Kimberly Williams, The One & Allocco vs Konrad Raab, Alexis Quinne & Selena Frost

[Konrad Raab]

Chicago, Illinois. Thursday 8th December (Off-Camera)

I fucking hated this news that, for me, was like the world was ending. It's not funny, and I've had plenty of panic attacks over it, even the one after the match with Ace Sky, hence why I didn't beat him down because I was in such a panic. I wanted to go home and forget about this shit, especially since I'd rather be training for a match I'll have on Monday. But that will have to wait as I was in my locker room, but I wasn't the only person there. I happened to have a counsellor who wasn't there to deal with my anger; being angry is getting me farther with my wrestling career.

What my male counsellor was in his fifties with a bit of grey hair and grey beard was hired to do as a private counsellor was to tackle the one thing I fucking feared of, friendship and especially a lot to do with the bullshit trios tournament next week, trust. I remember the last time I was forced to be in a tag match; I didn't want anything to do with tag team wrestling. I still don't want to do anything with this tournament. The guy's name is Darren O'Neil. I was walking around, so anxious that I dropped to one knee.

Darren O'Neil: "Are you going to be sick?"

Konrad Raab: “I am fucking sick. What was the SCW staff thinking to put me into this bullshit situation? Don't they understand what happened last time I got into a tag match?"

Darren O'Neil: "What happened when you were in a tag match?"

Konrad Raab: "I was so scared that I got myself disqualified on purpose. How am I meant to overcome the fact I've got to trust these two bitches that I don't like or care for? How am I meant to focus? How am I meant not to be anxious about being in a team again?"

I was giving up already, and Darren could see it. I feel so insecure, something I hadn't felt since I was betrayed, and backstabbed by Drake, Kandis and Tommy, wondering how the fuck I would move on from it. Now it's square one about that again. Darren doesn't even know the extent of my other fear, but that discussion was for another day. Darren nodded as I just fell on the floor because I panicked and threw up.

Darren O'Neil: "Konrad, you're losing control of yourself. Because you're scared, I understand, but what happened when you were in a team? Was this before the mentioned tag match?"

I couldn't pick myself up, nor could I even talk because I was so sick and paranoid about the whole trusting with other wrestlers thing. I haven't been open to other wrestlers for a long time because I did not trust anyone. I couldn't after the number of times I've been hurt emotionally. So I nodded and knew he would ask me more questions.

Darren O'Neil: "What happened?"

Konrad Raab: "I was in a team called The Jackals because I fell in love with a lady called Minerva. She was wonderful and caring. She's still a part of my life to this day. She made me a better wrestler; that's why I grew up and love violence. The problem was when she left, while we were pretty successful, that's when the team fell apart."

Darren O'Neil: "What made the team fall apart? Come on, sit down. Stop shaking."

I gulped hard because I couldn't stop being scared of this match. I found this scarier than my first dirt car racing attempt in Florida two weeks ago. I stand up, shaking all over the place and not because of my anger either, although I was angry to be forced into a situation I had to be in, and I had no fucking idea how I would overcome it.

Konrad Raab: "Minerva left, and then Kandis, Tommy and Drake called me dead weight, betraying, stabbing me in the back. I tell you right now if Kandis, Tommy and Drake ever come back, I'll take their fucking head off, first chance I get."

Darren O'Neil: "How long ago was this?"

Konrad Raab: “A year ago.”

Darren O'Neil: "You need to move on from that time."

Konrad Raab: "What are you fucking saying? Are you trying to tell me to forget the fact that I was called a fucking weak link, dead weight? No, because I was fucking lost for a long while because of bullshit like this. Now I have no trust for any wrestler, and to be perfectly honest, don't you ever tell me to stop being angry when I'm fucking entitled to it."

Darren O'Neil: "Stop swearing."

Darren had no idea I was recently diagnosed with Tourette's syndrome. When I'm angry, I can't control it; I can't control my swearing, especially when I am angry and afraid of trusting Selena and Alexis. I never liked Selena; she was known for being a hypocritical bitch, and Alexis is a weak fucking bitch that's harmless.

Konrad Raab: "You don't get it, Darren. I can't control what I say because I got Tourette's Syndrome. If I swear, so be it."

