Gimmick Battle Royal

[The Matt]

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Off Camera
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“Masz kłopoty, dupku!”

Well, this is it.  Levi realizes that he has done something to draw the ire of one Jessica Lasiewicz.  He has been friends with the Lasiewicz family for quite awhile, doing odd jobs for them every now and then.  Most recently he has been working as the marketing guru for the reigning Undisputed GCW Tag Team Champions, Fabulous…a team made up of Jessica herself and her best friend Summer Collins.  To be honest, he isn’t quite sure what she is so pissed off about today.  He would think that she would be happy, especially considering she just won back the tag titles.  But she is definitely pissed.  He knows this because she is speaking Polish.  She only uses her native tongue when she is angry.  When she is overly happy she will speak French.  She almost never speaks French nowadays.

“I think you just called me an asshole…or was it a jackass?” Levi stands outside Jessica’s dressing room.  “I’m terrible with Polish, Jess.  Just cuss me out in English.”

“Naprawdę schrzaniłeś, Levi.” Lasiewicz emerges from the dressing room in her tri-colored white, royal blue, and black cheerleading uniform. She will sometimes wear this as wrestling gear, but only if she’s in a particularly good mood.  She is not wrestling tonight, nor is she in a good mood.

“Uh, what’s with the getup?” He asks. Jessica smacks him in the back of his head.

“Duke Basketball!” She exclaims. “I’m attending the practice!  It’s Jon Scheyer’s first year as head coach and I want to see how he measures up to Coach K.”

“Oh, well that makes sense.”

“That doesn’t get you off the hook.” She growls. “You are still in trouble.  Do you have any idea what you’ve done?”

“Look, is this because I’ve been putting some extra training time in for myself instead of hyping the soon to be released ‘Jessica Lasiewicz Docu-Series?’ Because there is a good reason for that.”

“What?” She shakes her head. “No, I don’t care how much you work out.  And I don’t care about your stupid gimmicky videos and products or whatever.  I’m angry because you had one simple job at GCW For Glory & Gold.  You were to keep EVERYONE away from ringside so that the tag title match could be decided fairly.  Instead you were distracted by Geneva Alan, allowing Karen Eldon and Olly to sneak in underneath your radar and cost Ana and Skylar the tag titles.”

“But YOU are now the champions!” He grins from ear to ear. “Well, you and Summer!” Jessica smacks him again.

“But Ana is MY COUSIN you dipshit!  Now she’s mad at me.  Probably.  Now we need to make this up to her and Skylar.”

“Of course, your royal Laisewicz-ness!” Levi playfully bows. “But boy am I glad you are just mad at me for that.  I thought you were angry about me throwing my hat in the ring for that Gimmick Battle Royal for SCW Rise To Greatness.”

Suddenly its as if the room grows cold.  Hate enters Jessica’s eyes. “Konkurujesz? W SCW? Wznieść się do wielkości?”

“Uh, well, I mean…maybe…”

“Tak lub nie?”

“Yes!” He screams like a little girl. “But it’s just a gimmick battle royal!”

“Levi…” she has seemed to calm down just a little but Levi isn’t letting his guard down “...you represent Fabulous.  You represent ME and Summer, you DO understand this, correct?”

“Of course.”

“Now if you win, sure, I suppose that could indirectly look good on us.  But that does seem to put more of a spotlight on you than it does…well…ME!  Plus, there is one other little thing you didn’t consider.”

“What?”

“Kim is in it.”

“What?” He starts laughing. “Oh no, no, you must be mistaken.  That psychopath isn’t entering.  I never would have entered if she was in it.  It’s her sister Marie who is entering.”

“...”

“You just ellipses…that’s bad…”

“...you are an idiot!” Jessica smacks Levi yet again and then storms away.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m going to enter this battle royal!  I’m going to do it to save your ass from my sister, because I’m one of the few who can control her…and maybe win in the process?”

“But you don’t have a gimmick?!”

“I’M WEARING A FUCKING CHEERLEADER UNIFORM!  HOW MUCH MORE GIMMICKY CAN YOU GET?!”

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On Camera
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Rise To Greatness.

Last year I was in a tag team gauntlet for the SCW World Team Championship alongside my sister Kimberly.  We didn’t win.  But maybe this year Kim will finally get those elusive tag titles?  I’m cheering for ya, sis!

Honestly, I wasn’t sure that I would see another Rise To Greatness.  But then the opportunity presented itself, thanks in small part to Leviticus, I now have a chance to win at Rise To Greatness.  Unfortunately this year it will be at the expense of my sister Kim.

Excuse me.  Totally Not Kim Pretending To Be Marie.

Don’t worry, Kim, I’ll keep your secret.  I won’t tell anyone you’re dressing up as our sister and that it’s not really her. But I do want to win.  So we can work together throughout this thing, and if you can stop yourself from murdering Levi then maybe the three of us can run the tables?

Seriously, don’t murder Levi.  A good dumbass stooge is hard to come by.

I suppose the question is, do I have a gimmick?  Most of the time, the answer is no.  I’m as serious as they come inside the ring.  I will break your leg if you give me half a chance.  And gimmicks?  Who needs them?  Just wrestle baby.  But I do have something I can offer this battle royal that you could call a gimmick.

Beautiful.  Gorgeous.  Cheerleader.  And yes, I’m still going to beat the hell out of each and every one of you.

So before Shaun Cruiserweight…yes, it has a nice ring to it, Kim…says anything, I just want to say to him: you’re welcome.  Because thanks to me, this gimmick battle royal and Rise To Greatness will be ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS!