09-14-2021, 12:16 PM
I woke in a cold sweat and sat up in bed. The house was quiet as I looked around and then found the alarm clock on the bedside table. It was 3:12 a.m. Too fucking early. I brought my hands to my eyes and rubbed slowly before I felt the bed adjust behind me. I looked over my shoulder and saw Dawn laying there. She was staring at me.
Dawn: Bad dream?
Her hand was on my back, rubbing softly.
Jordan: You could say that…
My mind had just driven me awake after an intense dream. I’d exposed a plot by Britt Lohan to ruin my life. To make me pay for dating one sister and then the other. For challenging her friend. For daring to fight for myself. In the dream I had revealed her plan and instead of believing me, Nicole attacked me. Called me a liar. She clawed at me as Britt kicked me when I was down. Abigail even appeared to spit in my face. All the while, everyone seemed hopeless to help me. Held back by some invisible force making sure the world could hold me back.
Dawn: Maybe you’ve just been working too hard. Traveling between SCW and that new little side gig? On top of preparing for your show? You’ve just been putting yourself through a lot lately.
Jordan: I just…
I let out a deep sigh and turned myself to lean against the headboard and look at Dawn.
Jordan: I don’t understand it. Why is Britt getting involved in this. She seems… conflicted about something. I wish I could understand it, but I can’t.
Dawn: After you showed that video evidence on Breakdown… I’m conflicted. I tried to get something out of her. But she’s gone quiet on me. I think she knows I would just tell you. And now we’re all in this so deep.
Jordan: The thing is, I never wanted any of this. I wanted a match with Nicole. Instead, we’re here trying to figure out why all these other things have happened. Why Britt got involved. I mean, next thing you know Kennedy Street will be involved by proxy of Britt working for her. It’s all so damn confusing. I don’t know, babe. I had such high hopes for this thing with Nicole. I was so excited for it. Now it’s a shit show. There’s so much drama. Lately I’ve felt more like a detective than what I really am.
Dawn moved herself up on an elbow and looked at me. She sighed slowly.
Dawn: I’m not sure what to tell you to do. The only thing you really can do is stay focused on the task at hand. You’re going to get your shot against Nicole. I know it. They can’t stop it from happening forever. You both want it at this point. Even if Britt or… whoever else wants to stop it.
Jordan: It’s just so crazy to me. I thought what Britt and I had was a bit of a friendly rivalry. We’d rib each other, but it was all in jest, you know? But here we are trading blows, and she’s not even on the roster as far as I know.
Dawn: It’s SCW, babe. That’s never stopped anyone.
Jordan: I know, but here I am thinking Holly Adams has it right by pestering Britt and pushing her buttons. Because Britt hasn’t done shit to her. I took a wait and see approach and now I’m in the thick of it with her. She’s a thorn in my side, and especially in the side of my career aspirations. I want to beat Nicole and I want to move on from this. I didn’t intend to spend months of my career focused on solving mysteries.
Dawn laughs softly and I shot her a look.
Dawn: Sorry, it’s just… I imagined like a Scooby Doo scenario because of what you just said…
I stared at Dawn blankly for a few moments and then turned and looked up at the ceiling.
Dawn: I said sorry! Besides this is proof that you need to relax and lighten up a bit.
Jordan: How? How do I lighten up when your sisters are coming for me?
Dawn: Sisters?
I looked at Dawn and then bit my lip.
Jordan: The dream. Abi was there, too.
Dawn: Oh, you’ve got it bad.
Jordan: I know. And trust me, I don’t even think about your sister like that. I can promise you that. But, she did kinda threaten to cut my hair off once. We were at odds before.
Dawn: She’s addicted to other people now. I think you’re probably safe. Although she did seem excited at the notion of you and Britt tearing each other’s throats out.
Jordan: Ok, so that wasn’t just me then?
Dawn smiled and I ran a hand through my hair and then looked straight ahead.
Jordan: This just hasn’t done much for me.
Dawn: What do you mean?
Jordan: Heading into Rise, I finally felt like my confidence was back. I knew, every part of me believed, that I was going to beat Nicole. And people think I have this personal issue with her. No, not at all. I just love to challenge myself. And I love the way she took the fight to me. I know she’s unique at times, but I wanted the chance to prove to myself that I could beat a legend of this sport.
