Jordan Majors vs. Katie Steward

[Jsquared]

Finding My Way

Australia - Last Month

Rise to Greatness was a giant let down. And a confusing clusterfuck. When I walked out of the arena I was told it was a success. I’d won. But I didn’t feel like a winner. Nicole disappeared before our match. I ended up facing Kelsai Adamson-Mason, who apparently developed some sort of issue with me out of nowhere. And in the end she showed up, one of Nicole’s many forms marched down to the ring and accused me of being behind her missing out match. A few days later I was sitting on a beach in Northern Australia, staring out at the Pacific Ocean.

Dawn: I don’t like that look…

Jordan: What?

Dawn: That look that you get when you’re overthinking everything.

Jordan: I don’t have a “look.”

Dawn: Yes, you do.

I turned and softly glared at Dawn. She was somehow more beautiful than that ocean horizon to me. It was irritating because I couldn’t just hate her. I rolled my eyes instead. That will show her.

Dawn: You have that look when you’re second guessing things in your career. You have that look when you’re second guessing your breakfast order.

Jordan: Now that just sounds crazy!

Dawn: We’ll, I saw it at breakfast this morning so who’s crazy?

I signed and turned on my lounge chair to look at her. The sun just barely kissed her skin under the umbrella that shadowed us.

Jordan: Can you blame me for wondering what the hell happened at Rise to Greatness?

Dawn: Babe, you’re on vacation. Scheme about that next month.

Jordan: We’ll have you at least texted your sister?

Dawn: I’m not going to do that.

Dawn laughed and I pouted.

Jordan: I just think she needs to know this wasn’t my fault. I don’t understand why someone would want to interfere with the match. We both prepared for months. And I don’t really love Nicole or the fact that she blames me. But I also don’t want her thinking I’d be willing to dip that low. I wanted that match. Why would I jeopardize it?

Dawn: Hey, you don’t have to convince me. And you really don’t need to worry about Britt either. She’s going to do what she’s going to do. None of us can change her mind. The most important thing is that you won—

I sighed loudly and groaned as I turned over in my chair and let my arms hang over the sides almost like a child throwing a tantrum.

Dawn: Babe? What on earth are you doing?

Jordan: I’m flailing. Just like my career. I’m so over being the almost this and the almost that. The freaking almost match at Rise to Greatness.

Dawn: You had a match. That you won by the way.

Jordan: I never wanted that match. Ever. Why would I want to fight Kelsai?

Dawn shrugged and laughed. I turned to look at her. She took a drink from a bottle in her hand and then looked at me.

Dawn: She was talking mad shit…

Jordan: Why are you talking like that? Who are you and what did you do with my girlfriend?

Dawn smiled and took another sip from her bottle. I turned and looked back toward the ocean waters.

Jordan: I’m trying not to obsess over it but… it left me really unsatisfied. You know? I so badly craved that moment that would be mine. A defining win over a storied opponent on the grandest stage of them all. And in my head… all I can decide is that she ducked the match. She took the lowest road possible and then tried to blame me to save face. And when I walked backstage people were looking at me like they thought maybe I did it.

Dawn: Come on. No one thought that.

Jordan: You didn’t see them, boo. You didn’t see the looks they were giving me.

Dawn: Why would anyone think that? It’s completely out of character for you to do something like that. So… no one thinks that.

Jordan: I don’t know. Something is off.

Dawn: What’s off is that we’re on vacation and you’re thinking about something that happened a few days ago. Relax. Let it go.

Jordan: You said I should live in the moment.

Dawn: Yes, and that was days ago.

Jordan: But it feels like one of those things that isn’t going away.

Dawn: Well I look forward to finding out if that’s the case. Next month.

Dawn smiled and pushed her sunglasses up her nose to cover her eyes. I looked at her for a moment more before turning my eyes back to the ocean-filled horizon. Something wasn’t right about what happened. But I didn’t know if it was wise to dwell on it. I’d taken this vacation with Dawn because we needed it. This time together before the schedule got crazy. Both in the ring and on the small screen. Season 2 was right around the corner. But how could I just forget it when my RTG moment was ruined? And how could I just ignore it in this moment when it felt like it would be coming back to haunt me as soon as I stepped back into SCW? I felt a hand squeeze mine and I looked down to see Dawn grasping hold of me. For the moment, I forced it out of my mind.

A Few Days Later

Dawn and I were having a great trip. I’d pushed the thoughts of Nicole out of my mind as much as I could. But as the days went by, I still felt unsatisfied with the way the event played out. I found myself looking at the days left on this trip and wishing they were longer. I didn’t want to return and face reality. Dawn and I were eating dinner one night when I must have been making that trademarked face again. She calmly put her fork down and leaned against the table in front of me and just stared at me.

Dawn: It has consumed you.

Jordan: I’m sorry…

Dawn: You won’t even say what now or try to deny it. You knew exactly what I was talking about.

I put my fork down and leaned against the table in the same manner she had. I looked across to her. I smiled and sighed softly.

Jordan: I was thinking about a lot of things. I love wrestling, but…

Dawn: But!? What do you mean?

Jordan: Very little has gone right in my career. I had all these dreams when I signed with SCW. I wanted to conquer professional wrestling. I don’t have a lot to my name. I have a lot of almosts and what ifs. This is just… another one of those. I almost fought Nicole at Rise to Greatness. And I know in my heart I would have won. But that’s just a what if. Because the truth is, this was taken from me. Just like so many things have been taken from me…

I sighed again and looked off to the side.