Darren O'Neil: "The problem I have is you already want to give up before you even tried because you cannot overcome your insecurities with trusting wrestlers. You got to confront the trust fears sometime. You need to meet with Selena and Alexis because you can't continue living like this. I understand being called a weak link and dead weight must've been hurtful and hard to hear, but you can't let this affect your entire life."

Konrad Raab: "But it has affected me, and what happens if fucking Selena can't beat the shit out of Deanna, stabbing Alexis and me in the back? I can't ever see myself being cured. I refused to be friends with anyone in this locker room. I put all the hatred onto them, and I feel better being alone in wrestling, not worrying about getting in my fucking way. Doing what I want made me who I am and for the better."

Darren O'Neil: "I can imagine you being a better wrestler without friendships and trust, but that will only affect your anger a lot worse. I'm here to help you eliminate the trust and friendship fear you have and stop getting panic attacks. Today, please go and meet Selena and Alexis without me. It doesn't matter what you say; I want you to do it."

I didn't want to fucking admit he was right; I refused to because I was still angry about the situation last year, and nobody seemed to care about it. Not even Darren was getting it. Nobody wanted to be friends with me because I was that toxic since I did not care for wrestlers and friends. I never thought I could trust them ever again. I held my heart, pounding and sweating all over, shaking my head.

Konrad Raab: "You can fuck off with that idea because me, Selena and Alexis will never be friends, I will never be able to trust them and most importantly, I don't want to meet them. I want to do my own thing and win for me."

Darren O'Neil: "The whole purpose is to work with people. I'm not asking you; I'm telling you to do it. I'm willing to bet you won't last in the ring next week without wanting to get yourself disqualified over an opportunity that will be big for your career."

Konrad Raab: "Because I don't want to be a pussy and have people help me win? Screw off, Darren."

Darren O'Neil: "So you're willing to throw away an opportunity to get whatever match you want because you can't confront your fear of trusting Selena and Alexis?"

Konrad Raab: “How can I?”

Darren didn't seem to understand that I was petrified about meeting Selena and Alexis. They could meet up without me for all I cared because I didn't want to see them. I wanted to avoid seeing any wrestlers. There's a reason I always leave straight after my match or show up on camera because I didn't want to interact with these fucking idiots. I avoided going to their social events and parties. Luckily, I had NASCAR to stop the excuses from doing so, and that helped a lot. I have nothing in common with them. I didn't care to know them. I had friends in NASCAR and now Dirt Car Racing that I know I can trust.

Darren O'Neil: "Easy by not being afraid, by not showing your opponents your fear. That's what Kim, Lucy One, you call this girl, and Adam Allocco will see right through you. If they see your fear of trusting Selena and Alexis, it will cost you and your team the match. I know you don't like me to say the word team, but you are right now."

Konrad Raab: "I might as well forget teamwork even exists in my name. I never want to be in a tag team ever again. It caused me to be under the shadow of more successful wrestlers. Fuck going through that again, and I'm under the shadow of those two just because they were former SCW champions. I only had one shot of it the entire time I've been here."

Darren O'Neil: "Maybe you will if you win this match, and that's the motivation you should have going into this match. But that's not the most important thing for you with this tournament. This tournament is a blessing for you."

I shook my head once again in disgust because, if anything, this tournament was a fucking nightmare. It was a massive crush on my mental well-being, knowing I still had those painful memories of teamwork poisoned in my brain and that poison hadn't gone away. It was poison for me to be in the tournament, and I want answers from SCW staff; what on earth were they thinking to put me in this ridiculous tournament?

Konrad Raab: "No, it's a fucking poison. I'm a fucking individual wrestler that seeks goals for myself, to hurt, destroy and beat wrestlers all on my own, not a fucking team player that does things for other wrestlers like Alexis and Selena fucking do. I already want to take your fucking head off for you even to say this tournament is a blessing."

Darren O'Neil: "How can I help you if you're not willing to listen to me or want to try to work things out with people? I've not seen you make one interaction that wasn't aggressive or hatred you spill out of your mouth. I've not once seen you do anything for other people."

Konrad Raab: "Because I get stabbed in the back each time I did. What I do is for me, myself and I."