Dawn: She’s definitely a legend in her own right. And unique… for sure.
Jordan: When she was lighting it up as the Underground Champion, I didn’t dream I would be here. I was 16. I wanted this moment.
Dawn: Well, for whatever reason, Britt didn’t want it to happen at Rise to Greatness. I wish we knew why, but… we don’t yet. You have to learn what I learned early in my career. Control what you can control. Don’t focus so much on the outside variables. Especially now. You’ve fought in a lot of Underground matches. Nicole hasn’t really done much of anything. So what you can control is that you’re ready for a match. And she will probably be a little rusty.
Jordan: That’s true.
Dawn: You can control if you’re in the ring and a light rig falls on you.
Jordan: Jesus!? What the fuck!?
Dawn: What!?
Jordan: That was dark as fuck. I’m pretty sure that would kill me. Then I’d have some real issues.
Dawn: Well, technically no. Not if you’re dead.
Jordan: Ok, let’s change courses here. No light rigs.
Dawn: Ok… you’re fighting Nicole and Britt hits you with a sledgehammer.
Jordan: A sledgehammer!?
Dawn: You’re getting concerned with the wrong things here, Jordan. Damnit… just…
Dawn looked exasperated as she tried to rein the conversation back in.
Dawn: Think about it more like this. Your next match is against Kim. Can you really spend the next few days thinking about what happens if Nicole or Britt get involved in that match. There’s no way to be proactive about something like that. If you’re planning for that instead of just beating Kim’s ass with everything you can find before she staples your eyebrows together, then you are fucked before you step through the ropes.
Jordan: You really want me to see serious bodily harm, don’t you?
Dawn: No! I don’t! But think of it like this. Go back to that scaffold match. You were already shaken confidence wise at that point. You missed out on a clear opportunity to win and let Liz take that from you. You hesitated when you should have taken everyone out instead. Where’s the killer instinct that you used to have? Did it die with those losses to Sienna?
Something about those words struck me deeper than I expected. I bawled my fists up and gritted my teeth. Then I crossed my arms and looked away. The very notion that I’d lost a step a year ago was maddening to me. I was supposed to be on the rise. They crowned me as the future of the company at the end of 2019. And I’d done very little since Apocalypse 2020. That’s what was haunting me at night when I tried to sleep. Not my successes, but my failures.
That’s why I’d built this match with Nicole up so much. There wasn’t even anything truly on the line. But for me it was about pride. It was about accomplishment. For me it was everything. But the repercussion of that is I built it up to be something so big inside my head. For Nicole it was just a match back on the roster. For me it’s practically do or die. If I couldn’t do this. If I couldn’t finish the job with Nicole, maybe I was proving Ace Marshall right. What was I doing here?
Jordan: Well, it doesn’t matter anymore. I’m putting that stuff in the past.
Dawn: Are you? You told me the reason you took this little side gig was because you were unsatisfied.
Jordan: Yeah… I know. But I’m not unmotivated. I’m just conflicted with my future. I want so badly to be successful in SCW. It just alludes me at every turn. It always feels like something is working against me. It’s part of why I haven’t complained about all these Underground matches. There’s just something very freeing mentally about there being almost no rules. This shit reminds me why I love my job so much.
Dawn: What are you trying to do, be the Underground queen?
I smirked a bit and Dawn scooted close to me.
Jordan: I like the sound of that. I’ve never really had a nickname in SCW. How do you think the studio will feel about me constantly putting myself in harm’s way like this?
Dawn: Probably pissed, but… this is your first love. That’s what you said at least.
Jordan: I’d trade it all, babe. The TV show, the inheritance… all of that just to really accomplish something in SCW. That’s why I can’t stop working. And why I can’t fall into these games. I probably could have left it alone, but I had to make sure everyone knew Britt was behind this.
Dawn: Well, don’t expect anything for Christmas this year from her. I don’t imagine she’ll have anything for you.
Jordan: Maybe a boot to the face?
Dawn: Not gift wrapped though…
I laughed softly and snuggled close to my girlfriend and let out a content sigh.
Dawn: You’ve got this, you know?
