Devious Danny Darko Goes “Old-School”
Danny Darko has definitely been a far different person since returning from a rather lengthy retirement. No longer will anybody seem to call him “Domesticated” Danny Darko anymore. Nope, those days are behind him. He has one hell of a devilish smirk on his face as the camera flickers to life. Accompanying him for this promo is his new tag team partner...Sweet Lady Sledge. Otherwise known as the very sledgehammer that he has used to systematically assault various members of The Unforgiven.
I’ve got a lot to say about a lot of things, so listen up motherfuckers! A whole hell of a lot happened at the latest episode of Emerge. Some of it really, really good and some of it, not so great. I should get my loss to Melissa Kilgraves out of the way. Congrats on earning the W. However, you did not get the job done and here I stand. You failed at doing all that you said you would do. And at this point, it really doesn’t mean much to lose to someone like you.
Danny shrugs and clears his throat. With a satisfied sort of smile now, he continues.
And now onto the interesting stuff. So yeah, at Emerge 37, it was finally revealed to the world by a cameraman who realized he should probably try and find Samael, that I was the one behind the attacks on The Unforgiven in recent months. I was beginning to wonder if I was going to have to just come out and spell it out for everybody. So good job there, cameraman. Now the world knows who Sweet Lady Sledge is and you can be damn sure that along with my wife, you’ll be seeing plenty of her. Well, the both of them actually, come to think of it. Because fucking yeah, I’m...no, we are just getting started.
He reaches over to the coffee table in front of him and takes a healthy swig of his Guinness. A moment later he lets out a thunderous belch, followed up by a sick little chuckle.
Anyhow, in case you didn’t catch it in the previous paragraph, the greatest thing that happened at Emerge 37 is that my wife is officially back. That’s right, the Bitch is back and she’s got herself a match with Willow Wilkes. Of course, calling that a match is drastically underselling what that is going to be. If there is anybody who is not scared of Willow Wilkes and Cindy Todd, for that matter, it’s both Vee and I. Especially now that we know Shaun Cruze, Trinity Street, David Helms, Regan Helms and Lucas Knight have our backs. They really need a fancy name, don’t they? Whatever. I will just say that much like myself, Vee isn’t the same damn person she was back when she was assaulted by The Unforgiven. No, that fucking garbage changes a
The sinister grin once again appears on the weathered but ruggedly handsome face of Danny Darko.
Oh, back to the aforementioned Cindy Todd. It would seem that the “almighty” Cindy Todd wants to finally get her own hands dirty? That’s fine. She came down to the ring and stuck her dirty little fingers down Wasley’s throat? First off, eewwww, but secondly, it’s about time. I’m sorry, Wasley, that my tag team partner, Sierra Swann, is such a coward that she left you to suffer that unsanitary and paralyzing act. You know that things are starting to get tense around The Unforgiven camp when The Queen Of Chaos starts to get more personally involved. I welcome it. The more chaos the better. I wasn’t scared of the lot of ya when I was essentially by myself, but I’m even less afraid of ya now that Vee is officially back.
He lets out a demented little laugh and takes another couple of swigs of his Guinness.
You surely must understand the danger your group is in, right, Cindy? You have had your hands full up to this point and now that the new and improved, or at least very, very fucking furiously angry Vanilla Skyy has returned, y’all are living on borrowed time. It’s okay if you don’t admit it. I wouldn’t expect you to admit it. That would make this all a lot less satisfying, wouldn’t it, Cindy? Or maybe I should be calling you Cynthia, since you seem so intent on calling me Daniel all the time? All these years we’ve been a part of this crazy business, and never once have we fought each other. Maybe after all of this time, the two of us are destined to rip each other to shreds. Hmm? Wouldn’t that be something for the world to behold? The Queen Of Chaos finally stepping into the ring with The Guru Of Gore?
Darko gets lost in thought, imagining the “fun” he could have with Cindy Todd. It’s been quite some time since he has referred to himself as The Guru Of Gore.
