiplying.
The hairs on my body stand to attention, as does… well, you can guess. In the palms of my hands is what can only be explained as pure electricity, my fingers burning and yet the pain far from hurting, and instead pleasurable.
Zero: Fuck yeah
This was it, now or never, and I throw out my hands, the electricity streaming from them like fire, crashing into a lightening conductor that absorbs all the power. I couldn’t see for myself, but I’m guessing a goofy grin forms on my disfigured face.
Zero: Whoa…
ORIGINS - EPISODE 3
So, the last time you saw me, I was on top of a tower building firing electricity from my hands like a fucking God. Yeah, that’s right… I called myself a God. Harnessing that power, feeling it surge through my veins and then ‘boom’ releasing like the mother of all ejaculations, well it was kinda neat.
There was one major problem though, something that had the potential to stop me from being the biggest superhero of all time and far better than the twat with the Hammer. I could only do it if there was a storm in the air, and to be perfectly honest, that sucked balls. Big, Zero sized balls. Slight wind in the air… nadda, sunshine burning in a summer sky… impotent. Even rainfall, proper big fuck off rain the kind that drenches you through, left me unable to even generate a spark.
Yeah right, some fucking superhero I was going to be, one that can only go to work in the shittiest of weather, when pretty much every criminal worth his corn wouldn’t bother anyways. I had to find some way of being able to do this whenever I wanted to, and I figured the best way to do that was the internet right? After all, you could find out anything from the internet. And I got pride, I ain’t going to walk up to Thor and ask him how he does it. It’s not as if that fucker would tell me anyway.
So yeah, google is your friend right, so I type in ‘channeling electricity’ which brings up blue prints for lightning conductors and a whole lot of other shit that is of no use what so ever. Then it hits me, like, pardon the pun, a bolt of lightning. What if, whenever a storm occurred, instead of expending all that energy I was able to store it until I needed it? What if on top of that tower block I hadn’t released all that power, would it still be trapped within me right now? And what if, having stored some, it would enable me to call on electricity that is always in the air, or from generators, power lines?
It sounded like a plan, and one that I couldn’t wait to put in place, but I’d need that surge of power to begin with, which meant waiting for another storm, whilst all the time the world was wondering who and where I was. I couldn’t think about it anymore, thinking had never been good for me, it hurt my brain. So I go back to what the internet is really for, and bring up Pornhub. No sooner does the tab come up however, a knock is heard at my door. If it was Deborah fuck it, I was going to satisfy her once and for all. I open the door, and it isn’t Deborah, in fact I didn’t have the first clue who it was, though he did look mightily official.
Elijah: Err, yeah?
Man: Elijah Cross?
Elijah: Look man, I paid the rent, I saw it go out my account. If you haven’t seen it, that ain’t…
Man: I assure you Mr Cross; I am not a debt collector. Could I possibly come in?
Elijah: You’re not going to rape me or anything right?
The man laughs, and to be fair I do well not to knock him out there and then such is his creepiness.
Man: No, I am not Mr Cross; I merely wish to discuss ‘changes’ in your life recently.
Now, that was weird. Now, I guess he could have been a mobile phone salesman, because I had changed my provider just last week. I’d found out that an electrical surge through your body wasn’t great for any electronic device. But as the guy walks in, and places his hat on the table, I’m pretty certain he knows something, or recognized me from the internet.
Man: My name is Halladay Mr Cross, and I am here to answer these questions that must be going around your head.
Elijah: Questions?
Seriously, I could have been an actor such is my delivery.
Halladay: Mr Cross, we are wasting time. You and I both know that you are the ‘mystery man’ who fired lightning from his hands, and in doing so assisted the police force in capturing a wanted rapist
Shit…he did know who I was. This sucked bigger balls than the current sunshine that was stopping me from frying this fucker here and now.
Elijah: Who the fuck are you? Who do you work for?
See, I even sounded like a superhero, fuck you Thor and your witty one liners.
Halladay: Can I ask you a question Mr Cross?
Elijah: If that question isn’t will you suck my dick?
Halladay: You really do have an obsession with penis don’t you Mr Cross?
I really did… mine, though. No one else’s. That’s gay.
Elijah: OK, go ahead
He pulls a photograph out of his briefcase, oh; he was carrying a briefcase I didn’t tell you that bit did I? It’s a brown one, if you’re interested in the details.
Halladay: Do you know this man Mr Cross?
In all honesty, I was getting really fucked off with him calling me Mr Cross. If I was going to be a hero, then I’d have to come up with a punchy nickname for people to call me, and a uniform, something really cool and figure hugging. Anyway, only my bank manager called me Mr Cross, and that was just because that fucker had me over a barrel with my overdraft, so this twat was grinding my gears. Oh, and yeah I recognized the man
Elijah: That’s my plastic surgeon, Neil Amberstone; he fucked up my scar, and made it worse.
Halladay nods, and places the photo back in his briefcase.
Halladay: Yes, that is Neil Amberstone you are correct, but he is a million miles away from being simply a plastic surgeon.
Now, I was open to agreeing with that comment, considering how much of a mess he’d made of my face. However, my interest was piqued.
Elijah: If you ask me, he’s the world’s worst plastic surgeon. Look what he did to me?
To be fair to Halladay he does take a look at the scar, but he seems more distracted with his own business than mine.
Halladay: Tell me Mr Cross…
Elijah: Please, for the love of God call me Elijah
Halladay: OK Elijah, have you ever heard of an organization called G.U.A.R.D?
Elijah: No, can’t say I have. What does that stand for?
Halladay: It doesn’t matter
(Plus I couldn’t think of anything witty enough, Guarding Us Against Real Dicks maybe?)
Halladay: But no, you shouldn’t have heard of it, because it is a top secret organization that protects the Earth
I mean, he could have said the city, but the whole planet, that’s over egging it just a little bit.
Elijah: OK, now this is starting to sound a little ridiculous…
Says the guy who shoots lightning from his hands
Elijah: But what’s that got to do with Amberstone?
Halladay: Amberstone was kicked out of our organization and shamed; want to know the reason why?
Elijah: No, not bothered in the slightest…OF COURSE I DO!!!
Halladay: Well, here’s the kicker Mr… sorry Elijah. He was expelled from G.U.A.R.D for conducting illegal experiments on human subjects. Experiments where he hoped to give them super powers… like superhuman strength and yes, the ability to fire lightning and channel the elements. Sound familiar?
Holy shit… in fact I probably said that out loud judging by Halladay’s reaction. This hadn’t been a mistake?
Elijah: And you think he did this to me?
Halladay: I’m sure of it Elijah, however we do need to run some tests on you to ensure that we are indeed correct. Thankfully, there is a way of reversing…
Elijah: Whoa there Doc? You mean no more lightning?
Halladay: Well yes, why would you want to carry such a burden?
Elijah: Well durr, I’m pretty much a superhero… if I can figure out the kinks. It’s not like I’m going to let you take that away.
Halladay: I’m afraid Elijah, you don’t have a choice. G.U.A.R.D was created to contain, and potentially use, the likes of you. If you choose not to come with me now, then I am afraid you will become an enemy of the state. You DO NOT want to become an enemy of my state.
I had my Will Smith reference ready, but right now it seemed like Mr Halladay was threatening me. Not cool.
Elijah: Look, nothing cool has happened to me until now. THIS is probably the best thing that has ever happened to me, well since someone fingered my ass. And I can use it, for Good and stuff.
Halladay: I get that Elijah, but with great power comes great responsibility…
Where had I heard that before?
Halladay: And this responsibility doesn’t have to be yours
Yeah, coz no one wants to fire lightening from their bare hands right? Fuck responsibilities; show me the power and what these bad boys can really do
Elijah: And yet Mr Halladay… it is. Now, if you don’t mind, I would like you to leave.
Mr Halladay: I cannot leave without you Elijah, my superiors won’t allow it.