Jordan: That’s what Cookie always tells me. But… I think it’s time to make Cookie’s words a reality…
I nodded to myself and laid my head back against the headboard and stared at the ceiling as I thought about what was coming. And for some reason, a little smile crept onto my face when I thought about all the damage I could do on Breakdown. I needed a bit of a release. Maybe this one could be cathartic.
Dawn: Bad dream?
Her hand was on my back, rubbing softly.
Jordan: You could say that…
My mind had just driven me awake after an intense dream. I’d exposed a plot by Britt Lohan to ruin my life. To make me pay for dating one sister and then the other. For challenging her friend. For daring to fight for myself. In the dream I had revealed her plan and instead of believing me, Nicole attacked me. Called me a liar. She clawed at me as Britt kicked me when I was down. Abigail even appeared to spit in my face. All the while, everyone seemed hopeless to help me. Held back by some invisible force making sure the world could hold me back.
Dawn: Maybe you’ve just been working too hard. Traveling between SCW and that new little side gig? On top of preparing for your show? You’ve just been putting yourself through a lot lately.
Jordan: I just…
I let out a deep sigh and turned myself to lean against the headboard and look at Dawn.
Jordan: I don’t understand it. Why is Britt getting involved in this. She seems… conflicted about something. I wish I could understand it, but I can’t.
Dawn: After you showed that video evidence on Breakdown… I’m conflicted. I tried to get something out of her. But she’s gone quiet on me. I think she knows I would just tell you. And now we’re all in this so deep.
Jordan: The thing is, I never wanted any of this. I wanted a match with Nicole. Instead, we’re here trying to figure out why all these other things have happened. Why Britt got involved. I mean, next thing you know Kennedy Street will be involved by proxy of Britt working for her. It’s all so damn confusing. I don’t know, babe. I had such high hopes for this thing with Nicole. I was so excited for it. Now it’s a shit show. There’s so much drama. Lately I’ve felt more like a detective than what I really am.
Dawn moved herself up on an elbow and looked at me. She sighed slowly.
Dawn: I’m not sure what to tell you to do. The only thing you really can do is stay focused on the task at hand. You’re going to get your shot against Nicole. I know it. They can’t stop it from happening forever. You both want it at this point. Even if Britt or… whoever else wants to stop it.
Jordan: It’s just so crazy to me. I thought what Britt and I had was a bit of a friendly rivalry. We’d rib each other, but it was all in jest, you know? But here we are trading blows, and she’s not even on the roster as far as I know.
Dawn: It’s SCW, babe. That’s never stopped anyone.
Jordan: I know, but here I am thinking Holly Adams has it right by pestering Britt and pushing her buttons. Because Britt hasn’t done shit to her. I took a wait and see approach and now I’m in the thick of it with her. She’s a thorn in my side, and especially in the side of my career aspirations. I want to beat Nicole and I want to move on from this. I didn’t intend to spend months of my career focused on solving mysteries.
Dawn laughs softly and I shot her a look.
Dawn: Sorry, it’s just… I imagined like a Scooby Doo scenario because of what you just said…
I stared at Dawn blankly for a few moments and then turned and looked up at the ceiling.
Dawn: I said sorry! Besides this is proof that you need to relax and lighten up a bit.
Jordan: How? How do I lighten up when your sisters are coming for me?
Dawn: Sisters?
I looked at Dawn and then bit my lip.
Jordan: The dream. Abi was there, too.
Dawn: Oh, you’ve got it bad.
Jordan: I know. And trust me, I don’t even think about your sister like that. I can promise you that. But, she did kinda threaten to cut my hair off once. We were at odds before.
Dawn: She’s addicted to other people now. I think you’re probably safe. Although she did seem excited at the notion of you and Britt tearing each other’s throats out.
Jordan: Ok, so that wasn’t just me then?
Dawn smiled and I ran a hand through my hair and then looked straight ahead.
Jordan: This just hasn’t done much for me.
Dawn: What do you mean?
Jordan: Heading into Rise, I finally felt like my confidence was back. I knew, every part of me believed, that I was going to beat Nicole. And people think I have this personal issue with her. No, not at all. I just love to challenge myself. And I love the way she took the fight to me. I know she’s unique at times, but I wanted the chance to prove to myself that I could beat a legend of this sport.
Dawn: She’s definitely a legend in her own right. And unique… for sure.
Jordan: When she was lighting it up as the Underground Champion, I didn’t dream I would be here. I was 16. I wanted this moment.