But hey, back to the more correct matter at hand,though. Yeah, I’m having a damn hard time figuring out what the point of teaming with Sierra Swann is? The struggle is real. She is quite possibly one of the most annoying people I’ve met in my entire life. Let’s count the ways, shall we? Let’s see...well, she embarrassed herself in her own home country when she attempted to make a married man jealous by kissing when I was unconscious. How fucked up was that, huh? She has stank ass breath by the way. Never got close enough to her to know that about her. It’s best not to spend too much time in close proximity to someone who wears so much perfume. Eau de fucking nasty! But yeah, she surrounds herself with people who are only there to help convince her that she is flawless. It’s all just one hell of a facade and it’s all just so damn obnoxious. Now, she is still young enough that she has time to turn it around. Unless she can figure out how to reign in...you know what? It’s not worth it. She won’t even respond to my tweets much of the time so I’m not sure there is any reason to try and talk any sense into her. She made an enemy out of my wife, which is one of the worst things one can ever do. If she doesn’t understand how stupid a move that was, then there’s not much left I can tell her. Right?
Darko sighs deeply. It’s clear that he maybe just as disappointed as he is frustrated by all of this.
So back to the point I’m trying to get to here...what is the point of continuing to defend these DUOS Championship Titles if I can’t stand her? Well the fact of the matter is that as much as she grates on me personally, professionally speaking she is an absolutely incredible wrestler. There is no denying her abilities. I have respect for what she is capable of and I have respect for this company. I represent this company as a champion and I don’t take that lightly. That means that I will continue to do everything in my power to defend these titles. I don’t have to be friends with Sierra Swann or even like her to be a successful tag team with her.
Darko licks his lips and smirks. Someone like Sierra Swann is not anybody that any version of Danny Darko could ever have been friends with.
The team we are defending against is just about the exact opposite of Swann and I. Desiree Devna and Madeline Masters, for the second time, are challenging for these DUOS Championship Titles, and I would have to imagine that their chances of victory this time around are greater. I mean, they’ve got The Perfect Mind on their side, right? Whether they deserve another shot at these titles or not is up for debate. In this business, sometimes, it doesn’t matter how you achieve victory, only that you achieve it. Having said that, it’s honestly kinda tempting to just take a sledgehammer right to their skulls and walk out of Emerge 38 as still one half of the DUOS Champions. And while it’s tempting, I will reserve Sweet Lady Sledge for those who truly deserve to have their skulls cracked like an egg. And honestly, out of the three people I’ll be in that ring with, the one who truly deserves that sort of treatment is Sierra Swann.
He shakes his head and takes a drink of something stronger this time, a fifth of Jack Daniels.
I might as well get back to my so-called tag team partner, then. I’ve been biting my tongue a whole hell of a lot since being randomly paired with her. No more! If you continue to disrespect me Sierra, and mention how I’m just going to possibly die at any moment now? I’m going to introduce you to Sweet Lady Sledge. She is just dying to get to know you, Sierra. The only thing you seem concerned with is how unbelievably beautiful you are, but that will certainly not be the case when Sledge and I get done with ya. There is still time of course, for you to cut the crap and just let your abilities shine through. I know it’s in you, Sierra. Focus on the fighting and less on the fucking. Got it? Far too much of my time lately has been spent trying to figure out what the fuck is wrong with you. So please, I’m begging you to figure it out before we lost these titles. Quit trying to figure out how to remain the Face of Emerge and who to fuck to get to the top. Is that too much to ask?
Darko seems genuinely exasperated. It might be giving him frustrating flashbacks to his failed mentorship of Sabrina Bello.
Just prove to the world why Drew Bryant chose you to be The Face of Emerge. Here’s a hint, partner of mine...it wasn’t to get into your panties. It’s because he saw a great deal of talent in ya. As I said earlier, I see it, too. Just pull your head out of your ass, and we can continue to be the best damn tag team in the business as you claimed we were months ago. We can do it, Sierra! At this point nobody thinks we can keep defending these titles, but we can do it. We can pull this off. As much as you disgust me, the promise that I made to you months ago still stands. I’m going to surprise the holy fuck out of you and prove that I am a more than worthy tag team partner. And so long as you and I are tag teaming, my wife very might well delay the pain and torment she has in store for you. Of course, I don’t know ALL of my wife’s plans right now so you might already be out of time. Just some food for thought, Sierra…
That familiar sinister grin reappears on Darko’s face as the camera very, very slowly zooms in on his face and fades to nothingness.