I get to my feet, and look all imposing. Problem was, he was taller than me when he stands up, what happens next though is what is very surprising. He rises, and goes to his pocket, and quick as a flash I grab him around the throat, and lift him fully a foot off the floor. His eyes widen, but not as much as mine as I realize what is going on. I reach into his pocket (not for that) and pull out the Taser (electricity, really?) and then drop him.
Mr Halladay: How?
For a moment, I am going to answer, but then he quickly scurries out of my apartment and out of sight, not waiting for the long winded rhetoric I was about to deliver about being not hard to find, I’ll be right here, and how I’m the sheriff round here yadda, yadda. For shame. So it seems that as well as channeling electricity, I also had super human strength. What else had Neil Amberstone given me? I couldn’t wait to find out.
ORIGINS - EPISODE 4
So yeah, to recap… it turns out I’m the result of some kind of experiment that some believe failed, but I saw as the mother fucker of all successes. I mean, harnessing lightening, and throwing it like Ryu and Ken from Street Fighter, I’m winning right? Wrong, because now it looked like I had some super-secret Men in Black type douchebags out to take my shit away from me. Well no Sir, not happening.
Anyways, you remember Halladay right, employee of G.U.A.R.D (nope still not thought of anything witty), the group of people that protect the Earth? Keep up. It seemed he thought best that I was kept tabs on, and parked a very ‘discreet’ (it really wasn’t) car out the front of my apartment, two ‘Agent’s’ following me wherever I went. I’m serious, I don’t know if you’ve ever walked round Walmart whilst being followed, but it doesn’t half take away the enjoyment of the weekly shop. I knew that if I was going to find Amberstone, I’d need to get rid of the oversized Gorillas, but I didn’t realise that Amberstone was going to come to me… sort of.
So picture the scene, I’m there, credit card in hand ‘donating’ funds to save the snow leopards… nah, who am I kidding, I’m getting ready for my latest session with Candice, and she’s got some pretty brutal looking beads that I don’t have the first clue where they are going. Oh… not in me, this is on line… webcam etc, why else do you buy a top of the range laptop if it’s not for porn. Anyway, she’s stripped, and I’m wondering if lightening enhanced hands will add to the ‘stimulation’ when suddenly Candice is pushed out the way and replaced by a guy that I can deduce immediately hasn’t ever been in the same room as someone as attractive as Candice. After reeling from the shock, and with my foot of slack still dangling like the proverbial elephants trunk, I protest.
Elijah: Err; I paid good money for this… well I will do when I pay off this credit card
Man: You are going to want to listen to me Mr Cross; you are a very difficult man to get hold of
Actually, that was bullshit. In fact, I’d only that morning offered a particularly attractive blonde with ample bosoms that exact opportunity, to grab a hold of me, a proposition she had quite rudely declined with a middle finger that didn’t even go anywhere near my ass
Elijah: Look Dude, I don’t have a clue who you are, but if I don’t empty these sacks bro, I’m going to explode all over this screen and believe me, neither of us wants that… or maybe you do, who am I to judge?
Now, I need to make it clear that as this point, I’m still naked and this guy in all honesty is staring at the pork sword a little too often if you get my drift. I ain’t homophobic, but I’m all about the Vagina, and his glances get a little more unnerving.
Elijah: I don’t know who you are buddy, but I swear if you look at Big Elijah one more time, I WILL hunt you down, and I am not a man you need to be messing with
Man: With respect Mr Cross, I know exactly who you are… and you could cover up
I nod my head, he was right, I could… but now it had become a battle of wills (or willies)
Man: Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Neil Amberstone…
Elijah: HOLY FUCK!!!
Amberstone: I see my reputation precedes me?
Now wasn’t the time to keep my tally wacker swinging in the wind, so I find the nearest (and biggest) cushion and cover it up.
Elijah: Dude, I would shake your hand if you could, do you know what you did to me?
Amberstone: With respect Elijah, I know where your hand has been recently… and yes, I know exactly what I did, and I believe you are learning pretty quickly as well.
Elijah: The lightening shit… oh yeah, I’m all over that
Amberstone: Then Elijah, I need you to listen very carefully, I’m not sure how much time I have. G.U.A.R.D is not what they pretend to be, they are a succubus draining the life force out of progress. I can help you Elijah, but you have to make me a promise?