Darren O'Neil: "Do you realise that the reason you see people work together is that it shows their human side? OK, granted, you show your human side outside of wrestling with Pakistan and Florida with the floods, I admire so much about you with that, but you also need to allow wrestlers to show you're human."

Konrad Raab: “No, never again. I will never show my weakness in front of people. It's why I never wanted to be in this horseshit tournament. You can't make me do this fucking match; you can't make me go and see two ridiculous wrestlers I want nothing to do with. I prefer to knock them out with my fucking mace."

I already wanted to do so with Darren, so instead, because he made me so angry that I knocked his ass out with a punch. This is why I never wanted a fucking counsellor telling me to do this and that. This is why I refused to get a manager. I'm happy being on my own, where I never get emotionally hurt and never feel I have to save anyone. Darren didn't know I was still trying to overcome what Kimberly did on my birthday, her trying to be my friend. I was afraid of admitting it. I can't talk about that because she was my opponent, so for now, I treat her like shit. Darren slowly got up from the punch I gave him.

Darren O'Neil: "Listen, Konrad, I never said for you to be friends with Selena and Alexis; nobody said you had to be friends with them. The whole point of the Trios Tournament is that you don't have to like your partners, but you have to work with them. That is your biggest test right now, but you got to earn it. You lack confidence in working with them, not feeling you want to win the match."

Konrad Raab: "I still don't want to be in the match. I don't give a fuck about it. Besides, what happens if Selena betrays us because she can't put a fucking beating on her wife, Deanna? Because I'm not stupid to know she'd betray Alexis and me for her and help Deanna to win."

Darren O'Neil: "It's your fear talking. If it happens, then it does, but you can't allow it to affect you if Selena does do that. You said you'd like to win an SCW title shot. This is a perfect time to go for that goal or get another PPV title shot because I have been watching SCW, and you haven't had many of them."

Konrad Raab: "I rather earn them by beating the shit out of people myself than this shit tournament."

Darren O'Neil: "Stop it, Konrad. Please stop with the I can't do it nonsense. You need to feel confident in yourself. You need to stop worrying about what might happen and take the risk. I'm not going to leave this arena until you go there. I'll drag you by your feet so that you'd do it."

I was like, whatever, because I didn't care for teamwork; if anything, I rather face Kim, Lucy One and Adam on my own in a three on one situation than this crap. But I did keep saying no because I didn't want to cry. There were times I wanted to because I was shaking my rooftops. I was shaking like a leaf. I felt helpless; I felt powerless. I felt like, for the first time in my life; I couldn't fight anymore.

Darren O'Neil: "I know you didn't finish off Ace Sky because you had a panic attack. I saw many signs of being sweaty, angry, and giving up using a chair on Ace. You panicked and ran straight here to prevent everyone from seeing your fear. Konrad, stop fighting me over this and realise these excuses are tiring. Admit it; you need to be in this tournament. If you win this tournament, you will confront your fear of working with other wrestlers."

Konrad Raab: "All I want to do is batter the hell out of my opponents. If Selena and Alexis leave me to a pack of wolves, I'd handle shit myself and advance the team myself."

Darren O'Neil: "I'll find Selena and Alexis myself to meet with you because you're too much of a pussy to do so. Let me find where they are, and I'll drag you straight there."

He did piss me off because he forced me to meet with Alexis and Selena, and I knew what he was getting at, but I just wasn't ready. I was so paranoid about it. I was banging my mace on the benches and wanted to destroy everything in my locker room because I was forced to do this bloody meeting. I hated this situation; I fucking hated Selena and Alexis and wanted nothing to do with them. Darren came back to my locker room.

Darren O'Neil: "I told the staff that you've arranged the meet-up. Do it right now. They'll be in The Frosts locker room."

Konrad Raab: "Alright, fine, I fucking do it if it'll shut you up."

Darren smiled at me for agreeing, so I gulped hard and took my mace because it was my friend in wrestling and a weapon I carry with pride to The Frost's locker room, even though I didn't know where it was because I never shared a locker room with wrestlers cos I always caused fights with them. I found it and said something to them after I cleared my throat to do this bullshit meet-up and do this bullshit tournament before I spoke with them.