Jordan: I’m not trying to be such a downer right now, babe. I’m just really starting to wonder if this is the right fit me.

Dawn: I’m not.

Jordan: Why? With everything you’ve seen me try and fail to do. Kandis and Tommy just won their fourth title as a team. Cookie and I seemed lightyears above them last fall and now Cookie doesn’t even wrestle. Is it me?

Dawn: Jordan, stop! That doubt you have. That doubt is the enemy. I don’t doubt that you belong in SCW and I don’t doubt that you are capable of reaching greater heights. Hell, Selena is the world champion and even she thinks you’re right on the cusp of something great. You can’t let that doubt consume you. I thought we were over this confidence issue.

Jordan: Heh… I don’t even know if it’s about confidence. It’s about loving professional wrestling. It was my first love. Lately, I don’t know if I’ve felt in love with it as much. Something has slipped… I don’t know.

Dawn stood and brought her chair to my side of the table and sat it down to face me closer.

Dawn: Trust me. It’s that doubt. I know it’s deep seeded in you for some reason. But you are more capable than I think you even realize. I’ve seen so many come and go in this company, this industry even. You’re not the same as those that couldn’t hang. You can hang with anybody. You’re just still looking for that next gear. How do you know that this thing with Nicole isn’t it?

Jordan: Because this thing with Nicole isn’t even happening. She was either kidnapped or locked herself in the bathroom or just didn’t want to fight me.

Dawn: You really think this is over that easily?

I stopped for a moment. Dawn had a smile on her face. She was trying to lead me down a path to say no. To smile back. She was trying to steer this in a better direction. But I just simply shrugged my shoulders at her. She let out a sigh and grabbed my hand. She leaned forward and turned more serious.

Dawn: You’re not done with Nicole yet.

Jordan: You texted Britt then?

Dawn: Shut up for a second!

I shot her a look with narrowed eyes and she smiled innocently.

Dawn: Sorry. I just… listen for a second here. You still have so much left to leave in that ring. Not everyone shows up and dominates from day one. Some people never do. But you? You show flashes of it all the time. I just feel like you would regret it if you walked away from SCW. You’re still going to have a match with Nicole. You still need to beat her.

Jordan: I wanted Nicole at Rise to Greatness!

Dawn: So? You’re putting too much stock into Rise to Greatness. At the end of the day none of that matters. You have Trios to think about. What if management decides to throw Fatal Fortunes back into the mix? You can’t put all of your focus into one weekend of every summer. That one event is big, yes, but it’s just a microcosm of an entire year’s worth of moments. Don’t get caught up in the lore. Don’t get caught thinking about your legacy in this company. Go back and let yourself remember why you fell in love with wrestling in the first place.

Jordan: How do I even do that?

Dawn smiled again and shook her head. She pulled my hand to her lips and kissed it and then looked at me.

Dawn: You’re the girl of a thousand questions, but all of them are ones only you can answer.

I shot her a curious look and tilted my head.

Dawn: Just think about it. It will come to you. Somewhere in that amazing mind of yours is the answer you’re looking for. But not everything will just reveal itself to you. Sometimes you have to find the answers on your own. And sometimes it takes more than just a few seconds to figure it out.

I didn’t have a response for that. Dawn smiled when I didn’t say anything. She stood up and placed her hands on each side of my cheeks and kissed me on the lips before returning her chair to her side of the table. In a way, it worked. I didn’t bring up wrestling again the rest of our trip. But it wasn’t because I wasn’t thinking about it. I just pushed it back into the back of my mind and let it fester. Dawn’s words were sticking with me. I was constantly trying to figure out what the solution was.

Back Home

The day after we returned home I was hit with a phone call from my agent Karen. Most of it was her typical droning on and on about this and that. I’d learned to shut her off for the most part during those calls. I could listen for some sort of particular clue here or there that I needed to respond to. Otherwise? I ignored her completely. But when I heard her mention SCW, my mind started to go off in another direction. I cut her off.

Jordan: Karen?

Karen: Yes, hun?

Jordan: Is there anything around that you can find for me in the ring?

Karen: I’m sorry? Aren’t we talking about SCW right now?

Jordan: No, I…

I stopped myself and laughed softly before running a hand through my hair.

Jordan: I’m hoping for something else. Maybe… one of those companies that runs the internet shows. Can you look around?

Karen: Oh my god!? You’re leaving SCW!?

Jordan: What!? No! Karen, I just… I just want to see something. I want to see if there’s anything out there. Just to know. I’m not even committing to anything. Can we do that?

The line went silent for a few moments. I looked at the phone to make sure we were still connected.

Jordan: Karen?

Karen: Yes, sorry. I’m… confused. But ok. I’ll see what I can find. Just… promise me you won’t go rogue on me and do something stupid.

Jordan: No promises!

Karen: Jordan! Don’t you--

I hung up the call and tossed the phone away and sat there.

Jordan: Going rogue…

Yes, I spoke to myself as I thought about it. Karen’s words had sparked something in my mind. I picked up my phone and scrolled around. My eyes stopped on something and I tilted my head as I thought about it. This wasn’t really my realm anymore. But I knew someone who probably could help me with that. For now, I had to focus on getting back to work in the ring. In just a week or so, we’d be right back to hitting the road. And I had to be ready for whatever Nicole threw at me next.