Dawn: Well, for whatever reason, Britt didn’t want it to happen at Rise to Greatness. I wish we knew why, but… we don’t yet. You have to learn what I learned early in my career. Control what you can control. Don’t focus so much on the outside variables. Especially now. You’ve fought in a lot of Underground matches. Nicole hasn’t really done much of anything. So what you can control is that you’re ready for a match. And she will probably be a little rusty.
Jordan: That’s true.
Dawn: You can control if you’re in the ring and a light rig falls on you.
Jordan: Jesus!? What the fuck!?
Dawn: What!?
Jordan: That was dark as fuck. I’m pretty sure that would kill me. Then I’d have some real issues.
Dawn: Well, technically no. Not if you’re dead.
Jordan: Ok, let’s change courses here. No light rigs.
Dawn: Ok… you’re fighting Nicole and Britt hits you with a sledgehammer.
Jordan: A sledgehammer!?
Dawn: You’re getting concerned with the wrong things here, Jordan. Damnit… just…
Dawn looked exasperated as she tried to rein the conversation back in.
Dawn: Think about it more like this. Your next match is against Kim. Can you really spend the next few days thinking about what happens if Nicole or Britt get involved in that match. There’s no way to be proactive about something like that. If you’re planning for that instead of just beating Kim’s ass with everything you can find before she staples your eyebrows together, then you are fucked before you step through the ropes.
Jordan: You really want me to see serious bodily harm, don’t you?
Dawn: No! I don’t! But think of it like this. Go back to that scaffold match. You were already shaken confidence wise at that point. You missed out on a clear opportunity to win and let Liz take that from you. You hesitated when you should have taken everyone out instead. Where’s the killer instinct that you used to have? Did it die with those losses to Sienna?
Something about those words struck me deeper than I expected. I bawled my fists up and gritted my teeth. Then I crossed my arms and looked away. The very notion that I’d lost a step a year ago was maddening to me. I was supposed to be on the rise. They crowned me as the future of the company at the end of 2019. And I’d done very little since Apocalypse 2020. That’s what was haunting me at night when I tried to sleep. Not my successes, but my failures.
That’s why I’d built this match with Nicole up so much. There wasn’t even anything truly on the line. But for me it was about pride. It was about accomplishment. For me it was everything. But the repercussion of that is I built it up to be something so big inside my head. For Nicole it was just a match back on the roster. For me it’s practically do or die. If I couldn’t do this. If I couldn’t finish the job with Nicole, maybe I was proving Ace Marshall right. What was I doing here?
Jordan: Well, it doesn’t matter anymore. I’m putting that stuff in the past.
Dawn: Are you? You told me the reason you took this little side gig was because you were unsatisfied.
Jordan: Yeah… I know. But I’m not unmotivated. I’m just conflicted with my future. I want so badly to be successful in SCW. It just alludes me at every turn. It always feels like something is working against me. It’s part of why I haven’t complained about all these Underground matches. There’s just something very freeing mentally about there being almost no rules. This shit reminds me why I love my job so much.
Dawn: What are you trying to do, be the Underground queen?
I smirked a bit and Dawn scooted close to me.
Jordan: I like the sound of that. I’ve never really had a nickname in SCW. How do you think the studio will feel about me constantly putting myself in harm’s way like this?
Dawn: Probably pissed, but… this is your first love. That’s what you said at least.
Jordan: I’d trade it all, babe. The TV show, the inheritance… all of that just to really accomplish something in SCW. That’s why I can’t stop working. And why I can’t fall into these games. I probably could have left it alone, but I had to make sure everyone knew Britt was behind this.
Dawn: Well, don’t expect anything for Christmas this year from her. I don’t imagine she’ll have anything for you.
Jordan: Maybe a boot to the face?
Dawn: Not gift wrapped though…
I laughed softly and snuggled close to my girlfriend and let out a content sigh.
Dawn: You’ve got this, you know?
Jordan: That’s what Cookie always tells me. But… I think it’s time to make Cookie’s words a reality…
I nodded to myself and laid my head back against the headboard and stared at the ceiling as I thought about what was coming. And for some reason, a little smile crept onto my face when I thought about all the damage I could do on Breakdown. I needed a bit of a release. Maybe this one could be cathartic.
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