Elijah: Bro, I’m not sucking your cock, I’ve seen Team America… fuck yeah
Elijah nods
Amberstone: Trust, me, that is not my concern, or want. If I give you the knowledge you need, you must help me take down G.U.A.R.D…
Elijah: What does that stand for anyway?
Amberstone: That doesn’t matter…
Why doesn’t it matter?
Amberstone: Do we have a deal Elijah?
Elijah: Damn right we do… I love this shit.
Amberstone: Very well, then we have an accord
Elijah: An accord?
Amberstone shakes his head
Amberstone: A deal Elijah… a deal.
Elijah: Well why didn’t you say so… jeez, you geeks and your fancy pants words. Of course we have a deal
Amberstone: Then I shall be in touch…
He turns back to Candice
Amberstone: As you were my dear
And with that he fucks off, and leaves a very confused Candice and a VERY erect Big Elijah ready to go off like a Cruise Missile (not that move that bulked up Icon used to do from the top rope in that wrestling programme I used to watch…a proper missile).
Candice: What was that all about? You can fire lightening from your hands?
Elijah: Oh baby, that’s not the half of it. You should see what I can do with this bad boy
Truth was, I really doubted I could fire lightening from my dick as I was implying, that would literally be too awesome for words… like a sawn off spunk shotgun. It seemed Amberstone was key, but could I trust him? Well, that was the question I should have been asking myself considering all the cloak and dagger bullshit going on. But what I was actually asking myself was what else I able to do? Oh please tell me I could go invisible… the ladies changing rooms here I come.
LATER…DAYS, MAYBE WEEKS AFTER DOESN’T MATTER
Ok, so you remember my plan, to harness electricity and store it in my body to be used when I needed it. Power lines? Fuck, is anyone actually listening to this story? Well anyway it didn’t work and unless Amberstone contacted me soon, I was doomed to mediocrity and powers I wasn’t even aware I had yet. The news stories had died down about the ‘vigilante’ cleaning up the streets (it had been one person, hardly a cleanup operation) and I’d become yesterday’s news, and I’m going to be truthful with you all, it was pissing me off. So much so, even the delights of my favorite Pizza was failing to excite me. The two goons were still outside, and still followed me wherever I went, oh I was going to fry those fuckers when I got the chance, but right now I was nothing more than a lame duck.
Elijah: Christ I’m bored… bet Peter Parker never went through this shit
Christ, I bet I’m coming across like a right whingebag right now. But to try and explain, just imagine having the biggest dick in the world, but a face like a bag of spanners, I had all this power and couldn’t use it, and it was fucking depressing, just like the news on television. Muggings, shootings, it was all over the television, I could be out there dealing with that shit but no… I was gorging on a 12 inch meat feast (and that is not how it sounds fuckers)
“Elijah”
I look around my apartment, and weirdly at the dog, who I knew couldn’t speak, or at least he never had. He was a German shepherd anyway and I didn’t speak German, or any other language for that matter. His name was Thor… it’s really not important though.
“Over here…”
I look at the television screen, the gormless face of Amberstone looking at me.
Elijah: How the hell you doing that?
Amberstone: Elijah, you can fire lightening from your hands because of me, is it really a surprise that I can hack into a smart TV?
Elijah: I guess not
It was a pretty ridiculous question I accept in hindsight… apologies viewers.
Amberstone: The time has come for us to meet face to face Elijah.
Elijah: That’s great, but what about…
Amberstone: The two G.U.A.R.D agents posted outside your apartment building? Don’t worry; they will be taken care of. I shall send you the address to your phone…
Sure enough a text arrives, from an unknown number
Amberstone: Be there, seven o’clock tonight, and I shall explain everything. Do not be late, I hate tardiness
There he was again with the words; he must have sensed my confusion
Amberstone: Late Elijah… don’t be late
The screen flickers, and then goes back to the usual programming.
Elijah: About time…
SCENE FADES