Gimmick Battle Royal

[Lt. Erect]

"I was once a superstar."

It seems so long ago. A lifetime ago, witnessed and experienced by a whole other person. I was just the guy left over in the wake of some semblance of fame. I was younger then. I wasn't that guy anymore. Fans from that era don't exactly recognize me much anymore. I feel like I've just kind of been lost to time.

"So you've said, a hundred times."

Tom made me sad. Was I that annoying? My resume had SCW Wrestler at the top. From there I became a stripper. I was now in my third and second longest running profession. I am not actually sure what my job title is here. I move boxes and clean up my area when it gets messy. Then I serve coffee. Am I a barista? I don't know. It was a coffee joint, with a name no one not in the area would know. I wasn't even good enough to work at Starbucks. Those guys would have been the kings of my newfound profession.

That's a joke I guess. Always comparing everything in the world and putting them on these tiers, that was just what being a wrestler was like. Going from that life back into the real world was cruel in so many ways. I was never really particularly smart to begin with.

Off in the distance I hear a cup dropping. I've developed a radar for this. The cup dropping was immediately followed by a man cursing and yelling in pain before being followed by the whimpering of a man suffering from one-hundred and ten-degree burns.

"Okay superstar, you're up."

You know what? Fuck you, Tom. You don't understand. You weren't a wrestler. You've probably always worked in this Godforsaken place. The fact you're seventeen and my boss is ridiculous.

"You got it, dude!" I say while trying to brush off that resentment. I was better than that. I can't be consumed by my anger. I can't let negative vibes take me. They always took me to dark places. I had battled my demons before and won but they could always return.

Stepping up to the man who was shaking and wiping away at his crotch and gut where I guess he dropped his cup. I felt comfortable in my assumption, they looked drenched. What if he peed himself though? I don't feel that comfortable. I'd keep a short distance.

"Hey dude, need help?"

"Why is it so damn hot? I- No- No just-"

He continued wiping furiously with what looked to be a napkin and the back of his hand. I don't think that was a very effective technique but more power to him. He probably knew better than I did. Small footsteps approached from behind us. I peered back at a girl stepping over to the man.

"Are you okay? Did you- Oh wow. Dad, you're going to need more napkins-"

I started zoning them out at this point as I felt a vibration in my pocket. Pulling out my cellphone it looked to be a text from an unknown number. Usually that meant some Indian dude was going to ask me to go get a google play card or something to that extent. I don't know why, scammers just love pestering me.

Opening the text I figured maybe it was the doctor. Maybe it was Starbucks finally calling me back about my application.

I stared down awkwardly as it was becoming apparent it was from SCW. I mean it had to be from a person, the company itself wasn't a living entity that could communicate with me, could it?

"Excuse me, sir? Do you have more paper-"

Blinking awkwardly, I turn to the girl and nod before stripping off my shirt and handing it to her. She looks down at it awkwardly before staring back at me with a blank expression.

"We're always short, here, use that."

I could feel my heart beating harder as she just kept staring at me. Oh no, did I do something stupid again? This is why I needed counseling and assistance. feeling weird I step away and head back toward the counter while peering at my phone.

"Kevin- Why are you shirtless again? Seriously what-"

I stare blankly at the text as the words slowly began sinking in. I wanted to. I could feel it. I've always felt it. For a moment the generic music playing in the background faded. I read the words over and over. Some Rise to Greatness Battle Royal. All former stars were invited.

"Tom, do you believe in divine signs?"

"In what? You can't strip in front of the customers. I don't care how hot you think you are."

"You're a good man but you don't have to lie. I am old and nowhere near as handsome as I once was."

"Okay? Did you pick up my main point on that one?"

"I feel like this is a sign. From God. Something cosmic. Maybe I am just crazy and want it to be. I am scared though. I feel like I am out of shape."

"I- Okay, I don't care. Your abs have abs. it's ridiculous. You're not listening to me though, are you?"

"I've trained. So damn hard. Fantasizing. Wishing. Wanting it to be. I could be better. With everything Alex and Ninja and Cid ever taught me-"

"You know what? You're fired. I can't deal with your drug fueled rants."

"Drugs? No thank you."

It took a second to realize it.

"Did you just- Tom. I apologize friend. I never respected you because of your age but with you releasing me from our shared prison you are confirming that sinking feeling I had in this. This is a sign, a divine sign, the cosmos is calling."

Reaching over I hug my former boss. He pulls away and acts disgusted. Such a good man and a joker. Turning I see the young woman I gave my shirt to stepping up. She looks down at me sheepishly.

"Here Sir, you probably need this."

Looking down at the shirt she was presenting, it appeared a phone number had somehow been smeared on from the coffee over the front of it. Whatever. Shrugging I take it and toss it over into the trash.

"Thank you but no. I am afraid I am not a coffee maker anymore. From this day forward? I am going back to being a superstar."